| SEASON SEVEN EPISODE TWO | |
| PLASTIC HEARTS | |
| (The Melrose-esque titles run. Yoople City Hospital Maternity Ward. Gumman, Westminster, Sasha, Pirica, Abbie (lying on the bed). Abbie is in labour.) | |
| ABBIE: | Nrrrgg! Arggrggrgg! Hhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Get this damn thing out of my womb before I kill someone! |
| WESTMINSTER: | It's not the womb you have to worry about, sweetheart. |
| ABBIE: | Grr! Gumman! More anaesthetic! Now! |
| (He thumps her with a hammer. She's knocked out.) | |
| GUMMAN: | It's nearly out. |
| SASHA: | You can do it, Abbie! |
| PIRICA: | Push! |
| WESTMINSTER: | She's unconscious. There's little point in speaking to her. |
| (Abbie regains consciousness with a start.) | |
| ABBIE: | Augh!! My flesh is tearing! The pain! The pain! |
| GUMMAN: | Any minute now, kid! |
| WESTMINSTER: | There's the head! There's the head! |
| GUMMAN: | Westminster ... that's not part of the baby. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Oh. |
| ABBIE: | Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| GUMMAN: | Now that's the baby's head. |
| SASHA: | One more push, Abbie! |
| PIRICA: | That's the way!! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Come on, honey-carrots! Nearly there! |
| GUMMAN: | Deep breath ... |
| ABBIE: | Nggg! |
| GUMMAN: | There! A beautiful baby girl! |
| (Gumman holds up the baby.) | |
| ABBIE: | Thank the Gods! |
| WESTMINSTER: | She's adorable! |
| (Westminster takes the baby.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | I've got to show the others! |
| (He runs out of the room with his daughter. Abbie screams. Westminster runs back in with the baby.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Honey! What's wrong? |
| GUMMAN: | We didn't cut the umbilical cord yet. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Oops. Sorry, Ab. |
| ABBIE: | Grr! |
| (Gumman snips the umbilical cord, and Westminster hands the child to Abbie.) | |
| PIRICA: | What are you going to call her? |
| ABBIE, WESTMINSTER: | Meggan. |
| ABBIE: | Meggan Nathalie Elizabeth Sarah Belle Odette Genevieve Elizabeth Eleanor Emily Emma Naomi Katarina Elizabeth Mary-Jane Freyja Saga Lofn Sif Danielle Elizabeth Heidi Tanja Melissa Imogen Katie Tabitha Elizabeth Trixie Biggles. Whew! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Our gorgeous daughter! |
| (Alberto the Fox appears.) | |
| SASHA: | Fox! I thought we lost you for good after the budget cuts ... ? |
| ALBERTO: | You ain't gon' see much o' me, Queen Sasha. I jus' gon' be here long 'nough to take de chile an' leave. |
| ABBIE: | I beg your pardon? |
| ALBERTO: | Don' worry. I'll bring her back in about an hour. |
| (Alberto leaps across the room, grabbing the baby, and vanishes.) | |
| ABBIE: | !!!! He ... took ... my ... baby!! |
| WESTMINSTER: | That little -- ! Why, I -- ! He's gonna get a -- !! Ooh! |
| (Westminster faints.) | |
| ABBIE: | I'll kill him. I'll track down that lousy little tom cat and I'll skin him alive. Then I'll kill him. Then I'll rip out his guts and use them to decorate my Christmas tree! |
| SASHA: | Goodness! Abbie, you're beginning to sound uncharacteristically violent! |
| (A slight pause.) | |
| SASHA: | I love it! Can I help? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Um ... Abbie, my love ... |
| ABBIE: | Yes? |
| WESTMINSTER: | I don't like that idea about using him to decorate our tree. I think it would make me uncomfortable. |
| (The headquarters of Cameroon Congo Zaire. Zaire, Damnable.) | |
| ZAIRE: | There must be some way to defeat those revolting Fuzzyites!! |
| DAMNABLE: | I think I've come across the answer. |
| ZAIRE: | Oh? |
| DAMNABLE: | Yes. My latest invention: |
| (She whips a funny-looking bomb out from behind her back.) | |
| DAMNABLE: | The Anti-Bunnies-In-Love Bomb!! When this bomb is detonated in Yoople City, it will make all the Fuzzyites who are in love with each other fall out of love! Fuzzy and Sasha, Abbie and Westminster, Bunniquette and Rabbo, Hoppy Lashes and Laff, they'll all split up! |
| ZAIRE: | Brilliant, my dear! Without Love, the Fuzzyites will be as nothing! But ... is the effect permanent? |
| DAMNABLE: | Well ... when the bomb goes off, it will transmute the essence of each relationship into a small red plastic heart with the two ex-lovers' names on it. If one of the ex-lovers touches their heart, their relationship will be restored. But the explosion will scatter the hearts across the city, depositing them in ingenious hiding places. They'll never find them! |
| ZAIRE: | Deploy the device at once! |
| DAMNABLE: | No sooner said than done. |
| (The Yoople City Town Square. The bomb falls out of the sky and lands on the park bench. It explodes, but nothing is damaged. Cut back to the hospital.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Gosh ... all of a sudden I'm not in love with you any more, Ab. |
| ABBIE: | Funnily enough, the feeling's mutual. |
| SASHA: | You know ... I feel as though I'm not in love with Fuzzy, too. How odd. |
| (Fuzzy's house. Fuzzy and Laff.) | |
| FUZZY: | Did you hear that noise? It sounded like an explosion! |
| LAFF: | Hey ... I don't think I'm in love with Hoppy any more. |
| FUZZY: | Hmm ... I don't love Sasha, either. What's going on? |
| (Cut to Bunniquette and Chris's bathroom. Bunniquette's in the shower, Chris is grooming the walrus.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Whup! Did you feel that explosion? We're not in love any more! |
| CHRIS: | What a strange thing to happen. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Get out of here, you creep. I'm trying to take a shower! |
| (The Town Square. Fuzzy, Sasha, Laff, Westminster, Abbie, Bunniquette, Chris, Gumman.) | |
| FUZZY: | Humph! So none of us are in love now? What could have caused this? |
| GUMMAN: | I'd say it's the handy-work of Veronica Damnable. I'd recognise the effects of her anti-love bombs any day! |
| LAFF: | So what do we do about it? I liked loving Hoppy! |
| ABBIE: | Yeah! This stinks! We're all happily married! No point now, is there, if we're not in love? |
| GUMMAN: | We have to find a bunch of little plastic hearts with your names on them. Shouldn't be too hard. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Better not! Abbie and I have to get our baby back! |
| FUZZY: | Oh, it's been born then, has it? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What do you think? Does she look pregnant? |
| FUZZY: | Well, pardon me! I -- |
| SASHA: | Oh, shut up, all of you, before I rip your throats out, and let's find these stupid hearts! |
| GUMMAN: | Right, then. Let's split up. Fuzzy, Sasha, you two search the French Quarter. Bunniquette, Chris, head downtown and check it out. Westminster, Laff, the rest of the city is yours. |
| ABBIE: | What about me? |
| GUMMAN: | You and I are going back to the hospital! You just gave birth, young lady, and you shouldn't be running around exhausting yourself. You need to rest, and get your strength back. |
| ABBIE: | Well ... okay, Doctor. |
| (Ralph's. Westminster and Laff enter.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | You look under the tables, I'll try in the kitchen. |
| (Cut to the kitchen of Ralph's Restaurant. Ralph is cooking. Westminster comes in.) | |
| RALPH: | What can I do for you, Mr Biggles? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Haven't seen a small red plastic heart, have you? |
| RALPH: | Like this? |
| (Ralph shows him one.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Yes!! ... oh, poo! It's Hoppy and Laff's! |
| (Laff enters.) | |
| LAFF: | No luck out there, West. |
| WESTMINSTER: | We've got your heart, Laff. |
| RALPH: | Found it in my lettuce sauce. |
| (Laff touches it. In a tiny blaze of fiery red light, it vanishes, and Laff and Hoppy are in love again.) | |
| LAFF: | There. That's better. For all the good it does it, with her in a coma ... but anyhow, let's keep looking. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Yeah. Let's go. |
| (Cut to a section of the city from which a not really passable replica of the Eiffel Tower can be seen. Fuzzy and Sasha are searching.) | |
| SASHA: | Where can they be? We've been looking for ages! |
| FUZZY: | Nearly three minutes. |
| SASHA: | Well ... I've become very impatient lately. |
| FUZZY: | As well as maniacally violent. |
| SASHA: | Do you have a problem with that, pal? |
| FUZZY: | ... I didn't have one before. But now that I seem to have recovered from the personality restructuring that took place while I was in the future, your current "kill everything" attitude is ... starting to bug me. |
| SASHA: | Say that again, and I'll thump you! |
| FUZZY: | Oh, yeah? Try it, kid! |
| (She's about to attack him, when a big "1/4" wearing a beret runs out of a building yelling.) | |
| SASHA: | -- What the hell is that? |
| FUZZY: | Why, that's the French Quarter! |
| FRENCH 1/4: | Bon jour, mon bunnies! I seem to 'ave a small problem. Look at what I have just deescovered eenside of my house! Eet was floating een my fish tank, scaring my pet eels! |
| (The French 1/4 shows them another heart. Fuzzy takes it.) | |
| FUZZY: | It's Abbie and Westminster's. |
| (Downtown. Bunniquette and Chris.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | This is useless! We'll never find those stupid hearts! |
| (As they walk past Earless's house, a second story window opens and Earless sticks his head out. ) | |
| EARLESS: | Hey! You! The one with the fire-engine red hair and the idiot husband! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What do you want, gramps? We're kinda busy. |
| EARLESS: | Look what I just found in my bed! Keep your kinky sex-toys in your own bed from now on! |
| (Earless lobs Bunniquette and Chris's heart out his window. It hits Rabbo on the head and vanishes. They're in love again.) | |
| CHRIS: | Well, we're done. I wonder how the others are doing? |
| (Dusk. The search parties rendezvous back at the park bench. Gumman, Westminster, Fuzzy, Sasha, Laff, Bunniquette, Rabbo.) | |
| GUMMAN: | How did you go? |
| LAFF: | We found mine. |
| FUZZY: | Here's yours, Westie. |
| (Fuzzy hands over Westminster and Abbie's heart. Fzap! It vanishes and they're in love again.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | We got ours back. It was in the earless old fool's bed. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ick!! |
| GUMMAN: | Is that it? |
| SASHA: | Yes. |
| LAFF: | Uh-huh. |
| CHRIS: | Yep. |
| GUMMAN: | And you all ... searched ... thoroughly? |
| LAFF, SASHA, CHRIS: | Yes. |
| GUMMAN: | And ... ? |
| FUZZY: | That's right, Doctor. The entire city has been searched from top to bottom. There's no sign of mine and Sasha's heart. |
| (Credits.) |
On to Episode three
Back to Season Seven part one home
Back to Fuzzy Bunny Show home