| SEASON SEVEN EPISODE FIVE | |
| MEGGAN | |
| (Abbie and Westminster's house. Westminster is doing the ironing, while Abbie reads a book. ) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | It's been three days. He said he'd only be gone for an hour! What's taking him so long? |
| ABBIE: | We should have known better than to trust a shifty, no-good cat burglar from centuries in our past. |
| WESTMINSTER: | We never did trust him. He just showed up and nicked our baby daughter. Before we could do anything, he was gone. |
| ABBIE: | He'd better bring her back safely, or I'll -- |
| (Alberto materialises before them, and with him is a> teenaged bunny with long white hair in pig-tails.) | |
| ALBERTO: | Hi dere, peoples. |
| ABBIE: | You!! Where's my baby? |
| ALBERTO: | Right here, chere. |
| WESTMINSTER: | What, this white-haired kid? No way! How old are you, white-haired kid? |
| WHITE-HAIRED KID: | Nineteen. |
| WESTMINSTER: | I rest my case. Our daughter is only three days old. Now where's our Meggan? |
| WHITE-HAIRED KID: | Alberto's telling the truth. It's me. I'm Meggan. Alberto took me back to the Twentieth Century and raised me there. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Pull the other one. It plays Monopoly. |
| ABBIE: | Ooh, Fox, if you're trying to con us ... ! |
| (Abbie walks over to the White-Haired Kid and looks at her closely.) | |
| ABBIE: | Kick me, White-Haired Kid. |
| WHITE-HAIRED KID: | Pardon? |
| ABBIE: | Kick me. In the guts. |
| WHITE-HAIRED KID: | If you say so. |
| (The White-Haired Kid does.) | |
| ABBIE: | Unggh! Good gosh! I'd recognise that kick anywhere! West - it is Meggan!! |
| WESTMINSTER: | But that's ridic -- |
| ABBIE: | A mother's never wrong! This nineteen year old bunny with oddly-coloured hair is our daughter!! |
| MEGGAN: | All grown up. It's nice to meet you, Mum and Dad. |
| WESTMINSTER: | This is stupid! How could -- |
| ABBIE: | Westminster, put the kettle on. My daughter and I have a lot of catching up to do. |
| ALBERTO: | My job be done. Au revoir ... |
| (He fades away, back to his own time. Cut to the hospital. Gumman, Pirica, Mac. Hoppy is still in a coma.) | |
| PIRICA: | Any improvement? |
| GUMMAN: | No. It's beginning to look as though she'll never come out of it. |
| MAC: | I won't allow another of us to be lost! The senseless deaths of Jupie and Grovelspit were more than enough! I will save Hoppy Lashes! |
| (The HNM enters.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Just what we need. That damned monkey. Gosh, I bet he'll be able to help Hoppy. He'll probably feed her a magic Ape Banana that will instantly cure her. Or maybe he'll climb up a tree and play his banjo until she wakes up. |
| (The Howling Nutter Monkey scowls at Gumman.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Ooh, I'm so scared!! |
| (The HNM slaps Gumman in the face with a rubber chicken.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Hey! He did that on purpose! |
| MONKEY: | Silence yourself, bumbling dolt! Don't anger me or I'll do something nasty. |
| GUMMAN: | I'm trembling, baboon. |
| (The HNM scowls and glances meaningfully at the rubber chicken in his hand. ) | |
| GUMMAN: | Gulp! Apologies, sir! No offence intended! |
| (The HNM shoves his hand down the rubber chicken's throat and pulls out a small phial of blue liquid.) | |
| PIRICA: | What's that? |
| MAC: | Looks like a few mils of trioxinong dioliphonsicon. With a drop or two of dronmobical flosterol mixed in, I'd say. |
| PIRICA, GUMMAN: | Oh? |
| MAC: | Of course!! I should have thought of it myself! |
| (The HNM smiles (!) and hands Mac the phial.) | |
| MAC: | One swig of this should cure Hoppy for good! |
| PIRICA: | But the Alien Disease is incurable! That was established during the very first episode it was mentioned in! |
| MAC: | I know, I know! But ... a trioxinong dioliphonsicon-dronmobical flosterol solution ... ? That'll cure anything! |
| (There's a slight pause.) | |
| MAC: | Except chickenpox. And possibly gout. But anything else. Definitely. Oh, well, not dysentery. Obviously. But apart from that. Flu, cancer, tonsillitis, anything. Except chickenpox, dysentery, and gout. And Watson's Syndrome, of course. Everyone knows there's really no cure for that. But -- |
| GUMMAN: | Just give her the drug! |
| (Mac slips the new medicine into Hoppy's drip.) | |
| MAC: | It should take effect in about two minutes. |
| (Hoppy wakes up.) | |
| MAC: | Of course, my watch could be slow. |
| HOPPY: | Boy, did I sleep good last night! Had a weird dream, though ... dreamt that I was in a coma for weeks, and then that weirded-out monkey guy came in ... and ... gave Mac ... a ... oh. Have I been in a coma? |
| PIRICA: | I'll go and get Laff. |
| (Abbie's house. Abbie, Westminster and Meggan are sitting down having afternoon tea.) | |
| ABBIE: | So you were raised several centuries in the past to avoid causing the writers the grief of having to write for an infant? |
| (Cut to Tim and Leila in their writers' office. They're both nodding wildly. Back to Abbie and co.) | |
| MEGGAN: | Yes, that's right. Raised in the Twentieth Century by Alberto the Fox. In Monitor Mountain - TU's HQ. |
| WESTMINSTER: | TU? |
| MEGGAN: | The Branch T super-group led by "Clarice". As a result, I'm a highly-skilled thief. |
| WESTMINSTER: | My heart fills with paternal pride. I may weep. |
| MEGGAN: | I apologise for any stress or utter misery caused by my absence and your being deprived of the joys of raising me yourselves. The writers thought it was best this way. |
| (A brief return to Tim and Leila, still nodding maniacally.) | |
| ABBIE: | Well, you're here now. That's what matters. Can you believe it, West? Our baby's come back! |
| (Abbie and Meggan hug.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Our what? She's nineteen, Ab! We'll never be her parents. That honour was rudely torn from our grasp by Alberto the bloody-fool-cat-Fox and Clarice Dutchclapper. |
| MEGGAN: | Don't be like that, Dad! Alberto and Clarice made sure that I never forgot who my true parents were. Every day I watched reruns of The Fuzzy Bunny Show so that I'd get to know you both. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Reruns -- ? In the Twentieth Century -- ? But the show didn't start until 4365 ... |
| ABBIE: | Quiet, Westminster! That's not important! All that matters is our baby's back! |
| MEGGAN: | Please try to accept things as they are, Dad. You'll always be my only father, and I love you. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Gee ... I never could resist a beautiful white-haired young woman. Okay, kid. I'll give you a chance. |
| (Meggan hugs her father.) | |
| MEGGAN: | Thanks, Dad! |
| (Lennie and Ralph pop up. Lennie takes a photo of this touching reunion.) | |
| LENNIE: | Aw, how sweet! Smile, daddy! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Hey! What the -- ! What are you guys doing here? |
| LENNIE: | Oh, nothing. |
| RALPH: | Right ... let's go get the shots developed and we'll see if any of those crappy tabloid mags'll buy 'em. We'll try to pass them off as photos of an illicit affair between Paul Keating and Carmen Lawrence. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Get out of here! |
| (Lennie and Ralph leave hurriedly.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Stupid bloody chainsaws! |
| (Hoppy and Laff's house. Laff is sleeping restlessly. Hoppy enters quietly.) | |
| HOPPY: | Laff? Laff, honey? |
| LAFF: | Hunh? H -- Hoppy? Hoppy! You're awake! |
| HOPPY: | So are you. |
| LAFF: | You came out of your coma! |
| HOPPY: | Thanks to Mac and that monkey. I'm cured (again). They used a trioxinong dioliphonsicon-dronmobical flosterol solution to revive me. It'll cure anything. Well ... except chickenpox. Oh, and -- |
| LAFF: | I know, I know! |
| (He kisses her.) | |
| LAFF: | I was so worried! We didn't think you'd ever wake up! Just wait til you hear everything that's happened while you've been in hospital! |
| HOPPY: | A lot of excitement, eh? Endless battles with the forces of evil, ridiculously close brushes with death, obscenely melodramatic angst and trauma, that sort of thing? |
| LAFF: | No. Budget cuts. We've lost Mal, Jetty, Jupie, Grovelspit, Muncher, Skunky, and Sasha! |
| HOPPY: | Sasha left? |
| LAFF: | Yup. Long story. And ... Abbie's had a baby! |
| HOPPY: | Wow! Girl or boy? |
| LAFF: | Girl. Meggan Nathalie Elizabeth Sarah Belle Odette Genevieve Elizabeth Eleanor Emily Emma Naomi Katarina Elizabeth Mary-Jane Freyja Saga Lofn Sif Danielle Elizabeth Heidi Tanja Melissa Imogen Katie Tabitha Elizabeth Trixie Biggles. |
| HOPPY: | Nice name. |
| (Bunniquette comes in.) | |
| HOPPY: | Quette! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | About bloody time you were up and about, Lashes! We've been worried sick, and then some! Thought you were done for, Hopper! |
| HOPPY: | It'll take more than a fatal and incurable disease to get rid of me, gal! |
| (Credits.) |
On to Season Seven part two
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