| SEASON A episode 8 | |
| 'And a Bit More' | |
| (The cast are all organised and dressed up to resemble a courtroom. Fuzzy is the judge, Yompy is the prisoner, Bunniquette is the prosecutor, Ghuzzy is the Defence Counsel, and Westminster is the Clerk. Everyone else makes up a rather large jury.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Mr Clerk, I would like to call my first witness, Teddy Uulamets. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Call Teddy Uulamets! |
| (Uulamets climbs out of the jury and into the witness box.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Do you swear by Lucky the Bunny God of Thunder (Lucky, in the Jurybox, waves to him) to tell the truth et cetera? |
| UULAMETS: | I do. |
| FUZZY: | Teddy, this isn't a marriage service! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Shut up, Fuzzy. I mean, Your Honour. Mr Uulamets, would you tell the court, in your own words, exactly what happened on the fourteenth of September of this year. In case you've forgotten, that was last Wednesday. |
| UULAMETS: | Well, it was a lovely day, and we were looking forward to getting some work done on this ridiculous Third Rate Fantasy epic, when that man (indicating Yompy) decided that... |
| FUZZY: | (interrupting) Yeah, we know what happened, we were all there. Let's get to the bit where I sentence him. |
| GHUZZY: | But I haven't had a go yet! |
| YOMPY: | (snarls) For Gods' sakes, get on with it! |
| GHUZZY: | Right. Um, Your Honour, I think my client is innocent because he is paying me a lot of money to say so. The defence rests. |
| YOMPY: | (sighs) |
| FUZZY: | Right, now, Yompy the Foul, we have heard all the evidence for and against your case, and I have decided... |
| GUMPITY: | (as foreman of the jury) Wait a second, doesn't the jury have to decide whether or not he's guilty? We have to go away and argue about it for hours! |
| FUZZY: | Oh, all right, if you want to. I declare a recess, we will be back in half an hour. In the meantime, everyone to the Malt Shoppe for a carrot milkshake. |
| (Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Everyone is drinking carrot milkshakes and the jukebox is playing 'Locomotion', as sung by the Fuzzy Bunny Show cast. Bullocksnap and Westminster are playing Backgammon. Yompy is there as well, but is stuck in a Thaum-proof box, so he can't do any magic. He looks displeased.) | |
| FUZZY: | I do like this court-room business. Why don't we ditch the Fantasy Epic and do a high-powered drama about Bunny Lawyers? We could call it 'UBF Law' or 'Law and Bunnies'. |
| GUMMAN: | For Gods' sakes, Fuzzy, we've had enough problems with the Fantasy Epic! Can you imagine trying to cope with the walrus tramping into a courtroom? |
| (Fuzzy looks over to the corner where Chris is singing 'Me and My Walrus' to the walrus.) | |
| FUZZY: | Hmm. Good point. |
| (Did you know that stage directions can contain subliminal messages?) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | (over the backgammon board) Hah! Got you! |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | I say, that's not fair! Can you do that? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Of course you can! It's a perfectly legal move. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | But you just ate half the pieces! |
| WESTMINSTER: | So? |
| ABBIE: | (butts in) Westminster always does that when he plays backgammon. It's his secret strategy, because it doesn't actually say in the rule book that you can't do it. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Oh, I say! Well, how about a friendly game of chess? |
| (Kill your boss! Kill your boss!) | |
| FUZZY: | (looking at his watch) Time to get back, guys. Have you jury people come to a decision yet? |
| ABBIE: | Oh, yes, we knew he was guilty all along, we just thought it would be fun to have a little party. Let's go. |
| (Back to the courtroom. Everyone is in their places.) | |
| FUZZY: | Very well, Mr Foreman, may we have your verdict? |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | You can't do that, Westminster, pawns don't move in a W-shape. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Yes they do. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Rubbish! Fuzzy, make him stop cheating. |
| FUZZY: | He's right, Westminster, you can't move like that. Gumpity? We may as well go through the motions. Declare him guilty. |
| GUMPITY: | (looking up from a copy of Cosmo) Sorry? Oh yeah. Er, after much deliberation on the facts in hand, we, the jury, being twelve-and-a-bit good bunnies-and-others and true... |
| GHUZZY: | Boring! |
| FUZZY: | Dad, if you interrupt again, I'll have you in contempt. |
| GHUZZY: | You can't hold me in contempt, I'm your father. |
| FUZZY: | SHUT UP! Just get on with it, you stupid dinosaur! |
| GUMPITY: | There's no need to be insulting. I was juts getting to the bit about sound mind and bunny... |
| FUZZY: | Firstly, you're not a bunny, secondly, that bit goes in your will, and thirdly, if you don't declare him guilty RIGHT NOW I'm going to be very cross and you're going to need a will! |
| GUMPITY: | All right! He's guilty! Now sentence the git! |
| FUZZY: | THANK you. Now, Yompy, having been tried by a jury, you have been found guilty of the charges laid against you. |
| YOMPY: | I never even heard what the charges were, foul scum bunny! |
| FUZZY: | Watch your language, Mister. I was just going to list them. You were charged with Attempting to Kill Innocent UBF Members, Threatening Alien Rhinoceroses, and Disregarding the Rights of UBF Chainsaws to Non-Violent Dismissal. And you've been found guilty of all three. As your punishment, I have decided not to apply for the death penalty, but you will be severely punished all the same. I have decided that you shall have to wear sideways-ironed purple flares and a florescent green skivvy and in this attire, you must groom the grass on the tennis courts. I should warn you that if there is a single blade of grass on the white lines, or if there are scuff marks anywhere, your worthless hide shall be ejected into the eternal vacuum of space. |
| GHUZZY: | Where did you come up with that bit? |
| FUZZY: | Off the cutting-room floor from Star Trek IV. |
| GHUZZY: | Not bad! |
| FUZZY: | Thanks. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Hah! Checkmate! Game, set and match, old boy. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Rats! Oh well, good game. |
| ABBIE: | Why don't we adjourn to the Movie theatre and see if we can catch the late movie, then? |
| WESTMINSTER: | What is it tonight? |
| ABBIE: | 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' |
| GUMMAN: | It wasn't me! It wasn't me! |
| EARLESS: | Oh yes it was! How do you think I lost... |
| (He is hit on the head with yet another pink grand piano.) | |
| FUZZY: | Ah, Mal, it's good to have you back! |
| MAL: | It's good to be back, Fuzzy. |
| HOPPY: | Yes, it's nice to be back with all our friends. |
| (This whole bit should be done in super corny mode.) | |
| FUZZY: | We're just like a big happy family, aren't we? |
| ALL: | Yes! We all love each other very much! |
| GHUZZY: | (sotto voce) What a crock! |
| FUZZY: | Dad! |
| (Roll closing credits. The end. That's it. Go away.) |
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