| SEASON FOUR EPISODE ELEVEN | ||
| Part Five: THE CURSE OF CH’ZZI | ||
| (Torment. The Stair is hovering in front of Ch’zzi.) | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Your what? | |
| HOPPY: | So you and Fuzzy do have a sister! | |
| CH’ZZI: | I am beyond mortal blood-ties! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | But not above mortal blood cocktails, apparently. | |
| OYSTER: | I don’t want to hurt you, Ch’zzi. Hand over Fuzzy and Laff and we’ll forget the whole thing ever happened. | |
| CH’ZZI: | Make me! | |
| HOPPY: | You don’t make shit, you tread in it! Now give me back my boyfriend, or I’ll rip you to pieces, you vampire bitch! | |
| CH’ZZI: | You’re out of you league, little BFD. No one can best me in combat. I am an invincible Soldier of the Dark! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You’re gonna be an uninsurable soldier of the morgue, if you don’t give us back our two friends right now! | |
| CH’ZZI: | You don’t get it, do you? Nothing can conquer the Dark Lords of Sceleratus! | |
| OYSTER: | Oh, Ch’zzi! What would mother say if she could see you now? A vampire! She’d be so disappointed! | |
| CH’ZZI: | Oh, and she’d be impressed by the fact that you’re a sex-demon from Hell? | |
| OYSTER: | Uh… well… at least I didn’t kidnap my big brother! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Why the Hell did you take Laff and Fuzzy? | |
| CH’ZZI: | My employer requested that I do so. | |
| OYSTER: | Who? Who is your employer? | |
| CH’ZZI: | None of your business, little brother! | |
| MUNCHER: | Let’s see… Oyster is Ch’zzi’s little brother… Fuzzy is Oyster and Ch’zzi’s big brother… that means Oyster is the youngest, Ch’zzi is the middle child and Fuzz’s the eldest. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah? So? | |
| MUNCHER: | Just thought I’d point it out. | |
| CH’ZZI: | Nice try, but I don’t hear my cigar detector beeping. | |
| MUNCHER: | You mean I’m wrong? But if that’s the case, there must be anoth— | |
| OYSTER: | Of course! That’s who you’re working for! I should have known! | |
| HOPPY: | What? Who’s she working for? | |
| OYSTER: | For Grizzle! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Who? | |
| OYSTER & MUNCHER: | The first-born child of Ghuzzy Bunny and his wife! | |
| CH’ZZI: | My big sister! | |
| OYSTER: | Our big sister! | |
| CH’ZZI: | Now let’s fight! | |
| (The wings pop out of Oyster’s back again, and he leaps off the Stair, lunging at his sister.) | ||
| CH’ZZI: | Do your worst, kid! | |
| (A long, tense, cool-looking battle begins between the two siblings. They fight for five or six minutes, neither able to gain the upper hand. Hoppy, Bunniquette and Muncher watch with baited breath.) | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Hey! There’s a fish-hook stuck in my tongue! | |
| (The fight continues. Bunniquette pulls the hook out of her tongue. It’s quite large.) | ||
| HOPPY: | Give me that! | |
| (Hoppy snatches the hook from Bunniquette and expertly lobs it at Ch’zzi’s chest. It skewers the vampire’s heart. She drops to the ground, immobilised but otherwise unharmed.) | ||
| CH’ZZI: | Grr! So I can’t move! Big deal! AS soon as this hook falls out, I’ll be after you, whore! | |
| OYSTER: | Right! Thanks, Hop! Now, Sis, tell me where Fuzzy and Laff are! | |
| CH’ZZI: | Never! I won’t betray my sister! | |
| OYSTER: | Heck, why not? You betrayed both your brothers. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What a family. Two sons, two daughters. An incubus and a vampire. Say… Ghuzzy thought you drowned as a kid, Oyst. Does he know about Ch’zzi? | |
| OYSTER: | No. She ran away from home when she was fifteen, and none of us ever saw her again, until now. I didn’t know she was a vampire until Necopinus told me. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | And what about Grizzle? What happened to her? | |
| OYSTER: | She moved to Romania when she was eight as part of a student exchange program. She liked it so much that she stayed. | |
| CH’ZZI: | Well, she’s not there now! | |
| OYSTER: | Oh? And pray tell, exactly where does she reside these days? | |
| CH’ZZI: | She’s the Limbo Queen of Purgatory! | |
| OYSTER: | What? A member of the Spawn Of Purgatory Society? | |
| CH’ZZI: | Member nothing! She’s the head of the whole shebang! | |
| OYSTER: | That explains why the Spawn of Purgatory were so reluctant to help me in my investigations when I was looking for Fuzzy! But how did Fuzzy and Laff get to Abyssobenthia? And why did you kidnap them? | |
| CH’ZZI: | The first question’s easy. I arranged for them to be sent there, so that it wouldn’t look as though the Spawn of Purgatory was involved in their disappearance, so no one would suspect Grizzle. Then I kidnapped them and took them back to my home in Sceleratus. | |
| THE OTHERS: | But why the fuck did Grizzle want them in the first place? | |
| CH’ZZI: | That I don’t know. You’d have to ask her. | |
| (A tall figure (the right side of her face obscured by the hood of her black cloak) appears. Obviously it’s Grizzle, but we don’t get a good look at her.) | ||
| GRIZZLE: | Ch’zzi! Where are the prisoners. | |
| OYSTER: | Grizzle! | |
| CH’ZZI: | I have failed you, sister. | |
| GRIZZLE: | The Faded One took them from you? | |
| CH’ZZI: | Yes. | |
| GRIZZLE: | Then my plans are foiled. It is over, Ch’zzi. | |
| OYSTER: | Grizz! What’s this all about? | |
| GRIZZLE: | Come, Ch’zzi. | |
| OYSTER: | Oh, no! You’re not leaving until you’ve answered my questions! | |
| (Ch’zzi and Grizzle vanish.) | ||
| OYSTER: | Or else I could be wrong. | |
| HOPPY: | You have very impressive sisters, Oyst. | |
| OYSTER: | Damn it! Now Ch’zzi and Grizzle have got away, and we didn’t find out why they kidnapped Fuzz and Laff. | |
| MUNCHER: | But at least we know where to look now. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | We do? | |
| MUNCHER: | Yes. Grizzle said the ‘Faded One’ took them. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ah. | |
| HOPPY: | So, Oyster, exactly who is the Faded One, and where do we find him? | |
| OYSTER: | Pete the Faded One has them, eh? Well then, we’re on our way to… Heaven. | |
| THE OTHERS: | Where?! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Heaven? | |
| OYSTER: | Well, this whole business started in Hell. It’s only fitting that we finish up in Heaven. | |
| MUNCHER: | You mean we are actually going to go to Heaven? | |
| OYSTER: | That’s right. | |
| (He plays a tune on his flute.) | ||
| OYSTER: | Stair-Walkers, ho! | |
| (Cut to the Landing, where the Stair materialises.) | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Gee. I never thought I’d make it to Heaven. | |
| OYSTER: | We’re not there yet. We may encounter a few difficulties as we approach the entrance. | |
| HOPPY: | How come? | |
| OYSTER: | You’ll find out. Bingo! | |
| (Cut to a nice fluffy cloudscape. A huge golden gate leads into Heaven. The Stair appears.) | ||
| HOPPY: | Heaven! So, why did you think we’d have trouble getting in? | |
| OYSTER: | Because of him! | |
| (From behind the gate comes an enormous panda with wings and a halo.) | ||
| OYSTER: | Truncator, the Pearly Gate-Keeper! | |
| TRUNCATOR: | Who goes there? No one may pass! | |
| OYSTER: | I am Powerbus. I seek temporary access to your master’s realm. | |
| TRUNCATOR: | Bad luck! No way do I let a Hell-Demon into Heaven! | |
| OYSTER: | Pretty please with goat’s blood on top? | |
| TRUNCATOR: | No. Piss off, or I’ll beat you up. | |
| OYSTER: | Just answer me this: have King Fuzzy and Commander Laff been here? | |
| TRUNCATOR: | The bunny and the Dropoff? Yeah, they came in with Pete a few hours back. | |
| HOPPY: | Well we’re here to take them home. Now get out of our way! | |
| TRUNCATOR: | I can’t allow you to enter Heaven without a Visitor’s Pass. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Well, where do we get one? | |
| TRUNCATOR: | From the Faded One’s office. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Where’s that? | |
| TRUNCATOR: | In Heaven, of course. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ah. One of these, eh? We can’t get into Heaven without a Pass, and we can’t get a Pass except from in Heaven. Well, bugger that! Hop, I’ll take the Bear Of Inconsistent Hue. You get the gate. | |
| OYSTER: | Uh, guys, it’s not a good idea to make Truncator angry— | |
| HOPPY: | Same goes for me and Quette! | |
| (Hoppy and Bunniquette leap off the Stair. Bunniquette thumps the panda, and Hoppy smashes the Pearly Gates off their hinges with one rather good punch.) | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Ha! Take that, Pooh! | |
| OYSTER: | I can’t believe it! You knocked out the Pearly Gate-Keeper with one punch! | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | I’ve been practising on Chris. | |
| HOPPY: | The Gate’s down, crew. Let’s jet! We’ve nearly reached our goal! | |
| (Bunniquette and Hoppy climb back onto the Stair, which zooms through the gateway into Heaven. White fluffy clouds as far as the eye can see. And a small building. | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Welcome to Care-A-Lot, fluffy cloud-like home of the Care Bears… | |
| MUNCHER: | That building must be the Faded One’s office. | |
| HOPPY: | Let’s go! | |
| (The Stair takes them to the building. There’s a large window. Sitting inside the window is a pink seal with wings and a halo.) | ||
| OYSTER: | Pete the Faded One! | |
| PETE: | How can I—help! You’re a Hell-Demon! How did you get here? | |
| OYSTER: | Relax, pal. We’re not here to cause trouble. We just want Fuzzy and Laff. | |
| PETE: | Who--? Oh, the two I rescued from the vampire. Why? What are they to you? | |
| OYSTER: | One of them’s my brother. | |
| HOPPY: | The other one’s my boyfriend! | |
| MUNCHER & QUETTE: | They’re our friends! | |
| PETE: | Ah – are you the four who’ve been searching for them ever since they left Hell? | |
| OYSTER: | Yes! In fact, I’m the one who helped them get out of Hell! | |
| PETE: | Right. So you’re that guy who killed Inky, eh? Good on you. Never liked him. | |
| HOPPY: | So… can we have them back? We’d really like to take them home. | |
| PETE: | I don’t see why not. Seems as though you’ve been through a lot of trouble to help your friends. We can go and get them, right now. They’re just a few minutes away in the Piss-Niss Sector. | |
| THE OTHERS: | Yay! We’ve finally done it!! | |
| (The credits roll to jubilant music. |
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