| SEASON SEVEN EPISODE THREE | |
| SEPARATION, CHAMPAGNE AND FLASHBACKS | |
| (Laff and Hoppy's house, at about five in the morning. Fuzzy is sleeping on the couch downstairs, and wakes up as Laff comes down the stairs and makes a coffee.) | |
| LAFF: | Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you, bunny-boy. |
| FUZZY: | That's okay. Thanks for letting me stay. With Sasha how she is right now, I didn't feel safe in the same house as her. Especially since we haven't found our plastic heart yet. |
| (Pirica bursts in through the front door.) | |
| LAFF: | Bit early for visitors, isn't it? |
| PIRICA: | Sorry, I know, but I had to show Fuzzy my new invention. |
| FUZZY: | What is it? |
| PIRICA: | A Red-Heart-Shaped-Piece-Of-Plastic-With-Names-On-It Detector! It'll zero in on the location of your plastic heart in an instant! |
| FUZZY: | Great! Let's go! |
| (Roll the Melrose-esque title sequence. The Town Square, three hours later. Pirica, Laff, Fuzzy, Sasha, Gumman.) | |
| (Everyone looks rather depressed.) | |
| PIRICA: | I'm sorry, Fuzzy. |
| FUZZY: | Maybe your detector's not working. |
| PIRICA: | I've double-checked everything. |
| FUZZY: | And ... Doctor Gumman, you're positive that the anti-love bomb's plastic hearts were all hidden inside the city? |
| GUMMAN: | The bomb's range wasn't long enough to send them any further. If it's not in the city, it ... doesn't exist. |
| SASHA: | Well, that's it, then. We've been fooling ourselves this whole time. |
| FUZZY: | It can't be true! I -- I -- I did, Sash! |
| SASHA: | You thought you did. And I thought I did, too. But Pirica's machine has proven us both wrong. We have to face facts, Fuzzy. Our plastic heart does not exist. |
| FUZZY: | But -- but, that means -- |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy ... we've never been in love at all. |
| (Sasha walks away. Tears well up in Fuzzy's eyes. Pirica puts an arm around him.) | |
| FUZZY: | I ... I'm sure I loved her, Ric! |
| PIRICA: | Fuzzikins ... Sasha's right. Willits knows about Damnable's bombs. And I'm positive that my detector is working properly. |
| FUZZY: | So I just have to accept that what I thought I felt for Sasha simply wasn't love at all? |
| PIRICA: | You and Sasha cared deeply about each other, Fuzzy, but perhaps just not as deeply as you thought. |
| LAFF: | Let's go, Doc. |
| (Gumman and Laff leave.) | |
| FUZZY: | Oh, Pirica, I ... I'm sorry that I left you without saying good bye! |
| PIRICA: | Fuzzy! That's behind us now. |
| FUZZY: | Pirica ... tell me ... Pirica, were ... were we in love? |
| PIRICA: | I don't know, Fuzzy. I don't know. |
| FUZZY: | Why can't I do it, Ric? Why can't I ever have a proper relationship? |
| PIRICA: | Perhaps you're just not ready. One day you'll meet the right woman and you'll learn how to love her. |
| FUZZY: | Oh, but Pirica, I thought that it was you, and then I thought that it was Sasha, and I was wrong both times! |
| PIRICA: | Don't take it too hard, Fuzzikins. This stuff takes practice. And look at you: nearly half-way through your twenties, and only had two girlfriends in your life! Most guys have more than that before they hit high school. |
| FUZZY: | Why aren't I like most guys? Why don't I ... like that ... bad stuff? |
| PIRICA: | Bad stuff? Oh. Sex. |
| FUZZY: | >Ulp< ... yeah. |
| PIRICA: | I really don't know, Fuzz. I guess you're just ... |
| (A loud gong sounds.) | |
| PIRICA: | Bugger. The Conference Gong. We'd better get over to Ralph's and see what's happening. |
| (Cut to Ralph's. Everyone is there.) | |
| SASHA: | Thank you for coming, people. I have something important to say. As most of you probably know by now, it has been revealed that Fuzzy and I were never in love - just very, very, very good friends who thought we were in love. In light of this revelation, I have decided that I have no place here in Yoople City. I am going to return to my kingdom. By staying here, I am only placing you all in danger. You all know that I have been dangerously unstable recently, in a rather violent sense. At any moment I could kill any one of you. |
| ANASTASIA: | And you think that our ... ahem ... your Nerpalonian subjects will be any safer? What's to stop you attacking them? |
| SASHA: | My temper will be kept in check by my Divine Right. |
| MAC: | Never thought of that. Could work. Sorry, Duchess. |
| ANASTASIA: | Shut up, fool. |
| FUZZY: | Sasha! Are you really leaving? |
| SASHA: | Yes. Good bye. |
| (Sasha teleports home to Nerpalon 12. Consider her Written Out.) | |
| FUZZY: | In three episodes we've lost Muncher, Skunky, Jupie, Grovelspit, Mal, Jetty, and Sasha. This poots! Anna! Come with me! We're going back to my place and get me blind drunk! |
| PIRICA: | Fuzzy! |
| ABBIE: | No! |
| ANASTASIA: | You sure, kid? |
| FUZZY: | Yes! |
| (Fuzzy's house (previously Fuzzy and Sasha's House). Anastasia and Fuzzy, surrounded by champagne.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Goodness, you're doing well, boy. Three glasses, and you're barely tipsy. Not so long ago, you got drunk just looking at a bottle of champagne. |
| FUZZY: | Yeah, well, I'd just better drink faster then, hadn't I? Hurry it up, Anna! Get me drunk, and then seduce me! |
| ANASTASIA: | Are you sure you want me to do that? |
| FUZZY: | Yes! |
| ANASTASIA: | Well ... you're the King. |
| FUZZY: | Ha! Only in name. I expect Sasha will file for a divorce ... and then I won't be King. Well, good! I didn't like it anyway!! |
| (He downs another glass.) | |
| FUZZY: | Tha's getting better. I'm starting to feel happy. |
| ANASTASIA: | You know, don't you, Fuzzy, that you can't trust me? |
| FUZZY: | Yeah. Tha's why I like you. |
| (Half an hour later: Fuzzy's totally plastered.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | I don't know why you put up with Sasha for as long as you did. She was such a wimpy little thing. No backbone, no personality, no sense of humour ... and you know what her father was like! The two of them never told the truth in their life! |
| FUZZY: | Yeah! You're so right! She wuzza ... wuzza ... thingy! Yeah, she was! |
| ANASTASIA: | And as for DeBunny ... well, I don't know why you ever fell for her. She's a vindictive, unforgiving, nasty little sl -- |
| FUZZY: | Pirica ... I remember her. |
| ANASTASIA: | Oh dear. I sense the imminent arrival of a flashback. |
| FUZZY: | You're so perceptive. |
| (Taildale, three or four years before the present. The mess hall of the UBF Junior Cadet Training Academy. Several bunnies are sitting down eating. One of them is a young Fuzzy. Ghuzzy enters, followed by another high-ranking UBF official, and the young Pirica.) | |
| GHUZZY: | Good afternoon, son. |
| FUZZY: | Hi, Dad. What's up? |
| GHUZZY: | I'd like to introduce you to Sergeant Pottery's niece. Miss DeBunny, this is my son, Fuzzy. Fuzzy, this is Pirica DeBunny. |
| FUZZY: | Oh! Old Mrs DeBunny's daughter? Pleased to meet you! Just moved here from Nightville, right? |
| PIRICA: | Yes. |
| FUZZY: | You must be very brave! I wouldn't live in Nightville for anything! |
| PIRICA: | Well, you know, most of the vampires are really quite nice. |
| GHUZZY: | Old Mrs DeBunny is currently in hospital having a tail-tuck. Pirica's going to be living here, on campus. I wonder if we might impose on you, Fuzzy ... ? |
| FUZZY: | Pardon?? |
| GHUZZY: | Would you mind if Pirica moved in with you for a while? |
| FUZZY: | What, move into my room? A ... girl, in my room? With me? That would ... that's ... I mean ... what if ... but, the ... well ... okay, if you say so. |
| GHUZZY: | Good lad. |
| PIRICA: | Thank you ... Fuzzy. |
| (Fuzzy's room on the Academy campus: small, one bed, a little coffee table, the armchair that we saw in "The Death Of The Blanket", Star Trek and Doctor Who posters. Comic books all over the floor. Fuzzy and Pirica enter. He is carrying her overnight bag.) | |
| FUZZY: | Well ... uh ... this is it. Sorry about the mess. |
| PIRICA: | No problem. |
| FUZZY: | It's not very big. The, uh, bathroom's down the hall, third on the left. I'll just dump your stuff on the bed, and then show you around. |
| PIRICA: | On the ... ? Oh, I couldn't take your bed! I've imposed enough already! |
| FUZZY: | Not at all. I ... usually sleep in the armchair anyway. Yeah. |
| PIRICA: | Oh. Um ... if you don't mind my saying so, you seem very uncomfortable. |
| FUZZY: | I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. I'm ... just ... unaccustomed to having beautiful young women sleeping in my bed. Ggg! I mean -- ! I -- ! |
| (She puts a hand on his shoulder. He nearly faints.) | |
| PIRICA: | I don't want you to be intimidated by me. Just treat me as if I'm one of your friends sleeping over. |
| FUZZY: | But ... but, you're a girl!! |
| PIRICA: | Girls are just the same as guys, but with different bits. Think of me as a funny-shaped boy. |
| FUZZY: | There's nothing funny about your ... shape. |
| PIRICA: | Why, thank you. |
| FUZZY: | Um ... uh ... so, you're Pottery's niece, eh? Nice man. Very good at his job. |
| PIRICA: | Actually, he's a boring old bastard. I can't stand him. |
| FUZZY: | Oh. |
| (Credits. ) |
On to Episode four
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