SEASON ONE EPISODE EIGHT | |
THE UNCANNY MUTIE-RABBITS | |
(Mal's room. He is here with Fuzzy) | |
FUZZY: | Are you sure? Could Hoppy be wrong? |
MAL: | There's no mistake. It's definite. |
FUZZY: | So Bunniquette is secretly an alien princess. |
MAL: | Yep. |
FUZZY: | Does she have amazing psychic powers? |
MAL: | I wouldn't be too surprised. |
FUZZY: | Gee. Too bad. |
(Cut to the Bridge. Abbie, Westminster, Earless, Sasha and Bunniquette) | |
ABBIE: | It's weird having Hoppy and Laff back. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah... |
SASHA: | The ship seems very crowded with them around. |
WESTMINSTER: | it just feels like they don't belong here any more. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah... |
ABBIE: | They say they were abducted by aliens. |
EARLESS: | I was abducted by aliens once. |
SASHA: | Really? |
EARLESS: | Of course. How do you think I lost my ears? You see, there was this time once when I met this-- |
ABBIE: | Oh, shut up. dad. |
EARLESS: | Young bunnies today - no respect for their elders. |
WESTMINSTER: | I've never met an old bunny who has respect for you. |
EARLESS: | You'll get yours, Biggles. |
(Cut to Uulamets' room. Uulamets is talking to Gumman.) | |
UULAMETS: | Did you examine the Dropoff and the girl bunny? |
GUMMAN: | Yes... you were right. When they were on the alien ship they contracted a rare alien disease. They may not have long to live. |
UULAMETS: | Just as I suspected. Can you cure them? |
GUMMAN: | No chance. |
(Back to Fuzzy and Mal.) | |
MAL: | You must promise never to tell a soul about Bunniquette's past. If Bunniquette found out, it would turn her whole life upside down. |
FUZZY: | Your secret is safe with me. |
MAL: | We must never speak about this again. |
(Laff and Hoppy are in the Malt Shoppe. The jukebox is playing '24 Hours From Tulsa' by Bunniquette O'Bunbun.) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | It's great to be back on Fuzzy's ship. |
LAFF: | Is it? Everything's changed. There's that new guy - the wizard, and his daughter. Your ex, Mal, seems to be involved with Bunniquette. Admiral Fuzzy is in love with the Russian babe. It just feels as if we don't belong here any more. |
HOPPY LASHES: | As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. Do you think we should leave? We could go and live by ourselves on that alien ship we came back in. |
LAFF: | It might be best for everyone if we left. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Hmm. |
(Fuzzy, in his own room) | |
FUZZY: | Things are really tense since Laff and Hoppy returned. It's disturbing the delicate balance of life on the Sea Kidney. Perhaps I should ask them to leave. No, I can't. They've done so much for me. I just wish they could've repaired the Insectblanket. |
(Cut to Gumman's surgery. Hoppy is talking to him.) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | ...so I just haven't been feeling very well since I got back. |
GUMMAN: | I see. Has Laff been complaining of the same symptoms? |
HOPPY LASHES: | How did you know? |
GUMMAN: | Lucky guess. |
HOPPY LASHES: | So, it's just a virus, is it? I suppose we'll be better in a few days? |
GUMMAN: | Ah... perhaps. |
(In the Malt Shoppe we find Fuzzy, Earless, Abbie, Westminster, Bullocksnap, Laff, Mal, Bunniquette, Sasha, Uulamets, and the four chainsaws.) | |
BULLOCKSNAP: | So Laff, tell us about the aliens who kidnapped you. |
LAFF: | Well, they wanted us to tell them about Protoculture, so I kissed Hoppy and they ran away. |
(Everyone (especially Mal) looks shocked.) | |
LAFF: | Maybe I shouldn't have said that. |
(Bunniquette is sitting by herself in a corner of the Shoppe away from the others. She has a microphone and sings 'Stupid Cupid', and her eyes follow the movements of Mal Bunny) | |
SASHA: | Look, father. Bunniquette is over there singing a song. |
UULAMETS: | Comfort her, dear. |
(Sasha goes over to sit with Bunniquette, who is almost finished the song. While Bunniquette watches Mal, Sasha longingly gazes at Fuzzy.) | |
LAFF: | Well, uh, I have to get back to... uh... my room. I ... left the... iron on. |
(He leaves hurriedly. Mal glares after him.) | |
MAL: | This is all so confusing. I don't know what I want any more. |
FUZZY: | Everything will turn out for the best. |
(Bunniquette has stopped singing. Cut to Mal's room. He's alone with a photo of Hoppy. He sings 'There's Always Something There To Remind Me', never letting the photo out of his hand. Afterwards he just sits down on his bed sadly and produces a photo of Bunniquette. Cut to the Bridge. Fuzzy, Abbie, and Bunniquette.) | |
FUZZY: | Okay, let's go to the next sketch. |
ABBIE: | What? It's unlike you to want to watch a third-rate comedy sketch when such disturbing stuff is happening on your ship. |
FUZZY: | Oh, this isn't comedy. This is the Uncanny Mutie-Rabbits pilot we shot. |
ABBIE: | Oh. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Do we have to? |
(Cut to the grounds of a large mansion. Strolling through the gardens are Fuzzy (dressed up to look like Cyclops), Sasha (Jean) and Uulamets (painted blue - Kurt).) | |
FUZZY: | Isn't it a lovely day, Marvel Bunny? |
SASHA: | Muchly so, Eye-Bunny. Do you not agree, Bamf Bunny? |
UULAMETS: | This is the stupidest show I've ever been in. |
(Abbie, Bunniquette and Chainsaw 1 arrive, dressed as Rogue, Storm and Gambit) | |
ABBIE: | Hi, Eye-Bunny! Hi, Marvel Bunny and Bamf Bunny! Isn't it a lovely day? |
FUZZY: | I was just saying the same thing, Rogue Bunny. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Well, obviously the weather will be nice when I'm here. |
CHAINSAW 1: | You're right, Drizzle Bunny. |
ABBIE: | I-Can-Make-Things-Blow-Up Chainsaw is right. You are right, Drizzle. |
FUZZY: | Look, here comes Japanese Ninja Telepath Bunny. |
(Hoppy (as Psylocke) enters and says:) | |
HOPPY LASHES: | I can read minds. |
(She exits again. Laff (Bishop) walks in) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Hi there, Fish-shop Bunny. Are you still sad about not being twenty years in the future? |
LAFF: | Yes. |
(Uncle Earless (in a wheelchair) is brought out by Mal (Iceman).) | |
FUZZY: | Look! It's our mentor, Professor B, and that wise-cracking joker, Very Cold Bunny. |
(Bullocksnap enters. Wolverine) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Hello, Savage Bunny With Claws. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | I am very old. |
(Westminster enters with big metal wings) | |
CHAINSAW 1: | Oh, here's Grouchy Old Flying Bunny Who Used To Be Rich. |
WESTMINSTER: | Is Japanese Ninja Telepath Bunny here? |
FUZZY: | No, she just left. She's not herself. |
(Gumman (Forge) and Chainsaw 3 (Jubilee) enter) | |
GUMMAN: | Marry me, Drizzle! |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Go away, Filthy Old Inventor Bunny. |
BULLOCKSNAP: | Fireworks Immature Foolish Little Girl Chainsaw! How are you today? |
CHAINSAW 3: | Much better now that I'm with you, Savage Bunny With Claws. |
(Chainsaws 2 and 4 (Beast and Colossus) enter) | |
WESTMINSTER: | Come and join the party, Blue Fuzzy Strong Chainsaw and Friendly Metal Chainsaw! |
CHAINSAW 2: | I'm more intelligent that the rest of you put together. |
CHAINSAW 4: | My entire life is a tragedy. |
(Enter Lucky as Magneto) | |
EARLESS: | Oh no! It is our deadliest enemy, Magnetoes, the Bunny Master of Podiatry! |
(Lucky blows them all up. When the smoke clears, Fuzzy says:) | |
FUZZY: | Wasn't that fun? Next week we can do the Avengers! |
(Cut to one of Bunniquette's news updates.) | |
BUNNIQUETTE: | In world news tonight: The last sketch featured a character named Magnetoes, the Bunny Master of Podiatry. You probably didn't recognise the Bunny who played the character. It was Lucky, Bunny God of Thunder. Lucky was signed up for a role in the series at the beginning of episode two, but the writers never used him until now. Filth at eleven. |
(Fuzzy and Sasha sit together on the bridge, neither sure what to say. After a long silence...) | |
FUZZY: | I'm sure I had to leave the Malt Shoppe when we had dinner the other night. |
SASHA: | I forgive you. |
FUZZY: | Thanks. |
(Gumman enters) | |
GUMMAN: | I must speak with you, Admiral Fuzzy. |
FUZZY: | Can it wait? I'm-- |
GUMMAN: | It's about Laff and Miss Lashes. |
FUZZY: | Ah. I see. |
(Cut to the primary airlock. Hoppy and Laff are holding suitcases.) | |
LAFF: | Boy, I think I'm really getting sick. |
HOPPY LASHES: | Yeah, me too. But Willits Gumman said it's just a virus. |
LAFF: | Did he? |
HOPPY LASHES: | No, not really. When I asked him what was wrong with us, he just changed the subject. We may be sicker than we think. |
LAFF: | We'll live. |
(The look in Hoppy's eyes says 'I'm not so sure about that'. Cut to Gumman and Fuzzy alone on the Bridge.) | |
FUZZY: | Are you sure? |
GUMMAN: | Yes. Teddy Uulamets was worried, so he asked me to examine them. For all I know, they may die any minute now. But on the other hand, they may live for another fifty years. I can't tell. |
FUZZY: | Do they know yet? |
GUMMAN: | I think Hoppy suspects. |
(A computer beeps. Fuzzy presses a button, and Hoppy and Laff appear on a monitor. They are in the alien ship.) | |
FUZZY: | Hoppy! Laff! What are you-- |
HOPPY LASHES: | We're leaving. Don't try to stop us. We just wanted to say goodbye. |
FUZZY: | But-- |
HOPPY LASHES: | Good bye. |
(The monitor goes black. The alien ship departs. Laff and Hoppy are gone for good.) | |
GUMMAN: | They're gone! |
(Uulamets' study. He is looking into his crystal ball.) | |
UULAMETS: | Oh no! |
(Sasha rushes in) | |
SASHA: | Father! What's wrong? |
UULAMETS: | I've just seen the future of Hoppy Lashes, Mal Bunny and Bunniquette O'Bunbun. |
SASHA: | Is there a problem? |
UULAMETS: | Yes! Hoppy Lashes just left with Laff. But according to my magic, Hoppy is supposed to marry Mal. They have nine children: Nancy, Finch, Glock, Hoppy Lashes the Ninth, Mal John Tom Chris Ferdinand Bunny, Finch the Second, Hoppy Lashes the Tenth, Dif, and Oonf the Second. But right now, Hoppy's with Laff and Mal's in love with Bunniquette. Now Hoppy thinks that Bunniquette is an alien princess, but in reality, Bunniquette the third is actually Hoppy's aunt! |
SASHA: | That's impossible! Bunniquette is at least five years younger than Hoppy, if not more! |
UULAMETS: | Keeping track of one's genealogy is very difficult in this age of technology and star travel. |
SASHA: | Why is that? |
UULAMETS: | In space, no one can hear you breed. |
SASHA: | Does it really matter if things don't turn out the way you foresee them? |
UULAMETS: | It could mean the end of the universe as we know it. |
SASHA: | How come? |
UULAMETS: | Don't ask stupid questions. Let me finish. You see, Bunniquette is supposed to marry some guy called Chris Rabbo. They don't have any children, because Chris's-- |
SASHA: | I muchly diswant to know. |
UULAMETS: | Well, anyway, if Hoppy and Mal don't get together eventually, things could get nasty. |
SASHA: | Oh. |
(Fuzzy enters. He has overheard most of the conversation.) | |
FUZZY: | I'm afraid it's not going to happen. Hoppy and Laff are gone. |
UULAMETS: | Surely the disease hasn't killed them already? |
FUZZY: | No. They've just left. In the alien ship. |
UULAMETS: | Those ignorant fools! They may have doomed us all! |
FUZZY: | But why is Hoppy's future so important? |
UULAMETS: | She has the blood of the Bunny Funs in her veins. The Bunny Funs are blessed with cosmic celebrity. |
FUZZY: | What? |
UULAMETS: | They're very famous and amongst the most integral denizens of our universe. If the Bunny Fun line does not unfold as it is supposed to, we may all end up hurtling towards oblivion on an intergalactic pogo stick with no brakes! |
FUZZY: | Life was so much simpler when it was just me and my Insectblanket. |
(As the credits roll, we watch the alien ship of Hoppy and Laff floating through space away from Fuzzy and his crew.) |