'Repeat to yourself, it's just a show - I should really just relax.'

- Love Theme From Mystery Science Theatre 3000

It wasn't often the crew of the USS Compromise had an excuse to celebrate.

That never stopped them, of course, but it wasn't often that they actually had an excuse.

On this occasion, the event was the five hundredth birthday of their chief engineer, Chief Petty Officer Robyn Scholes. For once, the various party-organising factions on board had joined forces and decided that as this was only the second time a member of the crew would reach the big five-oh-oh, it would, as one crewmember put it, 'go OFF'.

Commander Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma stood in the doorway of the birthday girl's quarters. It was part of a skill she'd picked up - when you're second-in-command of a starship, it pays to be good at standing in doorways.[1]

'Feelin' our age, are we, Bobbi?'

Bobbi, holding a hair elastic between her teeth, merely shrugged. 'Not really.'

Smeg. The majority of the conversation Ratbat had been planning had been along the lines of 'Well, five hundred's nothing to worry about, I mean, I'm eight hundred and ten,' but Bobbi had effectively killed that one. The thing is, there's only so old you can feel. True, one might find themselves needlessly thinking that life has passed them by at thirty or forty, but once you hit ninety or so, you tend to stop worrying about it.

'When exactly does it start?' the smaller woman asked.

'Ye dinna know when your own birthday party starts?'

Bobbi finished plaiting hair of a length Ratbat was jealous of - her own would barely proceed past her neck without turning into a mass of unmanagable splits - and reminded her, 'It was originally supposed to be a surprise, remember?'

'Oh aye.' That had kind of gone out the window when Lieutenant Ritherdon had gone up to Bobbi and said, 'Hey, we're planning a surprise party for Bobbi - do you want t-- oops.'

'Who's everyone that's coming tonight?'

'Just that. Everyone. Whole crew.'

Bobbi paused in mid-button. 'Don't we need to leave people on the bridge?'

'No, as it 'appens - Miss Chaedy's come up with a way to put enough of the ship on automatic that we can leave the bridge empty.'

Bobbi got one button further[2] before staring at the Green Flame rather worriedly. 'Chaedy?' she repeated.

'Sometimes she invents stuff that works!' Ratbat told her.

'Like?'

'Umm...like this thing.'

'Give up.'

Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners

The party had been in full swing for four hours when Dr Graham Henstock started for the door of 10-Foreplay.

'Where are you going?' Lieutenant O'Ferez asked him.

'Ah, the party's over when the beer's finished.'

'But the beer isn't finished,' Terri replied.

'Oh! Then the party's not over!' He did a quick one-eighty and resumed his evening. Terri followed him a short way, then broke off on her own. She was trying to disappear into the crowd, as she had made the mistake of wearing the green jacket that Bobbi had given her for her own birthday a few weeks previously. It wasn't bad, it just didn't go well with her skin, seeing as they were almost the same colour.

'I'll never understand him,' said Lieutenant RK Crabb as she watched Graham from next to where Terri had been.

'What do you mean?' asked the Ksenia Forde from Ruth's other side. She had recently been promoted from Lieutenant Commander to full Commander for being the one senior crewmember who didn't write their name on the Admiral's door while they were at Starfleet Command.

Euan, demonstrating as ever the responsibility that came with captainhood, put in, 'She can't understand how someone with the same hair and glasses as her can be more than four feet tall.'[3] He didn't say anything for a while after that, as he had to be careful while removing a swizzle-stick that someone had placed in his mouth sideways. Ksenia, meanwhile, had disappeared behind the bar, trying to avoid the bleary-eyed attention of a young man on the other side of the room. After tripping over her for the seventh time, Emma the Klingon stooped down to address her.

'I can't understand why you're so afraid of getting picked up,' she said.

'I'm not,' the Science Officer replied. 'I'm just afraid of getting picked up by him.'

'You've been avoiding the idea of a significant other ever since you joined the crew.'

'So?'

'So, did you ever think that it might be a good thing? I mean...' Emma settled herself in a cross-legged position on the floor next to her, giving Leila free range of the drinks nozzle above her. 'Haven't you ever imagined, say, just...even to just lie there, to get embraced by...to just be with the man or woman you love?'

Ksenia stopped as she let it sink in.

'No,' she said.

'Er. Fair enough, then.'

Bobbi winced as she realised Renée was approaching her. It wasn't that she didn't like Renée when she was drunk, it--No, actually, it was that she didn't like Renée when she was drunk.

'Bobbi!' called Renée.

'Hello, Renée,' sighed Bobbi.

'So - when's it due?' giggled Renée, slapping Bobbi's midriff to the extent of winding her.

'What?' Bobbi squeaked in return.

'When's your baby due?'

'Uh? Renée, it's not my baby shower! I'm not pregnant!'

A perplexed look crossed the drunkard's face. 'Oh, shit...it must be me, then!'

'What? No! Renée, it's not...' She trailed off, realising that Renée had fallen asleep on her shoulder. She gently moved out of the way and allowed her to slump onto her chair.

'That's a good idea,' she told her. 'You go to sleep.'

'What's that?' Graham asked Nurse M^cCulloch of the large drink in front of her.

'I'm not sure what's in it - I think it's some kind of mixture with Sambucca. Bobbi showed it to me. It's called a Devastator or something.'

'Right.' Graham stopped, remembering just what was in the irreverently-named beverage. 'Wai--' He raised a hand to stop her, but it was too late. 'Uh...how was it?' he asked tentatively.

Fiona just smiled strangely and slipped forward off her stool. Graham looked at her on the floor. I wonder if I should call a nurse. Wait up - she is a nurse. That's OK, then.

Counsellor Fetter struggled to consciousness.

What? thought Leila blearily. I don't remember deciding to go home. The last thing I remember is the party.

Moving as little as possible, as she wasn't completely sure where she was, she made a quick physical check of herself. She was in a bed, that was for sure... She could feel that she was wearing her shirt, her top-half underwear, her socks...and nothing else.

Oh dear.

She moved around to find that she wasn't alone in the bed. Next to her, still unconscious, lay, no pun intended, Euan.

Oh, gods, I didn't, did I? Someone tell me I didn't. I didn't, I can't of...I did.

She slid out of the bed, and quickly donned what parts of her clothing she could find. Once dressed, she pointed at her stomach and addressed the sleeping pseudo-virgin. 'This had better be empty, or you're dead.' Then she quickly slipped out into the corridor and started back towards 10-Foreplay.

I'd better think up a good reason for being away, she thought. What, though? She couldn't say she'd been in the little counsellor's room, because they were located in 10-Foreplay itself. Wanted a change of clothes? No - I'm still wearing the same ones. Ah! A bit of fresh air. Don't be stupid, you're in outer space. The twin plastoak doors slid open, and Leila entered the lounge.

Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes

'Oh!' Colleen greeted her. 'And where've you been?'

'I was having sex with Euan,' she replied.

Bugger it.

Ksenia caught something moving out of the corner of her eyes. Turning to face the window, she caught the last stages of someone drifting past it in a thruster suit.

'Who's that?' she ejaculated.

Graham, the only person in earshot still capable of deciphering words, said, 'Oh, that's just Emma the Techie. She got into an argument with Colleen, and one of them said, "Well, why don't we take this outside?" It's a pity - I'll run out of people to sleaze on.' He turned back to Ksenia. 'D--'

Now, where'd she get to?

Having defended Chaedy's new invention to the bone, Ratbat decided to extricate herself from Renée's approaches and go to the bridge of NC-2604-Y to check on it. Stopping short outside Ruth's quarters to tie a shoelace, she heard a familiar voice from within saying, 'My God! You really are green all over!' She decided that the shoelace could wait, and she just kept on going. The turbolift ride was disappointingly eventless, being operated by computer back-up so that Barry could go to the party.

As she stepped out, she could see that the room was actually completely devoid of people. During a whole-crew party such as this, this was actually reasonably unusual, as it was a hundred points for doing it on the bridge.

'Computer - ship's status, please.'

'The Compromise is currently in safe parking orbit.'

'Orbit? We drifted to a planet, then?'

'This is within safety parameters. Lieutenant Ritherdon must be a legend.'

Ratbat stopped. 'Has she been reprogramming you at all?'

'Er...no.' The computer seemed to be gaining and losing a decided Australian twang.

'Fair enough. Gimme visual on the planet we're above.'

'Working,' said the computer, returning to its usual voice. The screen flashed into life to show a metal planet below them.

A metal planet? Could it be...the Metal Planet? A few seconds later, Ratbat asked the computer something, then went hyperactive.

Back in his quarters, Euan heard the paging boop and woke up. He couldn't quite remember what he'd been doing. The last he remembered was Bobbi's party.

'Bridge to Bowen.'

He slid himself across the bed, then stopped as he felt something. Oh, sputum...a wet spot. He hadn't, had he? He can't have...he hadn't wet the bed in three years...

He'd worry about it later. 'Bowen here.'

Ratbat's overexcited voice broke through. 'EuanEuanEuan!!! Comeuptothebridge,Euan! Uptothebridge, uptothebridgerightnow!'

Euan groaned and sniffed. Wondering who had had rotting almonds and fish in the room, he redressed and headed for the bridge.

'What is it?' he asked the diminutive chiropteran, who was bouncing around in front of the viewer like a dog who had just heard about walkies.

'Lookatthat!' she said. 'We'reatCybertron! Euan,theCompromisecametoCybertron. Euan,thatdownthere, that'sCybertron...' Slowing to near-normal speed, she added, 'And we all know who come from Cybertron...'

They both turned to each other and grinned.

'Trans-formersssss...!!!!'

Two days later, after the hangovers, denials and blackmails, the runabout Stewart sailed down into the atmosphere of Cybertron.

'I don't see why we have to come down in a runabout,' moaned Emma. 'What's the matter, don't you trust me?'

'Considering the amount of people you got pissed off at at the party,' Terri said without looking up, 'no.'

'Anyway,' added Bobbi. 'It's so we can get the view of Iacon. You should look. It's really very good.'

And it was. The great golden spires of the planet's capital city-state rose up before them like...like...well, like great golden spires, really. They really were magnificent.

'I don't know much about this place,' Ksenia admitted. 'Who are these guys?'

'Strictly speaking, they're robots,' explained Ratbat.

'But highly advanced ones,' continued Euan. 'They're sentient. They're basically divided into two camps - Autobots and Decepticons. They used to be in this massive civil war. It even spread to Earth in the late twentieth century, except no one noticed.'

Ksenia scowled. 'Then do we really want to stop here?'

'Oh, it finished ages ago. The Autobots - who are pretty much the good guys - managed to drive the Decepticons away from both Earth and Cybertron.'

'They're even Federation members,' added Ratbat.

'How did the war finish?'

'Not sure...haven't talked to Ambassador Maximus in a while. I do know that no-one's heard Jacqueline from the Decepticons for close to two hundred years, though.'

Ruth interrupted from her seat next to Terri. 'I've managed to raise Air Traffic Control.'

A white and red robot face appeared on the comm screen. 'This is Jetfire at Cybertronian Air Traffic. Incoming craft, please identify yourself.'

Euan straightened up, believing that this meant the person on the other end of the communication line could hear you better. 'This is Captain Euan Bowen of the Federation starship Compromise. We--'

'Wait a moment...' said Jetfire. He turned, obviously talking to a colleague. 'Windmill...is this Bowen person anyone important?

'Well, it's just that he said his name really loudly, I thought--

'Oh, I see.' He cleared his throat, meaning that either Transformer and human biology was closer than the crew had hitherto thought, or he was trying to cover. 'I apologise... do go on.'

'We're on one of our runabouts,' said Euan, sulking because he was sure the Air Guardian had been talking about him. 'The Stewart.' Ruth transmitted the clearance code.

'You're clear. I'm sending you the co-ordinates of the spaceport now. Jetfire out.' Jetfire disappeared to be replaced by a stylised orange robot face symbol and an 'end transmission' barrier.

Ruth suddenly burst into giggles. 'What is it?' demanded Euan.

'Was his name really Jetfire?!?'

'It's a cool name.'

'Do they all have names like that?' She couldn't stop herself giggling.

'It's just the way they have their names,' Ratbat assured her. 'There's nothing wrong with them.'

'Except Windbreaker,' Euan reminded her.

'Aye,' nodded Ratbat. 'Except Windbreaker.'

The Stewart streaked toward the hangar at the end of the runway, screeched her engines loudly, then crashed straight into it. There was a full minute while the debris settled, then a single, broadly Australian-accented voice protested, 'It's the gearbox.'

'Can you open the hatch?' Euan called to Ruth, who was standing at the top of the ladder. The usual entry hatch was blocked by rubble.

'Sure. I'll set my phaser on open.'

'Without blowing the hatch and endangering all of our lives.'

Ruth grumbled, but nonetheless prised open the opening in the ceiling. As the crew clambered onto the roof of the vehicle, they could see intact hangars to the left of them, intact hangers to the right of them, and a large pile of metal debris all around them.

'Oops,' muttered Terri.

'No welcoming party?' asked Graham. His question was answered by few slabs of metal shifting nearby. The spaceniks climbed down to the ground and approached.

'Is there anyone in there?' called Colleen.

In response, the metal flew aside, and a large gunmetal grey tyrannosaur rose up to throw them away.

'Grimlock!!' cried Euan and Ratbat.

The Dinobot roared, then sprang up even higher, its form shifting and its metal parts clanking aside to transform it into a humanoid robot, easily five metres tall. 'Why drop ceiling on my head?' he demanded.

'Advanced?' Ksenia hissed in Euan's ear.

'Bit of a bad choice. Technical difficulties,' he added to Grimlock, in a louder voice.

'Crap pilot,' explained Emma.

Grimlock shrugged. 'Come now to Autobase. Prime want to see you.' He spun on his heel and moved off, inviting the humans to follow in his wake.

Ksenia hated exposition, but she had to ask. 'Prime?' she said to Euan.

'Rodimus Prime,' explained Euan, pleased with the notion of being the smart one for once in a while. 'He's the leader of the Autobots. After their greatest warrior, Optimus Prime, died, Hot Rod was chosen by the Matrix to become their Protector...Rodimus Prime.'[4]

'See? We must be important,' added Ratbat. 'Soon as we touch down, we get an audience with Rodimus Prime. Wicked, yes?'

'Have you ever met him?' asked Leila, catching up with her.

'Prime, no. I've met one or two others before, though. Fortress Maximus, the Earth Ambassador...Grimlock, here...'

'But we never talked politics,' put in Euan.

'This is true. 'Ere - remember the UFP reception for Geoff's book launch? Ye see Ratchet? Gordon Bennett, if anyone's ever over-energised...'

'I've never seen an anthropomorphic ambulance try and lambada before,' the captain laughed.

Ksenia folded her arms and sulked. 'I wish you wouldn't talk about things I don't understand.'

'I wish I knew what "anthropomorphic" meant,' added Leila.

Grimlock led the Compromise crew up a large ramp and through an archway. Once inside the building that the arch was the threshold to, Grimlock pushed a button on a wall. 'Chorale,' he said. 'Tell Prime Starfleets are here.'

'I'm doing it now.'

'This way,' Grimlock called, already halfway through an inner door. The room he led them to, Ksenia guessed, was like a more formal version of a mess hall. A few other Autobots were already here, going about whatever business it was that robots three to four times the size of human beings did all day.

The door at the far end of the room slid open, and a robot about the size of Grimlock, but nowhere near as bulky, and bearing a flame motif on his chest, entered.

'Prime!' exclaimed Euan and recognition. This, those who had been listening guessed, must be Rodimus Prime.

But it didn't stop with Rodimus. A few more robots followed in his wake. Euan could identify Jazz, Prowl, Ultra Magnus, Arcee...the last figure to enter filled the door frame. It took him a few seconds to realise who it was. The great Autobot was a slightly different shape before, and was grey in a lot of places where he had previously been red. For all the additional bulk and weaponry, though, his face was unmistakable.

'Optimus Prime!' ejaculated Euan. This time Ratbat joined him.

Ksenia couldn't help herself. 'Aren't you dead?' she asked, before covering her mouth.

'Oh, very good, Brain Girl,' hissed Emma. 'This crew's first formal contact with an almighty hero like this, and this first thing you do is ask him if he's dead!'

'Sorry,' muttered Ksenia through her hand.

'That's perfectly all right,' Prime told her.

'It still doesn't answer the question, though,' Graham put in. 'You died in 2005.'

'That's right. But now - I'm back.'

'What happened?' pressed Euan. 'Did you cling onto life by a slender thread?'

Prime shook his head.

Ratbat took a stab. 'Did the Matrix return you to the land of the living?'

Again no.

'Then what?'

Prime stood proudly, hands on hips. 'Lube-Mobile!' he proclaimed.

Euan was about to pursue the matter further when he noticed his First Officer glaring intently at one of the Primes' fellows. Optimus Prime, in turn, noticed that Ultra Magnus was staring back.

'Oh, the big suck loser's still around,' Ratbat said suddenly. 'I thought you would have killed yourself in a safety demonstration or something.'

'No,' replied the City Commander[5] firmly. 'I'm still here. I've still got a bigger chest than you.'

'Ha! That one doesn't work anymore, ye cheap Armored Convoy rip-off!' Ratbat snapped, wishing it had been anyone but Magnus whose sensors had noticed the one day she'd stuffed.

'Yeah? Well, let's see you turn into a truck, motherfucker!'

No, he had her there. Ratbat might have had several aspects of physical difference to her comrades, but the ability to change into an enormous haulage vehicle was not among them. 'Hey - I know a good way to stop Decepticons: Let's wait until a whole shitload of them are facing us down, then stand in front of them, ineffectually grasping at an icon of leadership and wisdom, and saying, "Open, dammit - open!"'

This seemed to throw Magnus. 'What-- How did you know about that?'

'It was in the movie.'

'Oh, Primus! You mean they made a movie out of that whole business and they didn't cut that?'

'I dunno - I thought it suited you right down to the ground.'

'Why, you--'

'That's enough, Magnus!' snapped Prime.

'You too, Number One!' brought up Euan. Both leaders had to restrain their combatants, lest Magnus pound Ratbat into the floor (or, as she thought more likely, trip up on his own feet then fall down and squash her).

'What is it with you two, anyway?' asked a gravelly voice. The voice's owner, a grey robot named Kup, had been wearing quite a bemused expression throughout the whole affair.

'I'm forced to ask the same question,' added Prime.

'Yes! Tell Grimlock about Magnus and Commander Sigma!'

Magnus and Ratbat scowled at each other.

'You tell it, cargo boy.'

Magnus realised that all eyes, be they plastic or flesh, were on him. 'It was in 2243, while I was in charge of Autobot City: Earth. Yet-to-be-Commander Sigma here came to town with some of her friends for a weekend, staying at on of the public hotels we opened since the war ended. By the end of that weekend, there'd been a fight in one of the Auto Shop clubs, seven people had checked out of the hotel early, untold property damage, and I'd had to remove her from the city!'

The eyes all turned from Magnus back to Ratbat. All except Leila, that was, who could remember who one of the friends had been. 'I was having one of those days,' Ratbat protested. 'Anyway - you left out the part about who started the fight in the Auto Shop.'

As one, all eyes returned to Magnus once more. 'I thought I saw a Decepticon,' he muttered. 'I saw a jukebox I didn't recognise! If Blaster had come to me for planning permission like he was supposed to...'

By way of an uncharacteristically obscene mime, Ratbat indicated that she thought Magnus was anally retentive. Spotting her from behind him, Springer nodded in agreement.

'Well, it's in the past now,' said Prime calmly. 'I'm sure if you two could shelve your animosities, then the Compromise crew can enjoy their stay here as much as we'll enjoy having them.'

The two antagonists nodded grudgingly.

'Hey, aren't you going to kiss and make up?' asked Goldbug. Then, feeling the glares, he added, 'Hmm...guess not.'

No sooner had Magnus finished nodding than he grabbed the side of his head in pain. Euan glared at Ratbat, but the chiropteran's face presented genuine innocence.[6] In fact, it seemed as though most of the Autobots were experiencing some form of head trouble.

Optimus Prime looked similarly unaffected and nonplussed until a clattering of feet drew his attention to the door. A frantic-looking red and white robot - who bore a large 'FD' on his chest bonnet ran in. He obviously had something important to say.

'Fucking hell, Red Alert!' Bumblejumper's voice shot across the room. 'Why don't you just buy a klaxon?'

'An external alarm could possibly alert an enemy to our activities!' Red Alert told her. Even to the Starfleeters who'd never seen or even heard of him, it was obvious that Red Alert was in a constant state of paranoia. 'My internal Autobot alarm system is highly efficient and always detected.'

'Yeah, because it feels like there's a meteor shower in my head,' complained Springer.

'Prime! Didn't you feel it?'

'I must have neglected to get one put in,' replied Optimus. Was that sarcasm edging into his noble voice?

'Red Alert!' screeched Kup.

'Sorry,' Red apologised, turning it off.

'Well?' Springer insisted. 'What's the emergency?'

'Decepticons,' Red Alert told them. 'Seekers. They managed to slip past our air defence, and they're heading for Autobase right now.'

'Decepticons!' exclaimed Jazz.

'We should have known it was too good to be true,' said Rodimus. 'Prowl, get a squad outside, and prepare to repel them.'

As the Autobot strategist quickly selected robots to form a unit, Euan saw Ruth slapping her communicator. 'Crabb to Compromise,' she was saying.

'What are you doing?' he asked her. 'Those are armour-plated killer robots, bio-linked to their own weapons. They're four or five metres tall as robots, and they transform into full-sized jets!'

'I'd kind of gathered,' replied Ruth. 'If they're that big, not even Vincent could miss them.' She shot him a 'you arsehole' look,[7] and ran off after the advancing Transformers.

Ruth saw different things happen from three different viewpoints in rapid succession. In front of her, three of her securities appeared in a shimmering blue beam as the transporters aboard the Compromise did their thing. Behind her, a dark purple mini Honda, a pink coupé, a police car and a maroon tank - the vehicular modes of Bumblejumper, Arcee, Prowl and Warpath - rolled down the entrance to Autobase and transformed.

All eight beings looked up.

'Can anyone see anything?' asked Prowl.

Arcee lowered her visor. 'There.' She pointed. 'Four of 'em. From memory...Thrust, Dirge, Windslasher and Ramjet.'

Ruth shuddered as soon as she realised Warpath was going to reply. He had a very irritating speech habit:

'BANG! Who cares what their (ZOOM!) names are? We'll just (POW!) make them wish they'd (CLANG!) stayed disappeared!'

'God...' Ruth moaned.

'Are you four sure you want to do this?' Prowl asked the humans. 'After all, the Decepticons really are our fight.'

'Good idea,' agreed Lieutenant Leuning. 'Let's all go home.'

'Shut up,' Ensign Vincent told her.

'She's right.' Ensign Murphy turned to face Prowl. 'I heard you guys stuck up for our planet a few times. I guess we can return the favour.'

'Then get your arses into gear!' screamed Bumblejumper. She only just managed to jump aside as twin strips of laser fire tore up the ground around her feet.

Blaze of Glory - Bon Jovi

'Look, you guys!' Thrust called to his companions. 'Four Autobots and four squishies!'

'Actually -' Windslasher butted in, 'they're more kind of chunky.'

Ramjet swooped down, knocking Warpath to the ground with his nose-cone. 'Squishy, chunky, chewy...who gives a crap?'

Windslasher started on a spiel that precisely answered Ramjet's question, but she was drowned out by the boisterous shouting of the robot shifting into his tank mode. 'Hey, Deceps! If I was (BLAM!) you, I'd worry (CRASH!) less about textiles and more about (BAZONGA!) ducking!' He let rip with his cannon, but Dirge was too rapid a flyer.

'DANG! It's that whole (ZOWIE!) manoevrability thing!'

Thrust transformed and landed in front of Jaan and Rachael. 'What're they?' he mocked, looking at their hand-weapons. 'Dust-busters!?' He laughed and levelled the lasers on his arms at one goldie each. The weapons didn't stay level, though, as a blast from behind tipped him right off his feet and over them.

'Hey! We could've taken him!' Jaan retorted to Arcee, who had done the blasting. He looked the sleek robot up and down. 'But anyway...what are you doing tonight?'

Arcee shot Thrust again as he attempted to regain his stance. 'Saving your life, it seems.'

A short distance away, Bumblejumper looked at them. 'Guys don't make passes at little shortarses,' she lamented. She was snapped out of it by Windslasher's missiles making near misses on either side of her head.

'Fuck!' She transformed and raced off, leading Windslasher on a pretty chase around the nearby blocks.

'You're wasting fuel!' Windslasher taunted.

'Suck my cock until it chokes you!' Bumblejumper threw back.

It wasn't until a few seconds after that remark that Bumblejumper realised the fire around her had stopped. She transformed and spun around. Windslasher was trying to correct her flight path, due no doubt to whatever was the cause of the small smoking patches on her wings.

Bumblejumper wasted no time. Whipping her chain-laser out of subspace, she trained it on the dark green Seeker above and unleashed a volley of fire across the top of her, shattering her cockpit.

'Ghhaaaggh!!' gurgled Windslasher.

Ruth and Nic came running around the corner towards Bumblejumper. 'Did you do that?' both Ruth and Bumblejumper asked, both pointing to the still-wavering Decepticon.

'Looks like we think the same way,' grinned Ruth.

'Now, that's scary,' muttered Nic.

'You're going to be sorry!' called Windslasher.

'Again!' called Ruth.

They both concentrated their fire on Windslasher's nose, flipping her up, backwards, and into collision with Dirge.

'Hey...!' said Dirge. 'Get off!'

'I can't! My wing's locked into y--' She was cut off as the two warriors were forcibly blown apart by a blast from behind.

'WHACK!' called Warpath. 'Eat (BOOM!) that!'

The Compromise crew, along with several Autobots, had relocated to the main control room inside Autobase. Ksenia was being shown several science and history files by her Autobot counterpart, Perceptor. The others were basically fidgeting, wandering around the room until news of the conflict outside came back.

'Me Grimlock want to go fight.'

'Calm down,' Leila was telling him. 'I'm sure Prowl knew what he was doing when he chose the team.'

'And Ruth?'

'Ruth? Well, I'm sure Ruth knows...Um. I'm sure she'll be useful, too.'

'Hmph. Well, if word come from upstairs that Cons too tough, me Grimlock munch their heads!'

Leila observed how tense the Dinobot was. 'Umm. Grimlock, there's something I think I ought to introduce you to. It's called drinking...'

Terri couldn't help but wonder why they were all here. Sure, Cybertron was a Federation world, and they were obliged to help them, but the Autobots and Decepticons had been at this since before humans even existed. Would the presence of a bunch of however many humans were on the Compromise really be a help? More to the point, were they just here so that the Captain and First Officer could hang around with the Transformers who had so successfully marketed themselves?

'Do you really think we should be here?' she asked Colleen. 'I mean, now that the fighting's started again?'

'Don't worry, it's only four of them to all these guys and all us guys. Besides, I like it.'

Terri noticed the way her friend's eyes were wandering the room. 'What- you-- Col, they're machines!'

'Oh, like no-one on board has ever been intimate with a machine.'

Ksenia glowered from her seat above them. 'I told you. My electric toothbrush is a bit old, so it just sounds like that, all right?'

The conn and ops officers just looked at each other. 'Besides,' continued Terri, 'you're already engaged, remember?'

'Actually, that's what I was thinking about. Did you see that grand hall we walked past on the way here?'

Tel nodded.

'How many guests do you think you could fit in there?'

'Lots. I don't see what you-- Oh, right.'

Graham strolled back over. 'Rodimus says he'll think about it,' he told Colleen.

Terri scowled. 'Think about what?'

'Well, I was thinking,' said Colleen,[8] 'and I thought it would be nice to have someone...you know, someone important as the celebrant.'

'The guy's about five metres tall and he turns into a Flaming Winnebago^TM!' retorted Terri, just soft enough that she considered the Protector couldn't hear.[9]

'Tel...' soothed Colleen. 'Don't be so jealous.'

Bobbi clambered onto the table. 'Kup?' she asked the droid sitting at it.

'Yeah?' replied Kup, still poring over a Transformer-sized padd.

'Can I talk to you?'

'Sure.' He put down his copy of An Evening With Barry Shore by Cathy Coote. 'What is it?'

'Well...Springer says you're the oldest one here.'

'Kid, I've been around since Cybertron was just a big ball-bearing.'

'It's just that...it was my birthday a few days ago, and I...I don't know. Despite what I said to Ratbat, I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done more with my life. You know, I'm beginning to think that the Galaxy's passed me by. I mean, is there more to life than being a starship engineer?'

'I see. You came to me because I've got the monopoly on bein' old.'

Bobbi smiled. 'Something like that.'

'Well, I dunno how to put this, kid...how old are you?'

'Five hundred.'

Kup laughed in spite of himself. 'Five hundred? Ah, don't sweat it, kid. You're barely outta diapers! Now, when you get to be twenty million or so, and you're takin' orders from the kid you used to clip round the audio sensor for writin' his name on street walls in Polyhex...' He looked meaningfully at Rodimus Prime. Bobbi laughed. 'What I'm sayin', kid, is that life's about doing things, not achieving 'em. Try and store that in your memory banks.' Even though Autobot idioms usually sounded no different to human ones, they did like to drop in the occasional needlessly mechanical reference.

Bobbi thought about it. 'You're right,' she said at last. 'Thanks, Kup. She kissed his metal cheek, and hugged him as best she could, considering he was almost three times her size.

As she slid off the table and rejoined her crewmates, Kup rubbed the faceplate where she'd kissed him. 'Now, how long is it since I was close to a woman?' he wondered quietly.

Never, said a voice in his head. You were always out clipping young robots around the audio sensor.

'Ah, shaddup,' he said, and returned to Cathy Coote.

Ultra Magnus strode up to Optimus Prime. 'What is it, old friend?' asked Prime.

'Prime, I wish to have Commander Sigma removed from the planet.'

Optimus looked over at Ratbat. 'Why? She seems to be leaving you alone for the moment.'

'Do you know what she's called, Prime? Ratbat. There's a Decepticon called Ratbat.'

Prime thought for a second. 'So you think she's a spy?'

Magnus nodded. Rodimus Prime, who had heard the entire conversation, joined them. 'Do you think you and Optimus are Latin spies?' he asked.

Magnus opened his mouth to reply, but ended up just turning away in a huff. The younger Prime just shrugged. When you're straddled with a handle like Rodimus, you become very aware of names that don't mean anything.

Everyone in the room looked up as there was a clattering from the stairwell. The cause of the noise turned out to be Goldbug rushing into the room. 'Prowl and the others are back!' he cried.

No sooner had he said this than Prowl, Ruth, Bumblejumper, Rachael, Arcee, Jaan, Warpath and Nic came down the stairs also.

'Report,' said Euan and Prime at once. Euan liked being in agreement with Optimus Prime - it meant someone forceful-sounding spoke in unison with him.

'Did you repel the Decepticons?' added Optimus.

Ruth nodded. 'They're all gone. They decided they didn't like phasers set on repel. But...'

'But?' prompted Euan.

'They were down,' explained Prowl, 'but not out. We would've won anyway, but it should've taken us longer.'

'It was like they got some kind of internal radio message,' ventured Rachael. 'They suddenly picked up and headed for orbit.'

'They probably had a ship waiting,' Arcee put in.

'But why should they have come back at all?' demanded Springer. 'Why after all this time, and why only four of them?'

'I think we can tell you that,' said a voice from another doorway. There stood Emma and Ratbat, along with a sturdy-looking red robot.

See! She knows! She's a SPY! thought Magnus.

Ironhide held up his hand to reveal that he had grabbed a gold and black condor-shaped robot by the neck - that robot even now struggling to get away. 'I found this li'l varmint down on one of the main computer levels.'

'Buzzsaw,' recognised Prime. He glared at the bird, who stopped moving as he realised this.

'Ha!' snapped Buzzsaw. 'It doesn't matter what you do to me! Soon you'll all be less recognisable than passport photographs!'

'Any idea what he's talking about?' Optimus asked Ironhide.

'Laserbeak was here too,' the van admitted. 'But she got away.' Buzzsaw grinned, insofar as he could with a beak.

'I wouldn't look so pleased,' Rodimus told him. 'We're going to make you talk like you've never talked before.'

'Are you sure this is the right time to be trying a new invention?' asked Ruth, looking at the equipment Wheeljack was setting up in the interrogation room.

'We need to get Buzzsaw to talk,' he reminded her, the lights on the sides of his head flashing blue in time with his words.

'What's the matter? Don't you trust me?'

To leave enough of him left that's capable of talking? No. Wheeljack was saved an awkward answer by Euan.

'We're in too much of a hurry,' he told her. 'For all we know, the Decepticons could be only a couple of minutes from here-- Ow! Nnnhhh. Ruuthh! Don't use your phaser on the ouchie setting!'

'My finger slipped,' she lied.

'Besides,' added Chaedy, who had beamed down to see if she could get 'inspired' by Cybertronian technology, 'there's no better test for an invention than to test it in the field. Right, Wheeljack?'

'Exactly.'

'So what does it do?' asked Ruth.

'With this here, we can extract all the information we want directly out of Buzzsaw's mind, whether he likes it or not. That'll save us a lot of time.' He pressed the intercom. 'Bring him in.'

The door slid open, and Ironhide, Red Alert, Jaan and Nic escorted Buzzsaw in. The looks on the Autobots' faces reflected the general opinion of Wheeljack's technological creativity.

'What are you doing?' the Decepticon couldn't help but ask as he was bound beneath the helmet-like apparatus extending from Wheeljack's machine.

'You'll see,' replied Wheeljack. He walked over to the main power lever and pulled it down. No sooner had he said, 'On!' than there was a disturbing clunk! and all the lights in the room went out. 'Aah,' he said after a few seconds of feeling the others glare at him in the darkness. He pulled the lever back up, and the lights were restored. 'The setting must be too high. I'll just--'

'You'll just move it into a corner and leave it alone!' snapped Red Alert. 'Lieutenant Crabb, you say that you have effective methods of interrogation?' He didn't know that each of her methods had been outlawed by at least six different conventions apiece, and another even had a blanket ban on 'Crabbing'.

'Oh, yes,' replied Ruth, her eyes changing a colour Euan and Chaedy knew to look away from. 'I'll get Bumsaw here to spill it.'

Maybe literally.

The Reaper - Steve Vai

Astrotrain let his passengers disembark a small distance above the surface of Charr, then headed down himself. One of them, a red and black condor-like form, broke off from the small group and headed towards the small group of strong - if ugly - looking buildings some distance away. She flew in through an open hatchway, then set off through the corridors of the fortress, ducking and weaving to avoid claiming other Decepticons in her wake.

Dreadwing turned and pointed. 'Look,' the Air Commander said simply.

Megatron, seated in an inordinately ornate throne in the centre of the chamber, looked up. 'Ah!' he said. 'Laserbeak, you have returned.'

Well, DUH, thought Dreadwing, but said nothing.

Laserbeak completed her flight to perch on the outstretched arm of Soundwave. 'Laserbeak,' he said in his ever-emotionless voice. 'Where is Buzzsaw?'

'Umm...' hesitated Laserbeak, '...he didn't quite make it? I guess I kinda...lost him.'

'Explain,' Soundwave ordered, but Megatron waved him quiet.

'No matter,' said Megatron.[10] 'It was for just such a contingency that I sent two spies. Laserbeak - transform and interface with Soundwave.'

'Right.' Laserbeak leapt back into the air, her form shifting and folding to resemble that of an audio cassette. Soundwave pressed the tab on his shoulder, and his chest panel opened, allowing Laserbeak to slip inside.

'Now, Soundwave - transform yourself and interface with the battle computer.'

Soundwave in turn leapt into the air, landing in a much smaller size and form - one resembling a cassette player. Planning his landing so he came down on the nearby computer panel, he extended a plug from the side of his body and connected with the Decepticons' battle computer. Megatron got up and watched as masses of data flowed across the screen. Meaningless at a casual glance, it was nonetheless filled with Autobot secrets.

Megatron laughed to himself. 'Oh, Laserbeak - you have outdone yourself! Dreadwing!'

'Megatron.'

'Instruct all of my Decepticons to gather in the assembly area. And get Onslaught up here immediately.'

'Right away.'

'Dreadwing, I have no time for you to play thesaurus.'

Everyone in the room, robot or human, looked up towards Optimus Prime. Although he didn't have much of a face to speak of, that which he did have spoke volumes. After about seven minutes with Ruth, Buzzsaw had been quite willing to reveal the Decepticon plan. In fact, any Decepticon plan. Or in fact any of anyone else's and did they have any spying or even domestic work they needed done if the little red-haired human stopped?

As for the current plan, it seemed that Buzzsaw and Laserbeak, both transformed to their data-storage modes, had been within the master computer Teletran III for over two hundred years. And in those decades, they had managed to absorb every battle tactic, every plan, every single defence strategy that the Autobots intended to employ should the Decepticons attempt to re-take Cybertron. The attack by the Seekers had been a simple distraction to allow the birds to get up and out of Autobase - it had been sheer serendipity that Ironhide had been showing Ratbat and Emma around at precisely the right time.

'The Decepticons have always had superior firepower and weight of numbers,' explained Optimus. 'But we have always had the superior tactics and organisation. Now that the Decepticons have the information from Laserbeak, no doubt Onslaught will be able to convert it into an attack plan. According to what Buzzsaw told us, the attack will be lead by several smaller ships carrying platoons of Decepticons, with Megatron bringing up the rear in a WarWorld.' Now, that did give everyone pause. A WarWorld was a ship the size of a moonlet, devoted entirely to battle. 'Although for the most of Cybertron, we can run our defence by simply bolstering our efforts in that area. The main problem will be here at Autobase.

'I have been informed that the Decepticons have realised - quite rightly - that if they take out Autobase, many of our defence efforts will be in disarray. For this reason, they will be concentrating their efforts and using their information to the highest degree on and around this structure. Buzzsaw claims that they intend to launch their attack as soon as Onslaught has analysed Laserbeak's report, so we don't have time to realise a new battle plan.'

He sighed, and leaned on the railing in front of him. 'Right now, I'm open to any suggestions that anyone has. Anything which can be implemented and put into practice within the next forty hours.' The room descended into a buzz of chattering voices and people tried to work out plans amongst themselves and observed how that big grey and red truck guy really was quite cute. 'It doesn't matter if it's ridiculous, I'm open to any suggestions. In fact, it's better if they are ridiculous - maybe we can catch the Decepticons off-guard.'

Chaedy, perched on Wheeljack's shoulders, pointed down at the padd he held. 'So? What d'you think?'

'I think it could work,' nodded Wheeljack. 'Optimus Prime!' he called.

The Autobot Leader approached them. 'You have a plan, Wheeljack?'

'It's Chaedy's plan as much as mine,' credited Wheeljack.

'I apologize. Go on.'

'If we get a few more hands,' Chaedy said, 'we can probably boost the firepower of the Compromise so it's a bit more of a worry for the Decepticons.'

Prime considered. 'Agreed. Take Huffer, Hoist, Grapple and the Micromaster Construction Patrol. Lieutenant, I assume that as Assistant Chief Engineer on the Compromise, you can assemble any of your personnel you need?'

'Y'uh-huh.'

'Good. Begin as soon as possible.' He had barely finished making this statement when he heard himself being hailed from another angle.

'Optimus!' It was Perceptor this time.

'Another idea?' he asked.

Ksenia, still seated at the computer terminal looked up to face him. 'Can I get this right? The problem is that the Decepticons know all of your battle tactics and fighting styles, and you don't have enough time to retrain a whole heap of soldiers.'

'That's right,' nodded Prime.

'In which case,' furthered Perceptor, 'an adaptation of an advancement technique employed by our colleagues and our enemies some time ago may be the quintessential solution to our predicament.'

'And what's that?' asked Prime, being sure to face Ksenia on this occasion. They just didn't have the time for another explanation by Perceptor.

'Headmasters.'

'Captain's log, stardate 2005.

'Science Officer Forde, along with the Autobot scientist Perceptor, have devised a way for the Autobots to formulate a new defence pattern against a new Decepticon invasion. They have revised the concept of Headmasters, which was the way that several Transformers once combined their own instincts and experiences with those of humans by allowing the human to combine with them in the form of their head.'

Brainstorm, another Autobot scientist, demonstrated this feature by detaching his head from his shoulders, from which point - with the sound everyone was coming to recognise - it transformed into a human wearing white and blue body armour. The head introduced herself as Arcana.

'I still think it looks pretty gross,' Jazz chimed in.

'There aren't many Headmasters left,' Arcana explained. 'Most of the human components have been returned to their home planet, since we discovered how to re-integrate a Headmaster.'

'But how easy is that?' asked Emma. It seemed to be written that the senior staff were destined to be the Autobots' 'help' here. 'Are we going to have to stick around Cybertron for the next two years or something?'

'We've taken into account your continued desire for independent survival,' explained Perceptor as Arcana leapt back onto Brainstorm's shoulders, transforming as she went.

Brainstorm shook his head slightly as his minds reconnected. 'We're not going to permanently convert either you or the Autobots. In fact, this time the original heads will just be retracted, not removed altogether.'

'Good, Brainy,' nodded Rodimus Prime. 'Have you worked out who's going to be paired up with who?'

'Whom,' corrected Perceptor. 'And, affirmative, that we have.'

Brainstorm picked up a padd and read from it. 'Ruth, because it seems the two of you employ quite...compatible techniques...' You're both rabid psychos, he said in his own head, before Arcana shushed him from within. '...You'll be teamed up with Bumblejumper.

'Leila, due to your apparent affinity with the guy, you can work with Grimlock.'

'Explain head thing to Grimlock again.'

'Um...can someone explain it to me too?' asked Leila.

Perfect, thought Brainstorm. 'Warpath and Emma both seem to prefer the direct approach, so you two will be another pair.'

'I don't care who's in my (ZOWIE!) head, as long as they can (BING!) fire my (BLAMMO!) gun!'

'Prowl and Colleen...you seem to be rather...complimentary.'

'What do you mean by that?' asked Colleen.

I'm a tactician and you're too vague for words, Prowl didn't say.

'Bobbi, Kup - you two get along very well by all accounts. You'll work well together. Terri and Arcee...' Brainstorm was now very much trying to cover the fact that the last few selections had been made very unscientifically, partially due to time restraints, and partially due to laziness. 'Putting Ksenia and Perceptor together was a ready-made decision.'

'Evidently,' said Perceptor, who had heard nothing of it before this point.

'Of course,' brought up Brainstorm, 'Euan, as you're both commanders, you'll be with Optim--'

'No,' said Prime firmly.

'No?' echoed Brainstorm and Euan.

'I must go alone to fight Megatron,' Prime explained.

'But, Optimus -' began Jazz.

'No buts, Jazz. Megatron and I have been foes for millions of years now. If I am to fight him, it will be one to one.'

There was an easy pause, which was broken by Brainstorm. 'Uh...all right, Jazz, you're one of the second-in-commands - think you can handle it?'

Jazz winced at the idea of having someone living in his head, but nonethless answered, 'Does a boogie woogie?'

'I have no idea,' admitted Perceptor.

'What about me?' called Graham.

'You're not getting binary-bonded,' Ksenia told him.

'Aw! Why not?'

'You're going to stay inside with your Angels, Ratchet, Oasis, Fixit, Minerva and First Aid and attend to the wounded.'

'What was that, Ksenia? You actually need me to do the medical work?'

'Yes.'

'I'm not just the sheddings from an overused clothes-brush?'

'No.'

'Are you trying to tell me that I, Lieutenant Commander Dr Graham Charles Henstock, MD, serve a worthwhile purpose?'

'Yes.'

'Oh, fine, then.' Damn. It was so hard getting that woman to eat crow.

'Oh, I almost forgot. Ratbat,' Brainstorm addressed the First Officer.

'Hm?'

'We've chosen someone for you to binary-bond with.'

'Oh, aye? Who?'

Brainstorm sighed and looked at the padd. 'You're really not going to like it,' he said.

'What?' Ratbat looked across the room and saw the Autobot City: Earth Commander glaring back at her. 'Oh, cruk.'

Fifteen hours later, the process was complete. The Compromise crew, now all wearing armour in the colours of the heads of their Autobot hosts, looked each other up and down.

The general consensus was that while the Autobots were leagues ahead in terms of cybernetic technology, they still had a lot to learn about aesthetic design.

'God, I don't know why you're worrying,' Ksenia told Leila, who had just voiced such a concern. You'll spend most of your time folded up as Grimlock's head, anyway! No-one's going to know it's you!'

'Thank God for that,' said Terri, wishing Arcee had been any other colour than bright and pastel pink.

Bobbi looked around for a second, then realised something. 'Darling, where's Chaedy?' she asked Euan.

Euan shrugged. 'Last I heard, she was leading Wheeljack off to the engine room on the Compromise.'

'What?!' Bobbi nearly exploded. 'You let Chaedy and Wheeljack into my engineering? Together? God, we'll be lucky if we still have a ship after all this is over!'

'Um, for starters, it's not your engineering; and for seconds--'

He was interrupted by Chorale charging into the room. 'And for seconds, it doesn't matter!' she said in an urgent voice. 'They're coming, now!'

Nine armoured humans stepped down the ramp from Autobase. Shortly afterwards followed nine Transformers, in the forms of a white Porsche (Jazz), a blue-and-red car-carrier (Ultra Magnus), a police car (Prowl), a grey tyrannosaur (Grimlock), a grey pickup truck (Kup), a pink coupé (Arcee), a large red modified microscope (Perceptor), a dark purple mini (Bumblejumper) and a maroon tank (Warpath). Rodimus Prime ran up to stand behind them in the entrance.

'OK,' he said. 'The other Autobots have been deployed across the rest of Cybertron. Think you guys can hold up here?'

'We've already saved the Galaxy once,' Emma told him. 'A little hole like Autobase should be piss-easy.'

Rodimus was glad Grapple wasn't around to hear his marvellously-designed headquarters called a 'hole'. 'Great!' he said. 'I'm going out to supervise at Polyhex. Good luck!' He waved, then transformed into his Flaming Winnebago^TM mode and sped off.

'They're here!' called Terri.

'Decepticons!' confirmed Ratbat. 'Shitloads of Decepticons!'

'Come on, guys,' invited Colleen. 'We've had our practice session...'

Kup turned it into a battle cry. 'NeoHeadmasters! Transform, and attack!' He and his fellows transformed to their robot modes. Rather incapacitated-looking robot modes at the moment, for all of them had no heads.

'Is that bad planning,' asked Scourge from the front of the Decepticon squadron, 'or is there something we don't know about?' A second later he had his answer, as the humans near the Autobots leapt up, folded into themselves, and connected to their shoulders.

'Headmasters,' considered Cyclonus, beside Scourge. 'We weren't told that Autobase was covered by Headmasters...'

'Who cares!' spat Eagle Eye. 'As long as they burn!'

'Burn?' queried Windslasher. Had she a face at that point, it would have raised an eyebrow at Eagle Eye.

'Burn, crack, crumble, smoulder, melt...I don't care, Slash, as long as they die doing it!'

'Suit yourself.'

The refitted warriors below - the 'NeoHeadmasters', as Goldbug had dubbed them - took a moment of disorientation. They had already experienced that practical side of binary-bondage during the tests in Brainstorm's labs, but to actually put into practice the features of the armour they had been fitted, to bring two minds so closely together...the novelty would never fade, yet it felt right instantly.[11] Some of them united their minds instantly. Some decided that it would be more efficient to operate as two separate consciousnesses, working in tandem. Some elected for a partial merge.

Some elected to ignore each other totally.

'Remember, Sigma - we just happen to be fighting for the same cause. It doesn't mean we have to get along.'

Ratbat didn't even bother to use the mental channel to respond. 'Good. Because we don't,' she replied, using Magnus' lips to amplify her own.

Cyclonus in turn took a moment before launching into the attack. Why on Cybertron is Ultra Magnus talking to himself? he wondered.

Warpath - or rather, Warpath and Emma the Techie - was the first to respond. It was obvious how well that merging of minds had gone. 'Hey, Deceps! (ARSE!) Why don't you stop (SHIT!) nitpicking, and start (CRAP!) running!' He fired a serious of shots at Eagle Eye, neatly taking out each of his weapons, and messily taking out large sections of his body around them.

I'm not much of a fighter, said a voice at the back of Terri/Arcee's head.

This is no time to get introspective, another voice told it as Arcee dived into a roll to evade a patch of cluster bombs.

But only half of me is an Autobot warrior! The other half is just an Earth girl who flies a starship!

Arcee punched away the nosecone of a Decepticon who had quite dishonestly expected to make a full swoop.

Hmm... Well, you see Dead End? That robot flying there?

Yeah...

Just imagine that that other half wanted to go out with him, and then she discovered him in bed with the new girl from work.

With that thought, Arcee whipped both her laser pistol and her current cannon out of subspace, one in each hand, and let loose on the Stunticon above her.

Once the light had faded, Dead End simply said, 'I guess that's fair,' and sank to the ground.

Jetfire was understandably nervous.

He remembered the days when he had been one of very few flying Autobots around, and because of this would often be given dangerous tasks to perform, sometimes even beyond what he considered his capacity. Centuries of this had taught him to just grit his teeth an bear it. It had even left him a mite braver than he might have been otherwise. But this - this was really pushing it.

He didn't really like to be in the same solar system as a WarWorld, let alone on a planet that one was reaching the orbit of. But now? Now he was actually flying towards one. Of course, he had a good reason - Optimus Prime knew that Megatron would be aboard the WarWorld, and he needed to get to it somehow.

Jetfire just hoped that it wouldn't be as salvage.

He narrowly avoided a volley of laser fire, his manoeuvrability somewhat limited by the large robot clinging to his undercarriage.

'We're close enough, Jetfire,' he called at last. 'Drop me just above that landing bay.'

'With pleasure, Prime!' Ah, shock. That didn't come out the way he'd meant it to. Nevertheless, he let his leader off at one of the many bays dotting the huge vessel's surface, then gratefully returned to the battle on Cybertron itself.

Once Prime had landed, he got to his feet and looked around him. He'd only been on a WarWorld once before, but he could guess which way he needed to go.

'Now, Megatron,' he said, 'I am coming for YOU!'

'Coming through!' The siren on his top sounding loudly, Ratchet charged into the Autobase infirmary. His back hatch levered open to reveal a one-legged, twitching Goldbug.

'Goldie!' wailed Oasis melodramatically. He didn't dare leave the work he was doing on the injured Longtooth, so he called, 'First Aid, man...nice and easy, you help get the dude out.' He made a final weld on Longtooth and went over to them. 'All's OK,' he reassured them.

'Don't worry, I can handle him!' Ratchet said. 'It's mostly structural.'

'Hmm,' quipped Oasis. 'So long as he isn't spiritually damaged.' Unfortunately, the gag fell flat. He looked around him. All of the Autobot casualties were either being cared for, or everything that could be done for them had been. Walking over to the smaller human-dedicated area of the infirmary, he asked the assembled Compromise medical staff, 'You need any help there?'

Nurse Wylie looked up at the green, red and yellow robot. 'We haven't had any serious injuries so far. Only a few laser burns from other parts of Iacon. But--'

'But what?'

Nurse M^cMillan and her sister provided the reply. 'We were hoping to be able to beam the more seri'

'ous cases back to the Compromise.'

'Only we can't,' they finished together.

'And why is that, now?'

'The engineers took it into orbit around one of the moons,' explained Fiona, who still had no idea why she had woken up in a metal city when her last conscious memory was of 10-Foreplay on the Compromise. 'We can't get through to them.'

'We'll just have to hope nothing very serious happens,' provided Nicole.

'Don't worry, we're all here...everything'll be just fine,' Oasis said, then noticed something. 'Where's Dr Graham?'

'He's...indisposed,' Anthea/Melanie and Melanie/Anthea replied.

'Just what does that mean?'

'Well,' conceded Nicole, 'his precise words were, "I'm going for a crap".'

'I see it...'

As Fixit carefully lowered a smouldering Ensign Sword onto the biobed in front of her, Fiona observed, 'We'd be a lot better off if the defence outside Autobase was as good as Ksenia and Perceptor hoped. But for some reason...it's not quite that good.'

Fiona's statement was entirely true. Although the Autobot-and-Starfleet-officer Units outside were holding out, they weren't exactly driving the Decepticons back in droves.

Mind you, it wasn't exactly a Decepticon picnic, either.

Cyclonus swooped down towards Kup. 'You're an old model! It's time you were recalled!'

Kup, however, stood firm. 'Are you ready, Bobbi?' he asked.

Ready, darling.

'Then you know what to do.'

Cyclonus was about to sweep Kup's head off when the veteran suddenly ducked, meaning that Cyclonus would simply fly over him. When Cyclonus was over him, though, he suddenly threw his shoulders back, and released his head up towards the Decepticon.

His head, of course, being Bobbi.

As she flew up, she transformed, grabbing Cyclonus just under his cockpit. She wasn't too heavy for him, even with the armour, but the element of surprise, combined with her pulling action, were enough to ground him. Cyclonus transformed, and intended to crush the squishie as she ran away, but he was pinned to the ground by a pickup truck running over him. Kup transformed, and Bobbi reconnected.

'I'm not old,' Kup said, holding Cyclonus' head under his foot, 'I'm seasoned.'

Scourge, meanwhile, was having trouble against Prowl. Every time he thought he'd worked out the Autobot's strategy, something would happen, leaving him unsure whether a shot had just gone wild, or if he was trying a new strategy.

He didn't, of course, know about the mental chaos going on between Prowl and Lieutenant Colleen M Hick. In the back of their head, where they were still somewhat separate, Prowl suggested, Can't you focus?

Can't I what? They were broken out of this with a shock as the blue flyer crashed to the ground in front of them.

'Fuck it, guys!' snapped Bumblejumper, kicking the prone hovercraft. 'Get your fingers out of your arses and get your minds on the job!'

Prowl afforded himself a moment's pause. 'I think they're both pre-menstrual,' he said to himself.[12]

'Hey!' Warpath boomed at him. 'I don't care if you're (TITS!) talking, just as long as (FUCK!) it's about (SHATNER!) fighting!'

Just managing to fend off an attack by all three segments of Reflector, Perceptor observed, 'This endeavour isn't quite proceeding the way we anticipated!'

'What do you mean?' asked Ksenia. Even though they were largely thinking together, she responded verbally for fear of her communication being lost amongst everything else in Perceptor's mind.

'Oh, I believe that the actual process is functioning admirably,' he continued as Ravage tackled him to the ground. 'But there appears to be an impasse somewhere within our defence pattern.'

Jazz took time out from his own struggle to blast Ravage away. 'I can tell you what it is, too!' he called, pointing to Ultra Magnus. 'It's those two as-- those two morons!' Part of him realised it'd have to talk to the other part about his language. He took a shot at Tailwind and felled her. 'She's fallen and she can't get up!' taunted Jazz, though exactly why he couldn't tell.

Jazz and Euan were right that Ultra Magnus was the problem. He and Ratbat, despite being in the same body, were mentally ignoring each other, which meant that instead of Ultra Magnus enhanced by Ratbat's skill, the force was completed by Ultra Magnus who had an additional drag factor from sulking.

'Magnus,' Ratbat said aloud. 'This isn't working.'

'I'm not surprised, with you involved,' returned Magnus, who really should have been concentrating on where he was firing ('Hey, watch it!' cried Jazz. 'You gave me an ouchie!').

'Fumbled the Matrix lately?'

'You're right - uh! - this isn't helping anyone!' Magnus gripped Apeface by the cranial unit in an effort to slow his approach. Apeface, still in his ape mode, growled, knowing who was going to win this battle. On the edge of their hearing, Ratbat and Magnus just heard Snapdragon sneaking up behind them. It caught them so much by surprise that it was both of them that swung a leg around to kick him.

'Ngh...are you thinking what I'm thinking, Sigma?'

'Och, it is for a good cause.'

'You're right. Now, shall we try it...together!'

Holding Out For A Hero - Bonnie Tyler

At that point, they allowed their minds to lock, and that one mind allowed its hands to wrench at his opponent. 'Hm.' It seemed that Apeface, until recently, had been reintegrated from being a Headmaster himself. Magnus dropped the head and kicked it quietly away.

At that moment, three of the remaining Stunticons leapt Ultra Magnus, but he threw two away with one arm each, and blasted the other with his shoulder-mounter missiles. 'Bad timing, Decepticons!' he called. 'An hour ago...you might have made it, but now...' He punched Cindersaur[13] in the face. '...I'm back! And I'm better than ever!'

Through Leila's tenuous mental link with Ratbat, she felt what happened, and as a result, Grimlock did too.

'Nice! Ratbat and Magnus finally fight Cons instead of each other! Now me Grimlock doesn't have to worry about the hole in our defence...it party time!'[14]

Chaedy and Wheeljack weren't binary-bonded, but they couldn't have worked any better together if they had been. With the Autobots glad of the high ceiling that Engineering offered, the two of them had adjusted plans, overseen refits, and undertaken repairs as if each perpetually knew what the other was talking about. They were determined to make the Compromise a formidable defence ship, or burn out trying.

'Phaser relays here...' Ensign Benson pointed to the diagram on the scanner table.

'...And photon torpedoes shift to...' Huffer traced his finger along the screen. 'Here. Ya know somethin', Andrea?'

'What?'

'I never thought I'd say it about one of Wheeljack's designs, but I think this might actually work.'

Andrea laughed. 'I never thought I'd say it about one of Chaedy's...but I reckon you're right.'

'Come on, you two!' Chaedy bellowed behind them. 'We need this subspace exchange up and running before we can do another thing!' She clapped her hands. 'Move it!'

Autobot and Starfleet looked at each other and sighed.

Optimus Prime filled the doorway of the WarWorld's control room. He'd said it before, and he'd say it again.

'One shall stand...one shall fall!'

Megatron turned. 'Why throw away your life so recklessly?' he responded, just as he had some 368 years earlier.

'That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron.' It seemed that even though they both had new bodies, the steps were determined to play themselves out again.

'Oh, no, Prime...this time I mean it!' Megatron launched himself at Prime, who stood ready to throw him back.

That became impossible, however, as Megatron assumed his tank mode, rammed Prime into the wall, then fired a shot right by his head, stunning him. Prime gripped Megatron's main cannon, but his unsteady grasp meant that Megatron could easily spin his turret, and fling Prime away. He laughed. 'Really, Prime! Did you honestly for one second think that I would analyse the tactics of every Autobot on Cybertron except you?' He transformed, and kicked Prime in the midriff. 'For over nine million years you've stood between me and my rightful conquest of Cybertron...not this time!' He kicked him again, from where Optimus tumbled into the hole Megatron had blasted around him earlier.

Another door hummed open, and Soundwave and Onslaught entered. 'Megatron,' said Onslaught, 'I heard sounds from up here...'

'Inteference, nothing more. Continue the WarWorld on its course.'

Several levels below, Optimus groaned. Of course...how could I have been so arrogant? So arrogant to think that he could simply take Megatron on as he had so many times before, despite what Megatron had learnt. He should have stayed on Cybertron to support the defence there. He shook his had and let it fall back again.

Was it his imagination (which, he had to admit, he wasn't reknown for), or could he hear a sound nearby? Turning his gaze, he saw that the noise he'd thought was the hum of a transmat was, in fact, the hum of a transmat.

The transmat's new arrival appeared to be a human, clad in grey and blue body armour.

'How are you, Optus? You need some help?'

'How...?' muttered Prime, then stopped. He remembered something...just after Brainstorm had been talking, Ratchet had been talking to him...what had he been saying? He knew he'd gone with Ratchet...

'Y'know,' continued the human, 'I think all Meg needs is a taste of the unexpected.'

Prime thought for a moment. 'Maybe you're right,' he agreed.

Prime retracted his own head as the human transformed into a facsimile of it. He reached over, and as he attached the new head to his shoulders, Optimus Prime felt himself become one...

...with Dr Graham Henstock.

God Gave Rock and Roll To You II - Kiss

Prime got to his feet, feeling totally renewed.

'This time, Megatron,' he rumbled, 'I am going to kick BUTT!'

He marched through the corridors of the WarWorld, blasting or punching aside the lesser Decepticons who tried to get in his way. Finding his way to the control room once more, he found that this time Onslaught and Soundwave were standing inside on either side of the doorway. Graham Prime wasted no time with them: He simply ripped Soundwave's cannon from his shoulder, and used it to knock both Decepticons into unconsiousness.[15]

'So, Prime.' Megatron turned upon hearing the sound. 'Back for more, eh? What's the matter...you didn't believe me the first time?'

'I take a lot of convincing, Megatron.'

'Then allow me to present my case!' said Megatron. He charged at the robot before him, but stumbled into the wall as Prime jumped out of the way.

What? Prime doesn't jump out of the way! He's too noble! He spun around to see that his foe had just retrieved his blaster from subspace into his left hand, and was now - rather ostentatiously for Prime, Megatron considered - throwing it into a spin in the air. Megatron watched the blaster spin.

A mistake.

As the first blaster was still in the air, Prime called another one to his same hand, and used it to fire several shots at Megatron. Megatron staggered and almost fell completely under the blasts, but he remained on his feet.

Another mistake.

Prime drew back an enormous metal foot, and brought it into high-speed contact with Megatron's groin. This took the Decepticon leader completely by surprise. It wasn't a tactic often used by Transformers - unlike flesh creatures, they had no reproductive organs in that area.[16] But as Megatron discovered, a powerful kick is a powerful kick - particularly when it's into a bulkhead.

As Megatron lay prone on the ground, Prime rushed over to controls. He couldn't even start to crack the code for the self-destruct, but the navigational controls were easily used. He made a few adjustments then, to stop anyone altering them, blew the console into little bits. 'If I were you,' he told Megatron. 'I'd get myself to an escape pod. This WarWorld is now on a course towards the sun, and nothing you can do will stop it.' Then, as the onboard computer started to encourage any Decepticons on board to leave their doomed vessel, Prime himself ran from the room to seize himself a shuttle. Once safely aboard and flying away from the WarWorld, Prime sent a radio message to Chorale, and asked her to patch him through to every Autobot across the planet.

'Autobots! This is Gr-- This is Optimus Prime. Megatron has fallen, and the WarWorld has been disabled. All that remains...is for you to clean up.'

O Fortuna from Carmina Burana

And across the planet, that's just what an army of Autobots - and a handful of Starfleet security officers - did. The tide had definitely turned. The Decepticons were discouraged by the loss of their WarWorld, the Autobots were bolstered by Prime's words (though they were unaware of just how much their leader wanted a Guinness at this moment in time). All over Cybertron, phasers hummed, blasters smoked, and metal fists came into contact with metal faces.

'I don't know why you bother,' Springer told Tentakil as he stomped his face into the ground. He turned to his Autobot and Starfleet team-mates. 'What d'you say? Do we send them back as lots of little pieces, or as great big chunks of scrap?'

Broadside and Sombra answered by crunching Jawbreaker between their jet modes and allowing Lieutenant Large to pot him with her phaser.

'Neither,' said Annabelle.

'Modern art,' added Sombra, pointing to Jawbreaker's new and somewhat distinctive shape.

If Springer had had eyebrows, he would have raised them and nodded approvingly. As it went, he could just do the latter.

Megatron, Onslaught and Soundwave, still reeling from the combined attack of Graham and Optimus Prime, had managed to secure a shuttle off the WarWorld just as it had been leaving Cybertron's orbit.

'Onslaught!' snapped Megatron. 'What are you doing? Turn this shuttle around immediately!'

'The battle is lost!' protested Onslaught.

'Affirmative,' agreed Soundwave. 'We no longer have the WarWorld, the attack on Autobase has failed, and reports state that a lack of morale is increasing Decepticon losses on a global scale.'

'We must return to Charr!' Onslaught insisted.

'The attack on Autobase has not failed completely,' Megatron told them. 'Not yet.' He reached into one of his storage compartments and brought out a small device with a single control on it. He triggered the device, then sat back and grinned to himself.

Chaedy, now a rather dirty example of the human race, climbed out of a seldom-used Jeffries tube. 'Finished!' she announced proudly.

'That was timing,' said Andrea, poring over the scanner table, which was now linked to the long-range sensors.

'What? What are you talking about?' Chaedy joined her at the table.

Andrea just pointed to an area on the table, the one reading the activities around and above Autobase. 'Look,' she said simply.

On the ground, the Autobots also saw the result of Megatron's signalling. A giant warp gate was opening in the sky above them.

'What the fuck?' asked Annabelle, looking up with them.

'Good question,' Nic told her.

'I don't...' began Springer, then trailed off as something came through. 'Ah.'

'Oh, Primus...' breathed Sombra.[17]

Megatron's final gambit in the attack on Autobase was Trypticon - a huge, tyrannosauroid robot, quite literally the size of a fortress. For that's who Trypticon was - the transformed state of the Decepticon battle station back on Charr.

'I thought we'd finished him years ago,' uttered Sombra.

'You thought wrong,' shrugged Springer.

Nic walked over to Springer. 'Are you about to tell us that you don't have an Autobot that can match him?'

'Metroplex,' Springer replied.

'Then where are they?' asked Annabelle.

'Earth,' both Autobots responded.

Not for the first time in her career, Annabelle regretted having turned down a job at M^cDonalds.

With the lagging team finally working as they were supposed to (spank, spank), the defence of Autobase had been comparatively quick and easy. Now, in a room at the top level of the building, the once-bonded Starfleet officers - having successfully disengaged and regained independence of their Autobot colleagues - were half-changed between their armour and their uniforms when they saw the light at the window. They all rushed over to check it out.

'I know that Grimlock doesn't have a big brother,' said Leila, 'so I'd say that that guy is bad news.'

Terri started to pick up the pieces of her bondage armour. 'Should we get ready to re-bond?'

Euan shook his head. 'Even as Headmasters, ten Autobots like us...'

'Like them,' corrected Ksenia. She wasn't going to get drawn into this for any longer than she had to.

'...Wouldn't even be a start.' He sighed. Hanging with Transformers had seemed like so much fun when he'd thought he was going to leave in one piece. 'We'll just have to hope that Prowl can afford to bring some of their super warriors from the battle...'

'He can't,' Colleen butted in. She actually sounded like Prowl, unsurprising considering she was speaking his mind.

'Well, then,' he said. 'We're doomed.' He sighed, put a brave face on it, then went into the corner and cried.

The others just stood in silence. They had faced death together before, but knowing that didn't make it any easier. Nor did being in varied states of undress, either.[18]

Emma walked quietly over to the window to see just how long it was before Trypticon's rampage made chunky salsa out of all of them. She was prepared to give it thirty, maybe thirty-one seconds.

Wait a minute, though...

'The Compromise!' she screeched. 'Chaedy must've got her arse together!'

The others joined her at the window.

Ruth was encouraged, but not completely convinced. 'We've got a chance,' she admitted. 'But it's not sure. I don't know what she's done, but it still won't have the--' She was silenced by Euan screaming his head off.

'Ratbat!!!' he called. 'Look at this!'

Ratbat could see something, but she didn't quite pick it up. 'Uh?'

'It's transforming!' exploded Euan. 'The Compromise is transforming!!'

The Touch - Stan Bush

Neither Autobot nor human in visual range could quite believe their eyes. The familiar pink shape which had been home to the crew for almost a year now was twisting, folding, shifting, and slotting. Parts took on new positions, sections shifted aside, and new features slid into view. The flagship of the Narrabundah StarFleet was morphing into a being whose size rivalled Trypticon himself.

Oasis, who had rushed out the front upon hearing, turned to Chaedy who had transported in beside him with her and Wheeljack's team. 'Did you do that, man?'

Chaedy hugged Wheeljack's leg. 'I had help.'

'Primus be praised.'

Even Trypticon didn't know quite what to make of the new robot as she landed beside him. 'Who are you?' he boomed.

Compromise just laughed. 'Your conscience!' she told him.

'What's the matter? Don't you know when to stay buried?' He reached out with a massive claw for Compromise's head, but she ducked aside with agility that belied her size.

'I'm like a bad penny,' she said. 'Try to swallow me, and you'll CHOKE!' She clutched Trypticon by the throat, but rather than throttling him, she nutted the giant dinosaur.

'Ghaaa!! I don't know who you really are, but you'll pay for that, Autobot!'

'Sorry - no handouts. How about I put a hand in?!'

She swung a fist for Trypticon's gut.[19] Trypticon just laughed - he knew that his armour was made of reinforced titanium. What he didn't know, however, was that Compromise's fist was made out of duranium.

No contest, really.

Within a few seconds, Trypticon was staggering around, spitting out fuel and components. Compromise ducked under him, then picked him up by the tail.

'*K%hk* *^&* *Agh* What--'

'Sorry, Trypsie-babe...time to find your way home!' And with that, she swung him around by the tail, finally building enough momentum to leap up, and throw him all the way clear of Cybertron's orbit.

The humans just stared.

The Autobots just stared.

The Decepticons just stared.

But most of all, Megatron just stared.

Onslaught was almost wondering how he could possibly relieve him of command and order the retreat himself, but for all his ranting, his leader wasn't stupid.

Megatron leaned forward in the shuttle. 'Soundwave, signal Blast-Off, Astrotrain, Overlord and Chameleon. They are to assume carrier mode and prepare to receive troops. All Decepticons to make their way to them, or the nearest functional ship, and then...' He didn't want to say it. Two hundred years of planning, all for naught. '...Retreat,' he said finally.

And as the order was carried out, an enormous cheer rode across Cybertron.

Kup was already in the control room by the time Leila got there. 'Thank gods that's all over,' she said to him. 'I could do with a drink.'

Kup laughed. 'Hey, kid, you're the local psychologist...d'you think some of our guys bonding with some of your guys will have a lasting effect on anyone?'

'Me Leila not think so.'

'No, me neither, darling.'

They both looked up as Graham entered, Nicole trying to attend to the blossoming bruise on his cheek. 'Did you try and pull Arcee?' ventured Leila.

Graham grunted. 'I tried...overall, getting slapped by a four-metre-tall metal woman isn't that different from getting slapped by a two-metre-tall flesh one.'

Euan and Ratbat came down the stairs. 'It's time to go,' Euan announced.

'What? Already?'

'Aye...' said Ratbat. 'Chorale's picked up a message from NSF command, demanding to know just what in Samantha Hell is going on. Do you know they've been trying to get in contact with us for two weeks, since before Bobbi's birthday?'

'Really?' Leila was desperate to say something that wasn't a question, but it didn't look like she was in for much luck.

'Yeah,' nodded Euan. 'I asked Compromise about it, and she says that something was interfering with the communications when she was turned on. Apparently someone had badly connected something to the navigation systems.'

Ratbat thought about being sheepish regarding Chaedy's defense, then remembered that the woman had saved all of their lives, and let the matter rest.

As Graham, Leila and Nicole walked past them and up the stairs, Ratbat turned to Euan.

'Euie...?' she started.

'Mm, Number One?'

'How are we going to explain what happened to our ship?'

'It what?' Geoff was finding life increasingly difficult to cope with.

'It defected,' repeated Euan. It was true, anyway. With Compromise now a sentient being and part of the Autobot race, they could scarcely have brought her back to NSF Command, and they had crowded into the Autobot Sky Lynx to return them and their possessions to the Command Centre. And now, Euan, Ratbat and Colleen stood before Fleet Admiral Sir Geoffrey Page OBE, trying to explain the whole thing.

Geoff started, 'How can a starship de...No, on the other hand, I don't think I want to know. Just wait in The Golden Girls until new orders come down to you. Dismissed.'

As they left the office, Euan asked Colleen, 'What did you think of Prowl?'

'To be honest,' she replied, 'I don't think we worked well together overall.'

'How's that, then?' asked Ratbat.

'Well, you know, I'm kind of...laid back, and he's all sort of...well, he's...a jerk.'

'Oh. Fair enough, then.'

'Besides, he couldn't appreciate the idea of me tying cans to his bumper and writing "just married" on his bonnet with shaving cream.' She giggled.

'Ah,' said her two ranked superiors in unison.

'What about you, Euan? How's Jazz?'

'Jazz? Oh, um, he's cool. A bit of potty mouth, but he's cool. He even gave me one of his Blues Brothers CDs.'

Ratbat laughed. 'Magnus would think that's a good thing. 'E reckons they all break the local noise rules.'

'Hmm. So, have you still got your infamous rivalry with Ultra Magnus? Is he still a big suck loser?'

'He's actually all right, under all that,' admitted the chiropteran. 'In fact, I found out he really has done a lot for Autobot-Earth relations. In fact,' she added in a low voice as they entered the bar, 'a frag of a lot.'

Colleen sat down, her eyes widening. 'You didn't,' she said. 'Come on...!'

Euan wasn't sure he wanted to know.

'No,' laughed Ratbat. 'But he did ask...I hope Emma the Techie's all right.'

'Yeah,' nodded Euan. 'She should know better than to take on a 'bot like Sombra in a Guinness-versus-EnerGuinness drinking competition.'

'Did she win?' enquired Colleen.

'Oh, aye. But now she canna bear children. Or digest food properly. Or breathe, or maintain an active pulse, or even think much until the medics get done with her.'

They were interrupted a few minutes later by the approach of a young Ensign, evidently one of Geoff's yeopersons.

'Captain Bowen?' she asked.

'That's right,' confirmed Euan.

'This is from Admiral Page,' she said, handing Euan a padd.

'Oh. Thanks.' He accepted the padd and read it.

'Well?' prompted Colleen.

'Well what?' he said at last.

'Are we still all together?'

'Yes. In fact, all of us and a few more besides.'

'Then we've got a new ship?' asked Ratbat.

'Uh-huh.'

'Is it the SDF-1?'

Euan scowled. 'Will you shut up about the SDF-1?'

'Maybe. What is it, then?'

Euan read directly from the padd. '"USS Compromise. Registry NC-2604-Z."'

Both women leapt up. 'What?'

Euan nodded.

'Cool!' they both said.

Z, huh? Euan mused to himself. Well, it looks like as far as the Compromise is concerned, we're definitely The Last Generation.

Megatron sat deep within his fortress on Charr, his lieutenants - Dreadwing, Soundwave, Onslaught and Deathsaurus - surrounding him.

'You are trying my patience, flesh creature,' he told the figure sitting opposite.

'I'm just stating the facts, Tank Boy. Your grand plan to invade Cybertron was thwarted because a bunch of Starfleet officers bonded with the Autobot defence.'

'To remind me of such things, you are either very brave or very stupid, fleshling.'

'I'm not stupid. In fact, I know that you'll want revenge. And I can give it to you.'

'Go on.'

'If you counter-attack, you should do it with Decepticon NeoHeadmasters. To this end, you'll need human help.'

Megatron considered. 'There is some value in your words, human,' he said at last.

Chick Collette leaned forward in her chair. 'So -' she said, 'do we have a deal?'

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