| SEASON SIX EPISODE TWO | |
| A PROPER HOLIDAY | |
| (The lobby of a large, fancy hotel. Fuzzy, Sasha, and Laff are signing into the hotel. A bellhop takes their luggage.) | |
| LAFF: | Well, here we are. The Lansnack Palace. The Finest Hotel in the Known Universe. |
| FUZZY: | Tell me again why we're here. |
| LAFF: | We've all had a rough time lately, but you two especially. And every time we try to take a break and have a bit of a rest, something bad happens and we end up chasing bad guys or being attacked by murderous vampiric this-or-thats and mad Purgs. So now you two are going to have a real, proper holiday with no interruptions. Think of it as your honeymoon. You never had one, remember? |
| FUZZY, SASHA: | There's a reason for that. |
| FUZZY: | People do bad things on their honeymoons. Things that Sash and I will never do. |
| LAFF: | It's not that bad, you know. |
| SASHA: | Perhaps you and Hoppy are just a little more adventurous than Fuzzy and I. |
| FUZZY: | Hey! I can be adventurous! |
| LAFF: | Well then, up you go. Your room's number three hundred and eighty-nine. Sasha's got the key. I'll be waiting in the Combat Simulation Colonnade. |
| FUZZY: | Now, hang on! I didn't mean -- |
| LAFF: | Oh, go on! It won't kill you! |
| FUZZY: | It might! |
| SASHA: | Let's go, Fuzzy. |
| FUZZY: | But -- |
| (Cut to Fuzzy and Sasha's room. Fuzzy is lying on the bed, reading a book (JM Barrie's Peter And Wendy). Sasha is gazing out the window kinda sadly.) | |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy ... don't you think maybe we should? |
| (Without looking up from his book, Fuzzy says) | |
| FUZZY: | Hmm? Pardon? |
| SASHA: | Don't you think we should do that thing? I mean, we are married. |
| FUZZY: | We don't need to. We already have a child. And we got her the good way. |
| SASHA: | But Fuzzy, in a stable and caring relationship, it's an expression of love! |
| FUZZY: | What, adoption? |
| SASHA: | No! Sex! |
| (Fuzzy involuntarily flings his book away and falls off the bed, looking more shocked than we've ever seen him before. He hurriedly scrambles to his feet and rushes to Sasha's side.) | |
| FUZZY: | Aaaahh! What did you say? Sasha, what's come over you? |
| SASHA: | I just thought ... if Hoppy and Laff can do it, and Bunniquette and Chris, and even Abbie and Westminster -- |
| FUZZY: | Stop it! Stop this right now! Listen to yourself! I've never heard anything so disgusting in my life! I'll go and get a doctor. You wait here. |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy, I'm not sick! I just thought that -- |
| FUZZY: | This is so unlike you! Are you alright? Have I done something wrong? Are you mad at me? Is that why you're saying these terrible things? |
| SASHA: | No! I'm saying these things because I love you! |
| (Fuzzy collapses wearily on the bed.) | |
| FUZZY: | I was afraid you were going to say that. |
| SASHA: | It's normal for two people who are in love to -- |
| FUZZY: | Don't say it! Please, don't say it! You've known ever since we started going out that I don't like this sort of thing! I thought you felt the same way! |
| SASHA: | I did! But we've hardly spoken in weeks, and I think we need to do something to get our relationship going again. |
| FUZZY: | So I'll make an appointment with a marriage counsellor. Easy. |
| SASHA: | Oh, Fuzzy! You know I love you, but -- |
| FUZZY: | And you know I love you! Why bring this nasty physical contact business into things? This is half the reason I couldn't bear to marry Ric! She ... she ... she always ... hhhhh!! |
| SASHA: | Ah. |
| (Laff comes flying through the window, unconscious, sending shards of glass across the room, nearly slicing Sasha to pieces.) | |
| FUZZY: | Thank heavens! Laff, what happened? |
| LAFF: | Attacked ... by ... a ... giant possum! |
| FUZZY: | What?! |
| (He produces his Captain Tricky mask and pulls it over his face. Sasha grabs his cape from their suitcase and throws it to him. He puts it on quickly. ) | |
| FUZZY: | A giant possum, eh? Sounds like Killer Possum, to me! |
| (KP dives in the window, looking nasty. ) | |
| KILLER POSSUM: | Got it one, sap! And I'm gonna kill all three of you! |
| FUZZY: | You picked the wrong bunnies to bug, marsupial-features! No villain can stand against Captain Tricky and QOMOTU! |
| KILLER POSSUM: | QOMOTU? Who the heck is QOMOTU? |
| SASHA: | I am the mighty sorceress, QOMOTU! Queen Of Most Of The Universe! |
| KILLER POSSUM: | Oh, puh-leeze! "QOMOTU"? Gimme a break! |
| FUZZY: | I'll give you a break, all right! A breaked leg! |
| KILLER POSSUM: | You've even mastered the standard super-hero witty repartee. Very good. Grammar leaves a little to be desired, though. |
| FUZZY: | My grammar's good enough to beat your grammar in a fight! |
| (The screen goes black. The words "We apologise for this technical fuck-up" appear briefly. We hear a few snarls, and Possum's voice says) | |
| POSSUM'S VOICE: | Oh, yeah? Let's find out! Sic 'em, boy! |
| FUZZY'S VOICE: | My grammar will whip your grammar's tail! |
| (A lot more snarling. After a few moments, one snarler begins to yelp in pain and we hear footsteps racing out of the room. The still-snarling grammar can be heard to chase the piss-bolting one out. The picture returns. Just Fuzzy, Sasha, Laff and Possum.) | |
| KILLER POSSUM: | Jesus! How did your grammar do that? |
| FUZZY: | Easy. My grammar's an alligator. |
| SASHA: | Sometimes I don't understand you, Captain Tricky. |
| FUZZY: | Now! Care to try your luck against me, tree-climber? |
| KILLER POSSUM: | I'll tear you to pieces, burrow-runner! |
| FUZZY: | Let the fight begin! |
| (It does. KP punches at Fuzzy, but Fuzzy dodges, and while dodging, draws a big X on the carpet. KP lunges at Fuzzy again, and ends up on the X. ) | |
| FUZZY: | Ha! Ner, ner! I win! |
| KILLER POSSUM: | You think you've beaten me just because I'm standing on a stupid cross you drew on the floor? |
| FUZZY: | Yup. |
| (A Very Large And Pain-Inducing Anvil falls on KP's head. Clunk! Fuzzy wins.) | |
| FUZZY: | Told him I'd win. You okay, Laff? |
| LAFF: | I'll be fine. |
| FUZZY: | We showed him a thing or two! |
| SASHA: | That was a very ... unusual technique you used to beat him. |
| FUZZY: | What's the good of being animated if you don't exploit the medium? |
| (Clarice appears (in human form).) | |
| CLARICE: | Ah! There he is! Sorry. He escaped. I'll just take him back to Branch T. |
| FUZZY: | No probs. I enjoyed the work-out. |
| CLARICE: | Give my love to Oyst. |
| FUZZY: | Will do. |
| CLARICE: | Bye. |
| FUZZY: | See you. |
| (Clarice vanishes, with KP.) | |
| SASHA: | Who was that? |
| FUZZY: | Oh, just my time-hopping human mother. |
| SASHA: | |
| (That was Clarice Yvonne Dutchclapper? | |
| FUZZY: | Yup. Pretty, isn't she? For a human, I mean. |
| SASHA: | I think I am going to be sick. |
| LAFF: | Well ... so much for a proper holiday. |
| FUZZY: | We'd better get you to a hospital, my esteemed Dropoff pen-pal. KP beat you up pretty good. |
| LAFF: | I hope I didn't interrupt anything when I came hurtling through your window? |
| FUZZY: | No, not at all. |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy! We still have to resolve this! |
| FUZZY: | What? Getting Laff to hospital, or something about my mother being human? |
| SASHA: | Neither! The matter of your reluctance to -- |
| FUZZY: | Shh! Don't say such things in front of Laff! |
| LAFF: | You mean you two still haven't -- |
| FUZZY: | That's right. |
| LAFF: | I think you're bonkers, Fuzzboy. There's thousands of bunnies out there would do anything to get lucky with a bunny as attractive as Sasha. |
| (Sasha gasps.) | |
| SASHA: | Why, I -- ! I never have a heard such a thing! You uncouth barbarian! Get out of here! Fuzzy and I want to be alone. We're going to express our love for each other by holding hands for an hour or two. |
| FUZZY: | Whew! That's better! That's the Sash I know. I thought I was in trouble for a while there. |
| LAFF: | Well ... as long as you're both happy, I guess ... |
| (He somehow manages to climb to his feet, and limps out of the room.) | |
| FUZZY: | I do love you, Sash. More than anything else in the universe. |
| SASHA: | I know, Fuzzy. And I love you. I realise you've had a traumatic time, what with all this business with your sisters, and your mother coming back, and you having to kill Grizzle. |
| FUZZY: | …Sigh ... I never could have coped without you, Sasha. You've always been there for me. |
| SASHA: | It's no more than you did for me when my father ... left us. |
| FUZZY: | I guess I'm lucky to have any family left at all, hey? |
| SASHA: | We're lucky. I lost my family, Fuzzy. And you came along and let me share yours. Now I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby, a whacked-out demonic brother-in-law, a time-hopping human mother-in-law, a too-busy-to-bother-with-any-of-us father-in-law, and a vampire Neck-Chomper sister-in-law. Not to mention Oyster's little friend Pirica, who's practically family, and BB, the best nanny I could ever hope to find. What more could I ask for? |
| FUZZY: | Gee ... I don't know. A proper holiday? |
| SASHA: | Any holiday with you is good enough for me, Fuzzy. |
| FUZZY: | Stop it. You'll embarrass me. |
| (They hug. Credits.) |
Onward to Episode three!
Backward to Episode one!
Back to Season Six!
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