| SEASON THREE, EPISODE TWO. | |
| MISCARRIAGE | |
| (The Malt Shoppe. Fuzzy, Sasha, Bunniquette, Rabbo, Anastasia, Gumman.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | So tell me, Fuzzy, why is it that serious space operas appeal to you so much? |
| FUZZY: | Well -- |
| (Abbie enters.) | |
| FUZZY: | Hi, Ab! Did you do it? |
| ABBIE: | Yep. I’ve set a course for Tooty-Mondongo. |
| ANASTASIA: | What? Why? |
| ABBIE: | We just got a message from the new UBF. They’re back on their feet and they no longer need Westminster’s help, so he wants us to pick him up. Mal and the others have decided to stay on with the UBF, but Westminster’s coming home! Can you believe it? Westminster’s coming home! |
| FUZZY: | That’s great, Abbie. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | I wonder what Hoppy’s gonna do. |
| FUZZY: | What do you mean? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Well, she was planning to return to Tooty-Mondongo to have her kids, and if we go back there now, she’ll probably stay. |
| ANASTASIA: | You forget that she probably won’t live long enough to have her children. Ghuzzy Bunny destroyed the Nunklon homeworld, remember? Hoppy Lashes has almost run out of her medicine. |
| FUZZY: | How true. This could cause problems. |
| (Lucky appears.) | |
| FUZZY: | Lucky! Where have you been? You’ve been gone for weeks! |
| LUCKY: | I have been on a voyage of great importance. My father, the great god Aracus, requested my help in dealing with a certain botherance. |
| ABBIE: | Did you sort everything out? Is it anything we should worry about? |
| LUCKY: | You need not fear, mortals. |
| ANASTASIA: | Ahem. Am I the only one who thinks this is strange? You guys are sitting here talking to a God, for goodness’ sake! |
| FUZZY: | Yes. He’s a friend of ours. |
| ANASTASIA: | Oh dear. |
| LUCKY: | I have brought you a gift, little mortal bunny leader. |
| FUZZY: | You have? Why, thank you. |
| LUCKY: | The mighty Aracus has decreed that your valour is worthy of reward. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | So what’s the gift, already? |
| LUCKY: | The resurrection of the Dropoff, Laff. |
| FUZZY & CO: | What?! |
| (Laff appears in the centre of the room.) | |
| LAFF: | Ouch! Boy, do I ever have a headache! |
| FUZZY AND ABBIE: | Laff! Laff, you’re back!! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | That’s amazing! |
| FUZZY: | Oh, thank you, Lucky! How can we ever-- |
| LUCKY: | Silence, mortals. I have not finished rewarding you. |
| (He clicks his fingers.) | |
| LUCKY: | As of this moment, Hoppy Lashes the Eighth no longer carries the Hideous Alien Disease. She is cured. |
| ANASTASIA: | What? But there’s no cure for that-- |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | There’s no cure for death either, Duchess, but Laff’s been dead for quite a while. Now. Hoppy! Hoppeeeeee!! Get in here! Quick! |
| (Hoppy rushes in, carrying her jar of the Gooey Pink Wonder-Drug. It’s nearly empty. ) | |
| HOPPY: | Keep your tail on, ‘Quette. What’s up? Oh. Lucky - you’re back. |
| FUZZY: | That’s not why Bunniquette called you. |
| (Hoppy sees Laff. He smiles, and they hug.) | |
| HOPPY: | Laff! Oh, Laff, is it really you? |
| LAFF: | You better believe it, sweetheart. And that’s not all. |
| LUCKY: | Little BFD bunny, I have purged your body of the fatal virus that plagued you. |
| HOPPY: | What? |
| FUZZY: | Hoppy, you’re cured! Cured! You don’t need your medicine, and you don’t need to worry about dying before you have your kids. Everything’s going to be all right now! |
| LAFF: | You’re ... pregnant. |
| HOPPY: | ... Yes. Couldn’t you tell from looking at me? |
| LAFF: | I... just thought you’d filled out a bit. It’s Mal, is it? |
| HOPPY: | Yes. The Bunny Fun Legacy is being fulfilled. |
| LAFF: | That’s... good. |
| LUCKY: | I do not think you bunnies understandeth me. There is no longer any Bunny Fun Legacy. The all-powerful Aracus has spoken with the Great Zucchini, and the Legacy has been revoked. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What are you trying to say? |
| LUCKY: | From now on, being a BFD shalt have no effect on any bunny’s life. It matters not whether Hoppy Lashes has her children. Bunniquette and Christopher Rabbo can safely divorce. For all the universe cares, all you BFDs can drop dead. It will effect nothing. |
| HOPPY: | The curse is finally lifted. Hear that, ‘Quette? We’re just ordinary bunnies like everyone else now. |
| RABBO: | The end of the Bunny Fun Legacy ... we’re free to run our lives the way we want to now, instead of having to bow to the dictates of destiny and follow fat. You and I got married for no reason, Bunniquette. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Oh, great. |
| HOPPY: | Hah! It’s all right for you! I’m the one who’s having nine children for no reason! |
| (Cut to Gumman’s surgery. He’s there with Hoppy.) | |
| GUMMAN: | So you were thinking about an abortion, eh? |
| HOPPY: | Well, I’m not find of the idea of giving birth nine times just to have children that I don’t want from a father I don’t much like. Back when it was a Bunny Fun “The universe will end” thing, I was happy to have the kids, but it's unnecessary now. |
| GUMMAN: | Right. Well, here’s your extinction. |
| (He hands her a small piece of paper.) | |
| HOPPY: | Don’t you mean “prescription”? |
| GUMMAN: | No. I’m not really a doctor. I’m a dodo. |
| HOPPY: | Amen to that. |
| (Cut to Bunniquette’s room. Bunniquette and Hoppy are there.) | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | How’d it go, Hop? |
| HOPPY: | I picked up the pills that Gumman prescribed. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | And the pills will make you un-pregnant, will they? |
| HOPPY: | Apparently they’re supposed to teleport my unborn babies into the wombs of other women. That way I’m not pregnant, but I don’t have to kill the kids. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Great. As long as they don’t end up in my womb. |
| HOPPY: | It’s okay. The babies are sent to different women, each of which is at least twelve galaxies away from me, according to the book that came with the tablets. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | The wonders of modern medicine. How bizarre. |
| (Hoppy takes one of the small pills. She instantly returns to her normal shape and weight and is no longer pregnant.) | |
| HOPPY: | Now let’s get back to Laff. |
| (Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Fuzzy, Sasha, Uulamets, Earless, Abbie, Gumman, Tessa, Laff. Hoppy and Bunniquette enter.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Ah, Hoppy. Did you take the Telebortion pill? |
| HOPPY: | Yes indeed. I am no longer pregnant. |
| ABBIE: | How do you suppose Mal’s going to feel about that? |
| HOPPY: | I don’t know. I don’t much care. Mal and I have had some good times, but since we left the Nebula, things just weren’t working between us. |
| EARLESS: | Well, something must have been working - you were having his babies. |
| HOPPY: | Not by choice. |
| EARLESS: | It seems rather cruel to abort the pregnancy without even consulting the father. |
| (Hoppy punches him in the face.) | |
| HOPPY: | Shut up, you earless old fool. |
| (Anastasia enters.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Greetings, people. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | “Greetings, people”? Gimme a break. |
| TESSA: | Say, Duchess, did you ever notice how much you look like -- |
| (Tessa vanishes.) | |
| UULAMETS: | Oops. My wand finger slipped. |
| ABBIE: | Tessa’s right. I know exactly what she was going to say. Duchess Sarossy Mammalworth looks just like -- |
| (Abbie vanishes also.) | |
| UULAMETS: | Oh, my. Did I do that? My magic seems to be acting up. |
| ANASTASIA: | What a shame, Your Highness. |
| FUZZY: | How weird. I can handle of thinking of Sasha as a princess, but I never really thought about how her father is the King. |
| ABBIE: | Hmmm ... so tell us, Uulamets, why did you and Sasha leave the Nerpalon system? |
| UULAMETS: | None of your business, woman. |
| ABBIE: | I beg your pardon? How rude! |
| ANASTASIA: | Why don’t you tell them, Your Majesty? Don’t you think you’ve been hiding things from them for long enough? |
| (Suddenly Sasha gasps.) | |
| SASHA: | Good heavens! Father! Father, it’s her! |
| UULAMETS: | What? Bite your tongue, daughter. If you say a word -- |
| FUZZY: | Stop this, all of you! We’re supposed to be celebrating Laff’s return, not fighting among ourselves. |
| (Rabbo enters.) | |
| RABBO: | Pay attention! Words for the bucket! |
| FUZZY: | Chris, you’re not helping. |
| RABBO: | Oh, but that6’s where you’re wrong. I have something to tell you all. Very important. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Like what, you moronic, two-timing bastard? |
| RABBO: | Ouch. That hurt. But the fact is, there’s a crab-apple tree growing out of the elephant’s pocketbook. |
| ABBIE: | He’s mad. He’s just plain mad. |
| RABBO: | No! I’m serious! Listen! I’ve uncovered a secret assassination plot! Two of the bunnies on this ship are soon to be killed, unless we can capture the bad guys before they complete their mission. |
| FUZZY: | Don’t be silly. There are no bad guys on my ship. |
| RABBO: | But two of us will die if you don’t -- |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Which two? |
| RABBO: | I’m, uh, not exactly sure, but -- |
| HOPPY: | And who arranged this supposed assassination? |
| RABBO: | Well, see, I, uh, it’s, um ... I ... don’t know? |
| (Anastasia sighs with relief.) | |
| RABBO: | But I’m sure someone’s behind it. |
| FUZZY: | Chris, if you don’t know who’s to be killed, and you don’t know who’s responsible, then what makes you think there’s an assassination thing going at all? |
| RABBO: | Well, I was in Anastasia’s bedroom, and -- |
| ‘QUETTE/ANASTASIA: | You were what?! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | You slimy, no-good, brainless little -- |
| ANASTASIA: | I ought to have you arrested, Rabbo! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Don’t pull this “innocent” crap, slut! You’ve been trying to get hold of my husband since the moment you -- |
| FUZZY: | Stop it! Stop it! Bunniquette, how dare you accuse Anastasia of... off... stuff with Rabbo? |
| ANASTASIA: | Thank you, Fuzzy. |
| FUZZY: | And as for you, Chris Rabbo, you had no right to be in Anastasia’s room. |
| (Suddenly the two Stab-Stab Brothers rush in. Pommel produces a large frying pan and whacks Rabbo on the head. Rabbo collapses.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | What the hell are y -- I mean, goodness! Christopher Rabbo’s been killed! Shriek! |
| (The Stab-Stabs run out.) | |
| FUZZY: | Who were they? |
| ANASTASIA: | I have absolutely no idea. I’ve never seen them in my life. Not even once. They don't even look slightly familiar. They were the most completely un-familiar looking bunnies I’ve ever come across. I don’t even recognise them a little bit. Nope. Not at all. |
| ABBIE: | But look that they did to Chris! |
| SASHA: | He’s dead! |
| RABBO: | I am not. |
| ANASTASIA: | What? |
| RABBO: | I’m not dead. Really. |
| ANASTASIA: | But the St -- uh. Never mind. |
| RABBO: | I’m just a little bruised. I’ll be fine. |
| ANASTASIA: | I knew I should have done it myself. |
| UULAMETS: | Done what, “Duchess”? |
| ANASTASIA: | Done... the laundry. I just can’t stand these new-fangled washing machines. |
| UULAMETS: | You’re slipping, Wiggle-nose. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | What did he call her? |
| UULAMETS: | I called her... “Duchess”. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Didn’t sound like “Duchess” to me. |
| (Cut to Anastasia’s room. Anastasia and the Easter Bunny.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | ...and those idiotic ninjas almost ruined everything! But things are going quite well. Teddy called me “Wiggle-Nose”. |
| EASTER BUNNY: | Ah. The nick-name he had for his wife back in the good old days. |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes. He thinks that I’m Sasha’s mother. |
| EASTER BUNNY: | He thinks? But you are S-- |
| ANASTASIA: | You don’t know what you’re talking about. Be silent, fool. |
| (Cut to Uulamets’ room. He’s there with Sasha.) | |
| SASHA: | But how can it be, Father? How is it possible that she could be so young? She barely looks older than me. |
| UULAMETS: | I don’t know how she’s managed to keep herself looking so young, but I’ll find out, and I’ll-- |
| SASHA: | But is she, father? Is she really my mother? She looks identical to the portrait we had at home. |
| UULAMETS: | I’m afraid I’m quite sure now. Anastasia Sarossy-Mammalworth is your mother. |
| (The credits roll.) |