SEASON TWO EPISODE ONE | |
SACKED | |
(The corridor outside Fuzzy's bedroom. His door is closed. Abbie and Bunniquette approach the door. Abbie knocks) | |
ABBIE: | Come on, Fuzzy. It's time. |
FUZZY(OOV): | What? What is it? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Time to stop moping around. Time ... to start Season Two! |
FUZZY(OOV): | Oh, no! Not that! |
(The new title sequence rolls. When it's finished, we cut to the bridge, where we find Fuzzy, Abbie, Bunniquette, Earless, and Ralph (Chainsaw 1).) | |
ABBIE: | Do you like the new title sequence I put together, Fuzz? |
FUZZY: | Yeah. It's great. |
ABBIE: | I don't think your heart is in this show any more. You just don't seem to care these days. |
FUZZY: | I'm not sure if I want to do a serious space opera now. With all the stuff that's happened over the last few months it's just not as appealing as it used to be. |
EARLESS: | Put away that nasty frown, old boy. It's time to smile and be happy. Get over this thing with Laff. I know you feel responsible for his death, but it wasn't your fault. Once he caught that alien virus there was nothing that could save him. |
FUZZY: | Shut up, you stupid old fool. I do not feel even slightly responsible for the demise of that reckless old loser. |
ABBIE: | Fuzzy! Don't talk about Laff like that! |
FUZZY: | Don't take that tone of voice with me, Abbigail, or you'll be spending the rest of your life starving to death on the next uninhabited planet we come to. |
ABBIE: | Oh! |
(Abbie runs out of the room, tears in her eyes) | |
EARLESS: | What's come over you, you selfish little blockhead? Since we left that planet where we did that third-rate fantasy epic, you've been a grouchy, irritating, grouchy, mean, grouchy, nasty, grouchy, intolerable idiot. I'll not have you upsetting my daughter like that. |
FUZZY: | Listen here, you. How dare you-- |
(Fuzzy falls silent. He looks at Earless who glares back at him. The chainsaw shakes his head sadly. After a few moments of awkward silence, Fuzzy storms out of the room.) | |
EARLESS: | Jumped up little-- |
RALPH: | Shut up, Jim. You'll only make things worse if you just keep yelling at him. |
EARLESS: | I never did like chainsaws. |
(Cut to the tennis courts. There's a tent on one of the courts. Outside it is a sign saying 'Beware of Bunny'. Fuzzy can be seen in the tent. Westminster enters) | |
WESTMINSTER: | How goes it, Fuzzy? I hear you and Earless had a bit of a tiff? Abbie was quite upset. |
FUZZY: | I'm... sorry I snapped at Abbie. I just... I don't know. I haven't been myself lately. |
WESTMINSTER: | Tell me about it. You used to be so happy and nice. Nowadays you just growl at people. |
FUZZY: | I've been awful, haven't I? I don't know why you guys didn't just put me out of my misery. |
WESTMINSTER: | We were tempted on several occasions. What's up, pal? Why is it you've been so grumpy? |
FUZZY: | I don't know, exactly. I just feel as thought I've wasted every day of life since I stepped aboard the Insectblanket. I ended up with a bunch of great friends traveling with me and I fell in love with a beautiful bunny, but my dreams of a serious space opera were turned into a farce again and again, and when we picked up dad for the fantasy thing, he told me that the UBF High Command has decided that I no longer serve any useful purpose. They said that my ship is nothing more than some sort of intergalactic hotel for homeless loonies. |
WESTMINSTER: | What are you saying? |
FUZZY: | The UBF sacked me. |
WESTMINSTER: | What? But the UBF owns this ship! If you don't work for them, then-- |
FUZZY: | Yes. I've been ordered to return the hip to the UBF starship terminal on Refalonia. Once we reach there, they'll take the Sea Kidney away from us, and we'll have no home. |
WESTMINSTER: | That's awful. But cheer up, there's plenty of places we can go. We can go back to Earth. We could live in Russia, at Sasha's dad's house, or we could go to Ubunnia and live with your father or at Rabbo's place, or we could go back to me and Abbie's place in Taildale, or-- |
FUZZY: | I'm not going back to Earth. After seeing so many exotic foreign planets, I simply couldn't live back on Earth. |
WESTMINSTER: | Then where? Go back to Yoople 5 and shack up inside the burned out husk of the Insectblanket? Try to catch up with Hoppy and Mal and live on their ship with them until Hoppy dies? |
FUZZY: | Heavens, no - they're probably still busy... taking care of the nine kids thing. I hope they get it done in time. |
WESTMINSTER: | You talk about the whole situation as if it's-- |
FUZZY: | It is. It's the Bunny Fun genetic matrix that Hoppy carries within her. Everything she said on the fantasy planet is true. Her entire future has already been decided. It had been before she was born. She spent years traveling with Bunniquette, and she never knew that Quette was actually her n-- oh, never mind. We have more important things to think about. Like where we're going to live. Now that I'm not earning a salary, I certainly can't afford to buy a new ship. We're done for. |
(Westminster exits and Fuzzy sighs. Cut to the Bridge, where we find Rabbo, Earless, Gumman, all four chainsaws, Uulamets, Bunniquette, Sasha, Lucky, Bullocksnap, Mal and Abbie sitting around a table.) | |
GUMMAN: | ...There must be some way we can return Fuzzy to his old self... the nice one. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | Yes, but he-- |
(Westminster enters. He sits down next to Abbie and says:) | |
WESTMINSTER: | He's been sacked. |
ABBIE: | What? |
WESTMINSTER: | Fuzzy. The United Bunny Fleet no longer requires his services. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | But if Fuzzy isn't a UBF officer, then he-- |
WESTMINSTER: | No longer owns the ship. Yep. We're homeless. We're to return the ship to the UBF as soon as we reach their starship terminal. |
SASHA: | What will we do? What will Fuzzy do? |
WESTMINSTER: | He refuses to settle on Earth. Says he's too attached to his wandering. But the rest of us all have homes to go to. If you're OK with it, Ab, you and I can go home to Taildale. Any of the rest of you are welcome to join us. |
CHRIS RABBO: | -- |
WESTMINSTER: | Except you, Rabbo. |
SASHA: | But I must stay with Fuzzy! I can't just-- |
UULAMETS: | The UBF must have a reason for terminating Fuzzy's position. Perhaps he is involved in something unsavoury. |
(Fuzzy enters suddenly. Everyone is silent. Westminster looks guilty.) | |
FUZZY: | I see Westminster has informed you all of recent developments. Well, I've found the solution, so no-one need worry. We'll-- |
(The communications monitor flashes. The face of Rufus can be seen) | |
RUFUS: | Is this the UBF Sea Kidney? |
FUZZY: | ...Yes. This is Fuzzy Bunny speaking. |
RUFUS: | I am Rufus. UBF Special Forces. We have come to take your ship and all occupants into custody. |
FUZZY: | What? Why? We were just on our way to return the ship to the terminal-- |
RUFUS: | We have been told that the wizard Teddy Uulamets is aboard. Please verify. |
FUZZY: | Well, yes he is, but-- |
RUFUS: | You are all under arrest. Anything you say can and will be completely ignored and we will lock you up and throw away the key. |
FUZZY: | You're joking! What have we done? |
RUFUS: | You have been harbouring the galaxy's most dangerous criminal. Disengage your weaponry and surrender peacefully, or-- |
FUZZY: | What? Who? Most dangerous-- |
RUFUS: | Resistance is useless. We have been tracking Uulamets for decades. he will pay for his crimes. |
FUZZY: | Crimes? Teddy, what is this guy talking about? |
UULAMETS: | I'm sure I don't know. |
SASHA: | What's going to happen to us? |
RUFUS: | The UBF has no alternative. You shall all be executed immediately. |
ABBIE: | Executed? Good gods! This is insane! |
RUFUS: | If you do not surrender now we will be forced to destroy your ship. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | We're all going to die. |
FUZZY: | Abbie, get us out of here. |
(Fuzzy unplugs the monitor, cutting off Rufus.) | |
ABBIE: | But-- |
FUZZY: | Now! Or we're all dead! |
ABBIE: | Yes sir. |
(Abbie moves to the controls. Cut to the exterior of the ship. We see it zooming away from Rufus' ship. Within seconds Fuzzy's ship is out of sight. Cut to the Bridge of Rufus' ship. We see an extreme close-up of Rufus' angry face.) | |
RUFUS: | Pursue them. If they will not co-operate then they must all be destroyed. |
(Back to the Bridge of Fuzzy's ship) | |
EARLESS: | So... now the UBF have sent their toughest agents to murder us all. What did you do to get them this steamed, Fuzz? |
FUZZY: | Nothing! It's all to do with Uulamets! What the hell is this all-- |
(Uulamets is gone) | |
FUZZY: | Oh, great. He's nicked off. |
ABBIE: | We've managed to evade the UBF Special Forces shuttle, Admiral Fuzzy. |
FUZZY: | I'm no longer an admiral, remember? As of now, you can call me... Lord Fuzzy. |
EVERYONE ELSE: | Huh? |
FUZZY: | That's the solution I told you all about. The way we can avoid losing our home. |
ABBIE: | Yes? |
FUZZY: | We're space pirates! |
EVERYONE ELSE: | Are you crazy? |
FUZZY: | Nope. I shall steal this ship, and we'll roam the universe as heartless mercenaries, frustrating the UBF at every turn. From now on, we do not write, act, and film a serious space opera - we live one. |
SASHA: | But piracy is illegal! |
FUZZY: | So is your father. Which reminds me... where'd he go? He obviously has a lot to hide. |
(As Fuzzy strides out of the room, we hear him say:) | |
FUZZY: | ...'Lord Fuzzy, King of the Space Pirates'... Yup, I like it... |
GUMMAN: | He's snapped. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | He's lost it. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | He's gone off the deep end. |
CHRIS RABBO: | He's finally come to his senses. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Whatta ya mean by that, freak? |
CHRIS RABBO: | Marry me, my love. My heart turns into a tiny little bug and gets squished by Nasty Mister Grief's Bug-Squishing Machine every time you leave my sight. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Shut up. |
CHRIS RABBO: | I take it that means you prefer long engagements? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | I prefer long, painful deaths for nutsoids like you. |
CHRIS RABBO: | She can barely control her lust. |
WESTMINSTER: | You are such a dickhead, Rabbo. |
(Cut to the exterior of the ship as the credits roll. No sign of Rufus and Co. A scary pirate flag is hoisted above the ship as is speeds through space.) |