SEASON THREE, EPISODE FOUR. | |
BUNNY-NAPPED | |
(Anastasia’s room. Anastasia, the Easter Bunny, Pommel and Pummel.) | |
ANASTASIA: | You have failed me once too often, Stab-Stabs. From now on the task of removing O’Bunbun and Rabbo shall be passed on to Roberto. |
POMMEL: | But Princess-- |
ANASTASIA: | And stop calling me Princess! |
PUMMEL: | As you wish, Princess. |
ANASTASIA: | Ng! |
POMMEL: | Please don’t sack us, Prin-- uh, Duchess. We won’t mess up again. |
ANASTASIA: | I don’t recall threatening to entirely dispense of your services. I have another job for you. |
POMMEL: | Oh, goody! What is it? |
PUMMEL: | Yeah, what is it? |
ANASTASIA: | I have business to attend to elsewhere. Roberto will fill you in. Roberto. |
(Anastasia leaves.) | |
EASTER BUNNY: | Listen up, you ninja punks. Duchess Sarossy-Mammalworth wants you to get out there and ... kidnap Sasha Uulamets. |
POMMEL: | She wants us to kidnap her sister? |
PUMMEL: | Yeah ... her sister! |
EASTER BUNNY: | Are you completely brainless? Princess Sasha is not Anastasia’s sister. She-- |
(There’s a knock at the door. The Easter Bunny motions for the Stab-Stabs to he silent. We hear Rabbo say:) | |
RABBO’S VOICE: | Hey, Anastasia! You in there? |
(After a few moments, Rabbo enters. The Stab-Stabs leap into the air and seemingly vanish. The Easter Bunny falls onto the bed and pretends to be asleep.) | |
RABBO: | Oops. Sorry, Easter Bunny. Didn’t mean to wake you up. |
(Still pretending to be asleep, the Easter Bunny says:) | |
EASTER BUNNY: | You didn’t. Go away. |
RABBO: | Hmmm. He must be a pretty sound sleeper. |
(Rabbo leaves and the Easter Bunny gets off the bed.) | |
EASTER BUNNY: | Right. You can come out now, you spineless buffoons. |
(Pommel and Pummel drop from the ceiling. Pommel lands on his feet, but Pummel goofs up the drop and ends up in a heap on the floor. The Easter Bunny glares at him, and he jumps to his feet quickly.) | |
PUMMEL: | Ahem. What a slippery floor. |
EASTER BUNNY: | Slippery? The carpet’s made of velcro, you loser! |
PUMMEL: | You don’t have to be rude. |
EASTER BUNNY: | It’s all right. I want to. |
(Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Sasha, Uulamets, Bunniquette, Gumman. Anastasia enters.) | |
UULAMETS: | Ah, Anna. I trust you are well. |
ANASTASIA: | Yes ... “father”. |
SASHA: | It is so nice to know that you are my twin sister, Anna. |
ANASTASIA: | Isn’t it, though? In fact, I just came to ask you if you’d care to take a walk with me. |
SASHA: | Certainly. |
(Cut to the Easter Bunny and the Stab-Stabs in Anastasia’s room again.) | |
EASTER BUNNY: | And the password is “Now would be nice”. |
POMMEL: | The passwords, you mean. |
PUMMEL: | What? |
POMMEL: | Passwords. |
(Pummel passes Pommel a big sack with “words” written on the side.) | |
EASTER BUNNY: | I’m surrounded by imbeciles! |
(Cut to a long, empty corridor. Sasha and Anastasia come walking down it. One solitary door is set into one wall of the corridor. It has “broom closet” written on it.) | |
ANASTASIA: | ... and I do so miss Mother. But at least I have you and father now. |
SASHA: | Yes. We’ll take care of you. |
ANASTASIA: | Heavens, I couldn’t allow that. I intend to take care of you and father. Oh, look. A broom closet. I might just pop in and see if they have any nice mops. You wait here. |
SASHA: | Certainly. |
(Anastasia walks into the broom closet and closes the door behind her, before saying:) | |
ANASTASIA’S VOICE: | “Now would be nice”. |
(Sasha says to herself:) | |
SASHA: | Now what did she mean by that? |
(Suddenly Pommel is standing behind her, with a knife to her throat.) | |
POMMEL: | Don’t scream or struggle. |
(Pummel lands in front of her.) | |
PUMMEL: | You heard him. You’re ours, Gracie. |
(They tie her up securely and zoom away. Anastasia cautiously sticks her head out from inside the broom closet and looks up and down the corridor.) | |
ANASTASIA: | Perfect. They didn’t foul up for once. “Oh, Sasha, where are you?” Ha. Ha, ha. Ha. |
(Cut to the Bridge. Hoppy, Laff, Abbie, Westminster. Fuzzy enters.) | |
FUZZY: | Hi, guys. Anyone seen Sash? |
ABBIE: | No. |
HOPPY: | Sorry. She hasn’t been in here. |
FUZZY: | I’ll go see if she’s playing tennis. |
(Fuzzy exits. Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Uulamets, Bunniquette, Gumman.) | |
UULAMETS: | Hmmm ... Sasha and Anastasia have been gone for a long time. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Yes. You better hope Anastasia hasn’t-- |
GUMMAN: | Shut up, Bunniquette. |
(Anastasia enters.) | |
UULAMETS: | Ah, Anastasia. Where is Sasha? |
ANASTASIA: | What? I thought she was here. I popped into the broom closet to do some exploring, and when I came out, Sasha was gone. |
GUMMAN: | If you’ll excuse me, there’s something I must do. |
(Gumman leaves, passing Fuzzy, who is on his way in.) | |
FUZZY: | See you later, Doctor Gumman. Hey, Uulamets, do you know where Sasha is? |
(Cut to Gumman’s surgery. He is sitting at his desk, upon which rests his large suitcase.) | |
GUMMAN: | What’s the problem? |
(An indistinct female voice from inside the suitcase says:) | |
VOICE: | I’m stuck! I can’t get out! |
GUMMAN: | Well, I’ve, uh, lost the key. |
VOICE: | Get out of here and find Sasha! |
(Cut to Anastasia’s room. It appears to be empty. Until Gumman kicks open the door and bursts in with a gun.) | |
GUMMAN: | Okay, ninja scum! I know you’re in there. |
(He rips the covers off the bed, looking for Sasha and the Stab-Stabs. He looks under the bed, and behind the curtains, and then approaches the en suite. Cut to Anastasia’s en suite bathroom. Sasha is sitting on a stool in the bath, bound, gagged, and blindfolded. Gumman storms in.) | |
GUMMAN: | There you are. Don’t worry, Princess. It’s me - Gumman. I’ll just get you out of here and then I’ll untie you. |
(He reaches over to pick up Sasha, but the Stab-Stabs leap out of nowhere and block his path.) | |
POMMEL: | Your puny weapons are no match for our finely-honed martial arts skills. |
GUMMAN: | Yeah? Well your dopey karate-buggering-around-rubbish is no match for my gun! |
POMMEL: | Brave words, surgeon! |
(Pommel lunges at Gumman. Gumman shoots him and he drops to the floor, stunned. Pummel looks rather uncomfortable.) | |
GUMMAN: | As for you, you samurai moron, get out of my way or I’ll amputate your empty head. And I’m all out of anaesthetic. |
(Pummel gulps, bows to Gumman, grabs his unconscious brother, and bolts. Cut to the Malt Shoppe. Fuzzy, Uulamets, Bunniquette, Anastasia. They all look rather gloomy.) | |
FUZZY: | Where could Sasha be? We’ve looked everywhere. |
ANASTASIA: | This is all my fault. I should never have left her alone -- |
UULAMETS: | Don’t blame yourself, Anna dear. |
ANASTASIA: | She must have been kidnapped. You’ll probably get an anonymous ransom not any minute now. |
(Gumman enters, carrying the still bound Sasha. He sets her down on a stool by the counter and unties her, removing the gag and blindfold. Everyone looks happy except Anastasia, who looks rather shocked for a second.) | |
FUZZY: | Gumman, what happened? |
GUMMAN: | Sasha ... tripped over. |
UULAMETS: | Tripped over? |
GUMMAN: | Yes. She fell... into... the hands of a pair of diabolical ninja assassins! |
THE OTHERS: | What?! |
ANASTASIA: | Goodness, how did you ever manage to rescue her? Where did they have her? |
GUMMAN: | Oh, she was just tied up in one of the bedrooms. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah? Like which one? |
GUMMAN: | Oh, one of the vacant ones, I think. |
(He glares at Anastasia, who scowls.) | |
FUZZY: | So Chris was right when he told us that two ninja bunnies were here with us! |
GUMMAN: | They’re gone now. I locked them in the escape pod and fired them into space. |
BUNNIQUETTE: | Good. I hate diabolical ninja assassins. |
(Cut to Anastasia’s room. The Easter Bunny and the Stab-Stabs. Anastasia rushes in.) | |
ANASTASIA: | Roberto! What on earth has happened? And ... the Stab-Stabs! Grr! Gumman said he shot you into space! |
EASTER BUNNY: | He was obviously just trying to force them to lie low for a while. |
ANASTASIA: | Wonderful. Now the mad doctor is onto me as well. You stupid, bumbling, stupid, bumbling ... stupid bumblers! |
POMMEL: | But he had a gun, Princess! |
ANASTASIA: | Don’t call me Princess! |
PUMMEL: | But-- |
ANASTASIA: | I am not a princess! You will address me as Duchess, or the Easter Bunny will tear out your spleens and urinate in them! Am I understood? |
THE STAB-STABS: | Yes, Princess. |
(The credits roll.) |
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