SEASON TWO EPISODE NINE

THE GOOEY PINK WONDER-DRUG

(The Bridge. Fuzzy, Sasha, Hoppy, Bunniquette, Pirica. The door is gone, having been ripped off its hinges after it was chainsaw-fused to stop Rufus and Yasta getting in.)

PIRICA:

So, what happened to the Insectblanket?

FUZZY:

It crashed on Yoople-5 and is lying there still, beyond repair.

PIRICA:

No starship is beyond repair to a master mechanic such as myself.

FUZZY:

You're a mechanic? Last time I saw you ... um, I think it was the day before the wedding ... you had just enrolled in Mrs Johnson's Cake Decorating School.

PIRICA:

When you left, I was shattered. Cake decorating no longer held and fascination for me. I joined up with the UBF reserve - one weekend a month, two weeks a year - and became a fully-trained warp engineer. I can fix ANY starship.

HOPPY:

I'd hate to boast, but I spent eight years at the UBF techage, and Laff studied for almost as long at the Dropoff Military Academy, and the two of us together couldn't fix the 'Blanket. No one can.

PIRICA:

No one but me. You see, I have a little secret.

FUZZY:

?

PIRICA:

Yes. I was actually fixing starships even before I enrolled in the cake classes. In fact... I built the Insectblanket, to Ghuzzy's specifications. And I assure you, I can fix it.

FUZZY:

You BUILT it? But dad told me he got it from --

PIRICA:

He was afraid that if you knew I was a mechanic, you'd think me un-feminine and leave me. He was half-right. You left me.

FUZZY:

I've explained this a million times since we left Tooty-Mondongo, Ric. I just wasn't ready for marriage.

PIRICA:

Then perhaps you shouldn't have proposed to me.

FUZZY:

I was confused. I needed some time alone.

PIRICA:

So you stole the starship that I built for you and you took off into space. And did you come back to Earth? Yes! Did you tell me? No! You just hooked up with Abbigail Cleveland Biggles and her dopey husband and her senile father and you picked up Alex Bullocksnap and you left again without so much as writing me a note! I loved you and you treated me like shit! And you'll do the same to Princess Uulamets, first chance you get!

(Fuzzy slaps her and storms out. Sasha follows.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Nice work, DeBunny.

(Bunniquette leaves too. Hoppy and Pirica are alone.)

HOPPY:

Right. They're gone. Can we chat?

PIRICA:

...About what?

HOPPY:

This battlesuit. If I take it off, I'll die instantly. But I'm pregnant. With NINE KIDS inside me. And when I start to show, there's no way I'll fit into this thing. Since you were responsible for the suit, I was hoping you'd know how to cure my disease, and then I could take off the stupid suit and live a normal life again. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get pregnant when you're wearing a full-body UBF battlesuit?

PIRICA:

I can imagine. Meet me in Gumman's medical bay in half an hour and I'll see what I can do.

(Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Gumman, Tessa, Uulamets, and Lucky.)

TESSA:

 It's such a relief to know that the UBF aren't trying to kill us any more. And Fuzzy gets to keep the ship, so we're not going to lose our home.

UULAMETS:

It's comforting to -- Tessa! Do you feel that?

TESSA:

Good heavens! Class Ten Arcane Emanations! But where could they be coming from?

GUMMAN:

What the hell are you two talking about?

UULAMETS:

Class Ten! NOTHING produces energy that powerful! Even our resident Thunder God here only radiates Class Eight waves.

LUCKY:

There is one who is capable of your 'Class Ten' magic, little mortal bunny.

UULAMETS:

Who? How is it possible?

LUCKY:

He approaches.

TESSA:

Who? Who is it?

LUCKY:

My father. Aracus, the All-Bunny, God of Everything That Makes Other People See How Tiny And Insignificant They Are. The most powerful being in the multiverse!

UULAMETS:

But he's just a myth! Gods don't really exist!

GUMMAN:

Wake up and look at who you're talking to, Merlin.

UULAMETS:

Oh, yeah. Okay. Maybe Gods do exist then.

(There is a brief but blinding flash of light. Lucky says:)

LUCKY:

Yes, my liege.

(And he vanishes.)

TESSA:

He's gone! Lucky's gone!

UULAMETS:

And so are the Class Ten Emanations. Aracus has spirited his son away on some God-kind business that is above mere mortals like us.

GUMMAN:

Wow.

TESSA:

Creepy.

(Sasha's room. Sasha and Fuzzy are sitting on the bed.)

FUZZY:

How dare she? How dare she? It's not true, Sash. I'll never leave you. I'll dump Ric on the next planet we come to. Inhabited or not.

SASHA:

You can't.

FUZZY:

What?

SASHA:

We have to take her to Yoople-5. I know how much your old ship meant to you, although I've never seen it. If Pirica can fix the Insectblanket they you have to let her. You must go and apologise to her right now.

FUZZY:

But--

SASHA:

No buts. Now. Soon the Insectblanket will be reborn.

(Fuzzy nods grimly and leaves. Sasha sighs. Cut to the Bridge. It is empty, until Fuzzy enters.)

FUZZY:

Pirica? Ric, where are you? Bugger. She's left. She could be anywhere by now. I'll check the tennis courts and the Malt Shoppe.

(Cut to Gumman's surgery. Hoppy and Pirica. Hoppy is lying on the table. She is no longer wearing her battlesuit.)

PIRICA:

Done. But you'll have to inject this serum into your ears three times every day. Miss even one dose and you'll die within hours.

(Hoppy climbs down off the table and Pirica hands her a large syringe full of pink goo and a huge jar full of the same stuff.)

PIRICA:

Be sure to tell me when you've almost run out of the serum and I'll make you some more. I'll also tell Gumman how to make it. It contains a number of chemicals found only on the homeworld of the Nunklon Empire, but fortunately I have a large supply.

HOPPY:

But what happens when you finally run out? We can't very well just go to the Nunklon homeworld and ask for their cough medicine, can we?

PIRICA:

Hopefully by then Gumman and I will have found a way to synthesise the chemicals. Or else you will have had your nine children ... and it won't matter if you die.

HOPPY:

Great.

(Cut to the tennis courts. Abbie is there, sitting next to the net sadly. Fuzzy enters.)

FUZZY:

Uh... hi. How's tricks?

ABBIE:

I feel like I've been pulled through a hat.

FUZZY:

That bad, eh?

ABBIE:

How could he just leave like that? He deserted me.

FUZZY:

He felt he had a responsibility to all of Bunny-kind, so he stayed behind to make sure that the UBF got back on its feet again. And ... besides that, his voice actor was overworked.

ABBIE:

My husband leaves me and you joke?

FUZZY:

Now come on, Ab. He didn't leave you. He just stayed behind. It's not as though he doesn't love you any more. If you like, I could take you back and you could stay with him

ABBIE:

No. I belong here with you and the others.

FUZZY:

So try to cheer up. You're the only sane bunny here, and we need you to keep us in line.

ABBIE:

Right...

FUZZY:

Have you, uh, seen Ric anywhere? I can't find her.

ABBIE:

I wouldn't look, if I were you. Sasha's dreadfully jealous. With good reason. I don't know why you even let Pirica come with us.

FUZZY:

Believe me, Sasha has nothing to worry about. I just punched Ric out, you see. Sasha insisted I go and apologise. And ... Pirica says she can repair the 'Blanket.

ABBIE:

What? But Hoppy and Laff said --

FUZZY:

Yes, but ... turns out Pirica built it!!

ABBIE:

Whoa! Yoople-5, here we come!

FUZZY:

Do you mind? I imagine Yoople 5 might bring you a painful memory or two.

ABBIE:

...No. You were right. Westminster still loves me. I have no reason to be upset. And besides, I miss the Insectblanket as much as you do. If there's any chance that we can get her running again, then it's worth any price.

FUZZY:

I'm glad you think so too. So let's find Pirica and get my ship back!!

(Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Sasha, Rabbo, Bunniquette, Earless. Fuzzy and Abbie enter.)

RABBO:

Howdy, Fuzz-man. Hiya, Abster. Wooga, wooga!

ABBIE:

I beg your pardon?

RABBO:

Sorry. Standard obligatory stupid noise. By the way, did you know I've got a pet walrus? Its name is --

FUZZY:

Listen, has anyone seen Ric? I need to --

(Hoppy rushes in. Not wearing her battlesuit. Pirica is behind her.)

BUNNIQUETTE:

Hopper! You got the suit off! And you're not even dead!

HOPPY:

Pirica did it! As long as I take the drugs she gave me every day, I'll be fine!

SASHA:

There she is.

FUZZY:

Yes. Ahem. Pirica, I'd like to apologise for hitting you. And ... we would all be very grateful if you would consent to ... fix up the Insectblanket for us.

PIRICA:

... I'd do anything for you, Fuzzy.

(Pirica exits. The credits roll.)