| SEASON SIX EPISODE ONE | |
| BINGO AND BIGGLES | |
| (The space station. A long white corridor. Suddenly Bunniquette and Westminster come rushing down it. Bunniquette has her blaster and is frantically firing behind them as they run. Bunniquette is wearing sun glasses and her S-Jacket. She is also wearing a beautiful and ornate necklace-thing. Westminster is wearing a rather loud yellow waistcoat and a light blue beret with a "ScavvieWorld" badge on it.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Why do these things always happen to me? |
| WESTMINSTER: | I don't know, but I wish they'd happen when I wasn't around! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Oh, shut up, you whiny little jerk! This is all your fault! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Rubbish! I -- |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Oh, we don't have time to argue. Westminster! PE! |
| WESTMINSTER: | But I didn't bring my gym shorts! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Plot exposition, you moron, not physical education! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Oh ... yeah. But what if the audience isn't paying attention? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Then they'll never find out what we're doing here and who's chasing us. And anyway, if they weren't paying attention, they wouldn't be watching, would they? So therefore, all the audience must be paying attention. |
| WESTMINSTER: | What if some of them meant to pay attention, but they accidentally fell asleep? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Then your pathetic whining will wake them up! |
| WESTMINSTER: | What if some of them are trying to pay attention, but the phone rings, and they have to leave the room to answer it? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Listen, Biggles, just get the hell on with it! |
| WESTMINSTER: | I won't do it until I'm positive the audience is paying attention! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You'll do it right now, or I'll shoot you in the leg and leave you here to be found and mutilated by our savage pursuers! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ah. Yes. Good. |
| (He turns to camera.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Welcome to the Fuzzy Bunny Show. As you've probably guessed, Bingo here and I are -- |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Why the heck does he keep calling me Bingo? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ahem. Bingo and I are currently piss-bolting through the halls of the space station where Fuzzy and his family had their little showdown last season. Why are we here, you may ask. Well, we were sent here with Hoppy and Gumpity to search for (and preferably annihilate) Cameroon Congo Zaire, Rhino Warlord, and his Merciless Rhinoceros Army. Unfortunately, they found us before we found them. In the ensuing ... confusion -- |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Blind panic, you mean. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ahem! In the ensuing confusion, Hoppy Lashes and Gumpity managed to get themselves lost and we have no idea where they are. Meanwhile, Bingo and I have our own problems: we're being chased by dozens of bloodthirsty rhino soldiers desperate to massacre us both. And they're gaining fast. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Not bad. Now shut up and run faster! |
| WESTMINSTER: | It's no good! They're catching up with us! |
| (The rhinos are not very far behind them at all.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Then I'll just have to ... throw a Lobdinium grenade at them. |
| (She produces a grenade, arms it, and chucks it over her shoulder as she runs. There is a huge explosion behind them and we hear a lot of rhinos swearing.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ha! Suck pain, horn-heads! |
| WESTMINSTER: | We can't just run aimlessly for ever! They're sure to catch us eventually! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Then we'll find a place to hide. Someplace where we can blast the shit out of them but they're unable to attack us. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Might I suggest the nearest Dropoff war cruiser? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You might. And the second I see one, I'll flag down the driver and ask him if he minds giving us a lift. Until then, we'll have to make do with what we can find here. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ha bloody ha. I don't know what Rabbo sees in you. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Internal organs. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Probably. |
| (Cut to a very small prison cell somewhere aboard the space station. Hoppy and Gumpity.) | |
| HOPPY: | Bugger! I can't find a way out. We're trapped, at the mercy of Cameroon Congo Zaire! |
| GUMPITY: | Yeah ... and you heard Westminster's PE ... Cameroon Congo Zaire doesn't have any mercy! |
| HOPPY: | Which leaves us ... in a bit of trouble. |
| (The space station's huge kitchen. Bunniquette and Westminster rush in.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Right! Good! Quick! We can hide in here. Biggles - jump into that large bucket of stinky food scraps and old moose bones. They'll never find you in there. |
| WESTMINSTER: | What? Where do you plan to hide? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | In the comfortable and roomy Hiding Cupboard. Every kitchen has one. Situated conveniently near to the door in case of emergency. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Bitch. |
| (She slugs him in the jaw.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ever call me that again, you and Abbie'll never be parents. |
| WESTMINSTER: | I don't understand what you mean. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | I mean that if you insult me again I'm going to tear out Abbie's uterus and feed it to a llama. What do you think I mean? I'm threatening your genitals, you bloody fool! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ah. I see. I'll just go and hide in my bucket now. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Sensible kid. |
| (Yoople City. The Grand Opening of "Ralph's Rather Nice Restaurant". Everyone (except Bunniquette, Westminster, Rabbo, Hoppy and Gump) is there.) | |
| RALPH: | Thank you all for coming. It gives me great pleasure to -- |
| EARLESS: | Enough Rabbo-jawing! Where's the food, appliance boy? |
| RALPH: | As I was saying ... let's go eat. |
| EARLESS: | That's what I like to hear! And you'd better have diced carrot and walnut salmon souffle on the menu, or I'll get narky! |
| MALVOLIO: | I think you're a very rude old man, mister Cleveland. |
| EARLESS: | Well I think you're a yak. |
| MALVOLIO: | My many practised retorts fall flat in the face of such a statement as that. |
| (The space station kitchen. Westminster is (unsuccessfully) attempting to secrete himself within the bucket. Bunniquette watches with a look of contempt.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | And the Nobel Patheticness Prize for 4365 goes to Westminster J. Biggles! A round of applause for this incompetent buffoon, folks! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Give me a break, Bingo! There's not much room in here, and it's not the best hiding place. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Well, if you're not hidden damn soon, those bloody rhinoceroses will be in here and find us! So speed it up, quicksilver! |
| (A bunch of rhinoceroses burst in.) | |
| RHINO GENERAL: | Too late, bunny scum! We have you now! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | No. You have swords. I have a gun. |
| (She starts shooting at them.) | |
| RHINO GENERAL: | Take cover! The witch is firing! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Witch? Witch? Ooh, now I'm mad! |
| (She holsters her blaster and flings her hand in the general direction of the rhinos. A beam of light erupts from her necklace and zooms at the rhinos, frying all the ones it comes in contact with. The light has a vaguely familiar shape, and sounds very pleased to be zapping bad guys. Once all the rhinos are unconscious, the light returns to the necklace.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Thanks, sweetie. |
| WESTMINSTER: | It must be such a pain in the tail, him being trapped within your necklace until you call on him. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | It's the punishment he received for accidentally breaking his dad's favourite ashtray. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Doesn't pay to get Aracus angry, eh? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | No. But it's one of the few things that Chris was very good at. |
| WESTMINSTER: | I suppose having Rabbo inside your necklace gives you a chance to keep an eye on him and see he doesn't get into trouble. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yes, thank you, that's enough pointless jabbering from you, Biggles. Let's find Hop and Gumpity, trash Zaire, and get home. |
| (She looks at her watch.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | We've already missed the opening of Ralph's restaurant. |
| WESTMINSTER: | I'm weeping. |
| (Hoppy and Gump's cell. The door is suddenly blasted off its hinges. Bunniquette and Westminster enter. ) | |
| HOPPY: | Quette! West! You found us! |
| GUMPITY: | How did you get past Cameroon? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Didn't. He saw Chris in action against the rhino guards and nicked off. He got away in an escape pod. |
| GUMPITY: | The miserable coward! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Well ... we partially completed the mission. We did establish his whereabouts and confirmed that he was still living aboard the space station. And we took out most of his soldiers. |
| HOPPY: | Yeah, but the bastard himself still escaped! |
| GUMPITY: | It can't be helped. And we'll get him one day. |
| HOPPY: | I guess. Yeah, let's go home. |
| (Bunniquette places her right hand on the necklace that contains the life force of Chris Rabbo.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Take us home, walrus-boy! |
| (They vanish. Cut to Grizzle's Limbo Chamber. It is empty, until Ch'zzi materialises.) | |
| CH'ZZI: | Ah, here we are. My dear, departed Grizzle ... how I'll miss you. But not right now. I have more important things to do ... like getting down there and proving myself to be the new Limbo Queen of Purgatory! Valium! |
| (Valium's face appears in Grizzle's magic mirror.) | |
| VALIUM: | Yes, my lady -- hey! Where's Grizzle, you two-bit leech-brained phoney? I'm not taking orders from an underling like you! |
| CH'ZZI: | You'd better, and you'd better get used to it! I'm the Queen around here now, and heaven help anyone who gets in my way! |
| VALIUM: | Yes, it probably will! |
| (Credits.) |
Onward to Episode two!
Back to Season Six!
Or back to the Fuzzy Bunny Show Home Page.