SEASON TWO EPISODE TWELVE

ASSAULT ON THE NUNKLON HOMEWORLD

(Pirica's UBF base on Tooty-Mondongo. The throne room. It has been turned into a command centre. Bullocksnap, Howie, Mal, Westminster, Ghuzzy, Jetty.)

GHUZZY:

So. We're finished. The United Bunny Fleet has been reborn.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Albeit with only one ship in its fleet... it's lucky Miss DeBunny left us her UBF battlecruiser.

GHUZZY:

Yes. What's its name again?

JETTY:

Pirica's ship? The UBF Tonsilcrash. She built it herself.

GHUZZY:

Thank you, Commander Jetty. Now, Supreme-Colonel Bullocksnap, is everything in readiness for the new UBF's first mission? Have you briefed our three Privates?

WESTMINSTER:

Yep. We're briefed, all right.

HOWIE:

Very briefed.

MAL:

Alarmingly briefed, in fact.

WESTMINSTER:

I'll come straight out and say this, Grand High Supreme Admiral Ghuzzy ... it's a suicide mission! A five-bunny assault on the Nunklon homeworld? You're mad! We'll all be killed!

HOWIE:

Ahem. That's a three-bunny, one chainsaw, one Dropoff assault.

WESTMINSTER:

Yeah, right, fine, whatever. Doesn't change the fact that the remaining Nunklons will annihilate us.

HOWIE:

But there's hardly any of them left! ninety-seven percent of their entire race was destroyed in the Ubunnia explosion!

MAL:

Great. That only leaves about, what, eight thousand of them on the Nunklon homeworld. I gotta tell you, I'm with Westie. That's bad odds.

BULLOCKSNAP:

We don't need cowards in the UBF. Pull yourselves together. A few well-placed thermo-nuclear Sluice-Peg bombs and the whole planet will be disintegrated. Nothing to worry about. We don't even have to set foot on their stinky little ball of rock.

WESTMINSTER:

Well ... okay. But... this is genocide, you know. We'll be wiping out an entire race.

GHUZZY:

The Nunklons are a threat to the galaxy. They can't be allowed to live.

HOWIE:

Thank you, Mister Compassion.

GHUZZY:

Ho, ho. I'm serious.

WESTMINSTER:

... Yes. We know.

(Suddenly Rabbo pops up and says:)

RABBO:

That's the button that turns everything green!

HOWIE:

What the heck are you doing here?

RABBO:

A brief cameo.

(Rabbo vanishes.)

WESTMINSTER:

That guy is so weird.

GHUZZY:

Never mind that. Back to business. Is the Tonsilcrash ready?

JETTY:

Yes. All set.

(Cut to the Malt Shoppe of the Sea Kidney. Fuzzy, Rabbo, Earless, Uulamets, Gumman, Lennie and Ralph are in there.)

FUZZY:

Isn't it great? Ric's probably almost finished repairing the 'Blanket.

(Suddenly about twenty of Anastasia's gun-bunnies pop up from behind the counter. Before anyone can react, they begin to sing 'Heatwave'.)

GUN-BUNNIES:

'A heatwave blew right into town last week
She came from the island of Martinique.
The Can-Can she dances will make you fry
The Can-Can is really the reason why...'

(The music slows for a second and a spotlight flicks on beside the jukebox, revealing Anastasia, in a nigh-obscene purple dress. Fuzzy and Co. gasp. The song continues.)

ANASTASIA:

'We're having a heatwave
A tropical heatwave
The temperature's rising
It isn't surprising

GUN-BUNNIES:

She certainly can
Can-Can

ANASTASIA:

I started the heatwave
By letting my seat wave

GUN-BUNNIES:

And in such a way that
The customers say that

ANASTASIA:

I certainly can
Can-Can

GUMMAN & RABBO:

Gee, her anatomy
Made the mercury
Jump to ninety three

GUN-BUNNIES:

Yes, sir!
We're havin' a heatwave

ANASTASIA:

Oh, what a heatwave

GUN-BUNNIES:

A tropical heatwave

ANASTASIA:

I'm in a heatwave!

RABBO:

The way that she moves that
Thermometer proves that

GUN-BUNNIES:

She certainly can

ANASTASIA:

And you bet I can

GUN-BUNNIES:

She certainly can

ANASTASIA:

Can-Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!'

(The gun-bunnies duck out of sight and the music fades. Before casually walking out, Anastasia blows a kiss in the general direction of Fuzzy and the others.)

EARLESS:

That shameless hussy! She's trying to seduce us! Every one of us!

FUZZY:

...I'm sure that's not true. She just wanted to ... do a little dance, to ... thank us for letting her live in our ship.

(Uulamets is standing by himself in a dark corner, scowling.)

UULAMETS:

I knew it. Curses. Sarossy-Mammalworth my foot! That's Anastasia Uulamets!

(Cut to the bridge of the Tonsilcrash. Bullocksnap, Westminster, Jetty, Mal, Howie.)

JETTY:

We're nearing Nunklon space.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Any sign of trouble?

JETTY:

No. They've deserted their defence stations to concentrate on protecting their capital city. Our cloaking system will keep us off their radar.

WESTMINSTER:

I can't believe we're actually going to do this to them.

JETTY:

Supreme-Colonel! We're directly over the city.

BULLOCKSNAP:

Private Chainsaw ... drop the bombs.

HOWIE:

Yes, sir.

(Howie presses a button. Seconds later the ship rocks slightly.)

JETTY:

Mission accomplished. The Nunklon homeworld no longer exists. They never even saw us coming. We have ... victory.

MAL:

The Nunklon race is extinguished. Let's radio Fuzzy and tell him.

(Cut to Fuzzy and Abbie on the bridge of the Sea Kidney. Abbie is on the phone, talking to Mal.)

ABBIE:

What did you say? The... whole planet, gone? ... Fools! You've just signed Hoppy's death warrant!

(Cut to a hideously ornately decorated room: huge bed, grotesque purple velvet curtains etc. It's Anastasia's room. She's there with the gun-bunnies and the Easter Bunny.)

ANASTASIA:

Everything is going to plan. You did a good job sneaking aboard while the others were busy with the wedding. With you and your troops, this starship is mine for the taking at any time. But I'll make Pirica DeBunny and Teddy Uulamets suffer a bit more before I finally play my hand.

EASTER BUNNY:

Success will be your, my lady/ You ... don't think they figured out that the gun-bunnies are here from the production number you just did in the Malt Shoppe?

ANASTASIA:

No. They're too dopey to realise that. They'll think it was just the same bunnies that were in the 'Rabbit Chorus' from the 'Bunnies in Love' Song. Everything is going according to plan. I will have my revenge.

(Cut to the bridge of the Insectblanket. Pirica and Hoppy are working on repairing the controls.)

PIRICA:

We're nearly done. Good work, Hopper.

(Suddenly Rabbo and Bunniquette enter and start singing 'Whistle While You Work'.)

QUETTE & RABBO:

'Whistle while you work

(Whistle, whistle.)

QUETTE & RABBO:

Put on that grin
And start right in
To whistle loud and long
Just hum a merry tune

(hum, hum.)

RABBO & QUETTE:

Just do your best
Then take a rest
And sing yourself a song.

RABBO:

When there's too much to do
Don't let it bother you
Forget your troubles
Try to be
Just like the cheerful chickadee and --'

HOPPY:

Oh, shut up, Rabbo. We're trying to work.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Sorry. We just thought you'd like a bit of light entertainment while you slave over that hot circuit board.

HOPPY:

No probs. Just--

RABBO:

How about 'Old Macdonald Had A Walrus'?

HOPPY & RIC:

No.

RABBO:

'Where, Oh Where Has My Little Walrus Gone'?

HOPPY & RIC:

No.

RABBO:

'Stand By Your Walrus'?

HOPPY & RIC:

No!!

RABBO:

'Row, Row, Row Your Walrus'?

HOPPY:

Sigh. He won't give up, Ric. Just humour him.

PIRICA:

Okay. Fine.

RABBO:

'Row, row, row your Walrus
Gently down the stream
Merrily, happily, happily merrily
Life is but a dream.
Got to row
In a Boat
Most of all we like it if the boat will float
It's a joy
Lot of fun
If you get a little wet you've got the sun to dry you.
Row, row, row your Walrus
Gently down the stream
Merrily, happily, happily, merrily
Life is but a dream.
First you heave
Then you ho
It'll make you stronger every time you row.
Give it all
That you've got
Then relax and put a bandage on your blister, mister--'

PIRICA:

Yes, thank you, that's quite enough. We greatly appreciate your little show, but we've work to do. See you later.

(Bunniquette and Rabbo exit. Hoppy shakes her head.)

HOPPY:

Wow. Nearly three songs in one episode. Saves the writers a lot of time.

PIRICA:

Let's just get on with this. Season two will be over any second now and we've got to fix up the 'Blanket.

(Cut back to Anastasia's room. She is alone with the Easter Bunny.)

EASTER BUNNY:

Are you sure you don't want me to kill any of them?

ANASTASIA:

It's out of the question, Roberto. We can't jeopardise my elaborate plots by playing 'Kill the Bunny'.

EASTER BUNNY:

Aw, but it's my favourite game.

ANASTASIA:

Enough. Don't argue. I have things to do.

EASTER BUNNY:

Yes, Ma'am.

ANASTASIA:

Bah. And to think Jesus died for you.

(Back to Hop and Ric in the 'Blanket.)

PIRICA:

There! Done! The UBF Insectblanket is fully operational again! Fuzzy will be so pleased!

HOPPY:

Yay!

(Abbie enters.)

ABBIE:

Hate to ruin your jubilant mood, Hopster, but I've got bad news for you.

HOPPY:

Oh?

ABBIE:

You know how Pirica gave you some medicine that keeps your deadly alien disease at bay?

HOPPY & RIC:

Yep.

ABBIE:

And how when you run out of it you'll have to go to the Nunklon homeworld because that's the only place un the whole multiverse where you can get more of the medicine?

HOPPY:

Yes.

PIRICA:

That's right.

ABBIE:

Well, the Nunklon homeworld no longer exists.

HOPPY & RIC:

What??

ABBIE:

The new UBF destroyed it so the Nunklons wouldn't pose a threat to us.

HOPPY:

Oh, great. I'm as good as dead.

PIRICA:

Yes. That's true. I'm afraid your days are numbered, Hoppy Lashes. I've enough serum to keep you going to two or three months, but ...

ABBIE:

You'd better hope you have those kids of your before you run out of medicine. Because if you don't, the universe will be destroyed.

HOPPY:

Yeah, yeah, I know. But as for having my kids ... Well, they're due in, what, eight and a half months, and I've got three months max to live ... hmm ... don't gotta be a genius mathematician to see that I'm in trouble.

(The credits roll. Season two of the Fuzzy Bunny Show is over.)