SEASON TWO EPISODE EIGHT

KISS YOUR TAIL GOODBYE

(The dungeon where Sasha, Abbie and the others are chained up. Hoppy and Mal are still standing in the corner. Hoppy is in her UBF battlesuit. The large, heavy wooden door creaks open. Pirica enters, flanked by Rufus and Yasta. All of the good guys are conscious now, but less than healthy and not so cheerful.)

PIRICA:

Ah, so, my little prisoners are awake at last. Now you see the error of your ways. No one defies the UBF and lives to regret it.

ABBIE:

We'll never regret fighting you, bitch!

PIRICA:

That's pretty much what I just said, dear.

BULLOCKSNAP:

I demand that you free us immediately, Ms DeBunny! The UBF has been compromised by invading alien bodysnatchers, and unless you release us, we're unable to help you defeat them.

PIRICA:

You are a very stupid bunny, Colonel Bullocksnap. Do you not understand that I am, of my own free will, serving the very aliens of which you mumble? Soon, the entire universe will bow to the Nunklon Empire!

EARLESS:

Never!

(Earless tries to spit in her face, but just ends up dribbling.)

PIRICA:

Leapflog! B9! Kill them all. Start with the Princess.

WESTMINSTER:

Princess? What Princess?

ABBIE:

Sasha. Remember?

WESTMINSTER:

Oh yeah. I forgot.

(Hoppy and Mal do nothing.)

PIRICA:

Did you not hear me, UBF scum? I am your leader. You will obey me.

(Perhaps a barely noticeable smile can be seen on Hoppy's face. Snatching a ring of keys from Pirica's belt and throwing them to Mal, Hoppy says:)

HOPPY LASHES:

Free the others, Mal!

MAL:

Yes, Ma'am!

YASTA:

What's going on? How did the BFDs manage to escape from the effects of our Big Nasty Hypno-Machine?

(Bunniquette and Rabbo burst in, each holding a blaster. Behind them is a young Dropoff girl.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

I unplugged it! Eat stun-beam, you mongrel freaks!

(Rufus and Yasta are shot. They collapse, stunned.)

PIRICA:

How can this be? My plan was fool-proof!

BUNNIQUETTE:

Yeah, well it wasn't O'Bunbun proof! Punch 'er again for me, Hop!

WESTMINSTER:

What's going on?

ABBIE:

I'm not sure. I think we're hallucinating. Hoppy Lashes is beating up Pirica, and Mal just unchained Uulamets.

(Hoppy is really going to town on Pirica, fists flying.)

PIRICA:

Guards! Help! Help!

(Rabbo and the Dropoff girl (Jetty) push the enormous door closed and sing down the iron bar that locks it.)

JETTY:

No gun on Tooty-Mondongo will open that door. We're safe in here.

MAL:

Hey, 'Quette, who's the girl?

BUNNIQUETTE:

Everyone, this is Jetty.

(By now everyone is free. Pirica is unconscious and Rufus and Yasta are chained up by their heads - the only parts of their bodies which they can't alter with their shape-changing powers.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Her ship crashed here a few weeks ago. All her crew were killed by Pirica's goons, but Jetty escaped. She saw the Sea Kidney arrive and snuck in to help us.

SASHA:

Where is Fuzzy? We must find Fuzzy!

BULLOCKSNAP:

And his father. Hoppy, wake up DeBunny and make her tell you where Fuzzy and Ghuzzy are.

JETTY:

You're Fuzzy Bunny's crew? Shit! What happened to the Insectblanket?

HOPPY LASHES:

You know Fuzzy?

JETTY:

Met him once. My brother used to serve on Fuzzy's ship. But I haven't heard from him in a while.

GUMMAN:

Your ... brother?

HOPPY LASHES:

Shit.

(Cut to the throne room. Fuzzy and Ghuzzy are chained to either side of the throne.)

GHUZZY:

Any luck, son?

FUZZY:

Nope. Can't get free.

GHUZZY:

And Pirica could be back any minute now.

FUZZY:

Damn! If she hurts Sasha...!

(Cut back to the dungeon. Hoppy is consoling a sobbing Jetty - who is quite obviously Laff's sister. Bunniquette is checking out Pirica.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Hey ... look at this! There's some kind of hypnotic device behind this bitch's ear.

RABBO:

What?

BUNNIQUETTE:

A mark five Mesmeronic Slave-O-Bug.

BULLOCKSNAP:

You mean to tell me that DeBunny was being used by the aliens and had no control over her action?

BUNNIQUETTE:

Um... yep.

(Pirica wakes up.)

PIRICA:

Wh--? Where am I? Who are you people? What's going on?

MAL:

Don't trust her! She's faking!

HOPPY:

No, she's not. Trust me. I know all about Mesmeronic Slave-O-Bugs. I studied them at Techage. Pirica DeBunny is innocent. The aliens used her the same way they used me and you, Mal.

PIRICA:

I don't understand this.

SASHA:

Never mind all this! It is muchly less important that finding Fuzzy and Ghuzzy!

PIRICA:

What? Fuzzy is here? My Fuzzy is here?

SASHA:

No. My Fuzzy.

RABBO:

No time to argue. Sasha's right. We have to find them. But there's hundreds of alien UBF soldiers out there. We don't have a chance.

BUNNIQUETTE:

We do now. Here's what we do. Now, Jetty, you said there's a teleporter module in the communications room that is linked directly to the UBF High Command in Ubunnia?

JETTY:

Sob ... yes. Which is where the alien bodysnatchers are based. If we could just destroy Ubunnia...

(Cut back to Fuzzy and Ghuzzy in the throne room. Pirica enters, followed by Bunniquette, Rabbo, Jetty, Abbie, Westminster, Earless, Gumman, Bullocksnap, Sasha, Uulamets, Lucky, Tessa, Howie, Ralph, Lennie, Hoppy, and Mal, all in chains.)

FUZZY:

Sasha! Guys! Did she hurt you?

(No one answers. Pirica calls out the door:)

PIRICA:

Commander!

(The commander of the UBF guards rushes in.)

GUARD:

Yes, my lady?

PIRICA:

Rufus and Yasta have betrayed us. They tried to free the prisoners. I have chained them up in the dungeon. You are to escort them to Ubunnia, where they will meet the justice of the High Command.

GUARD:

Yes, my lady.

PIRICA:

But you know how dangerous they can be. Be sure to keep their heads chained up, and you'll need to take every last UBF agent on this planet with you, in case they manage to escape.

GUARD:

But I can't leave you unprotected--

PIRICA:

You can, and you will. Punishing Rufus and Yasta is more important. I will see you to the dungeon to pick up the traitors, and then you and your men will report to the teleporter and beam back to Ubunnia.

(Pirica and the guard exit, leaving the good guys alone, and reunited, if you get what I mean.)

FUZZY:

Thank heavens you're all okay! We have to escape!

HOPPY:

No, we don't.

FUZZY:

Hoppy! You spoke!

(Hoppy and the others unchain themselves. Sasha runs to hug Fuzzy.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Everything's gonna be fine, Fuzzy. Pirica's with us now. Once the guards beam down, all of our UBF problems are over.

GHUZZY:

What do you mean?

HOPPY:

I attached a hidden Thermo-Nuclear Molecular Ouch Bomb to Rufus and Yasta.

GHUZZY:

But that means--

HOPPY:

Yes. The bomb will go off when their atoms are reassembled after the teleport.

GHUZZY:

But there's enough juice in one of those bombs to --

HOPPY:

Destroy an entire continent. Yes.

BUNNIQUETTE:

The whole UBF will be annihilated. The alien bodysnatchers will be defeated. We can say good bye to the Nunklon Empire and their evil schemes to conquer the universe.

GHUZZY:

But ... but there'll be no UBF!

HOPPY:

Better to have no UBF than to have a UBF that wants to murder us all.

(Pirica returns, and immediately runs to embrace Fuzzy.)

PIRICA:

Oh, Fuzzy! You came back to me! I knew you still loved me!

FUZZY:

Actually, I came back to stop you from murdering my father. And I'm afraid I don't still love you. I'll always care for you, Ric, but my heart belongs to Sasha Uulamets.

PIRICA:

You mean Princess Uulamets.

FUZZY:

... Yes.

BUNNIQUETTE:

Enough of this rubbish. Pirica, did the guards get Rufus and Yasta?

PIRICA:

Yes. And I saw them to the teleporter.

(A big monitor slides down from the ceiling. On it we see the small continent Ubunnia, covered with skyscrapers and starship launch stations.)

PIRICA:

Watch.

(Ubunnia explodes. When the smoke clears, there is nothing left. The UBF is no more, and the threat of the Nunklon Empire's alien bodysnatchers is over.)

RABBO:

Sigh. There goes my shop. Mindy and I spent many a happy month in that shop. I'll miss the old place.

JETTY:

Who's Mindy?

RABBO:

My pet walrus.

EARLESS:

Here we go.

JETTY:

You have a pet walrus called Mindy?

RABBO:

...Maybe.

(CAPTION: TWO WEEKS LATER )

We see the exterior of Pirica's UBF outpost. Next to it stands the Sea Kidney. Everyone is standing around outside the ship: Fuzzy, Sasha, Uulamets, Lucky, Gumman, Abbie, Earless, Westminster, Hoppy, Mal, Bunniquette, the four chainsaws. And any other good guys I forgot. Like Bullocksnap. And Jetty. And Pirica. And Ghuzzy.)

FUZZY:

Well, let's go. Pirica, Jetty, you're welcome to come and live aboard my ship, or I can drop you off on any planet you like.

PIRICA:

I would be delighted to travel with you, Fuzzykins - uh, I mean Fuzzy. If the Princess doesn't object.

SASHA:

Humph. I cannot stop you from coming.

JETTY:

I'll be staying here. With the others.

FUZZY:

What others?

BULLOCKSNAP:

Well, Fuzzy, it's like this - me and a few of the crew have decided to stay here on Tooty-Mondongo and rebuild the UBF. The way it used to be in the good old days.

FUZZY:

Oh. Who else is staying here?

GHUZZY:

My duty is to serve the UBF. I want to settle down.

HOWIE:

Me too. I'm tired of wandering. I want to settle down.

MAL:

I'll be staying too.

UULAMETS:

But you can't, unless Hoppy stays too! Remember, you have to have nine chil--

GUMMAN:

Don't panic, Teddy. Hoppy isn't staying here - but she doesn't have to. You see, she's pregnant already.

UULAMETS:

Yes, but she has to have n--

GUMMAN:

She is. It's nine-tuplets. Or whatever they're called. The Bunny Fun Legacy is safe.

WESTMINSTER:

...I'm staying here.

ABBIE:

What? But--

WESTMINSTER:

I'll always love you, Abbie, but I feel that I need to stay here.

(Abbie turns away from him. Fuzzy says:)

FUZZY:

It's best if we go now. Farewell.

(And everyone except Ghuzzy, Howie, Mal, Westminster, Bullocksnap, and Jetty sadly board the Sea Kidney. The ship takes off, and Fuzzy Bunny and his revised crew are gone. Fade to black as the credits roll.)