| SEASON FIVE PART TWO RECONSTRUCTION – Episode One | |
| (The tank, Studebaker and the Bus are trundling through the desert of Saddleflight Major. In the tank Oyster is still unconscious. Pirica is mourning the loss of her ship.) | |
| PIRICA: | Who would want to blow up my precious ship? I don't remember kicking anyone's butt recently. |
| SELENE: | Well, except the Anti-Yakky Pope. |
| PIRICA: | Yaks don't count. |
| (Selene and Malvolio sulk.) | |
| PIRICA: | Besides, it was you and Malvolio who disrupted the Yakking Ceremony and saved Princess Goat. I didn't have anything to do with it. |
| (In the Studebaker.) | |
| SASHA: | It is terrible that poor Pirica's ship was destroyed. |
| BAIK-BAIK: | And all of little Goatee's favourite toys were in there as well! |
| GOATEE: | Vanessa! Vanessa! |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Whatever. |
| FUZZY: | I'm pretty concerned about that but nowhere near as concerned as I am about the whole lost-in-the-desert issue. Do we have any supplies? |
| TESSA: | There's a picnic basket back here. |
| SASHA: | Is there anything in it? |
| TESSA: | Three fish waffles and a small bottle of crab juice. |
| FUZZY: | Erk. |
| SASHA: | Not even a carrot lasagne? |
| GOATEE: | Rattlers! |
| TESSA: | Nope, that's it. |
| FUZZY: | This is serious. I'd better stop at that village over there and see if they know where we can get some supplies. |
| (He realises.) | |
| FUZZY: | Hey! A village! |
| (The bus and the tank have also seen the village and are heading there.) | |
| FUZZY: | I hope it's got a upermarket. Ideally one that sells carrot lasagne. And starships. |
| GOATEE: | Rattlers! |
| (The village. The bus, Studebaker and Tank are parked in the square. The Fuzzyites are standing looking around. There are mice everywhere.) | |
| HOPPY: | Mice? I don't remember Saddleflight Major having a big mouse population. |
| NEARBY MOUSE: | Squee-heek! Squee-squee! |
| HOPPY: | Same to you, cheese-face. |
| VOICE: | She doesn't speak your language, rabbit. |
| (They turn to see a tall mouse in a long green robe.) | |
| SASHA: | But you do speak our language Mr Tall Mouse? |
| TALL MOUSE: | I do. I am Kyoya, the elder of this village. Your friend is right that Saddleflight Major has not always had a large mouse population. We were forced here from our rightful homes on Fretnoodle 7 by our nemesis – the Nasty Tyrant. |
| FUZZY: | Nasty Tryant? |
| KYOYA: | That is the name by which we call him. His true identity is not known to us. |
| HOPPY: | Useful. |
| SKUNKY: | Mr Kyoya, do you have medical facilities here? And maybe a starship shop? Our friend (she gestures to the unconscious Oyster) is seriously ill. We have been attacked and our ship destroyed by unknown parties. |
| PIRICA: | MY ship you mean. |
| SKUNKY: | Whatever. |
| KYOYA: | I can tell you that your friend the Demon will not recover while his Stair is still lost in Limbo. |
| FUZZY: | You know he's a Demon? |
| KYOYA: | We mice know a lot of things. I can tell you that the Stair can be recalled from Limbo, but only using the Stair-Whistle that came with it in the original packaging. |
| FUZZY: | Hm. OK. Well what about the starship issue? Can you help us there? |
| KYOYA: | I can't, I'm afraid. All our ships were destroyed by the Nasty Tyrant. We have only shattered hulks left. |
| PIRICA: | Shattered hulks? Putty in the hands of the universe's greatest starship technician! Take me to them and I'll see what I can do. |
| KYOYA: | I'm afraid I can't let you steal our precious shattered hulks unless you agree to help us in our quest to defeat the Nasty Tyrant and reclaim our rightful home on Fretnoodle 7. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Oh great, another quest. Can I sit this one out? |
| ABBIE: | This isn't going to be easy. We're missing part of our usual butt-kicking posse. |
| HOPPY: | Yeah, I don't know how well we'll cope without 'Quette. (Pause.) Rabbo, on the other hand... |
| WESTMINSTER: | Hang on, don't forget – I'm Bunny Fun the Nth, the most powerful warrior in the universe! |
| ABBIE: | And as such, dear, you should probably remember that all our supplies of whiskey were destroyed in the Tonsilcrash. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Dang. |
| PIRICA: | Mister Kyoya, just let me at the ships and I promise you we'll do everything in our power to help you. |
| (Later. Pirica is up to her elbows in starship bits. Fuzzy comes in.) | |
| FUZZY: | How's it going, Ric? |
| PRICIA: | There's a lot of bits destroyed in all of these. (Gestures to the field of shattered hulks.) Fortunately, there are enough parts to build two complete ships – just a matter of consolidating them. How's the rest of the gang? |
| FUZZY: | Well, Muncher's handing out guns to as many of our lot and the mice as want them. I'm not sure where he got them from, now I come to think of it... |
| PIRICA: | Possibly best not to ask. Want to give me a three-eighths Gripley? |
| FUZZY: | No thank you, I'm married! |
| (Pirica blushes bright pink.) | |
| PIRICA: | Uh... it's an engine component. There are three of them just by your paw. |
| FUZZY: | Ah. (Awkward pause.) Right. |
| PIRICA: | So is Sasha going to join us in the butt-kicking? |
| FUZZY: | Well she's pretty pissed off at having our ship destroyed... |
| PIRICA: | (Under her breath) SHE's pissed off? |
| FUZZY: | ...So I think she'll leave Beeb and Goatee here in safety while we all head off to fight the bad guys. I just wish we knew who this Nasty Tyrant is. It'd be a lot easier to plan an attack if we knew who or even what he is. |
| PIRICA: | Well, you could go and ask that Kyoya guy, but I don't think you're going to get anywhere with him. |
| FUZZY: | I guess not. |
| (Back at the village. A hut. Oyster is lying on a couch. Selene and Malvolio are here, as are Sasha, Gumman and Abbie. Hoppy has just come in, heavily armed.) | |
| HOPPY: | Did everyone get a weapon? Muncher says he's still got a few spare. |
| SELENE: | We are OK, thanks. We have our Yak Twins Power attack. |
| MALVOLIO: | Plus we have the true Yakky faith to protect us. |
| HOPPY: | Oh brother... |
| SASHA: | I am terribly worried about Oyster. He does not seem to be recovering. |
| GUMMAN: | Well, Kyoya said that we can't recall the Stair without the Stair-Whistle, and the Stair-Whistle was in the ship when it exploded, so I think we might be stuck. |
| (Outside the hut. Anastasia, McKoohinky, Jupie, Grovelspit.) | |
| JUPIE: | Mistress, this could be critical to our success at getting off this planet. |
| ANASTASIA: | Of course it could, it just rubs me up the wrong way to help these lousy do-gooder Fuzzyites! |
| MCKOOHINKY: | Well, how much help is it going to be sending one of them to hell? |
| ANASTASIA: | True... |
| MCKOOHINKY: | Besides, it might not even work. |
| (Back in the hut. Sasha, Anastasia, Abbie, Hoppy, McKoohinky, Grovelspit and Jupie. Oyster is still lying on a couch, but a large pentagram has been drawn around him.) | |
| HOPPY: | I don't see what good this is going to do. And I really don't trust you, Anastasia. |
| ANASTASIA: | It's the opposite of a demon-summoning spell – a demon banishing spell, if you will. Oyster needs to go back to Hell to reclaim his Stair and find his Stair Whistle. |
| ABBIE: | When did you become such an expert on demonology? |
| ANASTASIA: | Remember that little incident where I became demon queen of hell, you stupid cow? |
| ABBIE: | Fair point. |
| SASHA: | But I thought you lost your demon powers and your demon book! Christopher ate it! |
| ANASTASIA: | The Codex Scelestus, the demon summoning book, was eaten by that pathetic fool, yes. The demon banishing book was still in the local library. Now stand back. This might go horribly wrong. |
| HOPPY: | Oh great... |
| ABBIE: | I think we're going to have to let her try. |
| (Anastasia raises her hands, spell-casting style.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Rapulum! Anseris! Braccae! Sartago! Condio! |
| (There is a blinding flash of light. When it clears, Oyster has vanished. Sitting on the couch is Legislator Valium!) | |
| VALIUM: | Greetings, Bunnyon. |
| ANASTASIA: | Valium? I thought that was the spell to cast a demon into Hell, not to summon one out! |
| VALIUM: | Oh, please. You said 'turnip, geese, trousers, frying pan, jam'. That's not a spell, it's a shopping list. |
| ANASTASIA: | So... where is Oyster? |
| VALIUM: | Oh, I sent him to Hell, as requested. But I came back in his place. (Grins evilly.) |
| HOPPY: | You know this...person, Anastasia? |
| ANASTASIA: | This is Legislator Valium from the Spawn of Hell society. |
| VALIUM: | Now, Quintessa, you will recall that last time we met you were granted the powers of the Demon Queen of Hell. |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes. For all the good it did me. |
| VALIUM: | But you foolishly lost them in a rather stupid plot-device involving that wretched neo-incubus Oyster. |
| ANASTASIA: | (Gritted teeth.) Yes. |
| VALIUM: | You, in effect, wasted the awesome power entrusted to you by the Spawn of Hell Society. We have come to claim it back. |
| (A red glow begins to surround Anastasia.) | |
| VALIUM: | Or maybe we'll just transport you to Hell for an eternity of torture. |
| (Anastasia screams as she and Valium vanish.) | |
| HOPPY: | That's the first good thing that's happened all day. |
| SASHA: | Hoppy! |
| HOPPY: | What? I just said what we were all thinking! |
| (Cut to the village square. There are two starships parked there, looking battered and worse for wear but generally whole. The gang is there, heavily armed, as are half a dozen mice.) | |
| GUMPITY: | It's weird, you know. I never realised that mouse language was the same as Central Dorinkwopese. |
| KYOYA: | Convenient coincidence, certainly. It means that my mouse warriors will understand you. |
| FUZZY: | OK, everyone. Let's load up and get going. Gump, you and the mice take the first ship-- |
| KYOYA: | Please, call it the Katamari. |
| FUZZY: | --yes, the Katamari, with Selene and Malvolio, Skunky, Muncher, Jetty, Laff, Hoppy and Ralph. Everyone else in the other ship, the...? |
| KYOYA: | The Damacy. |
| FUZZY: | Really? OK, the Damacy, with me and Sasha. |
| GROVELSPIT: | I'm sorry, Fuzzy, but we are going to stay here to try and figure out a way of rescuing Anastasia from Hell. |
| JUPIE: | We'd love to go and help you – really we would – but without her we're unemployed. |
| FUZZY: | OK, whatever you like. I don't like the idea of Anastasia being stranded in Hell either, although she does deserve it. I hope you succeed, but right now we'd better get moving. |
| KYOYA: | You will find the Nasty Tyrant running his diabolical operation from the Space Station adjacent to the Toobloo Nebula. |
| FUZZY: | Thanks, Kyoya. We'll try to put things right. And we'll look after your warriors. |
| (Space. The Katamari and Damacy are flying away from Saddleflight Major. Pirica is flying the Damacy.) | |
| PIRICA: | The nebula is just a couple of hours' flight from here. I hope it's not going to be hard to find the space station. |
| FUZZY: | Well it's apparently pretty big so let's hope for the best. |
| (Back at the mouse village. Jupie, Grovelspit and McKoohinky are sitting in a hut poring over demonology books. Baik-baik is in the corner supervising 'Vanessa' playing with some rattlers.) | |
| 'VANESSA': | Rattler! Rattler! Rattler! Whee! |
| GROVELSPIT: | That's really rather disturbing, Beeb. |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Tell me about it. |
| (From outside the hut there comes the sound of a lot of gunfire and fighting.) | |
| JUPIE: | What on earth is going on out there? |
| VOICE: | Bring her out! Bring out the Chosen One! |
| (The door is smashed off its hinges. In the doorway stands a Yak-like figure in full armour with two big guns! Eep!) | |
| FIGURE: | You will give us the Chosen One! |
| BAIK-BAIK: | What? No! I will never betray King Fuzzy! You will have to kill me to take Princess Goat! |
| FIGURE: | Very well! You will feel the awesome power of Chaste, Yak Holy Warrior! |
| (Chaste strides into the room and thwaps the three Anastasians to the ground with one swipe. She continues to advance on Baik-baik. As she gets closer, Baik-baik's face pales as she realises.) | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Bunniquette! Bunniquette, what has happened to you? |
| CHASTE: | I am not Bunniquette! I am Chaste, Yak Holy Warrior, and I reclaim the Chosen One for the Anti-Yakky Pope! |
| (She belts Baik-baik over the head and scoops up Goatee.) | |
| CHASTE: | The Yak Messiah will come at last! |
| (Credits.) |
Move on to Part Two!
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