STAR TREK: THE LAST GENERATION - Coma Chameleon Part 2

'OK, people, we've got to get an away team together to go down to this planet.'

'So, Brooke. How long is it since your last complete medical examination?' He put his arm around the young woman. 'It can be very foolish to skip check-ups.'

'Graham,' said Terri in her most dangerous voice. 'What exactly are you doing with my daughter?'

'OI!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!' Ruth's considerable voice roared out. She shot her rifle at the sky to get the attention of the crowd. This worked perfectly, except that there was rock where the sky should have been. A large chunk of the ceiling fell, landing neatly on Bobbi's head.

Graham shrugged. 'Coma. Her skull was fractured, and I can't actually work out how much damage was done to her brain until she wakes up.'

Leila put an arm around the First Officer. 'Don't worry,' she said softly. 'I think it's going to be all right.'

Ratbat's arms found their way around the Counsellor, and she buried her face in the friendly shoulder. The two stood like that in front of the window for quite a while, as the stars glided past.

And now, the conclusion...

Leila looked hard at her. 'Darling, the important thing is...did you enjoy it?' She couldn't help but think that what they had done may have been a mistake.

Ratbat stared at nothing for a few seconds. 'I canna say,' she admitted. 'I mean...I've no experienced anything like it afore.'

Leila looked away, her face unreadable. Maybe it was true, that sooner or later every pair of people in a relationship such as theirs would come to this juncture, whether they could have seen at it the beginning or not.

'What?' Ratbat implored. 'You dinna really expect me to lie about something like that, do ye?'

The First Officer leant back again. 'Why? What do you think it's supposed to be like?'

Leila was lost in thought for a moment. For a second, Ratbat thought she might have been going to break into tears. 'Apple strudel,' she said, pushing the empty tray across the table to her sister. 'And you think it takes like fish. You think I'm a crap cook,' she sulked.

'Well...' attempted Ratbat, in a brave (feeble) attempt to spare Leila's feelings, 'isn't there a kind of...apple fish?[1] Crab apple?'[2]

Leila shook her head. 'It's all right, dear...I think I might just have to accept that I'm culinarily challenged.'

'Thinking about Bobbi?' Leila asked, unnecessarily. Ratbat just made a funny noise. 'Do you want to go to sickbay and see how she is?' Ratbat nodded. The two of them got up and left the site of Leila's gastronomical disaster area, the latter resolving to depend on replicators until she got Identifying Food Groups 101 sorted out.

The pair arrived in sickbay to find Graham asleep on a bio-bed, Nurse M^cCulloch keeping watch over Bobbi's vital signs, and Nurse Wylie aiding Ksenia in poring over one of the display screens.

Graham awoke upon hearing the question. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes, there is.' He turned to Ksenia at the monitor. 'Say it to her like you said it to me,' he told her.

Nicole sighed at the bad misquote, but obliged. 'Leila, you'll probably understand this from some of your psychologist duties.'

'It's a profile of Bobbi's current mental state. The good news is she's fighting back.' Upon seeing what she'd just done to the expressions on her comrades' faces, she wished she'd given the bad news first. 'The bad part is she has a long way to go. And it's mostly uphill.'

Leila laid a hand on Ratbat's shoulder. She could just make out some of what the screen said. 'It'll be an internal struggle,' she explained. 'It's like...she'll probably be trying to find bits of herself. The last couple of times I heard about this, it was like the Seven Deadly Sins.'

'Well,' said Leila, 'it's only a theory, but the idea goes that everyone's personality is made up of the presence or absence of the capacity for each of the Seven Deadly Sins.'

'Anger, Sloth, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Avarice and Envy,' provided Ksenia, showing off that she could remember them all.

'So inside her head,' Graham mused, 'She could be looking for the sin aspects of herself.'

Nicole, Ksenia and Leila nodded. Ratbat didn't want to hear any more. She took her leave and left the room.

Once out in the corridor, she leant against the wall and sighed, trying to keep her emotions in check. Of those closest to Bobbi - or at least, those who made up the group known as Recycled Virgins - only she was at a real loose end with herself. Graham was absorbing himself in the task of physically caring for Bobbi - who was one of the few people he wouldn't try to take advantage of in such a state;[3] Euan, whose not-quite-a-crush-but-not-quite-not-a-crush on Bobbi was one of the ship's great ill-kept secrets, had been persuaded that there was nothing he could do and simply wrapped himself in the duties of command by disappearing into a holodeck.

Ratbat, however, knew Jacqueline about medicine save for an overactive academic interest in gynaecology,[4] and had a complete inability to escape into a fantasy world without the real one following her in. Euan did have the right idea, though. It might have been wholly justified, but fretting wasn't going to help Bobbi, and there was only so much praying a person could do. She decided to find something more positive to do.

The thing about Ratbat that astute readers may have noticed is that she is more or less devoid of sexuality. Despite the staleness with which some people view this, it does make life a lot less complicated, which is a good thing when you've been around since the late Tudor era. Of course - and this was something people in the twentieth and twenty-first century especially had trouble with - love and sex are not the same thing, and while many quite good, healthy and lasting relationships turn up between many people, very few have no sexual element in them at all, be it physically realised or otherwise. The short upshot of this was that if Ratbat was going to fall for anyone, they had to totally and utterly, 100% capture her heart. And in over eight centuries, only one person had ever done this.

Bobbi struggled to become aware of something, of anything. She had a vague memory of talking to a figure who had been little more than a hazy robe. She had to remain here, it had said. Or was it just that she couldn't leave yet? Maybe it was just that she would never leave.

As the black, tunnel-like environment shifted into focus around her, she climbed to her feet. She knew they weren't really her feet, of course. It was just that she always perceived herself as having feet, and so in this dreamscape she did. At first, she was mildly surprised to find that she was fully clothed, in a tartan dress and the footwear she affectionately referred to as fuck-me boots.[5]

Aren't you supposed to be naked in things like this? Something about purity? The cold, dreamt wind that blew past her provided her answer. She usually didn't perceive herself as naked in a freezing cold gale.[6] Knowing that walking into the wind would at least be atmospheric, she proceeded forward. She didn't know where she was going, onward back to life, or beyond onto death.

IT'S UP TO YOU, ROBYN MICHELE SCHOLES, the voice from the Grey Robe sounded around her, although she could see nothing.

'What do you mean?' she called back, but received no answer. 'Fuckwit,' she muttered.

After about another minute of atmospheric wind-walking, she got bored and sat down. This pseudobody she'd imagined for herself was a little too accurate, and her legs hurt.

As soon as her backside hit the more solid part of the blackness, though, she heard a voice.

She turned, to see a small array of weapons racks there. And not just weapons racks - it was as if a small section of a room had been placed there, then subsequently had the crap beaten out of it. And in the middle was the owner of the voice Bobbi had known that she knew.[7] The familiar figure, though, was visibly blade-scarred, and wore combat-trousers, headband and ammunition belts exactly as a bad Rambo impression would.

YOUR anger, shitforbrains! I'm the part of you that wants to strike out and kill!

Don't be so dumb! There's a part like that in everyone! Anger pulled one of the shotguns from the rack, and shot about a centimetre from Bobbi's feet.

Bobbi stood dumbfounded. This little personification was really starting to piss her off.

Come on, you classless arsehole! Aren't you just SEETHING that you're probably going to die here? Never seeing anyone again? And all because of that triggerhappy bitch with the glasses? She threw a club past Bobbi's head. Bobbi's eyes narrowed. She really wished that she'd stop that...

Come on! Anger suddenly leapt across and gripped one hand tight around Bobbi's neck. Take me on instead! Then, with no warning, it suddenly grabbed another knife with its free hand and plunged it into Bobbi's chest.

Bobbi let out a cry. That hurt! The time she'd stepped in the wrong direction during the Antigo darts tournament in 1994, only to the hundredth power! Anger just stood in front of her and sneered.

See...you've got a knife. You know what you want to do. I'll even give you a free shot.

Bobbi, unable to see or feel anything except the metal searing inside her and the figure in front of her, gripped the handle that jutted from between her ribs. She knew what she had to do. Gritting her teeth, she pulled the knife out of her chest...

What? spluttered Anger weakly. You... It trailed off, then dissipated into a red mist which swirled around Bobbi, eventually disappearing as she absorbed it.

Wait a minute...that should have hurt more. Looking down she saw that her dress was free of any bloodstain, and indeed of any tears. Presumably her chest was in the same condition.[8] In fact, all of Anger's weapons had disappeared with it.

'Oh?' Bobbi asked the air, knowing she wouldn't get a straight answer. 'Does that mean I can go?'

At least when the voice said the next part, Bobbi could guess what it was talking about.

Terri emerged from her bathroom to hear the door chime. She wrapped a towel around her hair and a bathrobe around her body, then paused. She was about to respond 'come', as was the practice, but if it was Graham or someone of similar mind, they would just have a field day with it.

'Gordon Bennett, Tel,' said the voice on the other side. 'That's absolutely filthy!' The door slid open to admit Ratbat.

Ratbat entered and the door closed behind her. Perching on the edge of Terri's table, she asked, 'Miss Terri - can I ask you something?'

Terri sighed. 'OK, I knew this was coming some day. Now, listen. There are men, and there are ladies. Now, the men have th--'

'Aye, thank you, Theresa, I do know where babies come from. And where they go,' she added, slight edge to her voice.

'Oh,' said Terri, remembering hearing about Anja's last moments of being fried to a cinder. 'Sorry,' she muttered.

Ratbat shook her head, determined not to exchange one pain for another. 'Anyway, that slightly links to why I'm here...it's about Brooke.'

It was Terri's turn to blink condescendingly. 'I know. I mean, what about her?'

'What does...' Ratbat uneasily crossed her legs, making and unmaking pyramid shapes with her fingertips. '...What does she say about me?'

'Well, she knows I've known you for almost four hundred and eighty years, she knows that we went to college together, and that you're my First Officer.'

'Then what do...' She stopped, then laughed loudly. 'You've got a crush!' she howled. 'I don't believe it! Urac Daria blablablabla Sigma has gone and fallen in love with my daughter!' She continued to laugh for a full minute, leaving Ratbat to blush for the first time in almost four centuries.[9] 'I knew it would happen someday! Rat-ti's got a cru-ush...Rat-ti's got a cru-ush...'

'Oh. Where were we...aaaahhhh. I think you were asking my permission to court my daughter.' She giggled. 'It's her decision, really. Not mine.'

'Oh, someone had to get him off her. No, you two do what you like. Just don't give me any grandchildren too soon, that's all.'

Getting up to return to 10-Foreplay, where she had been told Brooke was, Ratbat scowled. 'Tel...I think there's something fundamental about female biology that you don't know about.'

Terri grinned the grin of one who knows too much. 'No - there's something fundamental about female biology that you don't know about.'

'Bah!' Graham looked back at the readings above her bio-bed. He couldn't tell what was Bobbi and what was life-support anymore. 'Have we got any more stimulation techniques?' he asked.

'We've tried all of them,' Fiona responded. 'Electrical, neural, cortical...and if we give her any more of the chemical ones, she'll probably go into toxic shock.'

Nicole walked past where Melanie and Anthea had fallen asleep, standing up and leaning against each other, and retrieved a padd. 'It wouldn't work. Rather than shock her into quote, "shitting herself awake", it would just make a mess.'

'Graham,' Fiona told him. 'Go and get some sleep. You've been waiting around Bobbi since she came in. Even Ksenia's gone for a rest.'

Graham tried to bring the vaguely nurse-shaped being in front of him into focus. 'I don't need sleep,' he practically roared, before slumping to the ground, unconscious. Fiona looked up to see Nicole standing behind him.

'Can you lock onto Dr Graham and beam him to his quarters, please? Onto his bed, if at all possible.'

Nicole joined the conversation. 'Emma,' she called. 'The pap smear equipment's broken. We'll have to use that other stuff we've got lying around, like they used in the twentieth century.'

There was a distorted groan of defeat, and Graham disappeared in a blue shimmer.

'Well, he'd be no good to us if he was hallucinating right when we needed him. Ksenia should be back soon, and we can always call Graham if anything urgent happens.'

All around her was still black, but it seemed to be getting lighter somehow. Bobbi wondered if this was a sign of her own fatigue, or of her accomplishing something.

It seemed to come from up ahead. Rounding a bend in the tunnel, she saw Colleen. She guessed, however, that this was only Colleen insofar as Anger had been Ruth. Her glasses were missing, her hair was unkempt, through pyjamas that hadn't been washed in far too long it was obvious that she hadn't shaved in some time, and she lay on a bed that, like her attire, bore signs of someone that really didn't clean up after themselves.

It ignored her. Come here, it beckoned, patting the space beside it on the bed. Bobbi tentatively wandered over and sat.

Calm down, soothed Sloth. You're so tense. You don't want to be tense...not when you've got so much ahead of you.

That gave Bobbi cause to turn and face Colleen's image. 'What's ahead? Why? Do you know what's going to happen?'

Hmm...well, there's a lot of it. There's a lot you have to do. You should get some rest first. It gestured that Bobbi should lie down on the bed.

Bobbi was tempted. She was quite tired, and if she still had a long way to go... She should rest. But was it really what she should do? Maybe just a short lie down. Get herself together.

No. She refused to give in to fatigue. She refused to be defeated by sloth. With that thought, she got determinedly off the bed.

Sloth blinked slowly at her. I don't believe you, it droned, before both it and the bed slowly faded to a yellow mist which drifted over Bobbi then vanished.

Bobbi sighed and rubbed her eyes. This wasn't going to be as easy as she first thought. She was very tired, and that bed had been the second most tempting she'd ever seen.[10] Come to that, she didn't even know if she was going in the right direction. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and the tunnel was more like a labyrinth. She'd just picked a direction and headed in it whenever she thought she could. She wasn't even sure if it was still the same direction that she'd started out in.

She despaired: Strangely enough, all she wanted in the world right now was to be back in Engineering, doing what she did every day. Occasionally getting called up to the bridge to save the galaxy, the odd meeting, listening to Ania enroach on Chaedy's job as she quietly tried to encroach on Bobbi's...it wasn't until now, when she looked very much like losing her life that she really started to come to appreciate it.

Of course it's good. It's yours. What else could it be? Bobbi felt a hand on her shoulder. She grabbed the hand, and followed the arm connected to it to see that both were attached to Terri, or at least, a figure that was a dead ringer for Terri. Bobbi was learning.

Not Terri was clad in a fine evening dress, and had hair that must have been incredibly meticulously attended to.[11] Beneath finely applied make-up, it wore the expression of one who thinks very highly of itself. Before you could say, 'a large group of lions', there was Pride.

'Well...I wouldn't want to think that I was the type of person who was always unhappy with their life.'

You do! Why else would you be chief unless you were the most important? Pride started to stroke Bobbi's hair. Somehow, it didn't quite feel the same as when Ratbat did it.[12]

What? Pride spun around her, and held its hands to her cheeks. No, it's you! I'm surprised you're not Captain! In fact, no-one even needs a captain when they've got you around!

Bobbi couldn't help but shrug. 'Well, it's not like I'm entirely crap...' Much as I might feel like it after wandering around here for God-knows-how-long...

Exactly! I mean, even before the Compromise! Remember when you managed to steer the Galactic Schools' Authority away from the Recycled Virgins moonbase?

What about when you managed to learn an entire major part in three days because Graham had discovered a new STD the hard way?

'Ah, actually he'd just stubbed his toe. Back then he was so bad that he couldn't really tell the difference.'

But you still came through! Euan and Ratbat weren't any good for that! All they did was moan that it wasn't part of their jobs. But you--

I can see myself starting to get a big head here, thought Bobbi, then stopped. That was the idea. Pride wanted her stuck here, listening to an eternal list of Bobbi Scholes' Greatest Hits.

But was that such a bad thing? It seemed so long since she'd last seen a real person. A near-death experience can't help but take it out of a girl. Pride was the only...person she'd encountered since this whole thing began who seemed to appreciate her when all around was bleak.

'Sorry, pal,' she told the image, then walked through it, seeing it fade into a purple mist as she went.

She barely had time to even think about her situation when she felt herself being leapt on, and falling to the floor. She flipped over to see that the leaper was running its hands over her body at the same time as half-kissing, half-licking her forehead.

Oh, darling! moaned the apparition, who looked annoyingly like an Andrea who had been given a rather large gift voucher in a novelty lingerie store. Take me! I'm yours!

'No chance.' She landed with a small thud as she fell through the pink mist that replaced the figure. Unnecessarily dusting herself off, she moved on.

Hey, if working on the Compromise didn't teach you to control your sense of Lust, what did?

Nurse M^cMillan, busy doing a routine check of the displays above Bobbi's head, noticed something out of the corner of her eye.

'Euan!' she scolded, whirling around. She didn't have to call him Captain in sickbay.[13] 'What in space are you doing?'

Euan quickly straightened up and stuck his hand behind his back. 'Nothing,' he lied. Unfortunately, he was usually a very good boy, so this fell flat. She stepped forward and glowered at him. 'I was tickling her foot,' he admitted.

Ordinarily, the nurse would have told him off, but his face told her that his heart really was behind his actions, even if his head wasn't. 'It didn't work, did it?' she said sadly.

'It's just that...ages ago, doing Recycled Virgins...she would sometimes sleep at my house, and some mornings I would go in and...' He became aware of the sad little motions he was making in the air with his finger, and stopped. She went over to him and gripped his shoulders.

Euan nodded glumly. He made to walk out, but stopped by the door, as if distracted. Nurse M^cMillan looked back at him. 'What?'

'Just out of interest...which one are you? It's just that...I occasionally get you a bit confused.'

She blinked. 'Oh, right. Well, I'm Nurse M^cMillan. Nurse Wylie is called Nicole, and she's the tall one with the short brown hair and the glasses.' With that, she returned to work.

'Oh...' muttered Euan, and walked out, diverted from his problem for being utterly confused. A few seconds later, Nurse M^cMillan entered to replace him.

She shook her head. 'No... Euan was in here just before. Do you know...I don't think he even knows which nurse is which.'

Emma the Klingon placed another glass in front of Graham. Nicole and Fiona had told him that they wouldn't accept he was fully rested for at least six hours, so he was wiling away his time in 10-Foreplay. Walking back across the bar, Emma hailed her namesake.

Klingon gave her a funny look. 'No. I'm the bartender, so my job is to tend bar.'

Emma the Techie shook her head, but nonetheless picked her beer up and went over to Graham. 'Hi,' she said.

Emma calculated how long Graham had been in here against how long it usually took him to finish a Guinness on his own. 'That's your sixth, right?'

He'd lost Emma for a second there. 'To forget...? Oh, about Bobbi in that coma.'

As he sulked, some distance away, the doors hissed open, and Ratbat entered. Last time, she'd made it back to find that Brooke had returned to her quarters. Not wanting to appear pushy, she had therefore waited around until Brooke returned to the lounge, which, the computer informed her, she now had.

'...And that's it,' Ruth was saying to her. 'Not a mark on them, and no-one ever suspects a thing.'

'Well, no-one's ever said anything to me. Mind you...I'm not completely sure that they would.'

Ruth sighed. 'All right...ask Nic to fetch me one of the firebolt rifles to get him out, and I'll be right down.' She made an apologetic face to Brooke. 'Sorry,' she said, and left, flooring Lieutenant Job as she went just for the hell of it.

No sooner had the security chief departed than Brooke saw that she was being approached by someone else. She knew it to be Ratbat, having first seen her looking like a vampire extra in a photo from her mother's year 12 formal. Now, though, her face was tinged with the pink of she who's trying not to betray that she's shy.

Ratbat seated herself, then proceeded to fidget with her collar tips and desperately try to think of something to say.

Deciding not to be so cruel and unusual, Brooke rescued her. 'Have you heard anything about that girl in the coma?'

'Bobbi? Touch and go, last I heard. Graham, Ksenia and the Angels are doing everything they can for her, but between them they've been on their feet for ages now...nothing's happening.' She let out a long sigh. 'Hate been stuck in suspense like this.' Her pinkish tinge was exchanged for a pale one.

Ratbat shrugged. 'There's people aboard the Compromise I'd get this worried about. Bobbi's one of them. It's just...y'know...when ye've been around someone for four hundred and seventy-eight years. Ye never want to think you might lose them.'

'Oh, her? She's just a prat. She started off with a grudge against me, then it was full-out hatred for me, then she started hating the others, and now she just wants to get at the entire Compromise crew.'

Brooke could guess, but she decided to take up her other two shots anyway. 'You crashed her car.'

Ratbat shuddered. That would have meant she would have had to marry her at some point. No thank you. 'Next guess?'

Brooke took what she knew it had been in the first place. 'Affairs of the heart?'

'It all started while we were working on a school play, ages ago. I din'know why all the turning points in my life seem to come in theatre...'

As she expounded on just why it was that Chick Collette was now quite ready to plow down the universe if it meant getting to her or any of her friends, Ratbat's shyness faded, and she realised how easy she found it to talk to this woman. Could it be that the two of them might actually work? Ratbat was decidedly inexperienced with being in love, and didn't know what kind of a sign she was supposed to be looking for. One thing was certain, however - this certainly felt right. The two of them were evidently comfortable with each other.

When they had been talking for about an hour and a half, Brooke checked her watch and realise something. 'Oh,' she said. 'I'm sorry, Bat...but I might have to leave you now. I told Mum I'd meet her in her quarters for dinner in about five minutes.'

Naturally Ratbat would have preferred that she didn't go, but she just nodded. 'Oh. OK. I'll see you later, then.'

It was at that point that, having been captured for the first time in her life, poor Ratbat's was broken for the first time.

As Brooke reached around to pick up her glass, Ratbat saw a familiar glint on her ring finger on her left hand. The same glint that she'd seen countless times on Colleen's hand.

'Kuso,' she swore, once Brooke had left. 'She's engaged.' She let her head sink through her hands and onto the table.

By the bar, through the bottom of a glass, Ren�e saw Ratbat evidently depressed.

Dressed in something other than a large amount of towelling this time, Terri opened her door to admit Brooke.

Terri motioned for Brooke to take a seat at the table. 'So - what've you been doing with yourself?'

In a moment, Terri remembered the First Officer being in her quarters earlier. 'Really?' she said. 'Tell me all about it...'

Before Bobbi, surrounded by food, and dribbling it all down the front of itself, sat a vision who looked for all the world to be...well, a fat version of Euan. That was the only way she could think to describe it. In spite of the seriously grim situation she was in, Bobbi couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Oh, come... said the 'Fat Euan', whom Bobbi could only guess represented the sin of Gluttony. Surely you are hungry after your long journey?

Bobbi couldn't stop herself. 'Yes,' she admitted between giggles and squeaks, 'but if I have any now, I don't think I'll be able to keep it down.' True, she was just laughing too hard at the image of Euan looking like a bad Billy Bunter rip-off.

But surely, it resumed, just a small morsel couldn't hurt? It trailed off as it realised that Bobbi wasn't even paying proper attention. Jesus, can't you take this just a little bit seriously? Just because I look a bit fridiculous...

'Well...' Bobbi scorned it. 'What am I going to do with food when I don't even know if I've still got a body? Get real.'

Gluttony was about to launch its final convincing attack when it realised that all of Bobbi's efforts were directed at suppressing another peal of laughter, and not listening to it.

Oh, fine! You're nothing but a big poo, anyway! And with that, it dissolved to brown.

Bobbi allowed the rest of the laughter to channel through her. Maybe she'd find whatever was at the end of this, after all.

'Let's see...' she said, thinking aloud. 'I've met Anger, Sloth, Pride, Lust, Gluttony... what's left that I have to control in myself?'

She had barely gone another fifty metres (insofar as distance had any meaning here)[15] when she had her answer.

For reasons probably known only to itself,[16] Avarice had chosen to appear to Bobbi in the form of Graham. Graham wearing more gold than Mr T, and pockets stuffed as much as they could be, but Graham nonetheless.

Why, everything! All this you see here! It waved an arm across to demonstrate.

There was quite a lot there. It looked like Scrooge M^cDuck's money bin had sprung a leak, and this was the runoff.

Come on! invited Avarice. Imagine what you could do with this lot! You could retire! Buy whatever you wanted whenever you wanted it!

You wouldn't even have to put it aside! You could keep spending this, and never run out!

Bobbi considered. This was modernity. The others had been offering her all sorts of sensations, but this guy was offering her money.

How about EFTPOS...? Avarice tried, but was already drifting into her as a gold mist, knowing it had lost. The money went too, but she guessed total self-control had to have some cost.

She prepared to walk into the wind once more, when it occurred to her that it had stopped. In fact, the black tunnels had ceased, and now everything was just a common or garden thick, inky blackness.

Hello. This time the figure didn't round a corner, or appear behind her, or leap on her. It just faded into existence before her eyes, showing the strange taste of wearing the exact same clothes that Bobbi wore now, and the exact same body that Chaedy wore usually.

You're getting a life back. You have to choose whose you're going to take in exchange.

Maybe you should take Ruth. I mean, is it fair that she's running around, perfectly all right, when it was her fault that you ended up here?

Or Colleen? All she does is sit around babbling about her wedding. Why use up a life on her when it would be so better used on you?

Ren�e? Would you even call that a life? A long-lived wine-tasting session, I'd call it.

Well, what of Euan? Or Graham? How about Leila, Ratbat or one of the Emmas? You could even exchange for the new life just beginning within--

Bobbi cut the pseudo-Chaedy short before it gave her a roll call of what was bad about each person on board. 'It's OK,' she told it. 'I've chosen.'

'There's still no change in her!' Ksenia started pacing the room. 'And there hasn't been for ages!'

Ksenia, Melanie, Anthea, Graham, Fiona and Nicole turned as one. The speaker had been Bobbi, who was now sitting upright on the bed.

'Guess not.' Actually, anyone who didn't have to be there had steered clear of engineering since Chaedy had become its acting department head.

She swatted away the tricorder that Ksenia seemed to be trying to stick in her ear. 'Oh, just one thing, Graham - why is my surgical gown on backwards?'

Graham just laughed - and laughed and laughed and laughed, because he couldn't for the life of him think of an adequate excuse.

'No-one,' Bobbi had replied firmly. 'I can't go back to the others by killing one of them off. If that's what it takes, then I guess I'm staying in the afterlife.'

Envy had then pointed at her, grit her teeth and drifted over her in the form of a green mist.

Then the Grey Robe, the Ultimate Reality had reappeared to her. CONGRATULATIONS, it had told her. YOU HAVE PASSED THE FINAL STAGE.

THE TRIAL WAS NOT TO DECIDE WHOSE LIFE TO TAKE, BUT TO DECIDE NOT TO TAKE ONE AT ALL. IT WAS MERELY AN EXTENSION OF THE OTHER TESTS. YOU HAVE CONQUERED YOUR SENSE OF ENVY. YOU MAY RETURN TO THE WORLD OF THE LIVING.

'You're fine,' Fiona told her. 'You should probably rest up for a few days until you're completely recovered, but basically...' She shut her tricorder. 'You're fine.'

'How d'you feel?' asked Euan. 'Your first close encounter with the other side. How long was it? A week? A week, completely inert and asleep to the outside world.'

'Actually, Euan,' she admitted unglamorously, 'after being asleep for a week...I really do need to find a toilet.'

'Oh,' they both said. Graham stood aside to let her pass. The two of them watch her leave.

'Bugger. You know, Euan, one of these days, I really will fuck off and die - and you'll feel all guilty.'

Three days later, Ratbat came across Colleen walking Brooke towards the transporter room. 'What? Ye leaving already?' she asked, trying to sound casual.

'Afraid so,' replied Brooke. 'But don't worry...I'll be back some day. It was great finally talking to you properly after all this time.'

They hugged, and she gave her a goodbye kiss. It wasn't one of history's greater kisses, certainly not Princess Bride material, but it meant the world to Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma.

'And we laughed...at the world. They can have their diamonds, and we'll have our pearls. I kissed a girl.'
- I Kissed a Girl, Jill Sobule

And with that, Ratbat disappeared down the corridor, wondering if Brooke had ever guessed or been told.

Starting walking once more, Colleen noticed something as Brooke reached up to brush her hair back. A familiar type of glint on her ring finger.

'Oh, that! Nah, that's not an engagement ring. My mother gave me that for my fifteenth birthday, and that's the only finger it'll fit on.'

Leila found Ratbat in 10-Foreplay. Strangely enough, the girl looked slightly dejected. 'Anything wrong?' she asked. 'I thought you'd be happy, now that Bobbi's OK. Euan's barely sat down since it happened.'

'What? No, I'm thrilled about that. That's great. I'm just a bit out about Brooke, 's all. What's that clich� about it never raining?'

'Oh, right.' Leila had known this would happen while Terri's daughter was on board, but had decided to let Ratbat be the first to say anything. 'Did she turn you down?'

Leila frowned. Terri hadn't mentioned that. But then, Terri hadn't actually mentioned Brooke herself until a week before she was born.[17] She'd have to talk to her later.

No, I will not, thought Ratbat. 'No, I can worry about Brooke by myself. I was just thinking...one of our best friends recovered from nearly dying all of three days ago, and you two still haven't tried to organise a party? You're slipping, Fetter...'

Leila nodded. Ratbat was right. The important things in life did have to go on...

Andrea, Christine, Sam and the ex-security lovely Rachael sat bored as Chaedy expostulated on the modifications she'd made to the warp coils.

'...of course, it'll be a lot more efficient, now. Not that I could have done it before, what with oh shit.' Her tone remained the same but her meaning definitely changed as the turbolift doors opened, and a single gold-and-black clad individual stepped out. 'Chief...' she said. 'I thought you weren't coming back for ages.'

The eyes of every buntie in the room crossed from Chaedy to Bobbi, from Bobbi to Chaedy. 'Well, I'm here now. We're supposed to be taking this ship somewhere tomorrow, and we can't do it without the engines.' She swept the Magic cards from the top of the flatbed scanner affectionately known as the 'pool table' and read the display.

'You see that? If we try to start with the warp core like that, we'll blow the ship into little tiny pieces.' She slapped the table, pleased at the noise this new one made because it was a great way to call attention. 'Blondie, take some people down there and start to channel that through the back-up conduits. Sam - I want you and Karen to get to this section here and see if you can't restore the wiring to something that at least looks like its original configuration.'

Chaedy bounced down from the railing she had been balancing on. 'What the hell are you doing? It took me four days to change all of the systems over? Why are you putting everything back?'

[4] On anyone else, this might be thought of as perversion. On Ratbat, it's just one of those things.

[5] The name actually relates to what she'd said when she first saw the price of them, rather than they making her sexually alluring. Unless it's a huge step up from the concept of doing it with your socks on...

[6] Go on, own up. You thought a crewmember was going to appear naked again. Well, they're not. We're maturing. (Of course, if you're desperate for it, Lieutenant Larkins is taking a shower about now...)

[7] Oh, that's sloppy!

[8] The producers would like to point out that an assumption like this is something that only happens on the astral plane. In real life, correct breast self-examinations are essential and any abnormalities should be reported to a doctor immediately. (No, it wasn't very funny, but it's true...)

[9] The precise details of the last time cannot be revealed, but they involve an editor, a Freudian slip, a mammogram result, and some common or garden plastic wrap.

[10] We've got to leave the poor young thing some secrets!

[11] 'Incredibly meticulously'?

[12] Usually because, inbetween expressing affection, Ratbat was trying to find where the whole lot clipped on and off.

[13] She did, actually, but everyone's under a bit of pressure at the moment, so let's move on...

[14] Hey! That unnecessary restating is a tautology!

[15] Heck, if distance has no meaning, you might as well use feet!

[16] Actually, it didn't have any idea either.

[17] Which had produced some great awkward silences from her friends, we can tell you.

The story so far...

Last time on Star Trek: The Last Generation...

And now, the conclusion...

Coming soon...

A six-part epic

A bunch of words on a page!

Nothing much, unless you're listening to the radio while you're reading it!

If you're asthmatic!

The fate of the universe, lying in the hands of the crew of the USS Compromise.

All, soon, in Star Trek: The Last Generation Season III - The Key to Time saga!

The story so far...

Last time on Star Trek: The Last Generation...

And now, the conclusion...

Coming soon...

A six-part epic

A bunch of words on a page!

Nothing much, unless you're listening to the radio while you're reading it!

If you're asthmatic!

The fate of the universe, lying in the hands of the crew of the USS Compromise. All, soon, in Star Trek: The Last Generation Season III - The Key to Time saga!

The fate of the universe, lying in the hands of the crew of the USS Compromise.

All, soon, in Star Trek: The Last Generation Season III - The Key to Time saga!