| SEASON SEVEN EPISODE ONE | |
| NINETY-SECOND GENESIS | |
| (The Bridge of the Insignificant Quest. Fuzzy, Pirica, Abbie, Clarice. Pirica is checking the ship's computer systems.) | |
| CLARICE: | I'm sorry, kid. I know I let you down, leaving just when Anastasia and her little pals needed me. |
| FUZZY: | Everything worked out, Mum. But ... tell me, why did you go home half-way through the Godhead affair? You knew we were ... short-staffed at the time. |
| CLARICE: | I ... um ... this is kinda hard for me to explain, Fuzz. There we were, looking for that rhino guy, and ... suddenly this ... well, ghost pops up and starts telling me how if I don't leave straight away, I'm going to play right into the rhino's hand and enable him to conquer the entire multiverse. So, I ... had to slide home. |
| FUZZY: | A ... ghost ... ? Why am I not surprised? |
| PIRICA: | You been seeing ghosts too, Fuzz? |
| FUZZY: | Well ... I ... can't really talk about it. |
| CLARICE: | It's not important, Fuzzy. But ... keep an eye out for that creepy apparition guy, kid. He's up to something. |
| FUZZY: | He's always been up to something, Mum. The mysteriousness of his agenda rivals even that of our poor departed Grizzle. |
| (The new title sequence rolls: a stylish rip-off of the Melrose Place titles, including that really cool music, with Fuzzy, Sasha, Bunniquette, Abbie, Westminster, Hoppy, Pirica and Laff. Cut to the Yoople City Hospital. Hoppy's room. She's still in a coma. Laff is with her.) | |
| LAFF: | Oh, Hop, why did this happen to you? We all thought that stupid disease was out of our lives forever ... especially me! I mean, it killed me. That's the only reason why it's not effecting me now. Zaire reawakened the sickness within your body, but it didn't work on me, because after I died, the disease that I played host to died with me. In you, it was only sleeping ... waiting for its alarm to go off. |
| (The A&W General Store. Westminster is behind the counter, wearing an apron that says "Oh, Just Shut Up". Grovelspit and Jupie enter, take a shopping trolley, and stroll down one of the aisles to do their shopping.) | |
| GROVELSPIT: | Remind me ... does the Duchess prefer regular or diet carrot soda? |
| JUPIE: | Goodness, you'd forget your tail if it wasn't small and fluffy and stuck to your bum. You -- |
| (A rhino runs into the store with a sawn-off shotgun, and shoots Grovelspit and Jupie dead before running out again.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Gee ... I wonder if they're dead? |
| (Anastasia's office. Anastasia, Mac, Muncher.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | What?! Dead?! |
| MAC: | You can't be -- oh, gods. |
| MUNCHER: | I'm sorry. |
| ANASTASIA: | Who dared to kill my servants? |
| MUNCHER: | An unidentified rhinoceros soldier. He ... escaped before anyone could catch him. |
| ANASTASIA: | Someone's going to pay for this. |
| MAC: | When we catch him ... I'm gonna devolve him into an amoeba and feed him to Rabbo! |
| ANASTASIA: | No. This one's mine, Mac. |
| (Cut to the control room of the UBF base. Ghuzzy and Bullocksnap are there.) | |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Yes. I'll go and remind them now. |
| GHUZZY: | Good, good. |
| (Skunky's office. A knock at the door. Skunky says:) | |
| SKUNKY: | Come in. |
| (Bullocksnap enters.) | |
| SKUNKY: | What can I do for you, Colonel? |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | I've come to remind you and Agent Muncher that your contracts expire today. |
| SKUNKY: | We didn't forget. We're both looking forward to going home and spending some time relaxing. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | I take it you don't wish to renew your contracts, then? |
| SKUNKY: | No. We've discussed it, and we both want to leave the UBF ... at least for the time being. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Very well. |
| (The Town Square. The Insignificant Quest can be seen behind the park bench. Alberto the Fox materialises.) | |
| ALBERTO: | Right ... now where be dat Clarice? |
| (Clarice comes out of the ship.) | |
| CLARICE: | Fox! You're back! You dirty, double-crossing -- ! I oughta blow your brains out! |
| ALBERTO: | I jus' been home, petit. Your little friends at Branch T be needin' you. Stuff wit' dat penguin guy is happenin'. Somet'in' about dat Mir girl of his. |
| CLARICE: | Oh, fuck. Well, let's go. 1995, here we come. |
| (She activates her battlesuit's Temporal Displacement Core, and the two of them vanish. Fuzzy is watching from the Bridge.) | |
| FUZZY: | She's gone again. Not so much as a good bye ... as usual. |
| ABBIE: | Something important must have come up. |
| FUZZY: | Yeah. I'm sure. |
| ABBIE: | Look, Fuzzy, Pirica, I have to go. Muncher and Skunky leave soon, and I have to speak to Skunky before she goes. |
| FUZZY: | See you later. |
| (Skunky's office again. Bullocksnap is gone, and Skunky is packing up her stuff. Abbie enters.) | |
| SKUNKY: | Ah! Abbie! You came. |
| ABBIE: | Of course. Do you have the results yet? |
| SKUNKY: | Yes. You won't be surprised. |
| ABBIE: | You mean ... ? |
| SKUNKY: | Yes. |
| (Ralph's. Everyone is there except Ghuzzy, Bullocksnap, Muncher and Skunky, who have left.) | |
| EARLESS: | What's all this about, Abbigail? |
| ABBIE: | Everybody, I have an announcement to make. I wanted to tell you all straight away. |
| FUZZY: | What is it? |
| ABBIE: | I'm pregnant. |
| (Shock and jubilation run rampant amongst her audience.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | What? |
| JETTY: | That's wonderful! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | ... Pregnant to who? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Me!!! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ick. |
| ABBIE: | Now, Doctor Gumman, seeing as how I'm having a baby, I'm going to need your help a lot. Now that Skunky and Muncher have left us, we've only got one doctor. Can I rely on you, Willits? |
| GUMMAN: | Of course, Abbie. We'll see to it that yours is the smoothest pregnancy ever. |
| WESTMINSTER: | You'd better, you two-bit quack, or I'll -- |
| ABBIE: | West! I have faith in Doctor Gumman! |
| PIRICA: | Yeah. Give Willits a break, Biggles. |
| (Gumman is ecstatic to see Ric standing up for him.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Thank you, Pirica. |
| CHRIS: | Whoops! It's half-past dong! I'm late for my appointment! |
| (Chris rushes out.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Bloody weirdo. |
| (Cut to the kitchen of Rabbo and Bunniquette's house, where we see Chris and Shandrilak. ) | |
| CHRIS: | You were right. She's going to have a baby. |
| SHANDRILAK: | Of course I was right! I'm the Goddess of Lust, Pineapples, Picnic Blankets, Large Reptiles, Anything Pink, and Trees That Have Squirrels In Them. Several of those things figured in the conception of Abbigail's child. How could I not be right? |
| CHRIS: | I should never have doubted you. |
| SHANDRILAK: | According to Dadgum's prophecies, some very interesting things will happen to this child. |
| CHRIS: | Oh, no. Like what? |
| SHANDRILAK: | It'll be born half-giraffe, with three ears, and will grow up to be the galaxy's greatest woodchuck surgeon. After a few visits to Powerbus's kingdom, the kid will become a fierce warrior, trained in the ways of Using Stationery and Office Supplies To Win Fights, and then it will die in a mouse-cleaning accident on its thirty-eighth birthday. |
| CHRIS: | Oh? |
| SHANDRILAK: | Of course ... Dadgum's soothsaying is usually not that accurate, him being the God of Blind Fool Ignorance, and all. |
| (Back to Ralph's.) | |
| JETTY: | Actually, Mal and I have an announcement to make too. |
| LAFF: | Oh, gods! Please tell me you're not getting married! |
| MAL: | Of course we're not! |
| JETTY: | But ... we are leaving together. We're going to live on planet Glamp, and open a Rooster and Virgin Wallaby shop. We'll be rich within months. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Maybe this is a stupid question, but ... how come everyone's leaving all of a sudden? |
| FUZZY: | Budget cuts. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Humph. Well ... I'll miss you, Mal. We had something very special once. For about twenty minutes. After that, I came to my senses, and -- anyway, the point is, I'll miss you. |
| MAL: | I'll miss you too, Quette. Give my love to Hoppy as soon as she wakes up. |
| LAFF: | You're not leaving straight away? |
| JETTY: | Yes. Mister and Mrs Lemming will be here to pick us up in about half an hour. This is our last scene. |
| LAFF: | This is all happening rather fast. Take care, Sis. |
| JETTY: | I will. You too, Laff. |
| ANASTASIA: | Enough of this stupid mushy stuff! Two of our number were murdered this morning! We must seek vengeance! |
| LAFF: | Two of your number, lady. Two Anastasians were killed. Most of us couldn't care less. |
| ANASTASIA: | But why would anyone kill them? They were only minor characters! |
| FUZZY: | Exactly. I told you -- Budget cuts. |
| ANASTASIA: | Grr! |
| (The credits roll. Over them we hear:) | |
| TESSA (VO): | "Tune in next episode for the birth of Abbie's baby"! Hang on ... that can't be right. That's way too soon for the kid to be born -- |
| GUMPITY (VO): | It's okay. A fair bit of time elapses between this episode and the next one. |
| TESSA (VO): | Oh. Cool. |
On to Episode two
Back to Season Seven part one home
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