The HOWLING NUTTER MONKEY and his LOYAL CREW in

THE FIRST HOWL

(The Bridge of the Insignificant Quest. Seated at various computer terminals, etc, are Hoppy, Howie, Tessa, Ralph, Lennie, Bunniquette, Chris, Mal and Shandrilak. In the captain/pilot-person's seat sits the HNM. The walrus dozes happily at Chris's feet.)

LENNIE:

Well, whatta ya know? They didn't forget us! The second Fuzzy Bunny Double Feature - and we're in it (albeit briefly)!

BUNNIQUETTE:

Yeah, but ... it's not the same as having our own regular series.

HOPPY:

We knew from the start that things would never be the same again once the sphere of cancellation energy reached us.

TESSA:

This must be really hard for you, Hoppy, being separated from Laff, and all ...

HOPPY:

I'll cope. If the new series-end reality requires that he and I are apart, so be it. Anyway, we have more important things to worry about now ...

SHANDRILAK:

Yes! Like the Howling Nutter Monkey's Quest!

HNM:

A Quest which is anything but Insignificant.

BUNNIQUETTE:

It still gives me the creeps when he talks.

HOWIE:

Well, you'd better get used to it, now that he's our boss.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Yeah ... how the hell did that happen?

TESSA:

Since the end of the series, the continuity has been restructured. A lot of things are different now.

BUNNIQUETTE:

So basically this has turned into just another alternate reality storyline?

TESSA:

No. This is the Mainstream Continuity; it's just not quite the same as it was during the Fuzzy Bunny Show.

MAL:

And the aftermath of the Apocalypse sees us here, in this ship, with no idea what happened to the others, and following the orders of a self-proclaimed Howling Nutter on some sort of weird primate pilgrimage.

HNM:

The Quest!!

ALL:

The Nippy-Quest!

(Cut to the bridge of some other spaceship; the decor suggests that it is owned by bad guys. We see two familiar figures.)

RUFUS:

At last! We have another chance, my dear!

YASTA:

This time we will not fail! They will be destroyed at any cost! Right, Rufus?

RUFUS:

Yes indeed, friend Yasta! No failure for us on this occasion! Victory or death (again)!

YASTA:

Especially with the aid of our ever-so-clever and influential employer ... Mister Hess!

(End of Part 1...)

FUZZY BUNNY AND FRIENDS in

STARTERS' QUO

(The Bridge of the Insectblanket. Fuzzy, Pirica, Uulamets, Anastasia, Abbie, Westminster, Meggan, Earless, Laff, Bullocksnap, Gumman.)

FUZZY:

You listening, Sin-M-R?

(An electronic voice from some console replies,)

SIN-M-R:

Yes, Admiral Fuzzy. What is your desire at this time?

FUZZY:

Show us one of the new sketches.

SIN-M-R:

Certainly, Admiral.

FUZZY:

Gosh, the Blanket's new sentient computer, Sin-M-R, is great!

PIRICA:

What can I say? I'm brilliant.

FUZZY:

Without the chainsaws, we were woefully understaffed as far as filming sketches went. But Sin-M-R does everything!

PIRICA:

The latest in state-of-the-art TV software. The Sin-M-R program could run a whole network by itself.

(A monitor in front of Fuzzy lights up as Sin-M-R accesses a recently filmed sketch. Cut to the rooftop of some skyscraper somewhere. Atop it stand Westminster and Rabbo, wearing cheap, crap super-hero-type outfits.)

WESTMINSTER (VO):

When danger looms ... when evil threatens ... when big nasty things are coming to get you ... fear not, mere mortals. The galaxy's greatest champions of justice will protect you! Yes ... Mighty Bloody Idiot and Annoying Boy, the Amazing Shut Up Brothers!

(They both leap off the building. Westminster flies down to the sidewalk below, and Rabbo follows on a big pigeon. A young woman is being mugged.)

WESTMINSTER:

Away, foul mugger! I am Mighty Bloody Idiot!

RABBO:

And I am Annoying Boy!

BOTH:

Together, we are ... the Amazing Shut Up Brothers!

WESTMINSTER:

There's just one thing ... we're not brothers.

RABBO:

That's alright. We're not amazing, either.

BOTH (to each other):

Shut up!

MUGGER:

Oh, I am so scare-ed! Little footsies of mine, please run, before the tough ol' superheroes do catch me.

(The mugger runs away.)

VICTIM:

Oh, thank you, Amazing Shut Up Brothers! You saved me!

WEST, RABBO:

Shut up!

VICTIM:

Oh.

WESTMINSTER:

There's actually another thing I don't understand, Rabbo ... you're meant to be a part of the HNM storyline that runs parallel to this one. You should be on the HNM's ship, not here.

RABBO:

Shut up.

VICTIM:

Heroes. Go fig.

WEST, RABBO:

Shut up.

VICTIM:

You have a very unimaginative writer, don't y --

WEST, RABBO

Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!! Shut up!!!

(They fly off into the sunset (Rabbo on his pigeon) and we hear)

WESTMINSTER (VO):

Once again, the forces of justice have triumphed ... thanks to - the Amazing Shut Up Brothers!

(Back to the Bridge.)

FUZZY:

Cool.

WESTMINSTER:

Cool? It was rubbish!

FUZZY:

Yup. Now, Sin-M-R ... let's see the song that Ric and I recorded together this morning.

WESTMINSTER:

Speaking of rubbish ...

(Cut to a romantic-type set. Fuzzy and Pirica, each dressed up real formal-like and holding a microphone. They begin to sing "Wherever Would I Be", the Dusty Springfield/Daryl Hall Duet.)

EARLESS:

What a surprise. Soppy crap.

WESTMINSTER:

What the hell is with Fuzzy's Dusty Springfield obsession?

FUZZY:

She did a song with the Petshop Boys once, you know.

WESTMINSTER:

Well, that explains her connection to us bunnies.

ABBIE:

Oh, do let's show another sketch! Can we see the one me and Alex did?

SIN-M-R:

Command acknowledged, Ms Cleveland-Biggles.

WESTMINSTER:

Hey! How come you get that? When I ask the computer to do something, it just says "Request denied. You're a dickhead, pal". Why's it so nice to you?

(Pirica smiles and we cut to another set: a typical suburban home. The doorbell rings. A housewife (Abbie) answers it. It's a door-to-door salesman (Bullocksnap).)

BULLOCKSNAP:

Good day, Ma'am. I represent Swoop-Away, the Innocent Magpie Victim Protection Program. Could I interest you in --

ABBIE:

There aren't any magpies in this area of the country.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Did I say magpies? I meant wild boars. The wild boars round here are shockingly dangerous. I --

ABBIE:

They're not wild boars. They're wombats with false teeth. And I can assure you, they're harmless.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Ah ... yes. I knew that. In actual fact, I'm here to sell you ... um ... cosmetics. Yes. Little Miss Painted Hussy's new range of "Scare Off The Fellas" scented lipstick. Available in "Winter Rot Stench", "Luminous Lime Green with a Slightly Noticeable and Not Terrifically Pleasant Odour", "Sulphuric Acid and Bacon", "Dead Moose", "Peach and Pigs' Blood", "Vomitous Yellow With Stripes", and "What The Fuck Colour Is That And What The Hell Is That Bloody Awful Smell".

ABBIE:

None of those things sound very nice.

BULLOCKSNAP:

C'mon, love. I've gotta earn a quid. Please! If I don't make a sale today, the boss'll sack me for sure!

ABBIE:

Well ... what is it that you're actually selling?

BULLOCKSNAP:

Um ...

(He opens his briefcase and looks inside.)

BULLOCKSNAP:

Ah. I currently have for sale ... one rather old and, indeed, decaying whale's bladder.

ABBIE:

How much?

BULLOCKSNAP:

Thirty grotzits.

(Abbie gives him the money and takes the bladder.)

ABBIE:

Thank you, sir.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Have a nice day, Ma'am.

(He walks away and she closes the door.)

(We pan across to an enormous pile of whales' bladders, onto which she chucks the latest.)

ABBIE:

Something tells me I'll be very unimpressed once the novelty value wears off.

(Back to the Bridge.)

FUZZY:

>Sigh< ... we've still got it, gang.

EARLESS:

Is that supposed to be good?

FUZZY:

The thing that's really sad is that we can't use the old Melrose-esque title sequence any more.

UULAMETS:

Why do you need titles? You've got no show to use them on.

FUZZY:

It'd be nice, though, for specials like this.

EARLESS:

"Melrose-esque". What the heck kind of word is that?

PIRICA:

Do you mean to say that you've never seen Melrose Place?

EARLESS:

Of course I have! How do you think I --

(A small APC falls on his head.)

PIRICA:

Thank you, Sin-M-R.

(Rabbo climbs out of the APC.)

RABBO:

Howdy, clam-pluckers! How goeth it?

WESTMINSTER:

Here ... you're not "armoured personnel"! You a bloody annoying Bunny God of Botherance git!

RABBO:

Step out on the town and say that!

FUZZY:

How's things with the others?

RABBO:

You ain't supposed to know, so I ain't about to tell you. Gotta go. Toodles, compadres.

(He goes back into the APC and then comes out on a small zebra.)

RABBO:

High toe, Sylph-ears!!

(He rides away, off the Bridge and presumably back to the HNM's ship.)

WESTMINSTER:

He's a bloody loony, I tell you!

FUZZY:

So who's arguing?

(From under the APC:)

EARLESS:

Me! I'm arguing!

FUZZY:

You mean you don't think Chris is a loony?

EARLESS:

No, I mean that I just like to argue.

(Credits. There's life in the old bunnies yet, eh? Ahh, who cares what you think? Bugger off. It's over.)