| SEASON THREE, EPISODE THREE. | |
| MUMMY BE BACK SOON | |
| (We see the landscape around the New UBF’s Tooty-Mondongo base. The Sea Kidney lands near the building. Cut to inside the control room. Ghuzzy, Bullocksnap, Westminster, Mal, Howie, Jetty. Howie and Jetty are chatting.) | |
| HOWIE: | ... and so I told him, “Well, no, actually there’s not a tortoise there,” and he says, get this, he says, “Why? I thought this was a coffee shop”! Can you believe it? |
| JETTY: | No. |
| (Westminster enters.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Excited? Fuzzy and the others should be here any time now. |
| (The entire crew of the Sea Kidney enters. Fuzzy, Sasha, Uulamets, Tessa, Anastasia, Hoppy, Bunniquette, Laff, Rabbo, Lennie, Ralph, Earless, Abbie, Gumman, Lucky and Pirica. Gumman is carrying a large suitcase in which he carries his medical equipment.) | |
| ABBIE: | We’re here now! |
| (Abbie and Westminster hug.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | It’s so good to see you! |
| HOPPY: | Hey, Jetty, we’ve got a surprise for you. |
| JETTY: | Laff! Laff! You’re alive! Oh, Laff! |
| LAFF: | Hiya, Sis. |
| (Laff and Jetty hug.) | |
| MAL: | Hang on! Laff’s meant to be dead! |
| HOPPY: | Yeah. And I’m meant to be pregnant, but I’m not. |
| MAL: | What?! But what about our children? The Bunny Fun Legacy! The univ -- |
| HOPPY: | Don’t bother. The Bunny Fun Legacy is a thing of the past. |
| MAL: | How do you mean? |
| HOPPY: | I’ll tell you later. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | So, Fuzzy, how are things on the ship? |
| GHUZZY: | Yes, is everything going well? |
| FUZZY: | Everything’s fine, apart from the fact that Pirica and Anastasia constantly fight, someone’s trying to kill Chris, and Abbie’s been depressed about Westminster being here with you. |
| GHUZZY: | Well, the last one’s not a problem any more. Commander Biggles will be returning to your crew. |
| FUZZY: | Commander? Last I heard, he, Howie and Mal were all Privates. |
| GHUZZY: | They’ve been promoted due to the sterling job they did on the Nunklon assault. Which reminds me, how is young Lashes? |
| FUZZY: | Cured. |
| ANASTASIA: | So, this is the headquarters of the New UBF. I believe you used to run the place, Miss DeBunny. |
| PIRICA: | Yes. What’s it to you? |
| ANASTASIA: | I think it would be best if you stayed here after we leave. |
| PIRICA: | What? No way! I -- |
| (Anastasia drags Pirica off into a corner where they will not be overheard. Bunniquette watches suspiciously.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | If you want your precious little Fuzzikins to live, you’ll stay right here and get out of the way of my plans. |
| PIRICA: | You wouldn’t kill Fuzzy! |
| ANASTASIA: | With my bare hands, if need be. |
| PIRICA: | Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tell Fuzzy right now that you just threatened to kill him? |
| ANASTASIA: | One good reason? The Easter Bunny. Good enough? |
| PIRICA: | What? Surely he’s not here with you? |
| ANASTASIA: | He’s been travelling with us since the wedding. Step out of line and I’ll have him kill you, Fuzzy, and anyone else he feels like offing. Clear? |
| PIRICA: | You’ll get yours, bitch. |
| (Cut to Gumman’s surgery. Gumman and Pirica.) | |
| GUMMAN: | How can I help you? |
| PIRICA: | Someone has threatened to kill me. |
| GUMMAN: | Ooh. Nasty. What do you expect me to do about it? |
| PIRICA: | Well, you know that really big suitcase you have? The one you carry your equipment in? |
| GUMMAN: | Yes? What of it? |
| (She whispers in his ear for a moment. We can’t make out what she says.) | |
| PIRICA: | Okay? |
| GUMMAN: | Certainly. I just hope it works. Now, here’s your precaution. |
| (He hands her a small piece of paper.) | |
| PIRICA: | Don’t you mean “prescription”? |
| GUMMAN: | No. If your plan backfires, you’re as good as dead. |
| (Cut back to the UBF HQ. Everyone is still there.) | |
| EARLESS: | So, Laff, Jetty, is must be nice for you to be together again. |
| LAFF: | Yes. It is. |
| EARLESS: | Perhaps you didn’t know this, but I was actually separated from my sister once. |
| JETTY: | Oh, really? |
| EARLESS: | Of course. How do you think I lost my ears? |
| LAFF: | I suspect that you bit them off yourself so you could tell stupid stories for the rest of your life. |
| EARLESS: | What a beastly thing to say! You wound me, sir. |
| LAFF: | I will in a minute. |
| (Suddenly Uulamets calls out.) | |
| UULAMETS: | May I have your attention for a moment, ladies and gentlemen? |
| (Everyone else stops talking.) | |
| UULAMETS: | My daughter and I have been talking, and she has convinced me that the time for keeping secrets is passed. So, at this possibility of great personal loss, and for no reason, I am now going to reveal to you all the ... Anastasia Sarossy-Mammalworth is my wife, and Sasha’s mother. I have suspected this since we first encountered her on the Easter Bunny’s planet, but only recently were my suspicions confirmed. |
| (Everyone is shocked into silence. Anastasia watches them, smiling.) | |
| UULAMETS: | What do you have to say for yourself, Anastasia? You have broken the laws of the Nerpalon system by leaving the planet to which you were exiled. I’m also curious to know how it is that you seem so young. You ought to look a good twenty years older. |
| ANASTASIA: | I knew you’d fall for it, old man. Your wife indeed! Far from it. As a matter for fact, I’m your daughter! |
| TEDDY, SASHA: | What?! |
| ANASTASIA: | Yes, I happen to be Sasha’s twin sister. Mother kept me a secret so that she would be able to use me as a tool for revenge against you. I am Anastasia Junior. |
| UULAMETS: | But how? How can this be? And how did you come by the name of Sarossy-Mammalworth? |
| ANASTASIA: | Deed poll. |
| FUZZY: | Sasha’s twin sister? Wow! |
| PIRICA: | Don’t trust her! You heard what she said! She’s only here for revenge! She wants to kill Teddy Uulamets! |
| ANASTASIA: | Oh, no, you’ve got it all wrong. My mother was a wicket, bitter creature. She did send me here to kill him, but I would prefer to get to know him. All my life I’ve lived with no knowledge of my father. I won’t let him die now that I’ve finally found him. |
| ABBIE: | Just a second! If you’re Sasha’s sister, then you’re not a duchess at all - you’re a princess! |
| ANASTASIA: | Give the girl a cigar. |
| FUZZY: | And you’re sure you’re not planning to kill Uulamets? |
| ANASTASIA: | Well golly, that would be murder! |
| UULAMETS: | Yes, it would. |
| FUZZY: | Well, I’m glad we got this all sorted out. She’s not his wife, she’s his daughter. But ... hang on. Which one did Ric go to school with? Was it the wife or the daughter? |
| PIRICA: | It was most definitely the daughter. I’ve never met Queen Uulamets, but it was certainly her daughter Anastasia Junior that I met at Saint Wafflepop’s. |
| FUZZY: | So you still think she’s a bitch, then? |
| PIRICA: | Yes. But it’s no longer any concern of mine. I have decided to stay on with the UBF and help run the Tooty-Mondongo base. |
| FUZZY: | Well gosh, are you sure? You’re welcome to stay with us. |
| SASHA, ANASTASIA: | I think it would be for the best if Pirica did stay here. |
| FUZZY: | I ... see. |
| SASHA: | To think that you and I are sisters, Anastasia! May I call you Anna for short? |
| ANASTASIA: | Why certainly, my dear sister. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Just a minute here! If Sarossy-Mammalworth wasn’t intending to harm Uulamets, why didn’t she tell us who she really was? |
| ANASTASIA: | I had to be sure that father could cope with the shock of a daughter that he never knew he had. It was my deeply considerate nature, you see. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah, and I’m a ten-foot squirrel-monster. |
| RABBO: | Cool. You never told me that before. |
| ALL ELSE: | Oh, shut up. |
| FUZZY: | Good. Now that we’ve cleared this whole thing up, let’s continue our celebrations - Laff is alive again, and the UBF is fully functioning at last. |
| ABBIE: | And I’ve got my husband back. |
| MAL: | Yeah. And I’ve lost my girlfriend again, and my nine children have checked into different hotels and I’ll never even get to meet them. |
| HOPPY: | Shut up, you whining fool. |
| LAFF: | Must you be so hard on him, Hop? After all, he-- |
| FUZZY: | Enough! Have you people not been listening to me? We are to stop this complaining and get on with having a party. Do we all understand? |
| SASHA: | Fuzzy is right. I would like to propose a toast to my long-lost sister, Anna! |
| EARLESS: | We don’t have any drinks to toast her with. |
| RABBO: | Who needs drinks? |
| (He holds up a toaster. Bunniquette kicks him and throws it away.) | |
| SASHA: | Three cheers for Anastasia! |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Well, you changed your tune pretty quick, Sash. Not long ago you were subscribing to the “Anastasia is a bitch” school of thought like Pirica. |
| SASHA: | That was before I knew she was my twin sister. |
| UULAMETS: | Tell me, Anastasia, what exactly has become of your mother? |
| ANASTASIA: | Sadly, she passed away recently. Her subjects revolted in the face of my rule and I was forcibly evicted from our planet. I would have starved to death on an uninhabited meteorite if the Easter Bunny hadn’t saved me. |
| (We hear a voice say:) | |
| EASTER BUNNY: | It was my pleasure, Princess. |
| (All eyes turn to the door, and the Easter Bunny is standing there.) | |
| HOPPY: | What the heck? Get him outa here! He’s the guy who had us at gunpoint when we tried to reach Yoople 5! Arrest him, Ghuzzy! |
| ANASTASIA: | Oh, no! He’s a sweet, wonderful bunny! He was simply carrying out my orders. You see, when you landed on his planet, he didn’t know who you were, so I saw no alternative but to tell him to be cautious. For all he knew, you were coming to kill him. Oh, Fuzzy, I would dearly love it if he could join your crew and travel with us! |
| SASHA: | I see no harm, Fuzzy. |
| FUZZY: | Gee ... sure, why not? It’s obvious we misjudged him. Now let’s get ready to leave. |
| (Everyone files out of the room except Anastasia and the Easter Bunny.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | The fools swallowed the entire act. Now they think that I’m the Princess’s sister and you’re harmless and kind. And Pirica DeBunny is staying behind. This is even easier than I thought it would be. |
| (Cut to the exterior of the building. Ghuzzy, Bullocksnap, Mal, Howie, Jetty, Laff and Gumman, still carrying his suitcase.) | |
| FUZZY: | Well, everyone else is aboard the ship. But where’s Ric? I thought she’d at least say goodbye. |
| GHUZZY: | She’s still inside, I believe. Said she doesn’t like good byes. |
| BULLOCKSNAP: | I hope Westminster didn’t leave anything behind. He turned out to be remarkably competent, you know. We’ll miss him. |
| FUZZY: | Yes, but it’s good that he’s back with Abbie, where he belongs. |
| LAFF: | Are you sure you don’t want to come, Jet? You’d be welcome. |
| JETTY: | The UBF needs me. But I’ll keep in touch. |
| FUZZY: | Well, let’s go. Good bye, dad. |
| GHUZZY: | Take care, son. |
| FUZZY: | Bye, Alex. Mal. Howie. See you later, Jetty. |
| LAFF: | Look after yourself, Jet. |
| FUZZY: | Come on, Laff. Gumman. Let’s go. |
| (Fuzzy, Laff and Gumman (with his suitcase) board the Sea Kidney, which soon takes off.) | |
| MAL: | Farewell, Hoppy, my love. |
| (The credits roll.) |