| SEASON A episode 2 | |
| 'The Bit that Probably Shouldn't Happen Next.' | |
| (The Malt Shoppe. Bunniquette, Abbie and Gumman are sitting at the counter, each with a carrot milkshake. They look very blue. Fuzzy rushes in.) | |
| FUZZY: | Where have you been? We have to shoot the next episode of the Alternative Reality series! Come on! |
| ABBIE: | We aren't happy with the plot. I don't see why I should have to be kidnapped by Gumpity the Camouflaged just to give Westminster something to do. |
| GUMMAN: | And I've only got two lines before my head gets knocked off in a croquet accident! I don't like this new show. Why can't we go back to doing a serious space opera? Or even a third rate comedy show would do. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | (sighs deeply) |
| FUZZY: | What's the matter, 'Quette? Don't you like the scripts either? |
| (Bunniquette tips her milkshake over Fuzzy's head and walks out without a word. Fuzzy looks shocked.) | |
| FUZZY: | What the hell was that all about? (licks his whiskers) Hey! This carrot milkshake has got whiskey in it! Why is Bunniquette drinking all of a sudden? |
| ABBIE: | You know the problem. She didn't want to marry Chris Rabbo, and now that Lucky the Thunder God has made her, she's really miserable. Plus, her part in the new show is terrible... |
| FUZZY: | OK! Anyone else got any complaints?! |
| GUMMAN: | How about we do the new Alternative Reality series and re-write it as we go? It can't do any worse! |
| FUZZY: | (offended) Well excuse me! |
| ABBIE: | Look, Fuzzy, that's the only way that you're going to get the whole cast involved. I say go for it. |
| FUZZY: | Oh, all right! If it will make you happy! |
| (Chris Rabbo pokes his head in the door.) | |
| CHRIS: | Jason! Jason! Here boy! Oh, hello. Have any of you seen Jason? |
| ABBIE: | No we haven't seen your stupid walrus, now BUGGER OFF! |
| CHRIS: | Jeff is such a naughty walrus! I turned my back for one minute and the clever boy has got out of his tank and hidden from me. Oh well. Simon! Where are you? |
| (Chris Rabbo exits. Fuzzy stops Abbie from throwing a napkin dispenser at him.) | |
| FUZZY: | Try to be sympathetic. If you hurt him, it'll just make Bunniquette feel worse. |
| ABBIE: | Oh all right! You win. Let's do the new series, if only to get me away from that ridiculous person. |
| (Cut to Earless's palace, which is a burnt out wreck. Fuzzy, Westminster, Bullocksnap, Sasha, Ghuzzy Bunny, and Uulamets are all standing staring. Chainsaw 1 (Ralph) is there also, with a clapper board.) | |
| RALPH: | OK, guys, know your lines? Then let's take it from the top. And ACTION! |
| GHUZZY: | Who could have done this? It's like a nightmare! |
| FUZZY: | Gumpity the Camouflaged and his army of Bushrats, that's who! It's his work! |
| (A voice comes from down a flight of stairs. It is Earless's.) | |
| EARLESS (OOV): | Hello? Who's there? |
| FUZZY: | King Earless! What happened? |
| EARLESS: | (coming up the stairs) The terrible Bushrat army completely destroyed the castle! (Earless is bruised and bloody and all his clothes are burnt and torn) They took everyone back to Gumpity's fortress to be his slaves. I managed to hide in the cellar after they started burning things. What can we do? (sobs) |
| SASHA: | Don't worry, King Earless. We're here now and we'll go and rescue all our friends from the clutches of Gumpity. Fuzzy Bunny and his companions don't let their friends down, do we? |
| EARLESS: | Oh, yes you do! How do you think I lost... |
| ALL BUT EARLESS: | SHUT UP!!!!! |
| FUZZY: | Sasha's right. We must go and rescue our brave companions. |
| WESTMINSTER: | This is stupid. Why do we have to spend the whole time rescuing people? Don't medieval heroes do anything else? |
| FUZZY: | Westminster, you idiot, if they didn't go around rescuing maidens in distress, they wouldn't be medieval heroes! Now let us get on with the plot. |
| (A walrus wanders into shot and flops down in the foreground. Our heroes watch it in amazement. Chris Rabbo, dressed as a Bushrat guard, follows.) | |
| CHRIS: | (grabbing the walrus) Gabrielle! You naughty walrus! Look what you've done! You've gone and ruined Uncle Fuzzy's third-rate fantasy epic! Now you apologise this minute. |
| (They all watch the walrus, who remains silent. (Of course).) | |
| CHRIS: | Now, Cynthia, I won't tell you again. Apologise to Uncle Fuzzy. |
| (Fuzzy starts banging his head against the wall, whilst our heroes watch the walrus, and a pink grand piano sails across the shot and hits Chris Rabbo in the head.) | |
| ABBIE (OOV): | Good shot, Bunniquette! |
| (The four chainsaws enter and cart away Chris, the piano, and the walrus.) | |
| FUZZY: | (regaining his composure) I don't think we have time to get to the next scene. Why don't we finish this episode early? |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | Smashing idea, Fuzzy. 'Quette, why don't you give us a song? |
| (As the credits roll, Bunniquette sings 'Hopelessly Devoted to You' whilst holding a photo of Mal Bunny. Chris Rabbo is scolding the walrus in the background. She glares at him with an expression of disgust.) |
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