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SEASON ONE EPISODE FOUR |
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THE DEATH OF THE 'BLANKET |
(The park. The Bunny Sweethearts are having a picnic.) | |
ABBIE: | Isn't it a beautiful day? |
WESTMINSTER: | Yes, it certainly is. The weather is simply marvellous. The sun is shining, the birds are singing in the trees, the UBF Insectblanket is plummeting out of the sky right above us... |
(He's right. The Insectblanket is about to crash on top of them.) | |
ABBIE: | What did you say? |
WESTMINSTER: | Get out of the way! |
Westminster pushes her out of the way. The ship crash-lands right next to them.) | |
ABBIE: | Oh, my goodness! Quickly! We must see if everyone's all right! |
(Before they have a chance to move, Fuzzy, Hoppy, Mal, Bunniquette, Earless, the Colonel, Laff, Gumman and the four chainsaws emerge from the ship, shaken but not hurt.) | |
ABBIE: | Fuzzy! Are you okay? |
FUZZY: | Ouch. |
WESTMINSTER: | What happened? |
FUZZY: | Hoppy was just bringing us down to pick you up when a piano fell out of the ceiling-mounted props box and damaged the navigational systems. There was nothing we could do. |
ABBIE: | Dad, how are you? |
EARLESS: | I've been in worse crashes. |
CHAINSAW 1: | Have you? |
EARLESS: | Of course. How do you think I lost my ears? |
GUMMAN: | I'd 'test his reflexes' with my large mallet, but it was destroyed in the crash. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Mal, how could you let that piano thing happen again? Fuzzy's ship could have been totally ruined! Didn't I tell you that a ceiling-mounted props box was dumb? |
MAL: | I know, I know. |
FUZZY: | And now we're stuck on this tiny mudball with no way of getting off. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | What's the name of this planet, anyway. |
ABBIE: | Yoople 5. This is where Westminster and I film our 'Bunny Sweethearts' sketches. |
FUZZY: | Lieutenant Commander Lashes, can you and Commander Laff repair the Insectblanket? |
HOPPY LASHES: | I don't know. It could be tough without the necessary tools and materials. |
LAFF: | We'll do our best, Admiral. |
FUZZY: | Well, we'll bring everything we can salvage out of the ship and set up camp. Is there any food on this planet? |
ABBIE: | No. The only thing that grows here is grass, and we've never seen any animals or anything. All that we ever saw here was this park bench and litter basket. |
FUZZY: | We'll cope. |
(Night falls on Yoople 5. Abbie and Westminster are sitting on their park bench with a picnic blanket acting as a makeshift tent. Uncle Earless is asleep in the litter basket next to them. The Colonel and Laff are sitting outside the Colonel's old army tent. Willits Gumman is relaxing on a hospital stretcher with his medical equipment next to him. Hoppy, Mal, and Bunniquette have set up house in and around the infamous piano. Fuzzy is reclining in his favourite armchair with a blanket. The chainsaws are in a sack behind him. The UBF Insectblanket can be seen in the background, lifeless and dark.) | |
ABBIE: | Well, Westminster and I are going to sleep now. Good night. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Are you sure there's no large, nasty animals on this planet? |
ABBIE: | Positive. |
GUMMAN: | And it's not going to rain? |
ABBIE: | Never does. The grass here draws its water from a nearby underground stream. |
GUMMAN: | If you say so. I don't want to get rained on when we're out here. |
FUZZY: | Be quiet and let Abbie and Biggles get some sleep, guys. In the morning we'll explore the planet and begin trying to fix up the ship. |
(As he is dozing off, Westminster mumbles:) | |
WESTMINSTER: | ... Cut to the next sketch... |
FUZZY: | Hmmph. There'll be none of that tonight. My TV equipment and stuff is all broken. We can't cut to different scenes or anything like that. We just have to wait here. There's no chainsaws filming us now. This week's show will have to be cancelled. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Too bad. At least we're in a serious situation. No more comedy for us little bunnies. |
FUZZY: | Yeah. No more comedy... |
(Fuzzy falls asleep, as do the others, until Hoppy and Laff are the only two awake) | |
LAFF: | Do you think we can fix the ship? |
HOPPY LASHES: | No way. I trained for eight years at the UBF Techage, and I know a write-off when I see one. |
LAFF: | That's what I thought. We'll be stuck on this miserable, tiny planetoid for ever. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Not if I can get the radio working. If I can just contact the UBF Nebula... |
LAFF: | Your old ship? But there's no one on board. What good would that do? |
HOPPY LASHES: | Before my crew and I left the Neb, I programmed the computer so that the ship would follow the Insectblanket. Just in case we wanted to leave you guys. My ship is orbiting this planet right now, waiting for a signal from me. |
LAFF: | But we'd have to get the radio working so that you could send your commands to the Nebula's computers. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Yup. |
LAFF: | So we'll fix the radio. We won't be able to reach anyone outside this system, but at least we should be able to get hold of your ship. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Good luck to us. |
(The next morning, everyone is awake, still in their little beds, except Hoppy and Laff, who have been up for hours, working on the radio.) | |
BULLOCKSNAP: | Come on, Earless. Let's go and see if we can find anything interesting on this damnable sphere of torment. |
EARLESS: | I--- |
BULLOCKSNAP: | Silence! I didn't give you permission to speak. One word about your ears, old boy, and I'll rip your tongue out. |
(The two of them leave, off to explore) | |
FUZZY: | Play us a song, 'Quette. Something to cheer us up. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Okay. |
(Bunniquette plays 'Colour My World'. Fuzzy, Gumman, Mal, Abbie, Westminster, and the chainsaws all sing along. When the song is over, Hoppy and Laff come out of the Insectblanket.) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | We're done. |
FUZZY: | Is my ship repaired? |
LAFF: | Uh... not. But any moment now a ship will be landing here to get us off this planet so we can hire someone to fix the Insectblanket. |
MAL: | A ship? |
(Hoppy's ship lands beside the Insectblanket.) | |
MAL & BUNNIQUETTE: | Holy gosh! It's the Nebula! |
FUZZY: | Your old ship? What's it doing here? |
HOPPY LASHES: | Saving our cotton-tailed butts. |
LAFF: | I'm afraid I don't really think the Insectblanket will ever fly again, Admiral Fuzzy. |
FUZZY: | Wh... what? My ship... but... I love that ship! She's looked after me for years... she kept me sane when I was surrounded by idiots like Uncle Earless and Willits Gumman. I... I'll find someone who can fix her. There must be someone in the universe who can save the Insectblanket. |
(He looks at Hoppy who looks away sadly.) | |
FUZZY: | Oh. I see. |
(He sadly enters the Nebula. The others watch him go and begin to load their belongings onto Hoppy's ship.) | |
(Two weeks later, Fuzzy and his cast and crew are standing in a starship sales lot with a Dropoff salesman. They are next to a nice star cruiser.) | |
(CAPTION: TWO WEEKS LATER) | |
FUZZY: | I think I like this one. |
SALESMAN: | Ah, the Bilskirner class cruiser. Wise choice. But ... ahem ... are you sure that it's... within your price range? |
HOPPY LASHES: | The United Bunny Fleet will settle the account. |
SALESMAN: | The UBF? I do beg your pardon, sirs. |
FUZZY: | Admiral Fuzzy, until recently, Captain of the UBF Insectblanket. |
SALESMAN: | I heard about it on the news. Terrible shame. A great little starship, the Insectblanket. |
FUZZY: | Yes, well, we'll just take this Bilskirner and go, if you don't mind. |
SALESMAN: | Shall I load the Weasel into the Bilskirner's cargo hold? |
HOPPY LASHES: | ...no. Keep the old thing. The Nebula's no use to me any more. |
FUZZY: | Cheer up, Hoppy. No more sad faces. |
(He produces a bottle of carrot juice and smashes it against the hull of his new ship). | |
FUZZY: | I hereby christen this ship the UBF Sea Kidney. |
ALL: | Yay! |
EARLESS: | Waste of good carrot juice, that. |
SALESMAN: | Enjoy a nice carrot juice occasionally, do you sir? |
EARLESS: | Of course I do. How do you think I-- |
(Fuzzy and co look at him threateningly) | |
EARLESS: | ...met my current wife? |
(Earless fades into silence) | |
ABBIE: | He doesn't even have a current wife. |
FUZZY: | Who cares? At least he didn't say anything about ears. |
HOPPY LASHES: | C'mon, let's get all our stuff on to the Sea Kidney. |
MAL: | Are you sure you don't mind giving away the Neb, honey? |
HOPPY LASHES: | Shut up, you pathetic loser. I don't know why I ever let you on my ship, let alone why I fell in love with you. |
MAL: | I guess this means you don't want to marry me? |
(Ignoring him, Hoppy moves to Laff's side. She has changed a lot since she joined Fuzzy's crew.) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Mal... |
MAL: | She's left me, 'Quette. After years of roaming the galaxy with her, she's dumped me like a... well, like a... thing that's been dumped. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | She's had a rough time. |
MAL: | She's got the hots for that creepy Dropoff guy, Naff. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | I think his name is 'Laff'. |
MAL: | Whatever. |
(Cut to deep space. The UBF Sea Kidney is swimming through space with her crew, unaware that within her hulking shell, serious problems are brewing with regard to several of her crew's inter-personal relationships... The credits roll and we hear the Bunnies singing 'Colour My World' again. The scene changes back to Yoople 5, where we see the dead Insectblanket in its final resting place. After the credits, fade to black.) |