SEASON ONE EPISODE TEN | |
BOB'S RABBITWEAR | |
(The tennis courts. Bullocksnap is playing tennis with Gumman) | |
GUMMAN: | Tennis is a very stupid game. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | You're just a bad loser. |
GUMMAN: | We've been playing tennis for an hour and a half and you call me a bad loser? I'm a better loser than you. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | I refuse to continue this conversation. Let's go to the Bridge. We should be touching down on Earth any minute. |
(Cut to the bridge. Fuzzy, Sasha, Uulamets, Abbie, Bunniquette) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Why do we have to keep coming to this planet? It's boring. |
UULAMETS: | Oh, yeah... no offence. I just meant that, you know, after seeing dozens of difference planets with the UBF, it's just kind of... oh, forget it. |
FUZZY: | We've docked. Let's go. |
SASHA: | Where are we? |
FUZZY: | The small continent known as 'Ubunnia'. It was discovered in 3895. It's the home of the UBF Command. |
SASHA: | What are we going to do? |
FUZZY: | I have some work to do, but the rest of you can just go sight-seeing or shopping or something. |
(Cut to a shopping centre. There are many, many shops, selling all sorts of things. Walking through the shopping centre we see Abbie, Sasha, Mal, Bunniquette and Westminster. Abbie and Bunniquette are each carrying several shopping bags full of stuff.) | |
SASHA: | I have never seen a building such as this. |
WESTMINSTER: | Russia. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Keep up with the running gags. The 'Russia' joke died weeks ago. |
WESTMINSTER: | Oh, sorry. What's our new runner? |
ABBIE: | I'm not sure. I don't know if we have one. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | We'll find one soon enough, I'm sure. |
(They go into a shop called 'Bob's Rabbitwear'. There is a bunny working behind the counter. He says:) | |
CHRIS RABBO: | Welcome to my shop! How can I help you? |
WESTMINSTER: | You must be Bob. Nice to meet you. |
CHRIS RABBO: | Actually, my name is Rabbo. Chris Rabbo. |
(Sasha gasps and looks very shocked. She glances at Abbie, who nods grimly. No one notices) | |
WESTMINSTER: | Then why did you name your shop 'Bob's'? |
CHRIS RABBO: | It's the name of my pet walrus. |
MAL: | You have a pet walrus? |
CHRIS RABBO: | Yes. How did you know? His name is Frank. |
MAL: | But you just said-- |
WESTMINSTER: | I think I hear my weirdo detector beeping. |
(Abbie and Sasha are whispering) | |
ABBIE: | It's the guy your dad told us about ! The guy who Bunniquette is supposed to marry! |
SASHA: | Yes. What should we do? Father warned us that we would meet Chris Rabbo when we went to Earth, but I didn't think that... oh, dear. |
ABBIE: | We have to get the guy to come back to the Sea Kidney with us. |
SASHA: | But how? We can't just say, 'Hi, Chris Rabbo. You have to come back to our spaceship with us, because if you don't marry Bunniquette the whole universe will cease to exist.' |
ABBIE: | You're right. We can't say that. At least not until Bunniquette is out of earshot. |
(Cut to the exterior of the building. Bullocksnap, Gumman and Earless are sitting outside a small cafe having coffee) | |
EARLESS: | This isn't the first time I've visited Ubunnia, you know. |
GUMMAN: | Oh, do tell... |
EARLESS: | You see, once I was here to see the UBF's best plastic surgeon, about having my ears replaced, but I couldn't afford the fee, and-- |
GUMMAN: | When you say 'The UBF's best plastic surgeon', you don't mean Doctor Randall Swontmoodle, do you? |
EARLESS: | Why yes, how did you know? |
(Gumman is laughing hysterically.) | |
GUMMAN: | I went to school with him. You're lucky he didn't operate on you. There was this other bunny who went to him once, and she had also lost her ears somehow. So Swontmoodle gave her an ear replacement, but -- get this -- he gave her the ears of a koala! (Gumman is unable to continue speaking. He is laughing too hard. Eventually he regains his composure and clears his throat). Ahem. Just a little medical humour there. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | You wouldn't have made it in the army. |
(Cut back to the inside of the mall. Sasha and Abbie sneak back into Rabbo's shop) | |
SASHA: | What if the others notice we're missing? |
ABBIE: | They won't. They're too busy in that bushrat shop. |
(Chris Rabbo comes over.) | |
CHRIS RABBO: | Ah, back so soon, ladies? What would you like? |
ABBIE: | Just to talk to you. You see... uh... you probably won't believe this, but-- |
CHRIS RABBO: | Before you say anything, I must tell you something. |
ABBIE: | What? |
CHRIS RABBO: | You know that girl who was with you before? The one who was all over the idiot props manager? |
ABBIE: | Bunniquette O'Bunbun. |
CHRIS RABBO: | Yes. You'll probably think I'm some kind of freaky psycho for saying this, but... the truth is, I'm actually destined to marry her. If Bunniquette and I don't get married, the whole universe may cease to exist. So I'm afraid I have to insist that you let me come and live on your spaceship. |
(Abbie and Sasha exchange relieved glances) | |
ABBIE: | You nutcase. Do you expect us to believe that? |
CHRIS RABBO: | I didn't think you would. |
ABBIE: | You've got five minutes to pack. |
CHRIS RABBO: | I'll just get my walrus bag. |
(Chris Rabbo exits. Abbie and Sasha are alone in the shop) | |
SASHA: | That was easy. |
ABBIE: | I think there's more to Christopher Rabbo than meets the eye. |
(Cut to a large office. At a desk sits a stern looking bunny. His name is Ghuzzy Bunny. He is the Earth's highest ranking UBF officer. Sitting before him is Fuzzy.) | |
FUZZY: | ...so everything is fine aboard the UBF Sea Kidney. |
GHUZZY: | I'm very disappointed about you losing the Insectblanket, though. It was a gift. |
FUZZY: | I know. I didn't want to leave it there, but it was completely unsalvageable. I'm sorry... Dad. |
GHUZZY: | Well, never mind. Tell me about this Russian girl. |
FUZZY: | Her name is Sasha, and she's sweet and nice and kind and beautiful and nice and sweet and kind and beautiful and kind and beautiful. |
GHUZZY: | Look after her, son. Does her father like you? |
FUZZY: | Yes, I think so. He's a wizard, you know. |
GHUZZY: | What? What's his name? |
FUZZY: | Teddy Uulamets. |
GHUZZY: | Oh, no! Not Teddy Uulamets! |
(Cut to the bushrat shop. Lining its shelves are bushrats of various colours. In the shop are Bunniquette, Mal and Westminster. Abbie and Sasha enter.) | |
ABBIE: | See any bushrats you like, honey? |
WESTMINSTER: | I'm not actually very fond of bushrats these days. |
ABBIE: | That's a shame. There's some lovely ones here. Anyway, it's about time we started heading back to the UBF HQ. Fuzzy said to meet him back at the ship at half past three and it's almost twenty past. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah, let's go. |
ABBIE: | There's just one thing. We, uh, have to go past 'Bob's Rabbitwear' on the way out. |
WESTMINSTER: | What for? |
ABBIE: | Chris is coming with us. |
WESTMINSTER: | Where to? |
ABBIE: | The ship. He's joining the crew. |
WESTMINSTER: | What? That whacked-out loony is coming to live on the Sea Kidney? Why? He's completely bonkers! |
ABBIE: | Trust me. It's important. |
MAL: | I don't like him either, West. He's not bringing the walrus is he? Bob? |
WESTMINSTER: | Frank. |
ABBIE: | Yes, he is. And you all have to be nice to him. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | But he's a total-- |
ABBIE: | Enough. You will make and effort to like him or I will tell Fuzzy that you burned your copy of your Star Bunnies script. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | But if you told him that he'd kill me. |
ABBIE: | Yeah. So you're all to be extra nice to Chris. |
(Soon everyone is assembled on the bridge: Fuzzy, Abbie, Earless, Westminster, Bullocksnap, Gumman, Bunniquette, Mal, the four chainsaws, Uulamets, Sasha, Chris Rabbo, and even Lucky.) | |
FUZZY: | I'd like to introduce you to our newest crewmember, everyone. His name is Chris Rabbo. He's a tailor. He has a pet walrus named Sven. |
CHRIS RABBO: | Actually her name is Mary-Jane. |
FUZZY: | Oh? But you told me-- Uh... right. I'd like you all to do your best to make Chris feel welcome. |
UULAMETS: | One bunny in particular must make him feel very welcome indeed. |
SASHA: | Father! Don't ruin everything now! |
UULAMETS: | Why do we bother with Bunniquette and Rabbo? It is infinitely more important that we get Hoppy Lashes to marry Mal - something that looks very unlikely at this stage. |
SASHA: | We can't give up hope. The entire universe is at stake. |
FUZZY: | To celebrate the arrival of a new bunny on the shop, I have prepared another 'Uncanny Mutie-Rabbits' show. |
(He turns on a monitor and we see a small island off the coast of Scotland. Cut to the island, where we can see a large building. Earless (as Charlie) stands outside with Rabbo (wearing a wig and lab coat).) | |
EARLESS: | So, how are thing going on Mohair Isle, Doctor Moron McBunny? |
CHRIS RABBO: | Very well, Professor B. I have almost perfected a cure for the Leglessly Virus. |
EARLESS: | Oh good. Look, here comes Savage Bunny With Claws and Bamf Bunny. |
(Bullocksnap and Uulamets enter) | |
BULLOCKSNAP: | I'm the best at what I do. |
UULAMETS: | Ich bunny ein gruin der bamf. |
(The credits roll over a photo of Chris Rabbo reading a book. The title of the book can be seen: 'Twelve Thousand Names For Your Walrus'.) |