| SEASON FOUR EPISODE TWO | |
| JEOPARDY AND RANK SWELLING | |
| (The Tonsilcrash Common Room: a large room full of tables and chairs. At one end is a sink, fridge and coffee stuff, etc. Gumman, Skunky and Tessa enter.) | |
| GUMMAN: | Well... we’ve been travelling through space in the ‘Crash for nearly a week now and nothing interesting’s happened. |
| SKUNKY: | Give it time. |
| (Westminster, Earless and Mal enter.) | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Howdy, gang. |
| MAL: | How’s things? |
| TESSA: | Fine. |
| SKUNKY: | Great. |
| GUMMAN: | Can’t complain. |
| EARLESS: | Nice Common Room, eh? |
| GUMMAN: | Rather impressive, yes. Not quite so cosy as the Malt Shoppe, but... can’t be helped. |
| WESTMINSTER: | The coffee here’s better than the Malt Shoppe’s ever was. |
| EARLESS: | You know... I used to work in a coffee shop, once. |
| TESSA: | Oh, give up! |
| (Cut to another large room – even bigger than the Common Room. It is completely bare of any furnishings. Anastasia is standing in the centre of the room, surrounded by five menacing-looking robot bunnies. She is holding a savage-looking spear.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Computer? Commence training sequence. |
| (We hear a beep and a whirr and the robots clunkily come alive.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Right! Let’s go, you brainless tin cans! |
| (Set high in one wall we see a window. Watching through the window are Muncher and Laff. Cut to the small room they are in. Near the large window are several computer consoles.) | |
| MUNCHER: | Reckon she can beat those practice droids? |
| LAFF: | I’d bet my life on it. |
| MUNCHER: | The Jeopardy Apartment is pretty near, don’t you think? A room that can generate corporeal holograms for UBF combat training. |
| LAFF: | “Jeopardy Apartment”! I don’t know where Pirica comes up with this stuff! |
| MUNCHER: | Ah. Anastasia’s started. |
| (They watch her through the window. One of the robots lunges at her, but she dodges, and uses her spear to flip it through the air. It smashes into a second robot, destroying both. Cut down to Anastasia in the Jeopardy Apartment.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Two down, three to go! |
| (The third and fourth robots run at her simultaneously. The third runs straight onto her spear, skewering itself. Unable to withdraw the spear, she quickly uses a simple fist to pound off the fourth robot’s head. Only one robot remains.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | So! One left! Paw-to-paw! Come and get me, bucket head! |
| (The robot punches at her. She grabs its fist and wrenches off its arm.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Think yourself lucky that I’m sparing you a number of potentially awful puns! |
| (A rather impressive flying kick smashes a hole in the last robot’s chestplate. Landing neatly and gracefully beside the ruined robot, Anastasia says:) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Victory Through Air Power! ...whoops! I’m even beginning to talk like one of these wimpy Fuzzyites. |
| (Cut back to Muncher and Laff in the Jeopardy Apartment’s Control Booth. They are both still looking out the window at Anna. Muncher looks rather shocked.) | |
| MUNCHER: | Holy--! I never met a Dropoff who could fight like that, never mind a Nunklon! |
| LAFF: | Careful what you say about Dropoffs, pal! |
| MUNCHER: | Uh... oh, yeah! No offence! But did you see her? What style! What technique! What mastery of combat! |
| LAFF: | What a load of rubbish! You’re admiring Anastasia’s fighting prowess? She’s the bad guy, remember? Only ones she’ll ever use those skills on are us! |
| MUNCHER: | Oh... yes, true. But still, you must admit she fights darn well. |
| LAFF: | She is a highly-trained assassin. Physical combat is as natural to her as breathing. Heck, more so! She could out-fight just about anyone on this ship. Except maybe Hoppy and Bunniquette. |
| MUNCHER: | Good in a scrap, are they? |
| LAFF: | Oh, yes, Bunniquette can get quite nasty, and Hop... well, Hop seems to know some obscure but deadly form of martial arts that I’ve never come across before. |
| MUNCHER: | A martial art that you’ve never heard of? But – you’re a Dropoff! Dropoffs know everything there is to know about violence and bloodshed! |
| LAFF: | Yeah. Except for the origins of Hoppy’s unique and undeniably awesome battle techniques. |
| MUNCHER: | Wow. Bizarre. |
| LAFF: | Yes... her style is unlike any that currently exists anywhere in the known universe. It’s almost as if she learnt to fight in an entirely different time period... |
| MUNCHER: | You don’t say? |
| (Cut to Hoppy and Laff’s bedroom aboard the Crash. Hoppy is asleep in bed. Dream sequence time again. We return to the cavernous hall with the huge staircase. This time Hoppy is standing half-way up the stairs.) | |
| HOPPY: | Fuzzy? Fuzzy, I know you must be here somewhere! Come out! |
| (No reply.) | |
| HOPPY: | Fine, then! I’ll just continue up the staircase by myself. |
| (She looks down to see that she is still carrying the medallion from the last dream.) | |
| HOPPY: | HLXXXI...? This thing’s starting to make me nervous. I have a hunch that part of my Mysterious Past is going to be revealed soon. |
| FUZZY’S VOICE: | You better believe it, doll! |
| (She looks around. This time Fuzzy is standing at the bottom of the stairs.) | |
| HOPPY: | There you are! Tell me what’s going on! What are you doing in my dreams? |
| FUZZY: | Perhaps ‘dreams’ is not quite strong enough a word. ‘Subconscious’, perhaps. |
| HOPPY: | Uh-oh. That bad, is it? You must be very important to me in some way, if you’ve become embedded in my subconscious and are giving me jewellery in creepy dreams. |
| FUZZY: | Must be. Check your pockets. |
| (She does so. The search produces another medallion, identical to the first in all but inscription. This one says ‘BFXXXI’. By the time she’s read the second medallion, Fuzzy has vanished.) | |
| HOPPY: | Oh, bugger. Nicked off again. |
| (The dream ends and we see her in bed again. She doesn’t wake up; just rolls over restlessly. Cut to the bridge. Pirica, Fuzzy, Bunniquette, Rabbo.) | |
| FUZZY: | Anyone noticed Hoppy acting strange lately? |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Yeah. Dunno what it is, though. I think she’s been having some kind of nightmares. |
| PIRICA: | Bummer. |
| FUZZY: | I hope she— |
| RABBO: | Don’t want to imply that you haven’t been paying attention, Ric, but are you aware that we seem to have landed on some planet? |
| (Pirica rushes over to a computer console.) | |
| PIRICA: | Goodness! He’s right! And – golly! You’ll never guess which planet! |
| RABBO: | The Easter Bunny’s Planet? |
| PIRICA: | How did you guess? |
| RABBO: | Educated. |
| FUZZY: | We’ve landed on the EBP?[1] How come? Jeez, forget the ‘come’ – just How? |
| PIRICA: | Autopilot must’ve set us down when we entered the EBP’s orbit. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | I suppose we’re about to be attacked by Gun-Bunnies then, are we? |
| RABBO: | I doubt it, sugar-carrot. |
| (Cut to the Common Room. Westminster, Earless, Mal, Gumman, Skunky, Tessa are all sitting around chatting. Anastasia enters.) | |
| EARLESS: | Well, if it isn’t the bitch. Nice day for being an evil slut, is it? |
| SKUNKY: | Mister Cleveland! Try to behave! |
| ANASTASIA: | I can fight my own battles, thank you, Doctor Skunky. |
| (Anna punches Earless in the nose.) | |
| EARLESS: | Ouch. |
| SKUNKY: | Evidently. |
| (Fuzzy enters.) | |
| FUZZY: | Ah, Anna, there you are. We, uh... we’ve landed. On the, uh, Easter Bunny’s Planet. You, um, have some... visitors, Anastasia. |
| ANASTASIA: | How positively delightful. |
| (Cut to the Bridge. Pirica, Bunniquette, Rabbo, and three other bunnies we’ve never seen before. Two males and a not-male. The males are wearing suits and the female a maid’s uniform. Fuzzy and Anastasia enter.) | |
| ANASTASIA: | Wh--?! Grovelspit! Jupie!! McKoohinky!!! |
| FUZZY: | Who? |
| ANASTASIA: | My Maid, my Butler, and my Chauffer! How I’ve missed you all! |
| PIRICA: | Um... nice to meet you all. |
| ANASTASIA: | What are you three doing here? |
| JUPIE: | We saw Admiral DeBunny’s ship land here on our home planet, and hoped that you might be here. So we knocked on the door, and Mister Rabbo let us in. And sure enough, here you are, Duchess! |
| ANASTASIA: | I’m so happy to see you all! Oh, Pirica, please, can they join your crew? I promise they won’t be any trouble! |
| PIRICA: | Well, I... it... it’s up to Fuzzy. He’s the King. |
| FUZZY: | I can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t join us. Anastasia’s in desperate need of friends. No one likes her, and a few pals will do her good. |
| ANASTASIA: | Oh, thank you! Reunited with my three closest companions at last! |
| JUPIE: | Thank you, King Fuzzy! |
| GROVELSPIT: | Yes! We are very grateful! |
| MCKOOHINKY: | What she said. |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Fine, fine, whatever, but... let’s just get off the EBP – this place makes me nervous. |
| PIRICA: | Right. Chris, hit the ‘Take-Off’ button. |
| RABBO: | Sure. |
| (Cut to the Common Room. Sasha, Baik-Baik, Goatee, Abbie, Westminster, Earless, Bunniquette, Rabbo, Hoppy, Laff, Muncher, Skunky, Pirica, Gumman, Mal, Tessa, Lennie, Howie, Ralph, Jetty. Fuzzy enters, followed by Anastasia, Jupie, Grovelspit and McKoohinky.) | |
| FUZZY: | Pin back your ears, crew. I have an announcement to make. |
| EARLESS: | Who the heck are those new guys? |
| GUMMAN: | Beats me. |
| FUZZY: | I would like to introduce you to three new members of the Tonsilcrash’s crew. Jupie, Grovelspit and McKoohinky. |
| JUPIE: | Good day, ladies and gentlemen. |
| GROVELSPIT: | Hi there. |
| MCKOOHINKY: | Nice to meet you all. Or something like that. |
| LENNIE: | Just a-- aren’t they Anastasia’s servants?! |
| FUZZY: | Well... technically speaking, um, that is... yeah, they are. |
| EARLESS: | Outrageous! |
| WESTMINSTER: | Have you gone mad, Fuzz? |
| HOPPY: | Give him a break, you guys! Fuzzy knows what he’s doing. |
| EARLESS: | Well, I wish he’d tell us. |
| FUZZY: | Trust me! Since none of you people are willing to give Anastasia a chance, I think it’s only fair that she has some friends here. So the three servants are now going to travel with us. Whether the rest of you like it or not. |
| EARLESS: | The joys of democracy. |
| (Credits) |
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