Star Trek: The Last Generation created by Leila Fetter & Urac Daria Sigma

With apologies to Gene Roddenberry

This isn't a full story, just a bit of a romp with our crew when news of the events in More...Much More Than Meets the Eye! reached the audio sensors of some Transformers you could only buy in Japan.

Ruth's console squealed at her. Because it was a console and not a child that she was baby-sitting, she looked at it rather than simply reaching for the chloroform.

'There's something up ahead,' she told the bridge crew.

'On screen,' Euan told her.

'No.' She shook her head. 'It's outside the ship.'

Euan sighed. 'Then, can you remedy that?'

Ruth fiddled with the Okudagram before her, and the flying toasters screen-saver disappeared from the main viewer to be replaced by the image of what was before the Compromise.

It appeared to be some kind of large battle platform. No armaments were visible, but it did look like it was probably the spaceworthy counterpart to an aircraft carrier.

'Any ideas?' Ratbat asked. No-one had any, or if they did they were keeping them to themselves.

Val, who hoped that it belonged to a race they already knew because she didn't really feel like going out today, asked, 'What do the sensors say?'

Ruth paused. 'Nothing. Or not much, anyway. They've got some kind of stealth device. All we know is what we can see now, and that it's maintaining an atmosphere and gravity.'

'Let's send an away team,' offered Leila, who liked away missions she didn't have to go on.

'Good idea,' approved Euan. 'Ruth - get a bunch of your securities and go down there to see what you can find.'

Ruth was about to refuse when she realised that there might be something to blow up down there. 'OK.' She shrugged and tapped her chest. Unnecessary for an intra-ship page, but it did make her feel good. 'Large, Leuning, Sword and Small from Crabb. Report to transporter room 7 for an away mission.'

'Lieutenant Crabb to Compromise.'

'Oh?' Leila started. 'Is that you, Ruth?'

'No, it's the other Lieutenant Crabb that's on the away mission.'

'Oh,' shrugged Colleen. 'Well, could you put Ruth on, please?'

A hundred kilometres away, Ruth sighed. 'We still haven't seen anyone,' she reported. 'But this thing looks Cybertronian in design.'

At that, Euan and Ratbat both raised their eyebrows.

'Any idea which Cybertronians?' Euan asked.

'No. We haven't-- Oh. Um, offhand, Euan, I'd say it was the Decepticons.'

'Why's that, then?' asked Ratbat.

'Because there's seven big guys with Decepticon symbols on them walking straight towards us.'

'Oh, bottom,' said Euan, ever the potty-mouth. 'Has anyone there got a tricorder? We'd better see them.'

'Yeah. Wait a minute. (Look, Nadya, stop sulking and give it to me!)'

The long shot disappeared to be replaced by the image of seven Transformers. Ratbat and Euan squinted at the screen, both eager to be the first to recognise them. Ratbat got it first, if only because she was a fastidious nit-picker. 'Leozack, Drillhorn, Deathsaurus, Jaguar, Hellbat, Gaihawk, and KillBison. Some of the nastier. If the lovelies don't run now, they're for it.'

Ruth looked up at the huge blue Decepticon as he approached. He was pretty big, maybe even six metres, this one. But Ruth wasn't scared. Probably quite silly, considering that she was facing a six-metre-tall killer robot, but nonetheless she wasn't scared.

'My name is Deathsaurus,' he rumbled. 'I remember you.'

'Oh?' asked Annabelle.

'It was you and your friends who defeated Megatron's great invasion almost a year ago!' snapped Leozack.

'This time, though, it looks like the odds are in our favour,' added KillBison.

Deathsaurus took it up. 'Fleshlings, prepare to feel the wrath of...Breastforce!' All of their chestplates leapt out and transformed into weapons.

The away team couldn't help themselves. They knew what they had to do.

They sniggered, then collapsed into all-out laughter.

'What,' growled Jaguar. 'What's so funny?'

Ruth managed to stop herself for three seconds. 'Breastforce?!' she managed, then started again.

Deathsaurus screamed. 'Look! It's not what it sounds like! Our breastplates are our weapons!'

Ruth calmed down. 'All right, all right...team, get ready to repel the Titmasters!' They all started again.

Deathsaurus turned to his troops. 'Ignore them, my Boobforce-- Agh! Breastforce!' He was getting quite angry.

Nic exaggeratedly fiddled with her zipper. 'Shall we unleash our own weapons?'

'Not you!' laughed Nadya. 'You're almost unarmed!' She got a nasty look in return.

'Maybe we should send for the Special Topless Unit.'

Deathsaurus shouted to be heard above the tittering.[1] 'Attack them! Release your Breast partners!' However, it's hard to engage a foe in combat when they're lying on the ground laughing their head off.

'Set phasers on mastectomise!' howled Ruth.

'Hang on...' Cathie pointed a laughter-quaking finger. 'I think the Bosom Buddies mean business!' She broke down again.

'Repel the Braforce!'

After another minute of watching the squishies make fun of their name, the fearsome Decepticon warriors became disheartened and skulked off.

'Compromise to Crabb!' An urgent voice became apparent after another minute or so.

'Hee-hee. Crabb here.'

'What happened?' Euan asked. 'The tricorder dropped, then we lost contact. Where are the Decepticons?'

Ruth stood up to reply. 'Oh, they weren't anything to worry about,' she replied in a completely straight voice. 'They just got on our tits.'