SEASON SEVEN EPISODE SEVEN

CURTAINS 2: LOST

(After the titles:Fuzzy's bedroom aboard the Quest. It is a replica of his room at the UBF Junior Cadet training academy in Taildale. He is in the armchair; Pirica is sitting on his bed. A CD player on the small table is playing "Old Habits Die Hard" by (surprise, surprise) Dusty Springfield.)

PIRICA:

We still need to talk, F. Recently you've ... become overly dependent on me, and I'm ... concerned that you may be entertaining thoughts of our getting back together. And, Fuzzy, that's ... not ... going ... to ... happen ...

(He is just staring at her. She finds it mildly disconcerting.)

PIRICA:

Fuzzy? Are you listening?

(He is obviously not.)

PIRICA:

Oh, Fuzzy ...

(She turns to look at the CD player, absorbing the relevance of the song to her current relationship with Fuzzy. The song comes to the "I made my mind up" bit and Pirica turns back to Fuzzy, determined to get through.)

PIRICA:

Snap out of it, kid! Pay attention!

FUZZY:

Huhn? Did you say something? Sorry, I was daydreaming.

PIRICA:

You don't say? Now, listen. I know that you're thinking you want us to get back together, but ...

(His face lights up.)

PIRICA:

But ...

(Pirica begins to look worried.)

PIRICA:

I ... oh, look, come over here.

(Fuzzy moves to sit with her on the bed.)

PIRICA:

Us ... it's out of the question.

(He's daydreaming again, and not listening. Impressive attention span, eh?)

PIRICA:

Oh, Fuzzy ...

(She kisses him. Quite passionately. Fuzzy responds enthusiastically. It is Fuzzy who pulls away first.)

FUZZY:

This time we'll be together forever! Now ... I have to get to the Bridge. I'll see you soon!

(Fuzzy bounds out happily.)

PIRICA:

Hmmm ... this isn't the way I planned things.

(A voice seemingly from out of nowhere says)

VOICE:

C'mon, Ric - admit it! You know you never stopped loving him for a second!

PIRICA:

-- ? Oyst? Oyster?!

(Oyster (looking suitably demonic and regal) appears behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder.)

OYSTER:

Hi, kid. Hear the show's been axed.

PIRICA:

Yeah. What are you doing here?

OYSTER:

One last cameo before the end of the series. I can't stay; tell everyone I said good bye.

PIRICA:

Please stay! At least until the end of the last episode! We've all missed you!

OYSTER:

Can't, Ric. Got a hellish inferno to reign over. Just tell them I came. I wish I could stay, but ...

(Oyster begins to fade away.)

PIRICA:

Don't go!

OYSTER:

Farewell, friend!

(Oyster is gone.)

PIRICA:

Hhhhh ...

(The Bridge. The entire cast is there: Fuzzy, Abbie, Bunniquette, Hoppy, Gumman, Tessa, Lennie, Anna, Shandrilak, Meggan, Westminster, Chris, Laff, Howie, the HNM, Pirica, Earless, Lucky, Ralph, Gumpity, the walrus and Uulamets. They are all looking out the window. In the distance a huge sphere of yellow light can be seen.)

TESSA:

What is that thing?

UULAMETS:

It's a sphere of arcane energy, approaching quickly. When it reaches the ship ... bang. The show's over. Axed. Cancelled. D-E-A-D.

FUZZY:

So let's pissbolt in the opposite direction! We can outrun it!

UULAMETS:

No. We can't.

(Everyone watches it with fear, sadness, regret, and a whole bunch of other less-than-pleasant emotions. Abbie puts an arm around Meggan protectively. Hoppy and Laff take each others' hands.)

ABBIE:

Uulamets ... are we all going to die?

UULAMETS:

No, child. Worse than that. We're all going to be unemployed.

(Pirica moves to Fuzzy's side.)

PIRICA:

Fuzzy ... let's go.

FUZZY:

Hmm? Where?

(She takes his hand and leads him out of the room.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

I refuse to believe that there's nothing we can do about this! Where there's life, there's hope!

MEGGAN:

Yeah! Come on! There must be some way!

UULAMETS:

Don't fight fate, youngsters. Not even Captain Planet is tough enough to take care of the Network Execs.

WESTMINSTER:

Captain Planet?

UULAMETS:

Alvin Seville, then.

EARLESS:

You're a flipping loony, Uulamets.

UULAMETS:

Mister Ed?

BUNNIQUETTE:

Oh, give up.

(Cut to Fuzzy's room. Pirica enters, followed by Fuzzy.)

FUZZY:

What's this about, Ric?

PIRICA:

Fuzzy ... let's make the most of our final hours.

(Back to the Bridge. The ball of light is significantly closer.)

MEGGAN:

Mum ... I'm scared.

ABBIE:

Me too, sweetie, me too.

(The walrus whines, and Chris hugs it sadly.)

CHRIS:

Don't worry, Nanook. We'll be okay ... I think ...

(Cut to Zaire's HQ. Zaire and Damnable.)

ZAIRE:

This sux.

(Back to the Bridge. The sphere is closer still.)

HOPPY:

Laff ... if we don't make it through this ... I want you to know that I love you.

LAFF:

I know, Hopper.

ANASTASIA:

Edward, my love ... I wish it didn't have to end this way ...

UULAMETS:

It can't be helped, Anastasia.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Can't be helped, my arse! We'll help it, all right! I'll beat those damn Network Execs to death by myself, if I have to! Bugger you and your doom and gloom ranting, you geriatric wand-waver! I won't give up! No situation is so bad that sufficient violence and swearing can't fix things up! So just piss off, wizard-boy!

(Uulamets slaps her. Hard. She's shocked.)

UULAMETS:

Shut up, O'Bunbun. You're out of your depth here! I'm afraid you'll just have to trust me.

(Quette looks up at him, her face bruised already. She snarls. The look in her eyes is truly frightening.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Chris ... destroy ... this ... old ... fool!!

CHRIS:

Calm down, Buns. He's right.

WESTMINSTER:

Augh! The end of the world is nigh! Rabbo said something vaguely intelligent!

BUNNIQUETTE:

Damn you all, you spineless pathetic cruk-wits!

(She storms out.)

ABBIE:

Oh, Bunniquette!

UULAMETS:

Let her go.

SHANDRILAK:

Did you have to slap her?

UULAMETS:

I am the great Teddy Uulamets. I never do anything that is not necessary.

ANASTASIA:

Killing Mac wasn't necessary, you bastard! Oops. I apologise, Edward. The Nunklon momentarily regained control.

GUMPITY:

This is such a sad way for things to finish! All those unresolved storylines ... it's a crime!

ABBIE:

We ... we should look on the bright side. You're going home, Gumpity. Back to the Alternate Reality to be with your sister.

EARLESS:

Well, whoopee shit! I'm so thrilled! The stuffed toy dinosaur with a very floppy neck gets to go home!

(Everyone waits for Bunniquette to say "It's not his fault" but then they realise she's not there.)

LENNIE:

Stop whingeing, Jim! You're just --

UULAMETS:

Enough! You must not bicker among yourselves! This is a time for unity!

WESTMINSTER:

Says the guy who roughed up Bunniquette and told us not to go after her.

GUMMAN:

He's right, though. We should go out with dignity and --

(Fuzzy and Ric rush in. Ric is wearing a dressing gown with "F" embroidered on the breast pocket.)

HOPPY:

Where have you two been for the last hour?

(Fuzzy, who is looking rather dazed, blushes.)

PIRICA:

Never mind that! We just looked out Fuzzy's bedroom window! That big yellow ball of cancellation is almost upon us!!

UULAMETS:

We have only moments left.

CHRIS, HOPPY:

But where's Bunniquette?

(Cut to a small scoutship. On the scoutship's monitor we see the Insignificant Quest (quite a way away) with the sphere of light virtually touching the front of it. Bunniquette watches grimly from the scoutship's cockpit.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Bye, guys.

(The Bridge of the Quest ...)

HOPPY:

I hope she hasn't done anything stupid.

(Bunniquette:)

BUNNIQUETTE:

I've done something stupid.

(The Bridge:)

CHRIS:

I'll use my God-powers to divine her location ...

(Bunniquette strides in.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

No need.

HOPPY:

Quette!

CHRIS:

You're back!

BUNNIQUETTE:

Let's face this thing together, gang.

(Bunniquette notices Fuzzy and Ric.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Hey! What've you two been up to?

FUZZY:

Shut up, Bunniquette. The big yellow thing is coming.

UULAMETS:

The time is now!

ABBIE:

It's reached us!

FUZZY:

Farewell, my friends! I'll miss you all ...

(Fade to white.)