84. Soldier of the Month

November 28, 1975 (G-514)

Written by: Linda Bloodworth
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
Guest Stars: An MP sergeant who doesn't credited.
Semi-regulars: Johnny Haymer, as Sergeant Zale. Jeff Maxwell as Igor. William Christopher as Father Mulcahy.

Plot: A mysterious fever is filling up all available beds at the 4077th. When Father Mulcahy brings word that it could be mites and fleas from rats which cause it, Potter calls for volunteers to be rodent officer. Burns thinks it may lead to a citation so he volunteers and soon contracts the fever. Meanwhile, a competition has come from Command for a soldier of the month competition. Because Burns is ill, Hawkeye and BJ have to give the finalists the quiz. Klinger breaks into the safe where the answers are, but despite having all the answers written all over his body, he loses and is discovered to be cheating. Radar wins the competition and the R&R in Seoul. Burns is delirious with the fever and decides to make a will with Father Mulcahy. It's fairly standard stuff but then he leaves all his money to his wife and all his clothes to Hot Lips - who overhears! When she is sure he's cured of the fever, she thumps him.

Great Lines: Burns: 'I'm already in charge of rumour control.' BJ: 'I've heard that.'
Hawkeye, in the quiz: 'What famous symbol of American freedom has a crack in it? And the answer is not General Macarthur's head!'
Hot Lips: 'Everybody has to die sometime, Frank.' Burns: 'You'd think they'd give officers a break.'

The Klinger Collection: He starts off in a blue spotted frock with red trim and a turban-style hat. Later, he ends up in his uniform.

Continuity is for Wimps: The colonel's wife's measurements (42 - 36 - 42) are the company safe's combination, which Radar knows. However, in episode 221. Snap Judgment (Season 10), the Colonel says that nobody is going to find it out. Maybe Radar just read the colonel's mind. And speaking of which, how did Klinger break into the safe?
Klinger says that when he appears in uniform in this episode, it's the first time since he joined the service that he's been in the correct underwear for a person of his sex and/or gender. This is simply bollocks, since we saw him dancing around in his boxers earlier this season in Episode 75. It Happened One Night. And I might not be an expert on the subject, but they looked pretty appropriate to his sex and/or gender.

Notes: Burns has had his appendix out (and keeps his passbook number in the same bottle as the organ). He's also buried a stash of money in the backyard.

Comments: Burns's better rat-trap is hilarious. When Hot Lips belts Burns near the end of the episode it looks like Loretta Swit actually connects - poor Larry! One word can sum up this episode - cute. Nicely done, good script, and well performed. M*A*S*H at its best.

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