| SEASON FOUR EPISODE SIX | ||
| BEYOND PURGATORY | ||
| (The bridge of the Tonsilcrash. Pirica, Oyster, Hoppy, Bunniquette, Muncher, Sasha, Jetty.) | ||
| PIRICA: | Good. You’re all here. Now, as you know, Oyster and Hoppy have already been to Purgatory to get Fuzzy and Laff. | |
| HOPPY: | Yes. | |
| PIRICA: | But they weren’t there. | |
| JETTY: | That’s right. | |
| PIRICA: | Apparently, they somehow managed to escape from Purgatory by themselves. How, we cannot know. The more important question, however, is where they escaped to. We must find them, but we have absolutely no idea where to look. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Quit babbling and get to the point. | |
| PIRICA: | Very well. Oyster, I want you to take the Stair, and search tirelessly until you find Fuzzy and Laff. Hoppy, Bunniquette and Muncher will accompany you. | |
| JETTY: | What about me? Laff’s my brother! I’m going too! | |
| PIRICA: | No. I need you here. My crew and I will also be searching for them, and I will require your assistance, Jetty. | |
| JETTY: | But— | |
| SASHA: | Now, Jetty, you must do as Pirica says. She knows what she is doing. | |
| JETTY: | ...okay. | |
| PIRICA: | Thank you. Now, Oyster and team, get going. | |
| OYSTER: | Right. | |
| HOPPY: | Bye. | |
| BUNNIQUETTE: | Later. Tell Chris I said good bye. | |
| MUNCHER: | Same from me to Skunky. | |
| PIRICA: | Certainly. | |
| (Oyster blows his whistle. The Stair materialises, just big enough to fit four bunnies. Oyster, Hoppy, Muncher and Bunniquette step on.) | ||
| PIRICA: | Good luck. | |
| OYSTER: | Ditto to you. | |
| (Pirica gives Oyster a quick good bye kiss.) | ||
| OYSTER: | Geronimo! | |
| (The Stair and its occupants vanish.) | ||
| PIRICA: | I hope they succeed. I’m going to speak to Abbie. I’ll see you two later. | |
| (Pirica exits.) | ||
| SASHA: | Goodness. Pirica certainly fell for Oyster very quickly. | |
| JETTY: | Well, she hardly had a choice. He is a demonic-sex-vampire-thing with the magical ability to instantly seduce anyone. | |
| SASHA: | I suppose you have a point there. Mind you, it’s not as though it runs in the family. Fuzzy and Ghuzzy are nothing like Oyster at all. | |
| JETTY: | Thank heavens. | |
| SASHA: | I wonder if Oyster was telling the truth last episode when he mentioned their sisters? | |
| JETTY: | Who knows? Who cares? | |
| (There is a knock at the door.) | ||
| JETTY: | Who is it? | |
| (Anastasia enters.) | ||
| SASHA: | Hello, Anna. | |
| ANASTASIA: | I just wanted to tell you that I hope you get Fuzzy and Laff back. I know it must be very hard for both of you to— | |
| JETTY: | --tell you to fuck up and die? No, it’s quite easy. Fun, too. | |
| ANASTASIA: | I see. Have it your way. Though I feel obliged to tell you that offending me is a grave error. You have been warned. | |
| JETTY: | Yes. I’ve been warned by Laff that you’re a dangerous bitch. | |
| ANASTASIA: | I...am... really... getting... sick... of... people... calling... me... a... bitch! | |
| JETTY: | Oh, my, I’m terribly apologetic, you poor old thing. | |
| ANASTASIA: | Young fool. You’re meddling with forces beyond your ken. | |
| JETTY: | Oh, just piss off, and take bloody Ken with you. | |
| (Anastasia exits. Cut to the corridor outside the Bridge. Anastasia storms down the hall and mutters:) | ||
| ANASTASIA: | That’s it! That little whore just kicked my Villain Switch! Jupie! | |
| (Jupie zooms to her side.) | ||
| JUPIE: | Yes, my lady? | |
| ANASTASIA: | Take a memo. | |
| (Jupie produces a notebook and pencil. As Anastasia says:) | ||
| ANASTASIA: | ‘remember to slaughter that snotty little Dropoff moron’. | |
| (he writes it down.) | ||
| JUPIE: | Will that be all, Duchess? | |
| ANASTASIA: | No. I’m going to my room to lie down. I need to relax... bring me a couple of live pigeons and a nailgun. | |
| JUPIE: | Yes, Ma’am. | |
| (Cut to the Common Room. Westminster, Gumman, Earless, Mal and Baik-baik.) | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | Hey, Gumman, how about a game of ‘Take the piss out of Earless and then cause him to become silent’? | |
| GUMMAN: | Okay. Could be fun. | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Excuse me, Uncle Earless? | |
| EARLESS: | Yes, boy? | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Tell me the story of how you lost your ears. | |
| EARLESS: | Finally, a bunny who appreciates my natural gift for story-telling. Well, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was swimming in the waterhole near Taildale Park, and I was just about to— | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Now! | |
| (Gumman smashes Earless on the head with a chair. Earless collapses, unconscious.) | ||
| GUMMAN: | I love this game! | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Let’s play again. | |
| GUMMAN: | Okay. | |
| (Gumman helps Earless to his feet.) | ||
| GUMMAN: | That’s it, old boy. Wake up. | |
| EARLESS: | Ooh... what hit me? | |
| GUMMAN: | Um... one of the light fittings was loose. Landed right on you. | |
| EARLESS: | Ouch. Hurts. | |
| GUMMAN: | I expect it’s happened to you before? | |
| EARLESS: | Actually, yes. It did happen once before. How do you think I— | |
| (The Piano (been a long time, hasn’t it?) lands on Earless’s head, knocking him out again.) | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | Yay, Mal! | |
| EARLESS: | Bravo! | |
| (Mal bows.) | ||
| MAL: | Thank you, thank you, no applause necessary. | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | I’ll never understand men. | |
| GUMMAN: | It’s a wonderful blessing that is only bestowed upon women. | |
| MAL: | I’d give anything to not understand men. | |
| WESTMINSTER: | Glurby rurf-rurf moodle-plonk stanch-thistle box slops. | |
| MAL: | I didn’t understand that one. | |
| (Gumman, Westminster and Mal collapse in a fit of hysterical laughter. Baik-baik sighs wearily. Cut to Anastasia’s office. Anastasia, Jupie, Grovelspit.) | ||
| ANASTASIA: | I’ve had a really bad day. First, that meddling fool, Oyster, ruins my chances of striking a deal with Satan by killing Inky and closing the portal to Hell, then that stuck-up Dropoff slag deliberately tries to make me angry, and now my last TCFG has gone missing. What could possibly go wrong now? | |
| (Cut to the Nursery. Baik-baik enters and goes over to Goatee’s cot.) | ||
| BAIK-BAIK: | What? Oh no! Goat’s not here! She must have woken up and climbed out! I have to find her! | |
| (Cut to the Jeopardy Apartment. Goatee is in there alone, holding something in her hand. Baik-baik enters.) | ||
| BAIK-BAIK: | There you are! Thank goodness I found you! Naughty Goat! And what’s that in your hand? | |
| GOATEE: | Present! Present for Nanny-bunny! | |
| (Baik-baik picks up Goatee, who gives the object to her.) | ||
| BAIK-BAIK: | Hang on! This is a TCFG! Where did you get this? | |
| GOATEE: | Found it. | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Where? | |
| GOATEE: | ...Bad-bunny-lady’s playroom. | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Anastasia’s office? You found this in Anastasia’s office? She was holding out on us! That scheming cow! | |
| GOATEE: | Naughty Bad-bunny-lady? | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Very naughty Bad-bunny-lady. We could have used this to stop Inky, and Fuzzy and Laff could never have been captured and sent to Hell! I have to tell Queen Sasha! | |
| ANASTASIA: | I don’t think so. | |
| (Baik-baik gasps and spins around to find Anastasia and McKoohinky behind her.) | ||
| ANASTASIA: | Best if nobody finds out, I think. Don’t you agree? | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | No! I don’t! | |
| ANASTASIA: | Well, McKoohinky does, and he’s stronger than you. | |
| (McKoohinky produces a large syringe full of some chemical.) | ||
| BAIK-BAIK: | You— | |
| ANASTASIA: | Don’t worry. It won’t harm you. It’s just a Specific Thought Suppression Serum. Once exposed to this drug, you will be physically incapable of telling anyone about my TCFG. Apart from that, it will have no effect. So you needn’t fear. Of course, we’ll have to vaccinate the brat too. | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Get away from us, you evil slut! | |
| ANASTASIA: | Pop ‘em, Mac. | |
| MCKOOHINKY: | Yes, Duchess. | |
| (McKoohinky advances on BB and Goat. Cut to the Common Room. Westminster, Mal. BB and Goatee enter.) | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | Hi, Beeb. Where’ve you been? | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Been? Uh... just changing Goatee’s nappy. That’s all. | |
| (She absent-mindedly rubs at a small red mark on her forearm.) | ||
| WESTMINSTER: | What’s that on your arm? | |
| MAL: | Hey, there’s one on Goatee’s arm, too. | |
| BAIK-BAIK: | Bug-bites. Just bug-bites. | |
| (Credits.) |
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