Coming Soon - Secret Agent Man

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1. EXT. SPACE.

 

(Insert: pan up from the feet of someone in a tuxedo.)

V/O:

Sometimes a mission calls for a certain style...

 

1. COMPROMISE BRIDGE.

 

(Ruth at her post.)

RUTH:

...a top secret message from Starfleet Intelligence. (Looks over.) It's from your dad!

 

(Insert: back to the pan, cross up, past their knees and waist.)

V/O:

You need the right man for the job.

 

2. 10-FOREPLAY.

EUAN:

What's he got that I haven't?

RATBAT:

I'll get the list.

 

(Insert: travel up to their chest.)

V/O:

You need the right tools for the job.

 

3. A WORKSHOP.

VOICE:

Now pay attention, 004.

 

(Someone rips open the wrapper on a condom, and it inflates to become a life-raft.)

 

(Insert: we finish the pan.)

V/O:

You need the kind of man who might be shaken...but not stirred.

 

(The tuxedo guy is in fact Sam IV.)

SAM:

Ogborn. Sam Ogborn.

 

(The music explodes into life.)

 

4. SCENIC ROAD

 

(Sam drops down from out of shot to land perfectly in the seat of an expensive-looking fancy convertible. He makes little 'yes' hands until he goes to grab the wheel and realises he's landed in the passenger side.)

DAD IV (VO):

Son, you've got forty-seven hours to find those codes and rescue the ambassadors.

 

5. SAM'S QUARTERS.

 

(Sam sitting on his bed looking at the comm unit.)

SAM:

Well, that's never going to help the 'my dad's not a spy' campaign.

 

6. 10-FOREPLAY.

CARMEN:

Oh, you just think we'll believe anything.

 

7. SWANKY BAR.

 

(Sam in his tuxedo.)

SAM:

Beer - shaken, not stirred.

V/O:

Get ready...

 

8. CORRIDOR.

 

(At a corner, Sam moving along, hears someone behind him.)

V/O:

...for the twenty-fourth century's...

 

(Sam whirls around all martial-arts stance, sees that his follower is absolutely enormous, turns his whirl into a full-circle and runs for his life.)

 

9. EVIL LAIR.

 

(Sam on some kind of death machine or another.)

V/O:

...greatest secret agent.

SAM:

Do you expect me to talk?

FAMILIAR VOICE:

I expect you to scream. Does that count?

 

10. OBSERVATION LOUNGE.

RATBAT:

Great, so as soon as someone kidnaps some ambassadors, our pilot has to go off and hob-nob with a bunch of shapely foreign agents!

SUZY:

Did they mention if any more ambassadors had been kidnapped?

 

11. TITLES.

 

(Over an image of Sam getting out a gun in a casino.)

V/O:

This season, on an all-new Last Generation.

 

(Music stops.)

 

12. 10-FOREPLAY.

SAM:

He's not a spy!!

LEILA:

But wouldn't he say that anyway even if he was a spy?

SAM:

Yeah, but-- (realises) NO! No he wouldn't!

 

(Fade to black.)

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