| SEASON THREE, EPISODE ELEVEN | |
| EPILOGUE | |
| (Sasha’s bedroom. Fuzzy and Sasha are sitting on the bed holding hands.) | |
| FUZZY: | I’m so glad that everything has worked out. |
| SASHA: | Anastasia caused a lot of trouble, but it’s all over now. Thank heavens. |
| FUZZY: | I’m so sorry that I fell for her tricks. I can’t believe that I kissed her. |
| SASHA: | Never mind. Anastasia is in the past. For now, you should concentrate on... kissing me. |
| FUZZY: | Yes... |
| (He is about to kiss her when Westminster bursts in.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | That’s it! I’ve had enough! |
| SASHA: | Westminster! |
| FUZZY: | What’s going on? |
| WESTMINSTER: | You must have noticed – it’s bugging everyone! |
| FUZZY: | What is? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Ever since Anastasia was locked up, and Lucky fixed up the BFD crap and cured Hoppy’s disease, everything around here is SO BORING! |
| FUZZY: | You can’t be serious! After all the terrible things that we’ve— |
| (Rabbo rushes in, followed by Bunniquette.) | |
| RABBO: | Me no longer take! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Listen up, Fuzzman. |
| RABBO: | Boring! Boring! Boring! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | If something interesting doesn’t happen in the next twenty seconds, I’m gonna kill someone! |
| FUZZY: | I think you guys are overreacting— |
| RABBO: | Aaaaaaaarrrrggggggh! Help me! I’m dying of boredom! “Welcome to Boredom City. Population Eleven Bunnies, a Dropoff, Three Chainsaws and a Thunder God. Please Come Again.” |
| FUZZY: | Now just a— |
| WESTMINSTER: | You gotta do something, Fuzz! We’ve lost our daily fix of melodramatic crap! |
| FUZZY: | And that’s bad? You used to want to do comedy! You hated it when I tried to make you do serious stuff! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Yeah, but this is different! This is really— |
| FUZZY: | Listen, just be glad! We can relax at last! None of us is gonna die, none of us is gonna be seduced by a heartless and manipulative whore, none of us is going to be murdered in our sleep by a ninja assassin or the personification of a religious holiday. Not even one of us is going to be kidnapped or shot of stabbed or bugged or bitched about or replaced by an alien clone or transformed into a rampaging swamp beast or made to eat dirt or have to buy pogs at a card convention or— |
| WESTMINSTER: | Okay, okay! Don’t get your whiskers in a knot, pal! We get what you mean. |
| WEST, ‘QUETTE, RABBO: | But we’re still bored! |
| FUZZY: | Why don’t you go to the Malt Shoppe and drink ground glass cocktails or something, if you’re that bored. |
| SASHA: | Oh, Fuzzy! Be careful what you say. You know what Christopher is like. |
| RABBO: | Don’t worry, Sasha. I stopped drinking glass days ago. |
| FUZZY: | Look, guys, I’m sorry if you’re a little tired of not being menaced by alien bodysnatchers and stuck-up sluts, but if you’ll excuse us, Sash and I were just... having a rather personal chat... |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Look, if you and the Princess wanna compare oesophagi, go ahead, but we’re gonna stand right here and complain, until something interesting happens. |
| (Hoppy and Laff run in, out of breath.) | |
| FUZZY: | Laff! Hoppy! What happened? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | At last. A bit of excitement. |
| HOPPY: | F-Fuzzy, it’s terrible! |
| WESTMINSTER: | What? What happened? |
| HOPPY: | The... the bathplug’s gone missing and we can’t find Abbie! How are we supposed to get anything done if the bathplug’s missing and we can’t find Abbie? |
| WESTMINSTER: | That’s it? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | That’s why you rushed in as though Satan himself was chasing you with a Very Sharp Thing? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Abbie’s in our room having a shower. |
| RABBO: | The bathplug’s in my room. The walrus has become rather attached to it. |
| HOPPY: | Oh. |
| LAFF: | How boring. |
| (Lennie and Ralph come in.) | |
| LENNIE: | I’ve had it, Fuzzy. If something interesting doesn’t happen in the next ten seconds— |
| (Fuzzy jumps off the bed and starts bopping everyone on the head.) | |
| FUZZY: | How’s this? Is this un-boring enough? Having the host of the show leap off his girlfriend’s bed and start beating you over the head with his tightly clenched fists? |
| WESTMINSTER: | Well... it’s better than nothing. |
| RABBO: | You haven’t had much practice at beating people up, have you, Fuzz? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What is he doing? Is he hitting us? It looks like he’s hitting us. |
| LAFF: | Calm down, Fuzzy. |
| HOPPY: | Yeah. You could have a heart attack or something. |
| FUZZY: | Is that what it would take to stop you guys complaining? If that’s what you want, I’ll do it! I swear I’ll do it! |
| (Fuzzy grabs his left shoulder and screws up his face, which turns bright red.) | |
| FUZZY: | Come on, Mister heart Attack! Come and get me! My heart is open and waiting for your icy, fatal touch! Come on! Kill me, Mister Heart Attack! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Is he serious? |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy, please! You’re starting to act like Chris! |
| (Fuzzy immediately stops and sits on the bed again sedately.) | |
| FUZZY: | Good grief. |
| (Pirica and Gumman come in.) | |
| PIRICA: | What’s all the noise? It sounded as though someone was having a heart attack or something. |
| GUMMAN: | Ah... what I wouldn’t give to treat something normal like a heart attack, instead of bizarre alien viruses and tea-bag diseases. |
| WESTMINSTER: | Boring! Normal, you said! Well, normal is boring! |
| RABBO: | Some rats are difficult to deal with. |
| THE OTHERS: | Shut up, Chris. |
| PIRICA: | You’re right, though. Things have been pretty boring. |
| (Chris puts on a small grey moustache and a big jacket with holes in the elbows and says:) | |
| RABBO: | Nothing is intrinsically boring. Boredom is a— |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Shut up! |
| FUZZY: | Why don’t you all shut up? You should savour these quiet moments, because any day now, we’ll be attacked by something big and nasty and then you’ll complain that things aren’t boring enough. |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy is probably right, friends. |
| (Anastasia walks in. Everyone gasps.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Holy turtle’s blood! How did you get here? |
| PIRICA: | That bitch must have escaped from jail! |
| HOPPY: | Kill her! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Make her pay! |
| (There is a puff of smoke and Anastasia turns into Tessa.) | |
| TESSA: | Fooled you. |
| (Everyone is angry at her, except Fuzzy, who just laughs.) | |
| TESSA: | Well golly, I just wanted to rescue you from your boredom. I thought a good fright might— |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Oh, shut up. |
| FUZZY: | What is that, the national anthem? All I ever hear these days is “shut up, shut up”. You bunnies have no manners. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Piss off. |
| (The credits roll.) |
Next Episode
Previous Episode
Season Three
Fuzzy Bunny Show Home