FUN IN THE ROCK NEST
A NOT TERRIBLY ADVENTURE STARRING FUZZY BUNNY: THE NEXT GENERATION
(The Link Cavern. It’s starting to look quite comfortable. Goatee and the BFDs have tried to make into a more cosy place, since they know they’ll be living here until they can find a way to return to their home dimension. A few curtains here and there, a vase of flowers on the table ... in one of the lower areas of the cavern, a number of makeshift beds can be seen. The TD Tank is next to the hoverbikes in the Parking Bay. Hanging from the staircase that leads to the exit is a large collection of grass and twigs. It’s Mrs Birdie’s new nest. She is sitting in it. Not far below her, at one of the computers, stand Goatee, Glock, Hoppy and Finch.)
GOATEE:The old place is looking nice, don’t you think?
FINCH:It’s finally starting to feel like home.
HOPPY:Well, we’ve no choice but to get used to it. We’ll he here for the rest of our lives.
FINCH:Don’t he so negative! We’ll find a way to return to our dimension.
GLOCK:Like how? We’ve searched dang close to the whole of this planet, and besides that witch’s shack, we ain’t found zip! No one who can help us re-power the TD circuits.
HOPPY:Spielberg’s right. There’s no way we’ll ever fix the Tank’s TD stuff up.
FINCH:You’re so pessimistic. I feel sorry for you. Your view of the world must be so dark and depressing.
(Hoppy punches him in the face. He keels over, unconscious.)
HOPPY:Your view of the world is going to be pretty dark too, until you wake up.
GLOCK:Nice one, Hopmeister.
HOPPY:Why thank you, good sir. It was a rather impressive thump, wasn’t it?
GOATEE:You people make me sick.
GLOCK:I love you too, Diamonds.
GOATEE:I beg your pardon?
GLOCK:Well, this series needs a bit of romance. And since most of us here are related, and BB is old, it’s you and me, Dime.
GOATEE:Over my dead bunny, you slimy BFD con-rabbit! I’ll never fall for your dubious charms and your highly suspect come-ons! I’m too intelligent to make the mistake of falling desperately in love with you.
HOPPY:Ha! There’s not a girl alive can resist Glock’s charms!
GOATEE:That’s probably because he’s killed them all!
GLOCK:No need to get nasty! But you’re wasting your time. There’ll he a romance between you and me, whether you like it or not. Has to be. This is a Fuzzy Bunny spin-off! Romance is one of the staples of the Fuzzy Bunny Show’s melodrama.
GOATEE:If we’re trying to duplicate the formula, all we have to do is kill off one of the major characters. Any volunteers? Ah, yes, the UBF Junior Cadet in the S-Jacket!
GLOCK:I didn’t volunteer!
GOATEE:Involuntary volunteering. You’re chosen anyway.
HOPPY:Quit crapping on about nothing. This is important. Let’s see... killing off one of us doesn’t sound so good, and Goat doesn’t want the romance... so how else can we imitate the style of the Fuzzy Bunny Show?
GOATEE:We could sing a song.
HOPPY & GLOCK:I think not!
GOATEE:Um... perhaps it could be revealed that one of us is actually an undercover god?
GLOCK:Like who? Birdie?
GOATEE:Maybe we’ll be infiltrated by a Nunklon bodysnatcher.
HOPPY & GLOCK:Our brother is a Nunklon bodysnatcher!
GOATEE:Oh, yeah. Then it might just be best if we spent the next eighty episodes doing nothing but complaining about not being able to get home. We can all get hugely depressed and turn everything into a giant sob-fest.
HOPPY:I guess that’ll have to do.
GLOCK:Yeah. Okay.
(Lasher and Dif run in.)
LASHER:Oh my! Come quickly! Baik-baik’s fallen in love with Skend!
DIF:Nancy and Oonf have been ruthlessly murdered by hideous alien beasts!
LASHER:Ferdie’s upstairs singing a song!
DIF:Birdie is secretly the Bunny God of Leathery Wings!
LASHER:Our Nunklon bodysnatcher brother has had his Nunklon body snatched by a Nunklon bodysnatcher!
LASHER & DIF:Wail!! We’re depressed!
(Lasher and Dif collapse in a fit of hysterical laughter.)
GOATEE:Oh, get out of here!
(Lasher and Dif exit hurriedly, still laughing.)
GLOCK:How childish of them.
HOPPY:Positively beastly behaviour.
GOATEE:Do shut up, you silly old things!
THE END

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