SEASON ONE EPISODE SIX | |
LOVE IS IN THE HARE | |
(Uulamets' room. He is working on a difficult spell. Sasha enters quietly.) | |
SASHA: | Father... what are you doing? |
UULAMETS: | Fuzzy asked me to use my magic to locate his two missing crew members, the Dropoff and the Bunny Fun descendant. I've almost finished the spell. |
SASHA: | Well, I won't disturb you. |
(Sasha walks to the Malt Shoppe, where she finds Abbie and Bunniquette) | |
ABBIE: | Howdy, Sashmeister. What's going down? |
SASHA: | Excuse me? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Sasha can't understand you when you talk like that. |
SASHA: | I'm from Russia. |
ABBIE: | Oh, yeah. I see. Hey, 'Quette, turn on the jukebox. |
(Bunniquette does. It plays 'Stand By Your Man'. (sung by Bunniquette, of course)) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | So tell me, Sasha, did you enjoy dancing with Fuzzy the other day? |
SASHA: | It was much pleasant. Fuzzy is very... |
ABBIE: | Cute? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Nice? |
ABBIE & BUNNIQUETTE: | Sexy? |
SASHA: | I do not comprehend. None of those words are known to me. |
ABBIE & BUNNIQUETTE: | She's from Russia. |
ABBIE: | But you like him? |
SASHA: | Yes. |
ABBIE: | ...Ah! Did you hear that 'twang' noise, 'Quette? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | I did indeed! |
ABBIE: | The soft sound of Cupid's bow... |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Ping! Right on target! Sasha's hit! |
ABBIE: | But did he shoot Fuzzy as well? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Gee... We'd better hope so. |
SASHA: | I do not understand any of this. |
ABBIE & BUNNIQUETTE: | She's from Russia. |
(cut to the Bridge. Fuzzy sits with Westminster and Mal) | |
MAL: | Does she dance well? |
FUZZY: | Extremely well, considering it was her first time. |
WESTMINSTER: | You like her, don't you? |
FUZZY: | Well... of course I like her. She's... nice. |
MAL: | But you like her a lot, don't you, Admiral? |
FUZZY: | She... I... it's just... |
WESTMINSTER: | Call the Passion Police! Fuzzy's fallen for her! |
FUZZY: | Now just a-- |
WESTMINSTER: | Don't bother denying it, Fuzzy-boy. We can tell. |
MAL: | Ah! Young love! Ain't it grand? |
FUZZY: | Speaking of love, Mal, shouldn't you be a little less cheerful? Your girlfriend just left you. |
WESTMINSTER: | Ah, yes, but Mal's found a new flame too, haven't you, Mal? |
MAL: | Don't you dare say one word about-- |
WESTMINSTER: | 'Bunniquette Bunny' ... hmm... it's a shame you have such a common surname, Mal. |
MAL: | 'Bunny' is a very nice surname, thank you. And leave Bunniquette out of this. |
FUZZY: | Mal's right. 'Bunny' is a wonderful surname. |
WESTMINSTER: | Are you sure you two aren't related? |
FUZZY: | Anyway, it's better than 'Biggles'. |
MAL: | Yeah. |
WESTMINSTER: | Now let's not get personal-- |
FUZZY: | You started it. |
MAL: | Yeah. |
WESTMINSTER: | You're both just trying to change the subject. Admit it! Fuzzy, you have the hots for Sasha, and Mal, you've taken to fancying 'Quette. |
FUZZY: | So what if we have? What's wrong with that? |
WESTMINSTER: | Nothing! Nothing! After all, I'm married, remember? |
FUZZY: | I don't know what Abbie ever saw in you. |
WESTMINSTER: | It's my charming personality. |
MAL: | And your rabbitly physique, I suppose? |
WESTMINSTER: | I'll have you know I was captain of the grid iron team in primary school. |
FUZZY: | Captain? Are you sure you were captain? |
WESTMINSTER: | Well... okay, so I was the referee. But I could lift three kilos when I was seventeen. |
FUZZY: | Gosh, you were strong! |
(Fuzzy and Mal collapse in a fit of laughter. Cut to Gumman's surgery his patient is Fuzzy.) | |
FUZZY: | You gotta help me, Doctor Gumman. |
GUMMAN: | What ails you, little Admiral? |
FUZZY: | I'm lovesick. |
GUMMAN: | Ah, that Russian babe you picked up on Earth. |
FUZZY: | Must you be so crude? She's not a 'babe'. She's a beautiful, sensitive, innocent-- |
GUMMAN: | Yeah, yeah, I know. Heard it all before. You got it bad, Fuzzy my boy. |
FUZZY: | Can you help me? |
GUMMAN: | Yes. Here's your prescription. |
(Gumman hands Fuzzy a small piece of paper.) | |
FUZZY: | This isn't a prescription. This is a twenty dollar note! |
GUMMAN: | Take her out to dinner. |
FUZZY: | Where? It'll be weeks before we come to another inhabited planet. |
GUMMAN: | The Malt Shoppe! I'll tell everyone to steer clear of it tonight. You can go all the way. |
FUZZY: | I beg your pardon? |
GUMMAN: | Ahem. You know - candlelight, a violinist playing romantic music, nice French food... |
FUZZY: | And where am I supposed to find someone who can play the violin? Bunniquette can play the piano, but that's about the best anyone on the ship can do. |
(Gumman opens a desk draw and pulls out an old violin) | |
GUMMAN: | Wrong! |
FUZZY: | You're not serious?! |
GUMMAN: | Get your wooing boots on, Fuzzy! I'm gonna make you a star! |
FUZZY: | If you say so... I take back all those things I said about you, Doctor. |
GUMMAN: | I warn you, though, the only song that I can play is the 'Ride of the Valkyries'. |
FUZZY: | How romantic. |
(Cut back to the Malt Shoppe. Abbie and Sasha are still there. Bunniquette isn't, but comes back in.) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | I was just in the film lab, and I saw Fuzzy doing a sketch with Willits Gumman. That poor young Bunny-boy is just as smitten as our Russian belle. |
ABBIE: | Good, good! |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Sasha, Fuzzy's going to invite you to have dinner with him tonight. |
SASHA: | I have dinner with him every night. |
ABBIE: | Yeah, but that's in the dining room, with the whole crew. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | She's Russian. |
ABBIE: | We know. That joke's getting old. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Sorry. |
ABBIE: | It's okay. Anyway, tonight, Sasha, it'll be just you and Fuzzy along. You know, candlelight, expensive French food, romantic music... |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Ah... well, don't get too excited about the music. |
ABBIE: | Huh? |
BUNNIQUETTE: | 'Willits Gumman, the Singing Doctor. Also Featuring Yowlo the Screech-O-Matic Fiddle'. |
ABBIE: | Oh, rats. If that mad old fool provides the music, it'll ruin the mood. |
SASHA: | I think you're all mad. |
ABBIE: | You and Fuzzy will be very happy together. |
(Cut to the alien spaceship where Hoppy and Laff are being held) | |
LAFF: | Do you think we'll be able to escape? |
HOPPY LASHES: | Not yet. They'll be back in a minute. But we'll get away eventually. |
LAFF: | But even if we do, how will we get back to the Sea Kidney? |
HOPPY LASHES: | Where there's a will, there's a way. |
LAFF: | Of course! |
HOPPY LASHES: | What? |
(Laff gives her a piece of paper.) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | What's this? |
LAFF: | My will! |
HOPPY LASHES: | Blah, blah... 'Sound Mind and Bunny'... et cetera... 'I ask that if I am killed by ugly aliens who kidnap me and Hoppy, then I want my lifeless corpse to be sent back to the UBF Sea Kidney.' |
LAFF: | Get it? It's a joke. See, you said 'Where there's a will, there's a way', and that's my will, see, and if we die, that's the way we get back to Fuzzy's ship, see? A joke! |
HOPPY LASHES: | I pity your parents. |
LAFF: | Why do people keep saying that to me? |
(Their alien captors return) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | They're back. |
LAFF: | Kiss me, Hop! |
HOPPY LASHES: | I beg your-- |
(Laff kisses her The aliens look on and suddenly run away, screaming.) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | What the hell?! |
LAFF: | I knew it! My Protoculture joke from last episode gave me an idea. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Why did they run away? |
LAFF: | It's all got to do with that cartoon I told you about from Earth. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Hohotech. |
LAFF: | Something like that. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Now that they're gone again, we can hijack their ship and go back to Fuzzy's cruiser! |
LAFF: | Yup. |
(As the credits roll we hear Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' played on violin by someone who can't play for shit) |