SEASON TWO EPISODE TWO

THE END OF THE REIGN OF THE PIRATE KING part 1

(Uulamets' room. Sasha and her dad, both looking very serious - Sasha in an 'uh-oh' way, Teddy in a 'grr' way.)

SASHA:

You have to tell Fuzzy everything, father.

UULAMETS:

Out of the question. He mustn't know.

SASHA:

Father... if you don't tell them, I will.

UULAMETS:

You wouldn't. He'd hate you if he knew.

SASHA:

This deception has gone on long enough. Fuzzy has to know the truth. The UBF is trying to kill him, and it's all because he stole this ship and ran away from them just so they wouldn't get you. You owe him, papa.

UULAMETS:

I forbid you to tell him. He must never learn my secret.

SASHA:

... As you command, father.

(The title sequence rolls. Cut to the Bridge, where we see Fuzzy (in a fancy Pirate King-type outfit), Abbie, Earless, Chainsaw 1 (Ralph).)

ABBIE:

Really, Fuzzy, this pirate thing--

FUZZY:

I've made up my mind. Don't try to talk me out of it. We're space pirates now, whether you like it or not.

EARLESS:

I met some space pirates once.

CHAINSAW 1:

Really?

EARLESS:

Yes. How do you think I lost my ears?

(Ralph turns himself on)

CHAINSAW 1:

I know how you're about to lose your head if you don't shut up about the ear crap.

EARLESS:

Today's youth - no respect for their elders.

CHAINSAW 1:

None for you, anyhow.

(Ralph calms down and his chains slows to a halt.)

FUZZY:

That's enough bickering, you two. We're pirates no. We only fight with people we rob.

ABBIE:

Rob--?! You're not going to steal--?!

FUZZY:

That's what pirates do.

ABBIE:

I can't stand this. You've gone mad, Fuzzy Bunny. I want you to take me home to Earth as soon as possible.

FUZZY:

Don't be ridiculous. The UBF will get us if we go back there. And if they find you, they'll execute you, Abbie. You're one of my pirates, remember. We're in this together.

ABBIE:

Good grief! You really have lost your mind!

(Suddenly an alarm begins to sound. Red lights flash all over the control room)

ABBIE:

What's that?

FUZZY:

My new alarm. It's programmed to alert me if a UBF ship approaches.

ABBIE:

Oh no!

FUZZY:

Ralph! Evasive manoeuvres! We can't let the UBF Special Forces ship catch us!

RALPH:

According to our instruments, Lord Fuzzy, they've caught up with us already.

(A cute little tuba pops up from behind a console and says:)

TUBA:

'They've caught up with us already!'

(and vanishes. Westminster rushes in. He is followed closely by Tessa, Lennie and Bunniquette)

WESTMINSTER:

Fuzzy! They've found us! The UBF! They've boarded us! They're right behind us!

(Sasha, Uulamets, Howie, Chris, Gumman, Bullocksnap, and Lucky run in)

SASHA:

Fuzzy! It's them!

FUZZY:

Curses! Why didn't my alarm go off before they boarded?

(Rufus runs in, with six UBF soldiers, all carrying laser pistols. With them are Yasta, and two unidentifiable people in UBF battlesuits.)

RUFUS:

We're here to bring an end to your reign, 'Lord Fuzzy, King of the Pirates'! Surrender!

FUZZY:

Never! Teddy! Blast them all with your powerful magic! Destroy them, Lucky!

RUFUS:

Yasta?

YASTA:

Done.

(She is holding a small electronic device in her hand. She has pressed a button)

YASTA:

I've activated the Thaumic Containment Field.

FUZZY:

Huh?

YASTA:

Give up, pirate. This device I have enables me to shield my troops and I from any magical attack. Neither Uulamets nor the God can harm us.

LUCKY:

That doth truly bummeth me out. I was so looking forward to obliterating you all with a bolt of eldritch energy.

YASTA:

Bad luck, deity-boy.

LUCKY:

This device of yours...?

YASTA:

Yes?

LUCKY:

Does it protect you from physical attacks?

YASTA:

N--

(Lucky punches her, but good. She hits the wall and slides to the floor, senseless.)

LUCKY:

Thank you. Now I hope you've all learnt not to annoy thunder gods.

FUZZY:

Hah! Chalk one up for the underdogs! Take that, Rufus!

(The six UBF soldiers have rushed to Yasta's side to check if she's okay.)

RUFUS:

You'll pay for that, Fuzzy. No one sics a thunder god on my partner and lives. Leapflog! B9! Destroy Fuzzy Bunny! And do not let Teddy Uulamets escape!

(The two armoured warriors - Leapflog and B9 - rush at Fuzzy.)

FUZZY:

Lucky!

(Lucky strikes a dramatic pose in front of Fuzzy)

LUCKY:

 None shall harm the little mortal bunny leader so long as Lucky draws breath.

(With one swift blow, Leapflog knocks Lucky to his knees. He groans painfully)

LUCKY:

 How can this be? The mighty Lucky has been bested!

(He collapses)

WESTMINSTER:

We're in trouble! That guy was a god, for heaven's sake, and Rufus's lackey took him out with one punch!

RUFUS:

 Surrender, criminals. You're all under arrest. Resistance is useless, et cetera.

FUZZY:

Why are you arresting us?

RUFUS:

You're space pirates.

FUZZY:

Well... true. But we haven't done any piracy yet.

RUFUS:

What? Oh, yeah. Um... don't worry. I also have to arrest you for harbouring the galaxy's most dangerous felon.

FUZZY:

It's not this Uulamets thing again, is it? Look, what's he done? I'm sure you should be after his evil twin Yompy, not Teddy. Teddy's no bad guy.

RUFUS:

Yompy Uulamets does not exist. He is a fictional character created by Teddy to blind you to his depraved and psychotic crimes. Surrender Uulamets to my soldiers immediately or you will all be eliminated.

FUZZY:

Look, just tell me what Teddy's done.

RUFUS:

Sorry. Classified information.

FUZZY:

If you won't tell me, then I won't co-operate.

(Fuzzy places himself between Rufus and Teddy)

FUZZY:

Teddy Uulamets is under my protection.

RUFUS:

Very well. Leapflog, B9 - kill them all.

(Leapflog and B9 raise nasty-looking weapons and prepare to fire)

FUZZY:

ulp! Sorry, crew. Looks like I've signed all our death warrants. Oh well, at least we'll die among friends, eh?

(Leapflog and B9 fire. Before their energy beams can hit our heroes, Chris Rabbo leaps in front of Fuzzy and both beams hit him. He collapses, his charred corpse twisted and burnt.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Rabbo!

FUZZY:

Chris!

RUFUS:

Fire again! Kill them ALL!

(Leapflog and B9 fire, but nothing happens)

ABBIE:

They had their weapons on full blast. The first shot exhausted the power cells.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Oh, Chris!

RUFUS:

Soldiers! Destroy them! Kill the leader first!

(The six UBF troops who had been seeing to Yasta turn their attention to Fuzzy and the others. All six fire. The good guys scream. But Chris leaps to his feet and once again takes the attack upon himself.)

EARLESS:

How the hell'd he do that? He shoulda been dead!

(Chris begins to glow, and his practically incinerated body heals instantly. Now none of the UBF officers have enough energy to fire their weapons)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Chris! How--

CHRIS RABBO:

Commander Rufus, you and your forces will leave this craft and never bother Fuzzy Bunny's crew again. Is that understood.

RUFUS:

Never! I have a job to do! Leapflog! B9! Rip them apart with your bare hands!

(Leapflog and B9 advance on our heroes, but Chris begins to glow again and the bad guys find themselves unable to move. Rabbo walks over to the unconscious Yasta and steps on her Thaumic Containment Field Generator, which crunches under his foot)

CHRIS RABBO:

Remove them, Uulamets.

(Uulamets nods, and he teleports Rufus, Yasta, Leapflog, B9 and the six soldiers back to their own ship)

WESTMINSTER:

How the heck did you do that stuff, Rabbo?

BUNNIQUETTE:

You saved us all!

CHRIS RABBO:

I have a pet walrus, you know.

BULLOCKSNAP:

But how did you survive those attacks? And how did you glow like that, and stop them from moving?

CHRIS RABBO:

His name is Paul O'Fishbowl.

FUZZY:

Is that all you're going to tell us about your mysterious abilities?

CHRIS RABBO:

Yes. It's not me you should be worrying about.

(Chris glances grimly at Uulamets)

FUZZY:

He's right. It's time you told us what's going on, Teddy.

UULAMETS:

...

SASHA:

Tell them, papa. Tell them why the UBF is after you. Tell them your crime.

(There is a tense moment of silence)

UULAMETS:

Very well. I ... I am not really Russian.

ALL BUT TEDDY & SASHA:

And??

UULAMETS:

That's it. That's my crime. 'Impersonating a Russian Bunny'.

TESSA:

The UBF was willing to kill us all just because you told a few little fibs about your nationality?

SASHA:

Impersonating a Russian is a very serious offence among our people.

FUZZY:

But... if you're not Russian, where are you from?

SASHA:

Nerpalon 12. I'm secretly an alien princess.

GUMMAN:

But Hoppy Lashes told me that Bunniquette was secretly the alien princess from Nerpalon 12.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Huh?

FUZZY:

No, stupid-- Bunniquette is secretly Hoppy Lashes' aunt.

BUNNIQUETTE:

WHAT?

FUZZY:

Oops. I wasn't supposed to tell.

(Credits roll)