| SEASON FOUR EPISODE TWELVE | |
| Part Six: THE HEAVENLY PICNIC TABLE | |
| (Heaven. The Stair follows Pete the Faded One across the cloudscape. Soon something can be seen in the distance: as we get closer, we see that it’s a picnic table. Sitting at the picnic table are Fuzzy and Laff.) | |
| HOPPY: | It’s them! It’s them! |
| OYSTER: | At last! |
| (Fuzzy and Laff notice them coming and rush to meet them. Hoppy leaps off the Stair into Laff’s arms.) | |
| LAFF: | Hoppy! Boy, am I glad to see you! |
| OYSTER: | Long time, no see, Fuzz. |
| FUZZY: | Oyster! You found us! |
| OYSTER: | And not before time! We’ve been to Hell, Purgatory, Abyssobenthia, Sceleratus and Torment looking for you two! |
| FUZZY: | Well, you found us eventually! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Good to have you back, Fuzzboy. |
| MUNCHER: | What she said. |
| FUZZY: | Now, Oyst, please... tell me, why the heck did Ch’zzi kidnap us from Abyssobenthia? |
| OYSTER: | Wha—h—Grr! I was just going to ask you that! |
| FUZZY: | Bugger. |
| OYSTER: | We know who hired her to kidnap you, but not why. |
| FUZZY: | Really? Who was she working for? |
| OYSTER: | Brace yourself... Ch’zzi is working with... Grizzle. |
| FUZZY: | What? No way! |
| OYSTER: | Way. |
| PETE: | Enough talk. You’d best get back to the world of the living before God notices you’re here and has a tantrum. He doesn’t like uninvited guests – especially not Hell-Demons. |
| FUZZY: | What? Demon? Where? |
| OYSTER: | You’re looking at him. |
| FUZZY: | You? |
| OYSTER: | Yeah. The old dead-demon-power-transferral trick. |
| FUZZY: | Cool. But the Faded One’s right. Let’s get back to the Crash. |
| OYSTER: | Right. |
| (Oyster plays a little song on his Stair-whistle and the Stair becomes a little larger to accommodate the two extra passengers. Laff and Fuzzy climb on.) | |
| FUZZY: | Thanks for everything, Faded One. Bye! |
| LAFF: | Have a nice life! |
| (The Stair disappears. Cut to the Bridge of the Tonsilcrash. On the floor we can see a pair of shoes, a rubber chicken with no legs, and a chainsaw made of cheese. Pirica is still trapped in the sphere and being chewed by spiders She is covered in blood and doesn’t look too well. The Stair materialises, and grows to its natural height, until it touches the ceiling.) | |
| OYSTER: | Hang on – what’s happened here? |
| FUZZY & OYSTER: | Ric! |
| (They rush over to the spider-sphere.) | |
| FUZZY: | Holy--! Who did this? |
| (Oyster smashes the sphere with a quick punch, and catches Pirica as she falls out.) | |
| OYSTER: | You okay, Ric, honey? |
| FUZZY: | Honey? |
| (Oyster unties and de-gags Pirica.) | |
| OYSTER: | Ric, how did this happen to you? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Hey – this piece of cheese looks like Ralph! |
| PIRICA: | Anastasia! It... was... Anastasia! |
| (Anastasia appears.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes, indeed, it was. |
| OYSTER: | You bitch! |
| ANASTASIA: | Aarggh! It’s the Bridge ‘bitch’ thing again! Well, I’m not putting up with it any more! I’m the Demon Queen of Hell, now! Hand over your control of the Stair to me, Shellfish, and then die! |
| HOPPY: | This’ll be fun. |
| OYSTER: | You’re messing with the wrong Hell-Demon, lady. This’ll be a— |
| (he clicks his fingers.) | |
| OYSTER: | --snap! |
| ANASTASIA: | Don’t try anything funny, kid. I’m the most powerful being in existence right now! |
| OYSTER: | Don’t mean zip against me, sweetie. Do you love me, baby? |
| ANASTASIA: | Do I--? Of... course I love you. |
| (Oyster and Anastasia kiss. Pirica scowls, and Fuzzy nearly throws up.) | |
| FUZZY: | What the ding-dong-merrily-on-high is he doing? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Watch and learn. Boy, is this guy good at his job. |
| OYSTER: | How much do you love me, baby? |
| ANASTASIA: | More than anything! |
| OYSTER: | Putty in my hands. |
| FUZZY: | What’s happened to Anna? She’s acting weird. As though she’s in love with Oyster... |
| MUNCHER: | That’s right. It’s his Inky-power. |
| OYSTER: | Are you really sure you love me? |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes! |
| OYSTER: | Positive? |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes, yes!! |
| OYSTER: | Do you love me enough to do a few things for me? |
| ANASTASIA: | Anything! Name it! |
| OYSTER: | Undo everything that you’ve done with your Demon Queen powers. |
| ANASTASIA: | But— |
| OYSTER: | You’d do it if you really loved me. |
| ANASTASIA: | I’ll do it! |
| (Abbie, Westminster and Ralph return to normal. The spider-sphere vanishes and Pirica’s health is restored.) | |
| OYSTER: | Now, baby... will you do something else for me? |
| ANASTASIA: | Anything! What? |
| OYSTER: | I want you to transfer your Demon Queen powers into... uh, into... ah! Ric! Can I borrow that ring? |
| (Pirica takes a ring off her finger – the engagement ring that Fuzzy gave her all those years ago – and gives it to Oyster.) | |
| OYSTER: | Yes. Anna, I’d like you to transfer all of your demonic energy into this ring. Can you do that for me, my love? |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes. Yes, anything! |
| (Anastasia touches the ring, and ping! Suddenly her horns and tusks etc. vanish and she’s lost her power. Anastasia is no longer the Demon Queen. Oyster gives the ring back to Ric.) | |
| OYSTER: | Gullible cow. Wake up, bitch-features! |
| ANASTASIA: | Huh? What? |
| (Rabbo, Gumman and Sasha enter. Rabbo is holding the Codex Scelestus.) | |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy! |
| FUZZY: | Sasha! |
| RABBO: | Quite an interesting book you’ve got here, Anna. Mind if I destroy it? |
| ANASTASIA: | Nooooo! If that book is destroyed, I’ll never be able to contact the Spawn of Hell again! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Great argument. |
| (Rabbo puts the book in his mouth, chews it up, and swallows it.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | You stupid--! |
| OYSTER: | It’s over, Nunklon. You’ve lost. Your evil magic is gone, and the good guys win! The nasty bodysnatcher’s been defeated, Fuzzy and Laff are home, I’m free from Hell... suck shit, Anna! Everything’s turned out perfect for the good guys, and you get nothing! |
| ANASTASIA: | Perfect is a very strong word. Would you say that having the Dropoff Jetty in a coma is ‘perfect’? |
| PIRICA: | She’s got a point. |
| ANASTASIA: | Bugger this. I’m going to bed. |
| (Anastasia storms out.) | |
| LAFF: | What did she mean, ‘coma’? What’s happened to Jet? |
| SASHA: | You needn’t worry about that now, Laff. Just get some rest. You’ve had a tough time in the last few days. |
| OYSTER: | Chalk up another one for the forces of goodness! |
| HOPPY: | Says the Hell-Demon! |
| OYSTER: | Yeah, well, no one’s perfect. |
| PIRICA: | It’s good to have you back, Fuzzy, Laff. And you, Oyst. |
| (Oyster and Pirica kiss.) | |
| FUZZY: | What’s with the—oh, never mind. |
| (Fuzzy and Sasha do the same – although not quite so intensely.) | |
| PIRICA: | Everything’s turned out right at last. |
| OYSTER: | Yeah. Hey, Ric – look after that ring. It’s got the power of the Demon Queen of Hell stored inside it. If Anastasia got hold of it... |
| FUZZY: | I don’t understand any of this. |
| SASHA: | I’ll fill you in later. |
| (Cut to a place that is nothing but black. Grizzle, face still hidden by her hood, is there.) | |
| GRIZZLE: | This isn’t over yet, Fuzzy! I will not be frustrated in my plans! Grizzle will return!! |
| (Credits. That’s the end of Season Four!) |
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