SEASON TWO EPISODE ELEVEN

THE WEDDING OF THE DECADE

(Rabbo's room. He is in there with Lennie and Ralph.)

LENNIE:

So, when's the wedding?

RABBO:

The what?

LENNIE:

The wedding.

RABBO:

No. I always use bwue ink.

LENNIE:

Oh, I give up. It's useless talking to you. Your wedding to Bunniquette. I'll try this one more time. When...is...your...wedding...to...Bunniquette?

RABBO:

Who?

LENNIE:

Aaargh! Bunniquette! Bunniquette!

RABBO:

Bunni -- uh ... who?

LENNIE:

Bunniquette! Bunniquette!

(Bunniquette sticks her head in the door.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Yes? What is it, Len?

LENNIE:

Maybe I can finally get some sense out of someone. I was just trying to ask your fiancé here when your wedding was.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Oh, not for almost half an hour.

LENNIE:

Oh. That's a relief. What? What? Half an hour? The wedding's in half an hour?

BUNNIQUETTE:

Yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for my marriage.

RABBO:

Have a nice time. See you after the --

LENNIE:

Oh, shut up. You're getting married in half an hour, so you'd best be prepared.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Gotta go. Tucker.

(Bunniquette leaves.)

LENNIE:

God help us! Rabbo's sense of humour has begun to rub off on 'Quette!

RABBO:

Now if you'll excuse me, Lennie, Ralph, I've got things to do. See yourselves out.

(Rabbo pushes then out of the room and slams the door behind them. he walks to the big walrus tank and says:)

RABBO:

So, Tilly my dear, I'm to marry today. How exciting. Boop boopy doop!

(Fuzzy enters in a suit.)

FUZZY:

Hiya, Chris. Nearly ready? Less than half an hour, you know. The wedding you've been waiting for since the day we met you.

RABBO:

Yes.

(He produces a small spray can. The label says 'Tux-In-A-Can'. He sprays a tuxedo on to himself.)

RABBO:

Oh dear. I seem to have fallen on the floor and sprained my lip.

FUZZY:

You are so weird.

(Cut to the Malt Shoppe. It is seemingly empty. Pirica enters, a scowl on her face. Anastasia steps out of the shadows behind the jukebox, startling Pirica.)

ANASTASIA:

Good morning, Miss DeBunny.

PIRICA:

Sarossy, you bitch! I want nothing to do with you. Fuzzy ignored my warnings about you, but don't think I don't know what you're up to, you scheming cow. Any minute now we'll be landing on Yoople 5 for the tailor's wedding and then to repair the --

ANASTASIA:

Wedding! Bah! All this BFD nonsense is a load of rubbish. Mere superstition. Legend. Myth. Bullshit. I don't know why that O'Bunbun girl is marrying a guy she hates just because of some centuries-old fairy tale about a bunny rabbit and a giant zucchini god.

PIRICA:

You don't know what you're talking about, whore. I'm a high-ranking UBF official. I happen to know for a fact that the stories of the Bunny Fun Legacy are perfectly true. If you had read some of the UBF's BFD Files, you'd --

ANASTASIA:

I'll only warn you once, DeBunny. Interfere with my plans and the Easter Bunny will skin you alive and feed your flesh to his mongrel dog.

PIRICA:

You--

ANASTASIA:

Oh, shut your mouth and go put on your party dress. We've landed on Yoople 5 and it's just about time for the tailor's wedding.

(Pirica looks as though she's about to speak, but just growls and storms out.)

ANASTASIA:

Foolish girl. She thinks she can best me. Me. Duchess of the Seven Systems of Estrifomp. Well, we'll just see about that.

(Insert evil laugh. Cut to the surface of Yoople 5. The Insectblanket looks rather tiny next to the Sea Kidney, and the Bunny Sweethearts' park bench and litter basket can be seen. In front of the seat stand Bunniquette, in a wedding dress, and Rabbo in his spray-on suit. next to Bunniquette stands Hoppy; Fuzzy is standing next to Rabbo. Uulamets is standing between the soon-to-be Happy Couple. Sitting on a huge picnic blanket in front of them are Earless, Gumman, Lennie, Ralph, Tessa, Abbie, (a tear in her eye), Sasha, Pirica and Anastasia, all wearing suitable attire. Also on the picnic blanket is the walrus tank with the walrus in it. All eyes are on Rabbo and 'Quette, except for Pirica, who is staring at the Insectblanket, and Anastasia, whose gaze alternates between Pirica, Fuzzy, and Sasha. Uulamets begins to read from a small leather-bound book.)

UULAMETS:

We are gathered here today to join in holy matrimony Christopher Bohemund Rabbo and Bunniquette Alison O'Bunbun. Because if we don't the universe as we know it will cease to exist. Uh ... blah, blah. Et cetera, blah.

(He skips a few pages.)

UULAMETS:

Ah. Yes. I now pronounce you Bunny and Wife Bunny. You may kiss the bride.

(Chris grabs Bunniquette's hand and shakes it happily.)

RABBO:

Welcome to the family, Mrs Rabbo.

BUNNIQUETTE:

In your dreams, pal. Just because we're now married doesn't mean I'm taking your name. I'll be an O'Bunbun till the day I die.

(Unnoticed, Anastasia whispers to herself:)

ANASTASIA:

Yes, you will.

UULAMETS:

Who cares whether you change your name or not? You're married. Hoppy's not going to die. The universe is safe from the Bunny Fun Legacy.

HOPPY:

For now. There's dozens of our relatives out there, you know. BFDs, every one of them.

UULAMETS:

Beyond our control. What will be will be.

RABBO:

Hey, Floyd, take a verse.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Oh, shut up, you freak.

RABBO:

I may be a freak, but I'm your freak.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Don't remind me. Now, let's go on our honeymoon.

(Bunniquette drags Rabbo into the burnt out husk of the Insectblanket, saying:)

BUNNIQUETTE:

C'mon. I'll show you my old bedroom.

(They disappear into the ship and come out twenty seconds later. Bunniquette's hair is looking rather untidy, and they're both out of breath.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Now, Chris, honey, I want you to understand that you and I will never do that again.

RABBO:

Yes dear.

(The bunnies start to pack up the wedding stuff. Fuzzy throws off his suit and he and Pirica head for the Insectblanket's engines.)

SASHA:

Well, they're finally married, father.

UULAMETS:

Yes. Two less BFDs to fret over. They've fulfilled their destiny. From now on I don't care if they live or die.

SASHA:

Father... I was thinking ... perhaps ... Fuzzy and I could get married as well?

UULAMETS:

What? Out of the question! Don't talk rubbish! I'll not have him run out on you like he did that DeBunny girl!

SASHA:

Oh, father, he would never! He loves me!

UULAMETS:

He loved her, too. Perhaps he still does. Get the whole idea out of your head, daughter. You're a Princess. He's below you.

SASHA:

Well ... well, you're a king and you married mother! The advisors told you that you shouldn't marry a lowly peasant like her, but you loved her, and you made her your queen, and you --

UULAMETS:

Never! Never mention your mother in front of me again! You've not even met her!

(Sasha is uncharacteristically defiant.)

SASHA:

No, but the Regent told me all about her. She was just a peasant, and --

UULAMETS:

And things didn't work. I had no choice but to send her away as soon as you had been born. I had to force her to leave the Nerpalon System.

SASHA:

...What? Regent Rabbitskovic told me that you and mother lived in perfect happiness until a duck fell on her head and killed her!

UULAMETS:

Yes. The Regent thought it best that we lie to you. Sasha, your mother was exiled from Nerpalon for crimes against the state. Because she was queen, I was obliged to exile her nicely. I sent her to a small planet called Estrifomp and gave her a position as the planet's ruler. Under the terms of the exile she was forbidden to ever leave that planet ... but I rather suspect that she has.

(Cut to the bridge of the Insectblanket. Fuzzy and Pirica. Hoppy enters.)

PIRICA:

Ah, Miss Lashes! Taking your medicine, I trust?

HOPPY:

Yes indeed, Ric. Just came to see if I could help you get the Insectblanket running.

PIRICA:

I'd appreciate a hand. Thanks.

FUZZY:

I can't tell you how much this means to me, Ric. I love this ship. I ... I am sorry for what I did to you on Earth. But ... that was a long time ago. I ... I'd really like it if you could forgive me.

PIRICA:

... What's to forgive? You... made a mistake in proposing to me. You weren't ready for such a commitment. I just wish you'd explained and said good-bye.

HOPPY:

Uh...I could come back later.

FUZZY:

No. No. You two see what you can do for the ship. I need to see Abbie.

(Cut to Abbie's room aboard the Sea Kidney. She is in there, sitting on her bed crying. There is a knock at the door.)

FUZZY (OOV):

Ab? May I come in?

(Abbie says:)

ABBIE:

Yes ... yes, Fuzzy. Come in.

(Fuzzy enters. He sits down next to her.)

FUZZY:

Seeing the old 'Bunny Sweethearts' set was a bit rough, eh? I'm sorry.

ABBIE:

Don't be. I'm just a little over-emotional. As soon as I adjust to life without Westminster, I'll be fine. I'll try to cheer up.

FUZZY:

You do that.

(He kisses her on the cheek.)

FUZZY:

And remember, we're all here to support you. Maybe you could join Ric's 'My Bunny Left Me' Club.

(Abbie looks uncomfortable for a second.)

FUZZY:

Joke! It was a joke! Just keep happy, Abbigail.

(He leaves, closing the door gently behind him.)

ABBIE:

I'll try.

(The credits roll.)