| SEASON FIVE EPISODE FIVE | |
| THREE DOWN TWO TIMES OVER | |
| (Bunniquette's room. Bunniquette and Rabbo.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You moron! You fool! You stupid, idiot-tongued granny-chaser! Now everyone knows about us! |
| RABBO: | All I said was— |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Spare me your bladder-tantrums and felonious worm-splatters! You blew it! We agreed that it was best to keep our relationship secret, and you went and let the cat out of the bunny-bag. |
| RABBO: | But why should it be secret? We are married! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah, but not like that! |
| RABBO: | Then like what? What's so different about our marriage? Most other married couples are in love – Abbie and West, Fuzzy and Sasha, Polly and Speedy... |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Polly and Speedy never got married at all! |
| RABBO: | Well, not in the show, but afterwards they did. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | How do you know? |
| RABBO: | It's obvious! How could they not get married? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You can't assume that just because they declared their undying love for each other in the last episode of the cartoon, that they're bound for an inevitable wedding. They might have broken up two weeks after the series ended, for all you know. |
| RABBO: | You're a sad, cynical bunny. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | And you're a hopeless romantic! Hopeless being the operative word! |
| RABBO: | Oh... let's not fight, carrot-whiskers. I'm sorry if I upset you by accidentally alerting the others to our current emotional attachment. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | From the first second I laid eyes on you in that blasted rabbitwear shop, I knew you were a criminally insane lunatic weirdo Botherance God and nothing but trouble! And because of that bloody annoying Bunny Fun Legacy, I had to marry you. How was I to know that I'd do something so stupid as fall in love with you? |
| RABBO: | You say the sweetest things, my love. |
| (Gumpity enters.) | |
| GUMPITY: | Sorry to interrupt, guys, but the rest of us are going down to the surface of Saddleflight Major to have a bit of a holiday, after the way our last holiday got a little traumatic. You coming? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah. I'll just get my S-Jacket and I'll meet you in the Common Room. |
| GUMPITY: | Right. |
| (The surface of Saddleflight Major. Fuzzy, Sasha, BB, 'Vanessa', Malvolio, Selene, Gumpity Oyster, Pirica, Muncher, Skunky, Gumman, Earless, Abbie, Westminster, Laff, Hoppy, Jetty, Mal, Bunniquette, Rabbo, Howie, Tessa, Lennie, Ralph, Anastasia, McKoohinky, Jupie, Grovelspit. They are standing outside the Tonsilcrash. Around them we can see a vast desert.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You call this a nice place for a holiday? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Pretend it's a beach. |
| RABBO: | Let's go for a swim. Aargh! Help! The shark's got me! Blerg, blerg! Drown! Bleed! Suffer! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Very good, Chris. |
| EARLESS: | What do we do now? Get sunburnt? |
| FUZZY: | We explore! |
| EARLESS: | What, just walk off into the desert? |
| FUZZY: | Well... yeah... |
| EARLESS: | I think not! I ain't as young as I used to be, you know. I can't handle all that walking! |
| OYSTER: | The annoying old bastard's probably right. Just traipsing off into a vast desert on foot isn't that intelligent. |
| PIRICA: | Well... Let's drive, then. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Drive what? The Crash? |
| PIRICA: | No. I've got a few extra vehicles stashed away inside. Um... a tank... an old Studebaker... and a bus. Of course, it'd mean we'd have to split up. |
| ABBIE: | It sounds wonderful! |
| ANASTASIA: | As long as I get to go in the Tank. |
| PIRICA: | All right. Anastasia, Mac, Jupie, Grovelspit, myself, Oyster, Gumpity, Selene and Malvolio will go in the Tank. |
| FUZZY: | Sash, BB, G—uh, Vanessa, Tessa and I will take the Studebaker. |
| HOPPY: | Then the rest of us will go in the bus. Cool. Bus people over here! Laff! Jetty! Quette, Rabbo! Mal! Ab! Westminster! Earless! Gumman, Skunky, Muncher! Howie, Lennie, Ralph! |
| (Five minutes later, the Tank, the bus and the Studebaker are sitting outside the ship.) | |
| PIRICA: | Who's driving the bus? |
| LENNIE: | That's me. |
| FUZZY: | I'll be driving the Studebaker. |
| PIRICA: | And obviously I'm driving the Tank. Let's jet! Desert, here we come! |
| (Everyone climbs into their respective vehicles.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Hold it! We forgot the stupid walrus. We can't just leave it alone on the ship to starve. |
| ALL ELSE BUT RABBO: | Why not? |
| RABBO: | Grr! |
| (Bunniquette and Rabbo climb out of the bus.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | We'll just nick in and get it. |
| (They head into the ship. Cut to the control room of a spaceship in orbit over Saddleflight Major. Two people are in there, both shrouded in shadows and unrecognisable. They both look pretty creepy.) | |
| CREEPY GUY 1: | Has she moved out of the ship? |
| CREEPY GUY 2: | She has. In fact, she's already clear of the blast radius. |
| CREEPY GUY 1: | Good. Prepare the Amazing Destructo Cannon. |
| (Back down to the surface.) | |
| LENNIE: | What's taking them so long? |
| HOPPY: | I don't— |
| (A pillar of red light blasts down from the sky and hits the Tonsilcrash, which instantly explodes.) | |
| FUZZY: | Holy--! |
| HOPPY: | Bunniquette! |
| MAL: | Chris! |
| PIRICA: | My ship! |
| HOPPY: | We have to get in there and get Bunniquette and Chris! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Are you mad? The whole thing's on fire! There's not one of us could get in there without being fried! |
| ABBIE: | Oyster! Maybe you could— |
| (Oyster grabs his head and collapses.) | |
| FUZZY: | Oyster! What's wr — |
| PIRICA: | Everyone into the vehicles and full speed out of here! |
| JETTY: | We can't just— |
| PIRICA: | I'd say we've got maybe thirty seconds before the main power generator blows, and if we're not well away by then, we're all dead! |
| SASHA: | But— |
| (With everyone inside their respective vehicles (including the for-some-unknown-reason unconscious Oyster), they zoom away from the flaming wreck of the Tonsilcrash. In the bus, Hoppy says:) | |
| HOPPY: | I can't believe we're leaving them to die! |
| LENNIE: | Better them than all of us! |
| (In the Studebaker, Fuzzy says:) | |
| FUZZY: | Who could have done this? I'm not stupid! I recognise the energy signature of an Amazing Destructo-Cannon! |
| SASHA: | Someone shot the ship? |
| FUZZY: | Yes! And I'd like to know who! |
| (In the Tank...) | |
| PIRICA: | My beautiful ship! How could this happen? |
| GUMPITY: | What do you think is wrong with Oyster? |
| ANASTASIA: | I would hazard a guess that the destruction of his precious 'Stair' in the explosion somehow damaged him. |
| PIRICA: | I expect you're right. |
| (Cut to the interior of the Tonsilcrash. Everything is burning. Bunniquette and Rabbo are stumbling through the smoke.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What the hell happened? |
| RABBO: | I don't know... but we have to get the walrus and get out of here before the entire ship goes up! |
| (Cut to outside again. The Tank, bus and Studebaker are out of sight. Bunniquette and Rabbo stand well away from the burning ship, watching it. Between them sits the walrus. Bunniquette us wearing her S-Jacket and Chris is holding a suitcase which contains the small percentage of their belongings which they were able to save.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Here we go... |
| (They shield their eyes as the ship explodes.) | |
| RABBO: | Great. And the others have nicked off! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | We'll just have to follow. |
| RABBO: | We can ride on Tabitha. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | The walrus? But this is a desert! Hardly walrus habitat! She'll never handle carrying us through this heat! |
| RABBO: | Ah, but what if she's not a walrus? What if she's an alien rhinoceros? We may not know of her actual capabilities. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Fair enough. |
| (They climb onto the walrus's back.) | |
| RABBO: | Follow the tyre tracks, Genevieve. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Um... I don't think they want us to go anywhere, Chris. |
| RABBO: | 'They' who? |
| (They are surrounded by scary-looking desert nomad-type guys with big guns.) | |
| RABBO: | Uh-oh. |
| (Credits.) |
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