31. L.I.P. (Local Indigenous Personnel)

October 27, 1973 (K-406)

Written by: Carl Kleinschmitt.
Directed by: William Wiard.
Guest Stars: Corinne Camacho as Lieutenant Regina Hoffman, Burt Young as Lt Willis, Jerry Zaks as Phil Walker.
Semi-regulars: Jamie Farr as Klinger, William Christopher as Father Mulcahy, Odessa Cleveland as Ginger.

Plot: Hawkeye has met and become attracted to a new nurse, Lieutenant Hoffman. She seems to reciprocate his attentions, but wants to take things slowly. Meanwhile, Corporal Phil Walker has met (and sired a child with) a local woman called Kim; now that he's getting shipped home, he wants to marry her and take her and the kid with him. Hawkeye offers to try to help out with the paperwork, and at the same time tries to progress things with Lt Hoffman. He's just about to score with her when Lt Willis from CID shows up to interview Hawkeye about Corporal Walker. After a lot of talk (and a lot of gin) Hawkeye finally gets fed up and tells Willis about the baby. Willis is determined to see the marriage disallowed, but the gin finally hits him and he passes out. While he's out, the boys play a little trick on him - he's been put in compromising positions with nurses and photographed. They use this to blackmail him into OKing the application. Hawkeye finally escapes to Lt Hoffman, but just as they are about to consummate whatever it is they were planning to consummate, she asks why he was so late, and he explains the situation. She then reveals that she doesn't take kindly to 'gooks' marrying 'our' people ('our' people being white, apparently). Hawkeye finds this extremely distasteful and dumps her then and there. Walker and Kim get married and go back to the states together. Aww, innat nice?

Glitches: I don't like to criticise Burns too much because it's just too easy, but the exuberant way he picks up his letter would have thrown off any hairs, whether they'd been read or not.
The headlights on the jeep are a hell of a lot brighter in close-up than in the medium shot.
When Willis and Hawkeye are boozing on, in one shot Willis's glass is half full with an olive in it, and in the next it's totally empty.
When they're waking Willis up with smelling salts, there's a lot of coughing noise and no coughing movement.
When he then actually gets up, his shirt is riding right up giving us a lovely midriff view. Shot change, then it's all the way down.
The tie around Willis's neck changes direction between shots when he's pulling his uniform back on.

BIMOL: Burns and Hot Lips are both very peripheral, despite a very funny scene in Henry's office, which seems rather tacked on.

Great Lines: Burns: 'Why is it every time I come in here it's... disgusting!' Hawkeye: 'I think that says it all, Frank.'
Hawkeye, trying to wriggle out: 'Major Burns is the ranking medical officer here.' Burns: 'And as such, I order you to see the patient.' Not often Burns gets one in, but when he does, you gotta pay it.
Hawkeye: 'I think once you've seen something eat the Bronx, you've seen everything eat the Bronx.'
Hawkeye: 'I would remind you, sir, you're a married man!' Trapper: 'That's only an ugly rumour, started by my wife.'
Klinger: 'Guys! Guys! I caught the bouquet!' Hawkeye: 'Well don't look at me.'

The Klinger Collection: A pink checked dress with red beret. Then a stunning red dress with green scarf and black netting hat - he really looks great in this one. And his outfit at the wedding deserves an honourable mention - a green brocade dress in Chinese style with a scarf over the head. It's lovely.
It's not one of Klinger's, but I love Hot Lips in her blue sweater. It looks fantastic on her.

They All Look the Same to Me: I don't think Kim or the baby got a credit so they don't manage to get on this tally here.

Suction: 1.

Notes: The next film is supposed to be Flying Leathernecks starring John Wayne, but they get Bonzo Goes to College and The Thing that Ate the Bronx instead. The next day features Bonzo Runs for President! (Incidentally, Leathernecks is from 1951 and College from 1952. This may or may not make historical sense, depending on which version of 4077 chronology you like, but it's a bit painful. The other movies don't appear to actually exist, so they can come from whenever the producers say they do!)

Comments: The message of this episode was nicely hammered home with a wrecking ball, but it was done in true M*A*S*H fashion; by alcohol and trickery. Lieutenant Hoffman's little piece at the end really wasn't necessary. Both writers and actors on this series tend to portray racist traits incredibly unsubtly, which sometimes makes its point well, but sometimes makes them come off as a bit false for the characters involved. No doubt, of course, that it must be incredibly difficult to bring depth to a point of view fundamentally opposed to one's own. Greatly lacking in subtlety, it was still quite a funny episode. Lt Willis was great.

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