(The alley. Goatee, Glock, Oonf, Nancy, Ferdie, Quintessa.)
FERDIE:Your grandmother? Are you mad?
GOATEE:Well, not my actual grandmother. She’s a Nunklon assassin who killed the mother of the bunny who adopted me. She’s the one who killed Queen Sasha’s mum!
GLOCK:But she’s so young! And – beautiful! Youch! Look at her—
GOATEE:Oh, shut up! Of course she looks young! Corpses don’t age!
NANCY:Well, no, but they decompose!
GOATEE:Well, not when they’re inhabited by Nunklon bodysnatchers!
ANASTASIA:Calm down, Disembowelled.
GOATEE:What are you doing here, Anastasia?
ANASTASIA:Please, call me Quintessa. It is my real name... my Nunklon name.
FERDIE:So Goatee is telling the truth? You are
NANCY:I’ll get to the truth, Ferdie.
(Nancy uses her telepathy to scan Anastasia’s mind.)
NANCY:Yes. She did kill Anastasia Uulamets and steal her body. She is the Quintessa. And she does help rebels.
GLOCK:Oh, yeah? Well, like, why would a Nunklon be helping out bunnies who want to see the Nunklon race piss off and leave us alone?
ANASTASIA:I am... of the old school. This new breed of Nunklons, the ones who have taken over Earth, they are not my people. The last of my race was destroyed when the UBF bombed the Nunklon homeworld. The Nunklons who oppress you now are a new strain, young and arrogant. They show no respect for the Old Ways and they follow a pack of upstart pups who have the audacity to call themselves Nunklon Lords. Well, let me tell you, they’re not a patch on the Nunklon Lords I used to work for.
FERDIE:So... you’ll help us?
ANASTASIA:Anything for my favourite niece.
NANCY:Niece? But Goatee said you’re her grandmother—
GOATEE & ANASTASIA:Depends how you look at it.
ANASTASIA:Anyway, let’s get back to my headquarters and we’ll discuss things there.
GLOCK:How do we get there?
ANASTASIA:Pack your bikes into the back of my tank and I’ll give you a lift.
GOATEE:Well... all right. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Anna.
ANASTASIA:Quintessa, please.
GOATEE:Whatever. But I warn you – one sign of trouble, and my magic will make short work of you.
NANCY:Goatee! Behave! My telepathic mind-scan has proven her to be genuinely willing to help! That ought to be enough to make you trust her!
GOATEE:You don’t know what she’s like.
(Anastasia mutters to herself,)
ANASTASIA:Neither do you, Goat. Neither do you...
(Cut to the interior of Anastasia’s tank. It’s huge She is driving. Goatee, Glock, Oonf, Nancy and Ferdie are seated behind her. Their hoverbikes are visible in the cargo hold at the rear of the tank.)
ANASTASIA:So, Oonf, your parents were Nunklons, eh? But you’re a bunny. Or have you killed someone and taken their body, like I did?
OONF:I have done nothing of the sort. In fact, I was born with the ability to take over bodies without killing the original occupants.
ANASTASIA:How positively charming.
GOATEE:Anastasia apparently thinks that killing your victims is the best bit.
ANASTASIA:Oh, get off it, you spoiled brat! Okay, so a couple of decades ago I got kind of nasty with your folks a few times, but I’m reformed now! Your father gave me a second chance, and a job. The least you can do is trust me as well.
GOATEE:When hell freezes over, bitch! You ordered the Easter Bunny to kill my uncle Voddle, and I’ll never forgive you for that!
GLOCK:The Easter Bunny?
GOATEE: Oh, belt up, Spielberg! I’m trying to have a fit at Anastasia! Keep out of this!
NANCY:Now, Goatee, I think you should calm down and look at this a little more rationally. The Quintessa has agreed to help us! Perhaps the two of you have had your differences in the past, but that’s behind you now. I trust Anastasia, and I’m the one who reads minds. And besides, if she tries anything on us, our powers are more than enough to deal with her.
ANASTASIA:Thank you, Miss Morrison. It’s nice to know that at least one of the poor little lost lambs that I’m graciously helping out is grateful.
GOATEE:Oh, don’t cry, you stinky old cow. I’ll trust you, for now. But if you cross me, I’ll rip you to pieces.
ANASTASIA:You know I can’t be killed, Disembowelled.
GOATEE:Not through physical means, true. But with the magical talents at my disposal, ending your Godforsaken life would be a piece of cake. So watch yourself “Quintessa”.
ANASTASIA:Hmmm. Well. Truce, yes?
GOATEE:Yes. Against my better judgement.
GLOCK:If your better judgement tells you to honk off the one person on the planet who isn’t trying to kill you, then I’d hate to see what would happen if we followed your worser judgement, Diamonds.
GOATEE:If you don’t stop calling me “Diamonds”, I’ll—
NANCY:Now stop that, all of you. It’s time to be happy. The Quintessa is going to help us contact King Fuzzy, free planet Earth from the clutches of the Neo-Nunklon Empire, and... and... other good stuff!
ANASTASIA:Yep. She’s right. So let’s get happed up and party!
(Sheshudders involuntarily and manages to suppress an “Ugh”.)
OONF:A little cold, Quintie?
ANASTASIA:Um... yes. Cold. Certainly, I’m cold. Not nauseated. Cold. It’s not as if that sickening little Morrison tart makes me want to vomit. No, it’s nothing more than “cold”. Got it in one. Yep.
NANCY:You’ll see, Goatee. Meeting the Quintessa Bunnyon will be the best thing that ever happened to us.
(We watch the tank driving into a large ruined building – Anastasia’s hideout. Cut to her control room inside the hideout. Anastasia, Goatee, Glock, Ferdie, Nancy and Oonf enter.)
ANASTASIA:Welcome to my humble abode.
FERDIE:Look at all these computers and stuff! How come the Nunklons haven’t destroyed them yet?
ANASTASIA: Gotta find ‘em first. And this place is so well cloaked that they’d never be able to do that.
OONF:Hey! You’ve got an interplanetary radio! We can call King Fuzzy right now!
ANASTASIA:I’m afraid not. You see, my radio is broken.
NANCY:But you said the Nunklons—
ANASTASIA:They didn’t. My radio was broken by accident. One of my previous rebel friends was trying to call home and got a bit clumsy. So I’m afraid that you can’t actually call Fuzzy.
NANCY:Well, what’s wrong with the radio? I can probably use my telekinesis to fix it, if it’s nothing too serious.
ANASTASIA:Oh, I don’t think that would work. It’s very broken, you see.
(Cut to a small, very dark, very unpleasant room. Sitting in the corner, bound andgagged, is a very unhappy, very bruised, very been-nasty-to Baik-baik Saja. Cut to an underground cavern. It is full of old Nunklon machinery. Down a flight of stairs come Hoppy, Lasher, Dif, Finch and Skend.)
DIF:We’ve found it! We’ve found the deserted Nunklon base! We’ve found the Grondoglicon Link!
LASHER:Yeah, but... does the teleporter still work? It’s been out of use for, like, eighteen years or something.
(They hear a voice say:)
VOICE:Can I help you?
(It nearly scares the heck out of them. It’s Chris Rabbo.)
RABBO:Howdy, rugrabbits!
SKEND:Who the Walrus are you?
RABBO:Funny you should say that. Why, I’m Chris Rabbo!
LASHER:What? The Chris Rabbo? The one who—
RABBO:A-yup. Welcome to “Bob’s Abandoned Nunklon teleporter Station”.
FINCH:Mister Rabbo, you have to let us use the Grondoglicon Link! It’s essential that we contact King Fuzzy and Queen Sasha!
RABBO:Oh yeah? Like, why?
DIF:We’re friends of Princess Goatee!
RABBO:Hello-excuse-me-what? The Princess is here? Here? On Earth? Take me to her at once!
FINCH:We can’t. We don’t know where she is. We split up so that she and the rest of the team could find the Quintessa Bunnyon.
RABBO:Ouch! Bad move! If the Quintessa gets hold of the Princess... oh, dear.
HOPPY:Then, the sooner we speak to the King and Queen, the better!
RABBO:You’re absolutely right, Your BFDship. Right this way.
HOPPY:This “BFD” crap again! What’s all this about?
RABBO:Um... never mind. It’s not important... any more.
(The rebels follow Chris over to the Grondoglicon Link.)
RABBO:Get in. I’ll turn it on.
(The five rebels climb onto the teleporter platform and the transparent door slides closed. Chris presses a button and waves goodbye.)
RABBO:Have fun! Tell Icky I said “Hi”!
(Hoppy, Lasher, Dif, Finch and Skend vanish as their molecules are separated and beamed up to the Fearsome Prison Planet.)
RABBO:Gee... I hope the Grondoglicon Link still works, or they could end up anywhere in the universe.
(Back to Anastasia’s hideout. The room in which BB is held prisoner. The door opens, and Anastasia throws in Nancy, who is also bound and gagged – not to mention blue.)
ANASTASIA:Lucky I still had one of Yasta’s old TCFGs lying around. Sadly, it’s only powerful enough to effect one of you, but that’s fine for now. Rot, you revolting telekinetic bimbo. See, I’ve brought you a friend, Baik-baik. “Oh, thank you, Quintessa, how kind”. Yes, well, it’s the lease I can do. This Nancy Morrison child was really getting on my nerves. Of course, when she finds out that Morrison is missing, obviously Disembowelled Goat will blame me, but... too bad!
(At the mention of Goatee, BB’s eyes widen in shock. She begin to struggle wildly and growl inarticulately.)
ANASTASIA:Yes, Miss Saja, I finally have your precious Princess Goat in my possession. Soon, she will be dead, and I will take over her body and thus become heir to the Nerpalon throne. Neat plan, eh? Yes, I knew you’d think so. Soon, the entire universe will be mine! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
(Cut to Anastasia’s control room. Glock is trying to fix the radio. Goatee enters.)
GLOCK:Hiya, Diamonds. What’s up?
GOATEE:Don’t call me that. Have you seen Nancy? Oonf and Ferdie are in the tank, tuning up the hoverbikes, but I can’t find Nancy anywhere.
GLOCK:Haven’t seen her all morning. Have you asked the Quintessa?
GOATEE:Can’t find her either. I’m worried.
GLOCK:Oh, there’s a surprise. Chill out, they’ve probably just gone for a walk or something.
GOATEE:One does not “go for a walk” when the city is in ruins and being terrorised by Nunklon soldiers.
GLOCK:Well, I’m sure they’re both fine. Relax a little. Here, help me with this radio.
GOATEE:Sigh... you think you can fix it?
GLOCK:Well, it would be easier if Nancy was here to do the fiddly bits with her TK, but I reckon I can do it. Might take a while though. It’s funny... the Quintessa said it was broken accidentally, but from looking at the damage, I’m sure it was sabotaged intentionally. The Quintessa will be so surprised when she finds out.
GOATEE:Yeah. So surprised.
(Cutto the cargo hold of Anastasia’s tank. Ferdie and Oonf are working on the hoverbikes.)
FERDIE:So... do you think we really can trust the Quintessa? Goatee seems pretty... apprehensive.
OONF:I’m not sure. I don’t like this Quintessa chick much, but... at the same time, I feel as if there’s a sort of bond between us.
OONF:Of course, if Goatee’s right, and the Quintessa Bunnyon is out to get us, then we’ll just have to kill her.
FERDIE:Uh... right. Yeah. Okay.
(Cut to a large room with a teleporter bay in the centre. Hoppy, Lasher, Dif, Finch and Skend appear on the teleporter platform.)
HOPPY:Yes! Grondoglicon!
DIF:We made it!
FINCH:But... do you think we should have left the others behind? Maybe we should’ve asked Mister Rabbo to help us find them, so they could come with us.
LASHER:We didn’t have time. Anyway, everything’ll be fine now. We’ll get the whole Nerpalon UBF to Earth and blow shit through the Nunks. Our salvation is finally at hand.
SKEND:Yeah. So let’s find this Ichorpuss guy and get to Nerpalon 12! Goatee’s depending on us!

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