| SEASON FOUR EPISODE TEN | |||
| Part Four: THE DEMON QUEEN’S CONSORT | |||
| (Anastasia’s office. The furniture has been moved again and the pentagram is back, with the Casket lying open in its centre. Anastasia is standing over the Casket. Jupie, Grovelspit and McKoohinky are watching nervously.) | |||
| ANASTASIA: | Favus! Insignis! Consolor! Pinguis! Catalus! Opprimere! | ||
| (The ring of flame pops up again and we see Legislator Valium’s face.) | |||
| VALIUM: | Getting better. ‘Honeycomb, decoration, mitigate, fleshy, puppy, smother!’ | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Well the incantation worked, didn’t it? | ||
| VALIUM: | Yes. I really ought to raise my standards. Did you bring the Fee? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Right here. | ||
| (She points to the Casket.) | |||
| VALIUM: | Perhaps you misunderstood me. I asked for a soul, not a mouldy Nunklon corpse. | ||
| ANASTASIA: | There’s a soul in there. | ||
| VALIUM: | Whose? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Mine, of course! It’s my body. | ||
| VALIUM: | You mean Nunklons leave their souls behind when they bodysnatch? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Yes. Wouldn’t fit two in the same body as the victim’s soul, so we leave them in our original bodies. | ||
| VALIUM: | And you’re willing to let me have your original soul? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Sure. Why not? I’ll do just about anything for unlimited power. | ||
| VALIUM: | You understand that if you give me your soul you’ll never again be able to inhabit your own body? A body with no soul is a body with no anything. | ||
| ANASTASIA: | I’ve lived without it for this long. The rest of my life won’t hurt. | ||
| VALIUM: | Right, then. | ||
| (A tendril of flame snakes into the Casket and consumes Anastasia’s Nunklon body.) | |||
| VALIUM: | Yum! Long time since I ate a soul this perverted and sick! You’re my kinda gal, Quint! | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Why, thank you. Now... | ||
| VALIUM: | Of course. | ||
| (The ring of fire closes in around Anastasia until we can’t see her for the flame. Then it suddenly goes out, and Valium is gone.) | |||
| JUPIE: | Oh, my--! | ||
| (Anastasia looks a little different. Nothing major, though. You know, horns, tusks, that sort of thing. Decidedly demonic-looking but naturally still breathtakingly gorgeous. In a frightening sort of way.) | |||
| GROVELSPIT: | Are you all right, Duchess? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | All right? All right? I’m better than that! I’m invincible! I’m all-powerful! I’m the Matriarch of Hades! Nothing can stop me! I can do anything! | ||
| MCKOOHINKY: | That’s all very well... but you’ve sold your soul! You are now soulless! | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Not true. I still have the soul of Anastasia Uulamets! | ||
| (Cut to the Common Room. Tessa, Lennie, Gumman, Skunky, Rabbo.) | |||
| TESSA: | There it goes again... | ||
| SKUNKY: | What? | ||
| TESSA: | I just felt class nine Arcane Emanations! I felt them yesterday, too. But they’ve stopped, now. I— | ||
| (Tessa doubles over in pain. Sasha runs in, also in pain.) | |||
| SKUNKY: | Tessa? Queen Sasha? What’s wrong? | ||
| SASHA: | Tessa! Do you feel it? | ||
| TESSA: | Y-yes! But – it’s not possible! | ||
| GUMMAN: | What? What? | ||
| TESSA & SASHA: | Class ELEVEN Arcane Emanations! | ||
| GUMMAN: | I thought they only went up to ten. | ||
| SKUNKY: | Why are you in such pain? Can we help? | ||
| SASHA: | Nothing can help us now! We’re doomed! All of us! The entire universe! | ||
| GUMMAN: | What are you talking about? | ||
| TESSA: | The greatest evil the world has ever known has just boarded this starship! | ||
| (Cut to the Road to Eternal Torment. Oyster, Bunniquette, Hoppy and Muncher are still riding the Stair towards Torment.) | |||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Are we nearly there yet? | ||
| OYSTER: | Torment should be just over this next hill. | ||
| MUNCHER: | What do we do when we get there? If this Ch’zzi girl is as mean as Necopinus says, how do we fight her? | ||
| OYSTER: | I—oh, no... I’m sorry... | ||
| HOPPY: | What? | ||
| OYSTER: | I... can feel another weirdness seizure coming on! | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | But we’re practically there! You can’t leave us to fend for ourselves in Eternal Torment! We need you to be coherent! | ||
| OYSTER: | I can’t help it! I—spring-clock! Welcome to aardvark city, ladies and gentlepigs! | ||
| HOPPY: | Shit. | ||
| OYSTER: | Onward to celibacy, you stranglers of chocolate milk! | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What do we do now? | ||
| MUNCHER: | There’s nothing we can do. The Stair is still under instruction to travel to Torment, so we’ll just have to hope that everything goes well when we get there. | ||
| HOPPY: | Which will be in... about... two seconds! | ||
| (The Stair takes them over the final hill. Before them is the city of Torment. It’s not nice. At the bottom of the hill stands a lone figure. A female bunny, beautiful (of course), her long green hair whipping in the fierce wind that claws at the city. She stands defiantly, hands on her hips, watching the Stairs approach.) | |||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Who’s the babe with the verdant locks? | ||
| OYSTER: | Guh—arp! Uh-oh! | ||
| HOPPY: | He’s come out of the seizure! | ||
| OYSTER: | Oh, my! I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with her so soon. | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You mean – the green-haired chick is that vampire, Ch’zzi? | ||
| OYSTER: | Yes! | ||
| HOPPY: | Then Fuzzy and Laff are nearby! | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | So beat up the cow and let’s rescue them! | ||
| OYSTER: | It’s not that easy to beat up vampires. Especially vampires who’ve fed from Necopinus himself. | ||
| HOPPY: | Well, if you can’t trash her, just... seduce her with your Incubus thing. | ||
| OYSTER: | I can’t seduce her! | ||
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Why not? | ||
| OYSTER: | She’s my sister!! | ||
| (Cut to the Bridge of the Tonsilcrash. Pirica, Abbie, Westminster, Ralph. Anastasia enters.) | |||
| ABBIE: | Goodness, Anna, you’re looking... odd today. | ||
| ANASTASIA: | You don’t know the half of it, flesh! | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | Is it my imagination, or does your voice sound different? More... dangerous, somehow. | ||
| ANASTASIA: | DeBunny? | ||
| PIRICA: | Yes? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | You’re going to suffer now. | ||
| (Suddenly Pirica is trapped inside a large transparent sphere. She is bound and gagged, and hundreds of little spiders inside the sphere are biting her all to pieces. Tiny spider-bites and blood everywhere.) | |||
| ANASTASIA: | Don’t worry – they’re not poisonous. | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | What the fuck--?! | ||
| ANASTASIA: | I would like to introduce myself. I am the Quintessa Bunnyon, and I am the Demon Queen of Hell! | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | Well, things are really gonna get interesting now. | ||
| ANASTASIA: | That’s DeBunny out of the way... Sasha and the girl chainsaw are incapacitated by the pain that my mere presence causes them... the Dropoff slut is in a coma after her little DNA OD... Westminster has turned into a rubber chicken with no legs... | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | No, I haven’t! | ||
| (He does.) | |||
| ANASTASIA: | Yes, you have. Now... the chainsaw, Ralph, and young Abbigail. | ||
| RALPH: | Let’s not be too hasty – I’m sure we can come to some kind of— | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Cheese. | ||
| (Ralph turns to cheese.) | |||
| ABBIE: | It looks as though you’re rather powerful. I suppose resistance is useless? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Got it on one, miss goody-two-shoes. Oh – what a nice idea! | ||
| (Abbie turns into a pair of shoes.) | |||
| ANASTASIA: | Now I’d best get to the Common Room and sort out the rest of the puny fleshlings. | ||
| (She exits. Pirica watches her go as she is eaten by spiders. Cut to the Common Room. Sasha, Goatee, Baik-baik, Rabbo, Gumman, Earless, Lennie, Tessa, Howie, Mal and Skunky. Skunky and Gumman are trying to examine Sasha and Tessa, who are still in pain. Anastasia enters. Sasha and Tessa both instantly scream and lose consciousness. | ) | ||
| GUMMAN: | What the--? Oh, Anast—Asia? | ||
| SKUNKY: | What’s going on here, Anastasia? | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Oh, nothing... except you’re all about to be transformed into plastic chairs. | ||
| (Bingo!) | |||
| ANASTASIA: | There. Now nothing stands in my way. As soon as Oyster and the others return with the Stair, I will re-anchor the Staircase to Hell, and the Spawn Society will reign supreme! | ||
| (Credits.) |
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